This is not by design. It really isn't Shithouse Week in the TIR. Instead, it just so happens that the best stories the past few days have both had, coincidentally, a shithouse right in the middle of them. Go figure...And so it is that Justin Bieber's alleged baby mama -- 20-year-old Mariah Yeater (pictured at the top) -- has come forward late this week with even more too-much-information concerning her alleged sex romp with America's #1 Teen Idol (link to full story at bottom). But before going any further: WTF already? This broad? Were his long bangs causing him to suffer from momentary blindness at the time?
Not sayin' this Yeater exactly laps water out of a bowl, but c'mon! A famous punk like Bieber could be doing the Rebecca Jessops of the world. Hell, his old play partner -- the below-pictured Kim Kardashian -- is even back on the market. Shit, he's already dating Selena Gomez for chrissakes!
So what's with the trailer park special? Which raises a real question: Maybe, just maybe, this Yeater ain't being so honest in her little story. Ya think?
Regardless, Yeater says that Bieber knocked her up on a "shelf" inside a shithouse at LA's Staples Center on October 25, 2010 AD. "On July 6, 2011 [AD], I gave birth to a baby boy," her story continues. And now she says she won't let Bieber keep her on the shelf any longer. More on that in a minute...Yeater also says Bieber cursed up a storm during their encounter and claimed it was his "first time" -- which he allegedly cited as a reason for wanting to go ungloved. Yeater also claims that Bieber went Jim Levenstein on her trashy ass, finishing his business inside of 30 damn seconds!
Yeater is now demanding a paternity test from Bieber, but she says she'll probably only "need" about $12,000 per month in child support to take care of the needs of her little shit. That's only about $150,000 per year, BTW.
But is that much really necessary, what with the democrat party these days pushing for the federal government to provide free diapers for little tikes? Well, I guess there is baby formula to think about too (assuming this dame doesn't breastfeed). But I digress.
Finally, two additional points on the legal side of things here. First, Bieber's lawyer says that Yeater's story is "malicious, defamatory and demonstrably false." Fair enough, but why must lawyers always stick an adjective in front of words like "false"? Something's either false or it isn't. Trying to spruce it up with words like "demonstrably," "patently," or "unabashedly" really adds nothing to the case.Second, Yeater might want to hope and pray that her story is, in fact, "demonstrably false," since she could be in a world of legal hurt if it turns out to be true. That's because, as reported in the New York Post, "Yeater's claim of having sex with [Bieber] when he was just 16 and she was 19 leaves her open to prosecution for statutory rape" in Cali. D'oh!
Looks like she definitely picked the wrong teen idol to take into the shithouse (if her story's true). Weren't there any 18-year-old teen idols out there and available? And if the story's true, what kind of individual admits committing a felony just to have her five minutes of fame? Well, a 20-something in the sad sight that is 2011 AD America, that's who. You really needed to ask?
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