Never Mind the Bullock: Utah Man Frightens Neighbors By Reportedly Butchering a Damn Cow in His Driveway!

Holy Cow! This story's no bull; rather one big cow-tastrophy: Cops in Ogden, Utah this week were called to a residential neighborhood after receiving an udderly outrageous report of a local man slaughtering a cow out in the front yard in the middle of the afternoon. And now every calf and its mother are having a cow over this whole beef.

The Longhorn of the Law

Cops were called to the home after the mad cowman had started "harvesting the animal" and while "the cow was in the process of losing its head." In short, the man was reportedly "sawing at the animal's neck" as officers arrived. No word whether the man offered cops a few choice hock and jowl cuts while they were there.

The man apparently freely admits until the cows come home that he did, in fact, try to carve up the bovine right there in the driveway. The dispute, however, centers on whether he actually whacked out the critter there at his house or someplace else.

Whose Cowbell You Gonna Believe?

A neighboring family told cops that the male homeowner had transported the live cow to the home in a trailer ride. The neighbors reportedly heard "the cow's audible mooing, followed by what sounded like a gunshot." Then, in an unexpected turn of events, "the mooing stopped."

The family says it quickly snatched all the kids off the street and hoofed it into the house before bringing in the fuzz. The family "suspected something unusual was taking place," said the cops. Now, why this family would become so riled up over a little harmless mooing and gunplay next door, I have no freakin' clue.

Regardless, the homeowner claims he didn't knock off the sacred cow there at the house, but instead bumped it off "outside city limits" before trailering the cow to his home. After all, I would assume, the man probably didn't have ready access to his saws, cleavers and other butchery utensils out there in the pasture.

Will His Meathooks Have to Walk the Final Mile?

If it turns out that the man snuffed out Daisy there in the driveway, he may face charges (and perhaps some hard time in the bullpen) for discharging a firearm inside the city limits. And cops aren't kowtowing from other possible charges, either, which could also transport this meatlover from the slaughterhouse to the big house in two shakes of a heifer's ass.

For example, there may also be a disorderly conduct charge in this domestic butcher's future feed bag -- especially if any of the neighbor's kids "witnessed the butchering and become upset." An animal cruelty charge may also be within the bounds of the stockade, which could really put this meatman out to pasture for awhile to come.

I Hope He Cleaned His Butchers Apron First

The local health department is also apparently in a foul mooood over this whole moo-ha-ha and is looking into the possibility of health code violations. It sounds to me like like they're ready to put this guy's rump roast on the butcherblock faster than a newly fixed steer moves down at the feedlot.

I just hope this sirloin-sawing steak aficionado didn't try to milk this cow for all it's worth by unloading any of those chumpchops to the public. That's because trying to turn this critter into a cash cow would reportedly garner the man a nice fat citation for selling meat without a proper permit.

And that's not even the burnt end of it: There could also be violations relating to the "debris from the slaughter" and the "disposal of the carcass." As they say, all is not butter and methane that comes from the cow.

http://www.standard.net/stories/2011/09/06/police-called-after-man-butchers-cow-his-driveway