Tuesday, April 21, 2015

"World's Biggest House Goes Up For Sale -- 115 Bedrooms, 100 Bathrooms"! Man, I Could Use That Kinda Space to Move Around In...

Rager is sick and tired of being confined in small spaces, and this joint in Italy could really hit the spot.  But what to do with all them damn rooms?!?

Oh, I'd put 'em to use, just you never mind about that.  To wit:

-"Shithouse of the Day":  First, I'd rotate my use of all 100 shitters, such that no particular privy would need to be used anymore than 3 or 4 days out of the year. Special added benefit: With such infrequent use, I could probably get by (at least most of the time) with not having the crappers cleaned more than once every 10-20 years or so.

-"The Porn Nook":  I've long had a hankerin' to set aside an exclusive preview room for my Friday night porn pictures. Now I'd have it! With a year's supply of wash towels on hand at all times.

-"A Multi-Pantried Approach":  I'd devote a different room to become the pantry for each of the five food groups. Ya know -- red meat, bread, condiments, soup, and beer.

-"Give the Broads the Ol' Four Corners":  That joint's so huge, one could have four broads over at the same time, and just squirrel each away in a different corner!  "Be back in a little while, Mary Lou -- I gots a room to hit over there to check out for leaky pipes."

-"The Centrifuge":  This would be a dungeon-like chamber of horrors where I'd toss any leftists or right-wingers dumb enough to ever come a' trespassing or poachin' on my land.

-"The Bada-Bing Room": This space would double as not only a "Sopranos" viewing room on weekend mornings, but would also be easily convertible to a fully equipped titty bar to entertain any of my friends who aren't dead yet when they're in town.

-"Weapons Cache": Last but not least, meneeds a central repository for the utensils necessary to keep Centrifuge inhabitants and other motherfuckers in line when they're around my joint. Here, I'd have on hand the standard panoply of devices of mayhem, from buggy whips, riding crops, and railroad spikes, to meat grinders, Katana swords, and bone-saws.

So my plan's well on its way. Now I just need the $30 million for the askin' price. That's a shitload of bank jobs and/or gas stations to knock over. Not that I'm even given to that sort of thing, but I gots to try sumpin over here to pursue me Dream, No?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/property/11467864/Its-the-worlds-biggest-house-for-sale-and-its-top-secret.html