Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Never Put a Sharp Metal Object in Your Mouth Lest It Be a Paperclip: Dentist Sentenced For Using Cheap Office Supplies to Perform Root Canal!



I recall it from an old Bill Cosby routine: These damn dentists always advise patients never to stick sharp metal objects in their mouths, but then the first thing the dentist does during a checkup is to pull out a huge metal hook and to start prying away with it! But at least those menacing hooks are approved dental utensils, as opposed to, say, a damn paper clip!

Cops and prosecutors in Fall River, Massachusetts say local dentist Michael Clair (pictured immediately above) has been a bad dentist. A very bad dentist. The sort of dentist you wouldn't have work on a titmouse in a Mississippi shithouse. Unless your endgame was one fucked up titmouse.

For starters, this dental dufus reportedly liked to cut a few corners here and there. You know -- cut a few costs during bad economic times. And what better way to show a little fiscal austerity than to "try to save a few bucks by using a paper clip instead of a stainless steel bar for a root canal procedures," as "Dr." Clair stood accused (pleading guilty last week)!

The linked full story notes that it's typically not the best dental practice to carve around inside a patient's kisser with paper clips since "using anything other than stainless steel puts patients at risk of pain and even infection." Glad the media's around to clear things like that up for us.

Same goes for the democrat party, as Massachusetts AG Martha Coakley (the braintrust who somehow found a way to lose Teddy Kennedy's Senate seat to gop-er Scott Brown in early 2010) is weighing in on PaperclipGate with the same sorts of words of wisdom that surely garnered her such AG elected office in the first place -- commenting that the Clair Affair "paints a picture of someone who shouldn't be practicing dentistry in Massachusetts, or anywhere else for that matter."

Ever the vigilant public servant, Coakley is even going so far as to recommend that "anyone who may have been treated by Clair see a dentist as soon as possible." Now while that may seem a bit drastic, I'm gonna have to endorse Coakley's advice on that front.

And finally, just for good measure, when Dr. Spooky Tooth wasn't poking around in mouths with devices one would purchase at Office Max, prosecutors say he was trying to take a clip to Medicaid, which he was charged with bilking out of $130,000 through fraudulent claims.

This deranged dentist last week pleaded guilty to a string of fraud, batter and illegal prescription charges, but I just hope he gets maximum security lockup following his jail sentence two days ago. Otherwise, a master of the paper clip like him might just bust outta the can faster than a Friday fluoride treatment.

Posted by The Independent Rage