They've all gone crazy like that (^^) broad (^^)! OK, I get the very strong emotional connection for the American northeast and east coast when it comes to September 11 and this week's killing of Osama Bin Laden. Hey, Bin Laden's subhuman slimeball minions attacked them, targeting the Big Apple and DC. So naturally, we saw the biggest celebrations over Bin Laden's death in those two cities. But, it is possible to take things a bit too far...And so it is this week that we start to hear tales of a "bombed Bin Laden" imposter (pictured above) allegedly making a bomb threat at New York City's Idlewild (errr, JFK) Airport as well as weed whacker attacks breaking out in two northeastern states. [I've heard of garden shear outbursts before such as in Zombieland, but weed whackers?!?] Get control of yourselves, people!
"My Name is Bin Laden, and I Have a Bomb in my Bag!"
If he had really been an upstart terrorist with a bomb in his napsack, then "Air France would've made him" just like on Goodfellas, because the damn bag reached the plane and any bomb inside could've gone off! More on that in a minute.
The incident started over the weekend when the fake Bin Laden -- 61-year-old New Yorker Christian Boncorps (pictured above below the real thing) -- "showed up drunk" (really "Rolling in the Deep") at the Air France ticket counter at JFK.
He really just wanted his boarding pass, but nothin' doing on that front! At the ticket counter, an Air France stewardess lady (or it could have been a man, but I like to stay stewardess) started giving the hammered hobo-looking Boncorps the ol' third degree about what he had in his bag. The employee was reportedly concerned he might be trying "to smuggle more booze aboard" his flight.
I guess some trashed tramps really get their rags ruffled at such suggestions, since Boncorps' reaction was allegedly to spout the quote set forth above claiming that he was Osama Bin Laden and that he had a bomb in his bag.
The word "bomb" now having been uttered at an airport, you can probably guess what the reaction was from Barack Obama and Janet Napolitano's TSA gropers (errr, agents), right? Maybe a swift ass-beating followed by a little solitary "Isolation"? Well, if so, you guessed wrong.
These TSA goofs -- apparently too busy groping up little girls and beauty pageant contestants -- didn't even bother to call the cops until 40 minutes later. Prior to that call, TSA allegedly (1) ignored the bomb threat, (2) put Boncorps "through standard pre-flight screening procedures," and (3) even sent the pie-eyed Osama imposter's luggage aboard the damn plane -- apparently without checking it out!
When the cops finally arrived later on, the shit-faced soak Boncorps was just wrapping up his routine screening and "was putting his shoes back on"! Needless to say, cops were furious over TSA's complete mishandling of the situation. The president of a local cop organization really ripped TSA a new one:
"We got lucky that this passenger wasn't a serious threat. Countless lives were placed in jeopardy by the TSA's failure to follow its own security protocols . . . Simply put, the public expects and deserves more."
Ouch. As for blotto boozer and fake terrorist Boncorps, it doesn't sound like cops exactly threw the book at him. He was arrested and had a quick arraignment at which he pleaded guilty for disorderly conduct -- garnering a meager $250 fine. So I guess you can say "bomb" at an airport and basically get away with it? Oh well, at least he's out some booze money.
Trying to "Whack" Out a Cop -- Always a Dumb Move
He didn't want that damn weed whacker, after all. So 28-year-old New Jersey resident Gary Burke loaded up the weedeater and headed to Sears to get his dough back. Only problem? Stupid pesky Lawn & Garden Department was closed (the sort of thing that might make a grown man want to take a weed whacker and "swing it all around fancy crazy!).
So you'd think maybe Customer Service could hook up this dude with his return job? Not so fast! Burke was reportedly told that only Lawn & Garden could service him and that he'd just have to come back later. Haven't these people ever heard the expression, 'the customer is always right'?
Now, with gas prices in Obama's America currently hovering at a national average of around $4.00/gallon, Gary Burke was apparently in no mood to "come back later." When Sears employees refused to process his return, Burke allegedly blew his stack and refused to leave the store peacefully. But unlike TSA agents, Sears employees will actually call the cops, which then happened.
When cops arrived and tried to remove Burke from the store, Burke did the only sensible thing that could be expected of a man in his position: He attacked the cops with his weed whacker (allegedly)! Went Weedeater Bull all over they ass!
Even more specifically, the hit went down with Burke reportedly bashing his yard-grooming device over one of the cop's big melons.
However, working in Burke's favor is the fact that there is no allegation of him actually trying to fire up said weed whacker before pulling the alleged attack. A dangerous piercing weapon right to the mush could've gotten a bit messy, after all -- just ask Bin Laden (that is, if you ever meet up with him in hell).
Now this weedeater-wielding whacko Burke (allegedly) may have to spend some garden-variety time in a place known for having a different kind of yard -- the local hoosegow. He's facing charges of aggravated assault on a cop and unlawful possession of a weapon (the weed whacker).
And that's the only part I don't get: "Unlawful possession"? He wasn't trying to swipe the damn thing. Rather just "whack" out a cop with it (allegedly)!
At Least This Weed Whackin' Weirdo Got His Full Money's Worth (Allegedly)!
Let's head one state northeast to Connecticut: Different state, same madness! Cops there say two landscapers were working at the same home when a dispute arose between them that turned one of the landscapers into a stark-raving Feetch-like bully of the yard (yes, I've used this recently, but it fits here too, plus Robert Loggia is God!).
But at least Feetch only used his fists. Cops say that a fight broke out between the two landscapers, with one of them -- 54-year-old Ramiro Avila -- actually throttling up his weed whacker and going after the other fella with it!
Specifically, the "odd attack" (one way of putting it) allegedly involved Avila "hitting the other man in the head with a running weed whacker."
Yep, those two men took to weed-whacker fighting, and when they pulled them from the floor, Avila's fellow yardman looked like Osama Bin Laden with a couple of pieces gone.
Avila's victim was sent to the hospital with a cut-up face, while Avila may be sent up himself for a spell so that he can cool his weed-whacking engines in the local ice house. That's because cops have busted Avila for second-degree assault.
But again, I don't get the charge: What constitutes a "first-degree assault" in Connecticut, anyway? Maybe a B-52 bombing?
Finally, it's just too bad that the Fake Bin Laden and the two weed-whackin' culprits (allegedly) have to live in different states. Methinks Imposter Osama could use a good haircut (see above), and Burke and Avila got just the tools to pull off the job!
I mean, I'm don't know about Avila, but I think that based on Burke's track record, there's no damn way he's gonna buck up the money to haul his sorry ass (not to mention that of his weed whacker) from Jersey to the City. Leastways, not when that well-oiled wino and fake terrorist is now out all his beer money and can't possibly pay for a good hair whackin'.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/queens/tsa_lax_on_bombed_bin_laden_M84GPNUcBkVifPSNS0avkO
http://www.poconorecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110503/NEWS90/110509924/-1/NEWSMAP
http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/weird/Landscaper-Accused-of-Weed-Whacker-Assault-120721039.html
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