I'm struggling to ponder how two people could have a "heated disagreement" over a damn game of Yahtzee. There are no judgment calls in that game and -- absent the use of loaded dice -- very few real ways to cheat.I can only guess one of two possibilities: (1) He thought his old lady was fudging on her scorecard, sort of like a sleazewad golfer; or (2) She reveled a little too much in her success, perhaps screaming "Yahtzee!!!" one too many times during the game.
But regardless of the precise reason, cops in Florida say it was, indeed, a Yahtzee dispute that led 50-year-old Ian Stuart Wood (pictured in the mugshot immediately above) to throw more than just the dice at his wife (41-year-old Michelle Wood) last weekend.
Michelle says that once the argument broke out, she just wanted to leave the house, but her old man was having none of that! She says things first started to get dicey when the old man laid his grubby paws on her and tossed her to the ground like she was a pair of dice in a game of street craps. For good measure, he also allegedly hid the phone in order to make its use more elusive than a large straight.When Michelle then started screaming, she says the enraged old man's first priority was to try to muzzle her by placing said grubby paws over her mouth as he cursed at her. He also allegedly thrust one of his knees into her hindquarters while trying to get her to shut the hell up.
And even if he earlier had to take a zero on Full House, hubby still went for the full-on Yahtzee bonus on his screamin' old lady (allegedly). In particular, Michelle says the old man next tried to choke her out right there on the floor until she could no longer breathe! (I guess at least he didn't try to slice and dice her, like that Machete freak a few days ago).
Michelle says she was eventually able to escape to a neighbor's house to call 911 and sick the cops on the old man's dice-throwin' and neck-chokin' (allegedly) ass.When cops arrived at the joint, they say they found a home that had been trashed by the angry old man, who was reportedly crashing in his bed "surrounded by overturned furniture and beer cans" strewn about like they were so many threes and fours of a kind.
The old man next used up his chance box and allegedly told the cops that he never laid a hand on his old lady, instead claiming she had just fallen down on her own "because she was a pill popper." But the cops said no dice to that story and cuffed and stuffed the old man -- who was reportedly drunk and beat his head against the side of the cop car "all the way to jail."
Now the old guy may have to get up his next Yahtzee game inside the can, as he faces a bevy of charges that include spousal abuse, kidnapping and resisting arrest. I just hope he brings his Yahtzee box with him to the hoosegow, especially if he's the kind of guy who would give anything to roll the dice just one more time.
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