Stab By Your Man: Florida Woman Helps Prep Her Old Man for Upcoming Court Date By Allegedly Slashing Him with a Damn Seashell!

And least she did try to help him cope with his stress.  Cops in Port Saint Lucie, Florida say the boyfriend of 40-year-old local Patricia Weir (pictured above) was all stressed out last week over a date in court for allegedly beating the hell out of someone.  And what better way to blow off some steam that get one's drink on with the old lady, right? Well...

The coping couple reportedly hit the local bar and proceeded to get all liquored up.  Cops say that when the two finally got home, Weir was more sloshed than John Boehner at a Friday happy hour.  And maybe, just maybe, what this boozin' bambi had on her so-called mind was to further help the Old Man cope with his situation by preparing him for those hoosegow brawls in the event that court date don't go so well.

Regardless, cops say Weir blew her stack at the Old Man and first tried to bite his ear off!  And you can't get any decent Jailhouse Basic Tactics course off the ground without some shank training.  So Weir next allegedly grabbed a big seashell "with a pointed tip" and took to slicing and dicing the Old Man several times right in the shoulder! 

When the lesson was over, cops say Boyfriend "had a visible bite mark on his ear, scratches on his face and multiple puncture wounds on his shoulder."  And the Old Lady for her efforts may now get to try out her fight game in the can for real, since cops busted this seashell Sally for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon (said shell).  And Lord help them lady cons down there if they happen to have any stray seashells out in that prison yard.

http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/Woman-Attacks-Man-with-Seashell-Bites-Ear-Cops-152017175.html