Objection, Your Honor! -- My Fly's Open: Female Judge Allegedly Follows Willie Jackson into Men's Shithouse to Snap Photos of His Willie Johnson!

Too bad this broad didn't preside over the Casey Anthony trial. It would have been a four-ring circus instead of just one of those three-ring jobs:

Cops in Florida say a local female judge recently followed a man named Willie Jackson into the men's john at the courthouse, snapped some pictures of him in the urinal, and then went batty bonkers nuthouse apeshit when cops tried to bust her!

I've heard of people being addicted to their cell phones, but this is rather ridiculous. At first, I suppose 47-year-old traffic court judge Rhonda Hollander (mugshot above) might have claimed that she was too busy looking at her cell phone to notice that "MEN'S" sign on the courthouse shitter. But such a defense probably departs by the wayside after what Willie Jackson had to tell cops:

Willie says he was standing at a urinal "getting ready to urinate" when Hollander "appeared at the adjoining urinal and began snapping away" pictures of Willie and his Wilson on the judge's cell phone camera. For good measure, Willie says Judge Hollander also starting snapping her "kooky candid camera shots" of another man who entered the men's crapper after him.

Soon after when cops tried to confront Judge Hollander out in the hall, business really started to pick up. First Judge Hollander allegedly refused to turn over her phone to cops. After all, she had some great schlong photos on there (allegedly)! Why share?

Judge Hollander also reportedly took to arguing the law with the cops, claiming "that it was a public restroom and she was not violating any laws." Think of all the male pervert slimeballs over the years busted for spying on ladies in the toilet: This dame would've been THE judge for them! (Allegedly). It's a "public restroom," after all.

But the deranged behavior only escalated from there (allegedly). Cops say Judge Hollander just couldn't seem to get her fill of taking cell phone photos, as she allegedly kept snapping photos even as cops were escorting her down the hall toward a private room for questioning.

And then the coup de grace! Cops say that as one deputy tried to gesture to Judge Hollander to stop snapping pictures, the overbaked judge went after the deputy and tried to bite his damn finger off! A big scuffle allegedly broke out from there, with cops ultimately slapping the ol' cuffs on the good judge.

Now Judge Hollander may have to trade the courthouse for the icehouse and may only have the hacks to follow into the shithouse (allegedly) for awhile to come, as she faces a possible bid in the big house on a felony charge of "obstruction with violence" and other misdemeanor charges.

I just hope she doesn't try to pull any of that "public place" routine (allegedly) with the "female" cons in the hoosegow. Because they might just be inclined to teach her a whole a new meaning of the phrase, "address the bench."

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/07/07/2011-07-07_florida_traffic_court_judge_rhonda_hollander_arrested_for_taking_cell_phone_pics.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2011980/Female-judge-faces-sack-following-man-bathroom-taking-pictures-him.html

Women Who Get Racked For Breastfeeding in Public Now Have Somewhere to Turn: The Pink & White Ice Cream Truck with the Giant Breast on Top!

Better watch out, Kim Kardashian (who's been known to fire out nasty little Tweets when she sees a mother breastfeeding in public). For that matter, any business out there having a problem with public breastfeeding had better watch out. That's because there's a new vigilante in town looking to protect "the right to breastfeed in public" -- and it comes with a huge boob affixed to the top of it!

"The Milk Truck" is the brainchild of one Jill Miller, an artist and teacher at (appropriately enough) Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. The idea is still in development, but Miller has reportedly raised almost half of the $10,000 that it will take to get "The Milk Truck" and its giant headlight(s) afloat.

Pledges to the cause have come through a website called Kickstarter.com. When the ride comes to full fruition, it will be "an ice cream truck with a giant breast on the roof."

The idea from there is rather simple: If a breastfeeding mother is getting hassled out in public, she need only call "The Milk Truck." It will then race to the location and park right outside the business. Then the driver will make a big production of it, "laying down a rug [and] setting up chairs under an awning on the side of the truck."

Meantime mama is free, if she wishes, to sit right down under the awning and start nursing "in an environment of support." Says Miller: "Thought the nursing mother created a spectacle? Meet The Milk Truck!"

Or put another way (as stated by the linked IVillage.com story): "If you think a nursing mama catches some attention, wait til a giant, nipple-topped van cruises your 'hood. There's not a nursing cover in town big enough to hide a boob like that!"

And another consideration: Do you really want to be the jackass restaurant owner who creates a media field day by having The Milk Truck show up at your joint? Put another way, the biggest help to breastfeeding mothers from The Milk Truck may just be its effect as a deterrent against lactation discrimination (an issue not exactly at the top of the list of political concerns of the leftist 20 percenters and republic partisans). Just what the knockers ordered, if you ask me.

http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2011/07/06/local-woman-envisions-mobile-breastfeeding-truck/
http://www.ivillage.com/need-breastfeeding-support-call-milk-truck/6-a-362972
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-20076997-1/breastfeeding-truck-coming-to-a-city-near-you/

Armed with a Murder Acquittal and "Newfound Celebrity," Casey Anthony Gets Set to Cash In. But with a Porn "Money Shot"?!?

I paid scant attention to the sensationalistic Casey Anthony murder trial. I'm funny like that. If everyone and their mother is following something in the pop culture (which is where I put the Anthony story/trial), I tend to want to ignore it. In short, I don't care much for being like everybody else.

However, once the Casey Anthony story crossed over into the porn world, Stop the Damn Press: Newsworthy, baby!

It really came as no surprise. I expected it. Porn company Vivid Entertainment always offers a porn career to any scandal-ridden or notorious new "celebrity" -- most recently Octomom (on multiple occasions).

But what I didn't expect was for Vivid to make Casey Anthony a porn offer before the ink on her jury verdict was even dry! Faster than you can say, "beyond a reasonable doubt."

Reportedly within a few hours of Tuesday's verdict, Vivid was already in contact with Anthony's attorney Jose Baez, offering Anthony the party animal and formerly accused murderer of her own daughter a career in the illustrious world of pornography.

Vivid "head honcho" Steve Hirsch says Casey Anthony will be a "big seller" in porn. Said Hirsch: "We've all seen the pictures of her partying and having a good time with friends where she definitely looks hot." Or looking at it another way, and as TMZ.com put it, since Anthony "clearly has daddy issues," she'd "make a GREAT porn star."

But alas, there's the dilemma. Would Vivid try to "sell" her as a straight (for lack of a better term) porn star, meaning ordinary porn not grounded in themes tied to her background? Or would she star in pornos with themes and "storylines" that are connected to and try to capitalize on her infamous past (beyond merely her name recognition)?

Typically you would guess the latter from Vivid, but what about when it comes to a woman previously accused of murdering her own child? Is that something you really want to play up? I mean, even in our rotten society and pop culture, some things (not many) are still viewed as going a bit too far.

Case in point: My initial idea for this post was to come up with a Top Ten list of potential titles for Casey Anthony porn movies. But it quickly became clear that there was little way to accomplish that without being in incredibly bad taste in most instances. Even though I live in a world of bad taste (just glance around at this blog), even I have some standards. I wonder if Casey Anthony and Vivid do?

http://www.tmz.com/2011/07/06/casey-anthony-porn-movie-vivid-entertainment-xxx-movie-lawyer-offer/
http://www.examiner.com/pop-culture-in-hartford/casey-anthony-porn-movie-offer-already-from-vivid-entertainment

Baby Got Back Nine?!? I KNEW I Was Remiss in Not Taking Up Golf at Some Earlier Point in Time. Pebble Beach Should Have a Front Side So Nice...

Just wait until curmudgeony Kansas City golf legend and ardent traditionalist Tom Watson gets a load of this! He's liable to blow his bunker.

But to me, it's good to see a bit of the contemporary casual craze -- which has previously given us such blessings as bluejeans Friday, No-ID-necessary voting, and Casey Anthony -- make a new dent in the world of golf. Address that ass!

The above photo "gallery" shows former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell showing off her back lip over the Fourth of July weekend in Sardinia, Italy. Wearing little more than a two-piece "frilly pink bikini" with boyfriend Henry Beckwith, "Ginger" Spice showed that maybe they should have called her "Sporty" after she lit up the links with a healthy dose of T&A.

And it couldn't have been so easy to swing that sand wedge in a pair of "sky-high wedges" that looked to be straight out the old video for "Wannabe." Just to top off the bogey slice, Ginger wore a big straw hat reportedly to keep her skin "safe" from the sun and heat -- sort of like that little bikini was obviously designed.

The whole look most likely gave anyone else on the course at the time a good case of the yips, which would have personally led me to demand a penalty stroke from the British bombshell's back door. Either that, or a mulligan down in the rough.

No word on Ginger's golfing handicap, but I'd guess about a 34-D -- but no lay up. Regardless, there's nothing flat about that swing. I'd give her a course rating around 7 or 8, which makes the cut even on a bad day on the fairway. I bet Beckwith had no trouble with his long game or letting go of his five-wood...

Especially after he hit the nineteenth hole with his broad for a little vardon grip and scratch play out-of-bounds once their racy round of golf was over. No word whether Ginger nailed her snake (putt) at that point, but Beckwith definitely climbed to the top of her leader board before making his drop.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2011380/Geri-Halliwell-dons-frilly-pink-bikini-crazy-golf-course.html

Rhode Island Woman Must've REALLY Wanted to Make Sure She Didn't Turn Republican; Blasts Car Through July 4 Parade at 50 MPH!

I get the whole Harvard University study from last week. The "study" basically equated July 4 parades with GOP propaganda events and purported to find that if you attend July 4 parades, then you have a better chance of becoming a republic partisan than if you skip the Independence Day celebrations. But the so-called "increased chances" were miniscule -- to me, almost to the point of being statistically insignificant.

But don't tell that to 40-year-old Rhode Island resident Gloria Hodge. Cops in Randolph, Massachusetts say that once she and her car happened upon the local July 4 parade yesterday, this broad couldn't get away fast enough. And regardless of whether or not Hodge even saw the Harvard study last week, this much was clear: She wasn't gonna be sticking around for any damn July 4 parades!

Cops say Hodge "drove past a barrier and into the parade, narrowly missing spectators and continued for about 30 miles before crashing her car" across the state line in her native Rhode Island (pictures above). And this lead-footed dame wasn't just sashaying her way through the parade and the rest of two states (allegedly): Eyewitnesses say she plunged through the parade at 50 MPH and then was topping 80 MPH during the rest of her little joyride.

And the scariest moments of the whole ordeal had to be for those poor parade goers -- who not only had to endure the GOP propaganda event, but also the deranged speed demon who tried to rain on the parade (allegedly). Cops say that as Hodge "cut through the procession," "children lining the parade route had to scatter from the street as the woman careened through the busy streets."

According to one parade goer: "She was just barreling down the street at least 40 or 50 miles an hours." Said another: "She was just going into the parade, people were just dipping and dodging out of her way." When Hodge's alleged little race of horrors ended with a crash 30 miles later, she was reportedly rushed to the hospital in stable condition.

Once she recovers, she may have to start avoiding her GOP propaganda from the confines of a cell at the local joint, as cops have busted her for assault with a dangerous weapon, driving to endanger and failure to stop. I wonder if Harvard (being the liberal, enlightened institution that it is) offers online correspondence courses for cons?

http://www.boston.com/news/local/rhode_island/articles/2011/07/04/police_mass_parade_crasher_to_face_charges/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2011320/People-dodging-way-Woman-skips-barrier-barrels-50-mph-July-4-parade.html

On a Fourth of July Weekend Dreadfully Slow & Low on News & Optimism, the Rager Goes Pictorial: My Sense of Duty for the Greatest Country in History!

I (as well as Harvard University) only hope that I haven't just turned some little kids into republicans. It's the American Flag on the Fourth of July: Look away, look away, young children!

http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/washington-whispers/2011/06/30/harvard-july-4th-parades-are-right-wing

U.S. Breaks Away From Great Bacon: Americans Go Silly Over Swine This Weekend But Have Trouble Recalling Whom We Declared Independence From in 1776

It's the reason why we celebrate this Fourth of July weekend. It was on this weekend in 1776 when the southern states broke away from the rest of the union in order to wage war against an upstart German regime that had just Pearl Harbored us. We took a little bacon, and we took a little beans, and we met the bloody Krauts, with the help of the Japanese.

Yep, always the bacon here in America. And so it is this weekend that we get showered with rather incredible (if not a bit distressing) stories about:

(1) A Pennsylvania Granny going berserk on grandson for eating too much bacon; (2) Massachusetts people going ape over a restaurant sign showing a bit too much bacon and eggs; (3) Florida residents flocking to pound down bacon cheeseburgers topped with ice cream; and (4) A new poll showing that one-fourth of Americans (a fitting number) have total Fourth of July ignorance -- not knowing the country from which America declared its independence on July 4, 1776. Fire up the griddle!!!

Granny Was REALLY Concerned About Sonny's Cholesterol Levels

This Granny may purport to make you some bacon for breakfast -- but don't eat it! Lest you want to get your ass kicked by the old hag (allegedly).

Cops in Pennsylvania say that 63-year-old Granny Marilee Ann Kolynych was none too happy this week that her grandson "ate too much bacon at breakfast." It seems that Sonny had more than his fair share -- eating more bacon than anyone else at the meal.

So how did Granny react? A good scolding? A stern admonition? A relegation to the boy's room? Nope. Any of those punishments would have been way too lenient, obviously.

Instead cops say Granny took to chasing the boy about the front yard. When the old bat finally caught up with the 9-year-old lad, she allegedly "pinned him down" and "blasted him right in the face with a garden hose." And this wasn't just a little sprinkle, mind you -- the boy was quick to point out to cops that the hose was set on "full blast."

Just for good measure, Granny also allegedly gave the boy a good beating and "torturing" -- apparently all right there in the front lawn!

The boy reportedly finally escaped Granny's clutches and ran across the street to call his mom. But even when Mommy then showed up, Granny still allegedly continued to chase the grandson around the neighborhood, looking to sink her claws into him once more.

Now Granny may have to let her bacon sizzle down in the pokey mess, since cops busted her on charges of endangering the welfare of children, simple assault, harassment and disorderly conduct.

Remind Me Never to Order Bacon in Massachusetts

It's known as the great bastion of American liberal/progressivism (i.e. leftist 20 percenter) thought and populace. And the residents of Massachusetts apparently sure know how to act that way -- i.e. curmudgeony, stuffy and politically correct to the last.

Take a look at the funny and rather harmless restaurant sign below, which has been set up along Route 1 in the Massachusetts town of Peabody on a temporary basis (about a week) for a new Adam Sandler film called I Hate You, Dad. You'd think the locals would welcome the movie (and its sign) as well as the bucks and attention it will bring to the community, right?

WRONG. The locals are up in arms about this fake sign for the fictional "Classy Rick's Bacon and Leggs" diner. The linked story says the town is "at war" over the sign, including a petition drive to express "outrage" over the sign showing "a busty naked woman with only a plate of eggs and bacon covering her chest" (meaning she's not really naked, no?).

And these east coast leftist 20 percenters actually have the gall to make fun of all the so-called "conservative Bible-thumpers" here in middle America? What a complete laugh. In these parts, a little "racy" is just fine so long as you keep the naughty bits covered -- regardless of whether bacon and eggs are doing the covering.

Ice Scream When I Look at this Bacon Cheeseburger Monstrosity

It doesn't exactly have an original name (the "ice cream cheeseburger"), but whomever thought up the combination of toppings for this creature was clearly deranged. This burger is reportedly all the rage this weekend at the Florida State Fair, along with its toppings of bacon, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes and "a giant scoop of fried ice cream."

But just who in the hell is this sick burger all the rage with? Pregnant broads and stray cats? As Rodney Dangerfield might say, with grub like that, you pray before you eat. And I'm known over here as a guy with basically no taste when it comes to food. I eats anything! But not that.

The Germans Are Coming, the Germans Are Coming!

A new Marist poll shows that more than just a few Americans should lay off all the bacon and take a minute to brush up on their basic rudimentary facts of American history this weekend.

Shockingly (although truth be told, not much different from similar polling last summer), the poll finds that about one-fourth of Americans have no clue that Great Britain was the country from whom America declared its independence on July 4, 1776. Anyone out there want to my borrow my DVD of the "John Adams" TV series?

Equally as shocking (well, actually not at all) are the even more pathetic polling numbers when it comes to the 20-somethings who inhabit so-called "Generation Y." The Marist poll found that a full one-third of Gen Y residents couldn't name Great Britain in response to the question.

What's more, in a separate poll question, less than one-third of Gen Y individuals could even state that 1776 was the year in which America declared independence. No wonder they were so keen to vote for "hope and change" in 2008. I can't blame them.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/granny-busted-bacon-beef-grandson-980174
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010560/Massachusetts-town-war-suggestive-diner-sign-Adam-Sandler-movie.html
http://eatocracy.cnn.com/2011/07/02/the-worlds-wackiest-ice-creams/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010501/Independence-day-Only-58-Americans-know-US-declared-independence-1776.html

There's a Reason They Say "Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned": Cheating Boyfriend Burned, Pounded & Tortured Within an Inch of His Life in Cali

33-year-old Sabrina Renne Robinson (mugshot above) recently promised her boyfriend a night of "kinky sex" to remember. So the 41-year-old California man apparently didn't think twice about stripping down buck naked and allowing Robinson to handcuff him to a bed.

But there was a little hitch. You see, Robinson had just found out her old man was cheating with another woman. And so when she said "kinky," that was just a bit of an understatement. It would have been more accurate for Robinson to instead to break into Mr. T mode from the old movie Rocky III. That is: "Prediction? PAIN."

That's because Robinson's little sex romp subterfuge quickly turned into her real intention -- a personal little torture chamber of horrors (allegedly). Robinson kicked things off in grand fashion by laying a good beating on her old man, busting him one right in the chops and pounding him about the breast, head and body (allegedly). But this was just the trailer, since the feature presentation hadn't even begun yet.

After all, you can't have a good torture session without some first degree burns, no? So Robinson next upped the ante by dumping a vat of hot wax all over her old man's chest (allegedly). That had to smart.

For good measure, Robinson also grabbed a shotgun and started cracking her old man with the barrel (allegedly). But as I would assume any torturer worth his waterboard knows, some of the worst aspects of a good torturing aren't necessarily physical in nature, but instead psychological. And this Robinson really knew her stuff (allegedly):

On the psychological side of things, Robinson first brandished a big knife in front of her old man and "threatened to 'gut him like a deer'" (allegedly). "This is the same type of knife I skin deer with," Robinson allegedly spouted to her terrified boyfriend.

And even after all of that, Robinson was just getting warmed up. She reportedly next called the woman with whom her old man was cheating and started talking to the other woman on the phone while she was torturing the guy! The other woman told cops "she could hear the man's screams in the background." (Wonder if Robinson asked her, "did he scream like that for you, bitch?!").

But like a scene from a B-grade horror picture, this monster Robinson (allegedly) made the mistake of leaving her old man alone for a little while so that she could tend to other business (perhaps she needed to hit the garage to retool with a nice pick axe and riding crop). That gave boyfriend the chance to escape, and cops say they found him "cowering naked" in some bushes outside the home when they arrived.

Now the only torture tool that may be available to Robinson for some time to come is your garden-variety hoosegow shank, as she faces charges of assault with a deadly weapon, false imprisonment, corporal injury, and "making terrorist threats" (I thought we weren't supposed to say "terrorism" anymore?).

As usual, the cops offered up a bit of wisdom to help us everyday citizens grasp the nature of the alleged crime: "This was a case of a woman scorned," crowed police spokesman Erica Hall. And while the cops may not believe me, I actually understood that fact fairly early on in reading this story. You might say that Robinson had me at hot wax.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2011/06/boyfriend.html?lanow
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010037/Woman-promised-boyfriend-night-kinky-sex-handcuffed-bed-tortured-cheating-her.html

Authorities: "If You See One of These, RUN!" Giant African Lizards Invade Florida While a Big Titmouse Invades One Man's Garden Salad. Dis-Gusting!

These critters give me the jitters. It's apparently not enough that we have to deal with the devil we already know in the form of lowly sewer rats and titmice trying to get into the house to pillage our food stores (more on that in a minute). At least we've dealt with that before.

But now there's a whole new type of home invasion threat in Florida, and I'm not talking about the latest flash mob of punkass Gen-Z teenagers. Nope: In Palm Beach and Broward counties, big lizards from Africa are reportedly running amok.

Have I ever mentioned before that I hate rodents and reptiles? (And insects. And birds if they try to come in the house. And any creature that might try to eat me. And politicians...)

This Nasty Lizard Can Whip You, Eat at You, and Claw You, All in One Fell Swoop

It's called the "Nile Monitor Lizard" (pictured at top). It's seven feet-long and can tend to bring a rather unruly disposition. It's also invading portions of the State of Florida.

No, it does not appear that the lizards went through the Suez Canal and swam over to North America. Instead, "experts say" the growing Florida population of these lizards is attributable to people keeping them as pets and then later setting them free into the wild. What's more, "their numbers are now multiplying at an alarming rate in canals amid the sub-tropical climate."

But don't worry, because authorities in Florida are all over this situation. Authorities there are telling residents that if they happen to see one of these lizards, then "run." With advice like that, who needs violent criminals, no? Just run away if you happen upon one!

For good measure, authorities are warning that if you spot one of these lizards, do not try to apprehend said reptile yourself. (Gosh, and I had already pulled out my flyswatter and trash bag before hearing that).

Regardless, you would want to run if you spotted one of these creatures -- "they have long tails that they can use like whips, sharp teeth and claws and typically prey on birds and small pets." They also reportedly become quite nasty with humans if you get close to one.

The lizards can also reportedly "run at speeds of 15 mph and swim for one hour under water." Recently, one of these things reportedly slinked its way into a Florida home through a doggy door (reinforcing the old adage respected by most intelligent adults, i.e. Don't Have a Doggy Door!, which only invites every outside creature on the green earth into your home).

This Thing Smelled Worse Than Triple Anchovies on a Caesar Salad

I think I will have to think twice before the next time I buy one of those bags of lettuce on special at the grocery store for a buck. And you should too, lest you prefer rat in your garden greens.

Saginaw, Michigan resident John Jones (pictured above) says "it wasn't quite what he had in mind when he decided to liven up his pre-packaged bag of salad with some croutons." This poor guy was absolutely repulsed to find "a disemboweled mouse buried in the mixed leaves on his dinner plate" (also pictured above). (That monstrosity looks more like a rat to me, frankly).

So what we had here wasn't just some filthy little dead titmouse. In addition, the damn thing had its "guts hanging out" and its "insides spilling on the plate." Said Jones:

"I moved a couple of leaves and there was the mouse, a dead mouse laying on its back, and you could see the guts hanging out."

Jones had already eaten from the salad. His immediate reaction to this putrid sight? A beeline straight to the shithouse in order to puke. (My reaction would have been identical).

Jones says he found the mutilated titmouse in a bag of Dole Tender Garden salad, which the Daily Mail reports is supposed to contain "a robust blend of delicate baby greens and lettuces, earthy baby spinach and sweet carrots [that] temper peppery radicchio and the invigorating bite of frisee."

And indeed. Nothing says "robust, earthy, peppery and invigorating," after all, quite like a grungy little titmouse with its internal organs spewing all over the joint.

Turns out that Jones' girlfriend and seven-year-old son had also sampled the greens before Jones' grisly little discovery. So the threesome raced to the emergency room, although it seems that they are all fine so far.

The Kroger grocery store (where Jones bought the salad) and the Dole Company have been most gracious in responding to the incident -- both "offering to refund Jones the $2.49 he'd paid for the bag." And Dole went way beyond the call of duty, offering up 25 bucks and some Dole salad coupons.

But something tells me that salad coupons are the last thing on earth that Jones wants right about now. I'm guessing he may looking for a little titmouse-for-tat. Yep, I think we know where this one's heading, and I don't mean the titmouse hole.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009709/Palm-Beach-invaded-giant-7ft-long-lizards-residents-warned-guard.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009620/Man-finds-dead-rodent-guts-hanging-bag-salad.html