You Not Getting Them Damn Keys, Daddy! 8-Year-old Allegedly Tries to Drive Old Man Home As Daddy "Slept Off Bender in the Backseat"...

I'm certain this isn't what M.A.D.D. has in mind when it recommends that drunks always arrange for a designated driver before they head out to booze it up on the town. Cops in Louisiana have busted 28-year-old daddy Billy Joe Madden (pictured above; do all people in the Deep South have three names?) for allegedly having his 8-year-old son try to drive him home from the bars early Saturday morning.

Madden allegedly needed to sleep off his "bender," but apparently also really wanted to get home in the meantime. So enter his young son, who (after all) had two eyes, two hands and two feet -- all the prerequisites for driving his trashed old man back to the homestead.

Cops got the call when a motorist reported seeing Madden's pick-up truck driving erratically on Interstate 12. When cops pulled the reckless runaway truck over, they found the 8-year-old at the helm of the vehicle. Cops say the old man was drunk and sleeping, while another of his kids -- a 4-year-old daughter -- was also along for the ride.

The boy's little two-state joyride allegedly began in Hattiesburg, Mississippi (known for having some of the nicest shithouses in all the South) before coming to an abrupt halt near the Louisiana town of Holden. The little driver had reportedly been tasked with getting his plastered old man all the way to Dallas before cops pulled the rig over and put a stop to that.

Just for good measure, cops say Daddy had a cold one open in the car while sonny tried to drive his sorry sloshed ass home (allegedly). But no need for any designated drivers where Daddy may now be headed -- the local hoosegow. Papa's been busted on charges of child desertion, allowing a minor to drive, open container, and two counts of lack of child restraints and seatbelts.

So let me get this straight: If the old man had just bothered (1) to install a child seat in the driver's seat for little sonny and (2) to make sure the tot was wearing a seatbelt, then Daddy might now be facing a little less time in the ol' cooler? There you have it. Click it or ticket, next time you have sonny take the wheel, Daddy-O.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2020717/Son-wheel-Dad-snoozed-8-year-old-boy-drove-highway.html