I've heard of rack of lamb, but rack of Mama? No joking jugs here: A New York City "art" exhibit called "Human Cheese Shop" gave residents an opportunity over the weekend to sample multiple different varieties of "cheese" (pictured immediately above) made from three lactating women's breast milk (links to full story at bottom).A few days after we saw the news of the federal government devoting yearlong sting operations to taking down badass Amish farmers selling raw cow's milk in Pennsylvania, I look at this New York story and am left to wonder, where's Obama and his federal regulators when we actually really need them! Talk about a real Kick in the Teet:
They Had a Wide Selection
That's correct: If one form of the human cheese didn't exactly strike your fancy, then you had other options at the Michael Mut Gallery in NYC's East Village. There were three different flavors in all: West Side Funk; Midtown Smoke; and Wisconsin Chew. [Apparently, Brooklyn Bleu Bap, Village Veg Curd, Staten Island Sharp Suckle and E.T. (East side Twins) were not on the menu this time around, but stay tuned...].
The early returns indicate that Midtown Smoke was hooters-down the best of the three creations. One meat puppet cheese eatin' local lady called Midtown Smoke "creamy and just pure heaven." Sorry, but that takes "spinning on that dizzy edge" just a bit too far.
Another woman also raved about Midtown Smoke, citing to its insatiably "mild" texture and taste once inserted inside the ol' piehole.
However, Wisconsin Chew (the second flavor) reportedly didn't fare so well with the New Yorkers (what would you expect?), although I could certainly see that taste being more popular with Green Bay Packer Cheeseheads and Wisconsin public sector employees.
For example, one local taster described Wisconsin Chew as too "bland," while another described Chew as having a taste "which apparently reflected the vegetable-filled diet of the woman who provided its milk." Methinks I'd rather eat Dirty Laundry than cheese made from those dirty pillows.
The linked articles are silent as to the third variety, West Side Funk, and whether that flavor may have knocked their nips right off the ol' knockers, just like Midtown Smoke did. So the taste and popularity of Funk remains a bit of a wild-can enigma, truth be told.
Mixed Melons: "Weren't There Any Milkable Cows, Goats, Sheep or Buffalo Available?"
Not everyone in the Big Apple was going bust over this breast milk cheese. "Some people are gagging," admitted exhibit creator Miriam Simun. Indeed, many passersby "seemed perplexed."
For example, one female passerby wasn't exactly Mrs. Fun Bags: "That's so weird," honked local resident Cheryl Coleman. Another local woman, Jocelyn James, liked the Midtown Smoke, but conceded that chowing down on human headlight cheese "does have a stigma."
Why Get Your Cheese from Breastfeeding Bazongas?
That's still the $24,000 tig bitty. One local named Frances Anderson was reportedly so fond of the idea of eating the human cheese that she actually consumed it while wet-nursing her own little tot at the very same time, right there at the damn art gallery! Not cool. As Serge the Art Gallery Attendant might say: "Cover that up! It's like a dog to scrub. Not Sexy!" OH-MY-GOD (you've been warned):
This Anderson character explained that she views dairy products derived from human ta-tas as being preferable to and perhaps even safer that your more traditional bovine-based basic staples: "I know more about the source of this food than going into a supermarket and picking up Cheddar cheese. I don't know what they pumped into that cow."
Really? I wonder how much she knows about what the three lactatin' ladies were pumping into their gullets before their mammaries' milk was turned into dairy drivel? I think I'd stick with the cow. But then again, I don't have jibbies, myself.
Human Chest Puppy Cheese Becoming a Trend?
Perhaps the most startling thing about this story is that "Human Cheese Shop" is not even "that original," reports the New York Daily News.
Just last year, New York Chef (I guess you're supposed to capitalize "chef") Daniel Angere of Chelsea's Klee Brasserie reportedly strapped on and hooked up a breast pump to his nursing wife -- a regular Rose of Sharon -- and used the resulting newborn nectar to "concoct" a Brie cheese faster than a Dust Bowl Joad hits the road.
Angere's Brie cheese from wifey's balcony was eaten by Chelsea's customers "with a fine Riesling" white wine -- giving a whole new meaning to the phrase, "wine and cheese clowns [errr, crowd]."
And this cheesiness isn't merely confined to cheddar and swiss-type dairy products. In London, they reportedly all scream for bazoom-based ice cream. Specifically, the Daily News says that an ice cream parlor in London's Covent Garden offers a vanilla-tasting human "breast-milk gelato" called Baby Gaga to adoring customers! I guess some freaks are just Born This Way.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/yorkers-sample-cheese-made-human-breast-milk-230909805.html
http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/04/29/2011-04-29_breast_milk_cheese_sure_it_might_be_art_but_that_doesnt_mean_i_want_to_try_it.html?r=news
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