Miami Vice: Alleged 15-Year-Old Porn Star; Hooker for Gramps; $19,000 for Strip Joint Tab; & $10,000 for Fidel Castro's Golden Gun...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Burn Victims: Marlon Brando Lams It with Liz & Jacko As the Big Apple, the Flag & Jay Carney Burn...

You just never know what the hell I'm going to talk about on a particular day. Today striking my interest were tales of (1) Pakistanis burning American flags on the streets, (2) slimeball democrat party operatives shitting all over White House press secretary Jay Carney, and (3) an incredible new account of Marlon Brando, Liz Taylor and Michael Jackson driving cross-country to escape New York City on 9/11. And there actually is a loose connection between the three: Osama Bin Laden and 9/11.

(And with those topics in mind, a nod today to the excellent news aggregator website Drudge Report, even if Drudge is a deranged right-winger who slants his site to the far right. So oftentimes, he provides the link, and I just take it from there -- much like today.)

Let's see -- Where To Begin?!?

"First the Tears, Now the Anger"

A truly hilarious site to behold has been Pakistan the past few days, as at first most of the nation actually grieved the death of Osama Bin Laden! No word yet whether their mourning involved chants of, "Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind"...

I mean, just take a gander at those two cryin' goofwads up above shedding tears over that terrorist sleazejacket...

I'll just come right out with it: I don't care what your religion is -- if you shed tears over the death of a subhuman piece of shit such as Bin Laden, then you're no different from him. You're the kind of person who would have mourned Hitler and Stalin's deaths. If the subhuman shoe fits, wear it.

Then Thursday, the grief boiled over into anger! Look out! You know what that means, don't you? Of course -- the obligatory American flag burning across Pakistan. "Burn It to the Ground"...

You know, the people in these Islamic countries really could use a huge dose of originality. The flag burning stuff is so 1979 (much like the current state of America, truth be told).

And I'm not just being a wiseacre over here: I have seen muslims burning American flags so many times now over the years that the impact has long since worn off. It's kind of like allegations of bias in the media: Yawn me a damn river after ya cry me one!

And one final set of thoughts before we leave Bin Laden dead, buried and down there sleeping with the fishes like Luka Brassi (hopefully for good, but something tells me...):

By all accounts, there appears to be the very real probability that the Navy Seals captured an unarmed Bin Laden and then executed him in cold blood. Hey, I got no real problem with that. The scuz deserved it.

But can you just imagine the uproar from the leftist 20 percenters if that idiot W Bush had presided over such an operation? They'd be out in the streets burning American flags themselves!

But since a democrat party member is in the White House, the leftist 20 percenters instead try to defend what happened and trumpet Obama's praises. Hypocrites (as always -- and no different than the republicans). Anyway, enough already about Bin Laden! I'm moving on...

Amazing How the Leftist 20 Percenters Promote Their Slimes But Shit On Their Few Decent Members

I'm intrigued by the account this week of democrat party operatives trashing the performance of new White House press secretary Jay Carney -- primarily based on the troubles he had giving coherent answers to media questions about the muddled facts of the Bin Laden murder. Cutting through the bullshit, here's what they're basically saying: Oh, for the good ol' days when we had a much better liar named Robert Gibbs up there!

Here's how it is: Gibbs was a lying, disingenuous piece of trash. (BTW, hit me, someone, please with the cliche about how since I'm an Independent, I never take any real positions).

In fact, given their similar portly appearances and similar snake-like voices and demeanors, I've always wondered if Gibbs is the long-lost son of sleazy GOP operative Karl Rove. (Let's send Katie Couric to investigate, since she'll soon have plenty of time on her so-called "journalistic" hands).

Gibbs truly was little more than a Propaganda Minister for His Majesty in much the same vein as notorious propaganda ministers of the past from totalitarian regimes. Goebbels? No (not nearly as smart). But Baghdad Bob? That just about nails it. A complete boob, a stooge, a flunky, and a bully. ("I say to you, cat-e-gor-ic-ally, there are no Americans in da Bagdad."):

Jay Carney is no Robert Gibbs. His stuttering and stammering over Bin Laden murder questions should mostly be chalked up to him receiving a lack of concrete and consistent facts from The Boss.

It's been widely reported that Carney (unlike Gibbs) does not have personal access to Obama. He gets all of his info and marching orders second, third or fourth hand or worse. Too often, the White House is sending him out there with conflicting facts in his head and with a gun having no ammunition. Talk about an impossible position -- one that I wouldn't touch "Till the World Ends."

Carney too strikes me as being the sort of guy whom you wouldn't mind knowing in real life. From what I know about him, he passes my "next door neighbor" test, while very few leftist 20 percenters (or right-winger republicans, for that matter) ever do. Would I want Robert Gibbs or Obama living next to me? No thank you. Those cats approach me on the street and try to shake my hand -- I'm running the other direction. I'm funny like that when it comes to lying sacks of shit.

So you want to shit all over someone, democrat party operatives? How about you shit on Obama himself. That would be well deserved. Much more so than Carney. And it might just entice Hillary to make a run next year (Lord help us).

But Good Grief, get a load of all this: Me defending the damn White House press secretary! Must be a full moon tonight.

Brando Made Liz & Jacko Pull Over Every Hour For Eats!

Is this what they call in the TV News business a "kicker"? Regardless: He made them an offer they couldn't refuse. Who would refuse it? 9/11 had just gone down and everyone in NYC who wasn't a local was looking to get the hell out of there.



I can recall co-workers who were there at the time getting in the first rental car they could find and hightailin' it right down I-80 and I-70 towards Missouri. No flights for many days, remember?

So it comes as no real shocker to me to read (see the "Express" link at bottom) that two all time American pop culture icons -- Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson -- joined up in a car with a third icon -- Marlon Brando -- to make a beeline by car straight out of the Big Apple after 9/11 hit.

Taylor and Jackson, of course, were longtime close friends. The story goes that Brando entered the equation because he (like Taylor) was in the City That Never Sleeps to watch a Jackson concert on September 10, 2001. Jackson and Brando were reportedly staying at the same hotel, while Taylor was in a different one.

One funny part of the story is that the threesome's 500-mile drive (which ended in some mysterious location in Ohio) appears to have played out like a sequel to Driving Miss Daisy. Brando and Jacko did all the driving, likely with Liz doing her best Miss Werthan impersonation in the backseat.



My question is just how safe was Liz back there? You can't tell me that Brando or Jacko -- being the celebrity gods that they were -- hardly ever drove an automobile in their lives after maybe their early 20's. Hell, it would come as no surprise to me to learn that neither even had drivers licenses.

And can you just imagine what some of the conversations must have been in that car? Conjures up images of Jackson twisting Brando's arm to launch into his Don Corleone character from Godfather I and (in parody) in The Freshman. ("C'mon, Marlon, just one 'You can act like a man!'").



Brando may have ultimately given in to Jackson's prodding, but I bet only if Jacko delivered a personal rendition of "Billie Jean" right there in the car along with a free moonwalk at the next exit. And I bet the two of them tag-teamed Liz for details on some juicy Richard Burton romps!



One thing we know did happen, as would be very expected: The "rotund" Brando (a nice way of putting it) reportedly annoyed the holy hell out of his two fellow carpoolers by constantly wanting to stop at fast food joints to get his grub on!

And I can see why Brando was the big movie star up there, while I'm just little Joe Missouri down here: You see, I'm a White Castle, McDonald's and Taco Bell man myself. Brando? KFC and Burger King, baby! Forced Liz & Jacko to stop at every single one they came across! Man, I wish just once I could roll like those Hollywood types!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1383011/Osama-Bin-Laden-dead-Pakistanis-burn-US-flags-backlash-grows.html#

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/tobyyoung/100086530/jay-carney-is-floundering-under-pressure-say-washington-insiders/

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/244798

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting! Those Stewardesses Were Fast As Lightning! But Need to Be Faster to Stop Slimeballs from Groping Them (Allegedly)...

If you happen to be a slimeball lout who likes to go around bullying and abusing women, then you probably want to avoid traveling on Hong Kong Airlines -- since them stewardesses be Kung Fu Fightin' like it was 1974! "Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee"!

And hopefully British Airways will be the next airline to go chop shop after an incident from the past week where just such a lout (allegedly) completely ran amok on a stewardess (read on)...



If You Don't Like Me Using that Song, Then You Can Go F*ck Yourself

First, we need a little Prefatory section: I've heard that the Political Correctness Police have recently been all over "Kung Fu Fighting" -- a #1 hit for one-hit wonder Carl Douglas in the fall of 1974.

The song was inspired by the "chopsocky film craze" of the time and utilized a so-called "Oriental Riff" ("Dee-Dee-Dee..."), not to mention lyrics with references to such things as "Chinamen," "Billy Chen" and "little Sammy Chong." Frankly, I've always found the tune to be fairly annoying and forgettable, but one thing's for sure: Once you've heard it, it'll stick in your damn head for at least a day, sort of like a "White Trash Millionaire." (My pleasure, BTW).

Apparently the "Oriental Riff" and lyrics rub some tiny minority of the population the wrong way, leading them to try to impose their will on all the rest of us in terms of what language we can use, which songs we can listen to, etc. (i.e. the very definition of political correctness in most instances).

This bullshit played out recently in Great Britain, where a lounge singer named Simon Ledger was arrested and now faces charges for playing "Kung Fu Fighting" at a bar and "causing offence to a passing man of Chinese origin." (As the linked column aptly puts it: What's next? "Walk Like an Egyptian"? "Turning Japanese"?).

Well, I got news for ya: This ain't Britain (which has no First Amendment) and it sure as hell ain't China! "Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee"!

Besides, no one is more politically correct than me as a general proposition. So let's talk about them hot stewardesses!

They Be as "Funky as Chinamen Billy Chin and Little Sammy Chong"!

Hong Kong Airlines has had an ongoing problem with "drunk and unruly" passengers, having to deal (on average) with several incidents involving such passengers every week. So what to do, the airline asked. Solution: Teach the stewardesses how the karate chop the holy hell of people! What other solution would they possibly come up with?!

So the airline has made it mandatory for all stewardesses to take kung fu lessons -- in particular, the "wing chun form of kung fu used in close-range combat." And it's not like they're having to drag these Treats of the Tarmac kickin' and screamin' down to the the ol' dojo for lessons.

Almost to a stewardess, these babes are reportedly "getting a real kick out of it." They're even using the gimmick in a new airline commercial:



22-year-old Lumpy Tang, for example, is one stewardess who's been really struck by the notion of being a part of "the world's deadliest cabin crew." Lumpy Tang says she "now feels much more confident going about her duties while airborne." "We really like wing chun," Lumpy Tang raved.

On an aside note, all of this talk has really made me thirsty. I wish LT were here right now so that I could order the stewardess to bring me a Tang with two lumps and hold the cream. But I digress.



Now They Can "Give Violent Conduct the Elbow" AND Push Drunken Fatasses Around!

This was fast: One stewardess has reportedly "already put some of her new-found Bruce Lee skills into action on a flight from Beijing to Hong Kong." But it's not what you might think. It didn't involve Lumpy Tang chopping a bunch of lumps into some jerk's mush or going Kwai Chang Caine on someone's ass. Nothing like that.



Instead, the stewardess credited her improved fitness from the kung fu lessons for helping her attend to and move around some big fat drunken tub of goo passenger who was sick. Said a stewardess spokeswoman:

"Normally, a female cabin crew can't handle a fat guy, especially if he's drunk, but because of the [kung fu] training, she can handle it quite easily."

So with their training in hand, these karate-choppin', leg-thrustin' ladies of the sky are now off "on a wing chun and a prayer," ready to either pound or assist the next fat f*ck drunk passenger they encounter -- depending on the situation.



And maybe some of the Hong Kong stewardesses can "walk the earth like Caine on Kung Fu" and transfer over to British Airwaves -- where they're really needed...



The Scumjob Stuck His Grubby Paws Right Up Her Skirt (Allegedly)!

This "cat" was a "little bit frightening": Some total sleazewad lout (allegedly) named Iurii Chumak really had a field day late last week on a British Airways flight from London to New York. This slime (allegedly) first got the flight off to a roaring start by chugging from a bottle of Dewar's whiskey and really lighting in to his wife through a string of verbal abuse.

But then, apparently, one of the flight's stewardesses caught his evil eye. After the stewardess poured Chumak some coffee, she turned away from him and "bent over slightly" to pour coffee for another passenger across the aisle. And that's when all hell broke loose.

The FBI says this scuzbucket Chumak (allegedly) then stuck his meat hooks right up the stewardess' skirt, "grabbed her genital area," and "began to run his fingers back and forth," like some kind S&M freak.



A different "flight attendant" (what's that, precisely? -- I guess that means stewardess) reportedly saw what was going down and immediately slapped "restraints" on Chumak.

Now this genital gropin' creep (allegedly) may have to find new uses for his hands in the local freezer. He faces federal criminal charges, although apparently only misdemeanor ones at this point.

I just wish Lumpy Tang would have been on that flight to chop that invasive hand right off that sleaze Chumak (allegedly). Then he could get one of those hooks-for-a-hand and hopefully sit on his hands in the can and listen to "Kung Fu Fighting" for a long time to come.



"Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee"!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1383366/Hong-Kong-Airlines-teaches-kung-fu-cabin-staff.html#
http://www.11alive.com/News/Odd/189551/186/Flight-attendants-learn-kung-fu-to-deal-with-unruly-passengers
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/man-arrested-groping-flight-attendant-763092
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1381373/Kung-Fu-Fighting-racist-row-Death-common-sense-police-losing-plot.html?ito=feeds-newsxml#
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kung_Fu_Fighting

They're Going NUTS Out East Over this Osama Thing: First a Drunk Bin Laden Imposter Allegedly Makes Bomb Threat, Then Weed Whacker Attacks Break Out!

They've all gone crazy like that (^^) broad (^^)! OK, I get the very strong emotional connection for the American northeast and east coast when it comes to September 11 and this week's killing of Osama Bin Laden. Hey, Bin Laden's subhuman slimeball minions attacked them, targeting the Big Apple and DC. So naturally, we saw the biggest celebrations over Bin Laden's death in those two cities. But, it is possible to take things a bit too far...

And so it is this week that we start to hear tales of a "bombed Bin Laden" imposter (pictured above) allegedly making a bomb threat at New York City's Idlewild (errr, JFK) Airport as well as weed whacker attacks breaking out in two northeastern states. [I've heard of garden shear outbursts before such as in Zombieland, but weed whackers?!?] Get control of yourselves, people!

"My Name is Bin Laden, and I Have a Bomb in my Bag!"

If he had really been an upstart terrorist with a bomb in his napsack, then "Air France would've made him" just like on Goodfellas, because the damn bag reached the plane and any bomb inside could've gone off! More on that in a minute.

The incident started over the weekend when the fake Bin Laden -- 61-year-old New Yorker Christian Boncorps (pictured above below the real thing) -- "showed up drunk" (really "Rolling in the Deep") at the Air France ticket counter at JFK.



He really just wanted his boarding pass, but nothin' doing on that front! At the ticket counter, an Air France stewardess lady (or it could have been a man, but I like to stay stewardess) started giving the hammered hobo-looking Boncorps the ol' third degree about what he had in his bag. The employee was reportedly concerned he might be trying "to smuggle more booze aboard" his flight.

I guess some trashed tramps really get their rags ruffled at such suggestions, since Boncorps' reaction was allegedly to spout the quote set forth above claiming that he was Osama Bin Laden and that he had a bomb in his bag.

The word "bomb" now having been uttered at an airport, you can probably guess what the reaction was from Barack Obama and Janet Napolitano's TSA gropers (errr, agents), right? Maybe a swift ass-beating followed by a little solitary "Isolation"? Well, if so, you guessed wrong.



These TSA goofs -- apparently too busy groping up little girls and beauty pageant contestants -- didn't even bother to call the cops until 40 minutes later. Prior to that call, TSA allegedly (1) ignored the bomb threat, (2) put Boncorps "through standard pre-flight screening procedures," and (3) even sent the pie-eyed Osama imposter's luggage aboard the damn plane -- apparently without checking it out!

When the cops finally arrived later on, the shit-faced soak Boncorps was just wrapping up his routine screening and "was putting his shoes back on"! Needless to say, cops were furious over TSA's complete mishandling of the situation. The president of a local cop organization really ripped TSA a new one:

"We got lucky that this passenger wasn't a serious threat. Countless lives were placed in jeopardy by the TSA's failure to follow its own security protocols . . . Simply put, the public expects and deserves more."

Ouch. As for blotto boozer and fake terrorist Boncorps, it doesn't sound like cops exactly threw the book at him. He was arrested and had a quick arraignment at which he pleaded guilty for disorderly conduct -- garnering a meager $250 fine. So I guess you can say "bomb" at an airport and basically get away with it? Oh well, at least he's out some booze money.

Trying to "Whack" Out a Cop -- Always a Dumb Move

He didn't want that damn weed whacker, after all. So 28-year-old New Jersey resident Gary Burke loaded up the weedeater and headed to Sears to get his dough back. Only problem? Stupid pesky Lawn & Garden Department was closed (the sort of thing that might make a grown man want to take a weed whacker and "swing it all around fancy crazy!).



So you'd think maybe Customer Service could hook up this dude with his return job? Not so fast! Burke was reportedly told that only Lawn & Garden could service him and that he'd just have to come back later. Haven't these people ever heard the expression, 'the customer is always right'?



Now, with gas prices in Obama's America currently hovering at a national average of around $4.00/gallon, Gary Burke was apparently in no mood to "come back later." When Sears employees refused to process his return, Burke allegedly blew his stack and refused to leave the store peacefully. But unlike TSA agents, Sears employees will actually call the cops, which then happened.

When cops arrived and tried to remove Burke from the store, Burke did the only sensible thing that could be expected of a man in his position: He attacked the cops with his weed whacker (allegedly)! Went Weedeater Bull all over they ass!



Even more specifically, the hit went down with Burke reportedly bashing his yard-grooming device over one of the cop's big melons.

However, working in Burke's favor is the fact that there is no allegation of him actually trying to fire up said weed whacker before pulling the alleged attack. A dangerous piercing weapon right to the mush could've gotten a bit messy, after all -- just ask Bin Laden (that is, if you ever meet up with him in hell).

Now this weedeater-wielding whacko Burke (allegedly) may have to spend some garden-variety time in a place known for having a different kind of yard -- the local hoosegow. He's facing charges of aggravated assault on a cop and unlawful possession of a weapon (the weed whacker).

And that's the only part I don't get: "Unlawful possession"? He wasn't trying to swipe the damn thing. Rather just "whack" out a cop with it (allegedly)!

At Least This Weed Whackin' Weirdo Got His Full Money's Worth (Allegedly)!

Let's head one state northeast to Connecticut: Different state, same madness! Cops there say two landscapers were working at the same home when a dispute arose between them that turned one of the landscapers into a stark-raving Feetch-like bully of the yard (yes, I've used this recently, but it fits here too, plus Robert Loggia is God!).



But at least Feetch only used his fists. Cops say that a fight broke out between the two landscapers, with one of them -- 54-year-old Ramiro Avila -- actually throttling up his weed whacker and going after the other fella with it!

Specifically, the "odd attack" (one way of putting it) allegedly involved Avila "hitting the other man in the head with a running weed whacker."

Yep, those two men took to weed-whacker fighting, and when they pulled them from the floor, Avila's fellow yardman looked like Osama Bin Laden with a couple of pieces gone.



Avila's victim was sent to the hospital with a cut-up face, while Avila may be sent up himself for a spell so that he can cool his weed-whacking engines in the local ice house. That's because cops have busted Avila for second-degree assault.

But again, I don't get the charge: What constitutes a "first-degree assault" in Connecticut, anyway? Maybe a B-52 bombing?



Finally, it's just too bad that the Fake Bin Laden and the two weed-whackin' culprits (allegedly) have to live in different states. Methinks Imposter Osama could use a good haircut (see above), and Burke and Avila got just the tools to pull off the job!

I mean, I'm don't know about Avila, but I think that based on Burke's track record, there's no damn way he's gonna buck up the money to haul his sorry ass (not to mention that of his weed whacker) from Jersey to the City. Leastways, not when that well-oiled wino and fake terrorist is now out all his beer money and can't possibly pay for a good hair whackin'.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/queens/tsa_lax_on_bombed_bin_laden_M84GPNUcBkVifPSNS0avkO
http://www.poconorecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110503/NEWS90/110509924/-1/NEWSMAP
http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/weird/Landscaper-Accused-of-Weed-Whacker-Assault-120721039.html

Good Gazongas! What's Next, "Lactation Lovers Pizza"?: "New Yorkers Sample Cheese Made from Human Breast Milk"!

I've heard of rack of lamb, but rack of Mama? No joking jugs here: A New York City "art" exhibit called "Human Cheese Shop" gave residents an opportunity over the weekend to sample multiple different varieties of "cheese" (pictured immediately above) made from three lactating women's breast milk (links to full story at bottom).

A few days after we saw the news of the federal government devoting yearlong sting operations to taking down badass Amish farmers selling raw cow's milk in Pennsylvania, I look at this New York story and am left to wonder, where's Obama and his federal regulators when we actually really need them! Talk about a real Kick in the Teet:

They Had a Wide Selection

That's correct: If one form of the human cheese didn't exactly strike your fancy, then you had other options at the Michael Mut Gallery in NYC's East Village. There were three different flavors in all: West Side Funk; Midtown Smoke; and Wisconsin Chew. [Apparently, Brooklyn Bleu Bap, Village Veg Curd, Staten Island Sharp Suckle and E.T. (East side Twins) were not on the menu this time around, but stay tuned...].



The early returns indicate that Midtown Smoke was hooters-down the best of the three creations. One meat puppet cheese eatin' local lady called Midtown Smoke "creamy and just pure heaven." Sorry, but that takes "spinning on that dizzy edge" just a bit too far.



Another woman also raved about Midtown Smoke, citing to its insatiably "mild" texture and taste once inserted inside the ol' piehole.

However, Wisconsin Chew (the second flavor) reportedly didn't fare so well with the New Yorkers (what would you expect?), although I could certainly see that taste being more popular with Green Bay Packer Cheeseheads and Wisconsin public sector employees.

For example, one local taster described Wisconsin Chew as too "bland," while another described Chew as having a taste "which apparently reflected the vegetable-filled diet of the woman who provided its milk." Methinks I'd rather eat Dirty Laundry than cheese made from those dirty pillows.



The linked articles are silent as to the third variety, West Side Funk, and whether that flavor may have knocked their nips right off the ol' knockers, just like Midtown Smoke did. So the taste and popularity of Funk remains a bit of a wild-can enigma, truth be told.

Mixed Melons: "Weren't There Any Milkable Cows, Goats, Sheep or Buffalo Available?"

Not everyone in the Big Apple was going bust over this breast milk cheese. "Some people are gagging," admitted exhibit creator Miriam Simun. Indeed, many passersby "seemed perplexed."

For example, one female passerby wasn't exactly Mrs. Fun Bags: "That's so weird," honked local resident Cheryl Coleman. Another local woman, Jocelyn James, liked the Midtown Smoke, but conceded that chowing down on human headlight cheese "does have a stigma."



Why Get Your Cheese from Breastfeeding Bazongas?

That's still the $24,000 tig bitty. One local named Frances Anderson was reportedly so fond of the idea of eating the human cheese that she actually consumed it while wet-nursing her own little tot at the very same time, right there at the damn art gallery! Not cool. As Serge the Art Gallery Attendant might say: "Cover that up! It's like a dog to scrub. Not Sexy!" OH-MY-GOD (you've been warned):





This Anderson character explained that she views dairy products derived from human ta-tas as being preferable to and perhaps even safer that your more traditional bovine-based basic staples: "I know more about the source of this food than going into a supermarket and picking up Cheddar cheese. I don't know what they pumped into that cow."

Really? I wonder how much she knows about what the three lactatin' ladies were pumping into their gullets before their mammaries' milk was turned into dairy drivel? I think I'd stick with the cow. But then again, I don't have jibbies, myself.

Human Chest Puppy Cheese Becoming a Trend?

Perhaps the most startling thing about this story is that "Human Cheese Shop" is not even "that original," reports the New York Daily News.

Just last year, New York Chef (I guess you're supposed to capitalize "chef") Daniel Angere of Chelsea's Klee Brasserie reportedly strapped on and hooked up a breast pump to his nursing wife -- a regular Rose of Sharon -- and used the resulting newborn nectar to "concoct" a Brie cheese faster than a Dust Bowl Joad hits the road.



Angere's Brie cheese from wifey's balcony was eaten by Chelsea's customers "with a fine Riesling" white wine -- giving a whole new meaning to the phrase, "wine and cheese clowns [errr, crowd]."

And this cheesiness isn't merely confined to cheddar and swiss-type dairy products. In London, they reportedly all scream for bazoom-based ice cream. Specifically, the Daily News says that an ice cream parlor in London's Covent Garden offers a vanilla-tasting human "breast-milk gelato" called Baby Gaga to adoring customers! I guess some freaks are just Born This Way.



http://ca.news.yahoo.com/yorkers-sample-cheese-made-human-breast-milk-230909805.html
http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/04/29/2011-04-29_breast_milk_cheese_sure_it_might_be_art_but_that_doesnt_mean_i_want_to_try_it.html?r=news

Don't Worry, Be Happy! Some Americans Take to the Streets to Celebrate the Killing of Tired Old Al Qaeda Figurehead Osama Bin Laden.

Yep, it sure seems like he's dead alright...

Although not from the picture on the right, which appears to be a fake photo that's making the rounds on the Net. The first clue would seem to be the facial expression, which would require the muscles of the face and mouth to be clinched. Presumably, those muscles would be relaxed if the picture was showing a dead man's mouth. Instead, such picture appears to be a photoshop of (1) an actual picture of Bin Laden's lower face and (2) the top half of some other person's mangled up face. Regardless...

First reaction to Bin Laden's death: Since it seems that the primary stated objective of our involment in the Afghanistan war was always to "get Bin Laden," does this mean we can begin the withdrawal of our boys from that absolute hellhole? I'm not holding my breath on that one.

Second reaction: I'm glad the slimeball's dead, but let's face it: He was a tired old man, long in very poor health, who any longer held little or no decisional power with the Al Qaeda power structure. In short, he was a figurehead. I can see being overjoyed by his death 8 or 9 years ago, maybe, but those days are long gone. Al Qaeda remains perfectly intact following Bin Laden's death. You won't see me taking to the streets to mindlessly wave flags and heap praise upon either of the two worst and destructive presidents of my lifetime (Obama and W).

Final reaction: In seems to me that the general angst of the country these days has very little to do with fear of Al Qaeda, Bin Laden or terrorism in general. You may choose to "Don't Worry, Be Happy," but the same dire concerns and worries are still there and have nothing to do with Osama Bin Laden:

-Crippling national debt of $14.3 trillion.
-Neither party being serious about doing anything about it.
-The high risk of the U.S. dollar soon losing its status as the world's reserve currency.
-The distinct chance of U.S. economic and monetary collapse if that happens.
-Ever-rising gasoline prices with no end in sight.
-Ever-increasing inflation, with no end in sight, as a result of Obama economic policies and his Fed's endless running of the money printing presses.

Happy Days Again, these are not.

http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2011/05/white-house-officials-debate-releasing-photographs-of-bin-ladens-corpse-1.html
http://wjbc.com/americans-celebrate-the-death-of-bin-laden-photo-gallery/

I've Finally Had It! I'm Taking a Break From All the Bull$hit in Washington & Elsewhere This Weekend...

Sorry, but I just can't do it today. I need a break over here. So I'm not today going to discuss Obama, his Daddy, the rotten economy, global warming causing tornadoes, deranged right-wingers, John Edwards, or crazy crimes. As a result, here's everything that you're going to miss today:

The Antics of Obama & His Daddy

-I'm not going to talk about the San Francisco Chronicle this weekend accusing Obama's White House of outright lying about the White House's banishment of a Chronicle reporter from the White House press pool because she shot video of Obama protesters that was unfavorable to Obama (as first covered in this space on Saturday). I'm ignoring that story, just like Mr. Nixon would prefer of a good Audioslave.



-I'm also not talking about the report in Politico.com that Obama's old man was kicked out of Harvard in the 1960's because of concerns over his personal life and finances, including the fact that Harvard "couldn't seem to figure out how many wives he had." I'm burying that story faster than Dan Rather skipping out early at a document authentication convention.

The Ever-Falling Dollar and Ever-Rising Gas Prices Under Obama's Economic Policies

-I'm also burying an AP report that while Obama yucked it up with Hollywood types this weekend at the annual White House "correspondents" dinner, gas prices continued to rise and will soon be at a national average of more than $4.00/gallon. What AP report?

-You'll also see no mention here of a new Wall Street Journal story saying that the dollar has now reached a 3-year low (the worst since 2008) due to the "ultra-loose monetary policy" of Obama and his Federal Reserve, and it just keeps falling. Hey, I don't know nothing; I just work here.



-Likewise, I'm paying no attention to a new report on Bloomberg.com about how the Canadian "loonie" dollar is now stronger than and outperforming the ever-increasingly weakening U.S. dollar. Dollar schmollar, as far as I'm concerned.

Global Warming as a Cause of Southern Tornadoes

-I'm really ignorning a story on France24.com reporting (much to the chagrin of American 20 percenter leftists) that U.S. meteorologists say the devastating southern tornadoes this week were in fact not caused by global warming (I warned the leftists earlier this week to come up with something more original to blame the tornadoes on, but I don't believe they ever really followed up in any material way).



Deranged Right-Wingers Conjuring Up Images of Lynchings & Nazi Germany

-I see no reason to discuss reports that boring white male retread GOP 2012 presidential frontrunner Mitt Romney told an audience at a fundraiser this weekend that "republicans will figuratively 'hang' President Obama with bad economic news" and metaphorically discussing "hanging" such news "around the neck" of Obama. Maybe he was taken out of context. Hung verdict.





-Similarly, why would I bother to mention the story on RealClearPolitics.com that the president of the National Black Chamber of Commerce blasted Obama and his administration as being "anti-business," "Marxist," "fanatical"; moreover,"they might as well put on the brownshirts and swastikas," ranted this obvious braintrust, Harry Alford. Who's he calling anti-business, anyway? (Joking).

Judge Won't Allow John Edwards to Hide Again in the $hithouse

-I am so ignorning a Reuters report on a North Carolina judge's ruling that former democrat party vice presidential candidate John Edwards won't be allowed to hunker down again in a hotel bathroom, but will instead be forced to testify about his "sexcapades" in an ongoing lawsuit brought by the woman (Rielle Hunter) with whom Edwards cheated while his wife battled cancer. What's so sexy about that story?



Crazy Crimescene: Charitable Hobos, Porno Cops, Famished Drunks, and Prickly Prosecutors

-I won't be discussing the story out of Tampa about a local homeless tramp who allegedly pulled a bank job and then went Robin Hood, boarding a bus and handing out most of his take to passengers. I never write about hobos, tramps and bums, after all. "YOU WANNA GROW UP TO BE A BUM!?!":



-I'm also burying an item from NBC 4 in L.A. about two local traffic cops who allegedly pulled it over long enough to star in a porn film while on duty. Porn stories have no place on this family friendly blog -- Gil Bang aside.



-You also won't see me giving any space to a story this weekend out of North Royalton, Ohio, about a hungry drunk driver who allegedly ignored cops' orders to pull over and instead proceeded to head through a Taco Bell drive-thru in order to get her greasy grub on. I never give a moment's notice to crazy happenings at fast food joints.

-Finally, I couldn't care less about a report from CBSNews.com about a prosecutor in Washington state who actually prosecuted (for theft) a grocery store shopper who ate a 99-cent deli hot dog while shopping and then forgot to pay for it at check out (the jury took five minutes to acquit). The prosecutor was right to throw the book at that badass!

So that's everything you won't be hearing from me this weekend. Blame in on general battle fatigue in Obama's America. Bush and global warming aren't helping matters either.



[Postscript: Actually, I'm not So Tired -- just having fun with this post. I lacked a single great compelling topic today, so I just used like a dozen or whatever it added up to!]