School's out. Just like the jury's out on the sanity of so many American parents and adults these days. It takes only a minute to scan the frontpage of Google News to see plenty of examples.
Tuesday the news included (1) a Houston kindergartener allegedly rolling like something out of "The Wire" (the HBO series pictured at the top) and trucking a fully loaded pistol to school (ultimately injuring three); (2) TV actress Paz de la Huerta allegedly pounding the hell out of a rival TV star; and (3) a Big Apple pizza mogul allegedly taking to the street for a knife fight over a dame. Oh my. Where to start?
Gunplay Amongst the Child's Play
I've heard of the oft-stated teacher phrase, "Young man it's time to polish the apple" (6th grade, Mrs. Clark), but I've never heard of it being "time to brandish the handgun" in the schoolhouse. But that's reportedly what happened Tuesday at a Houston elementary school. (Conjured up images for me of Badass Omar Little's death in "The Wire" -- picture at top; video at bottom).
School officials say a six-year-old kindergartener showed up to the school with more than just a crayon in his hands. Yep, this pint-sized pistolero was packin' more heat than an Alabama Shithouse in the middle of August.
When it came time for this grade school gunslinger to get his grub on, school officials say the loaded pistol fell out of his pocket in the cafeteria and (hitting the floor) fired off a damn round! Fragments from the bullet injured three -- two fellow students (one pictured on a gurney above) and the pre-adolescent desperado himself.
So this could have been a very dire situation, even though all three injuries ended up being reportedly "minor." I'm left to wonder what kind of parents would allow this babyfaced bandido to have access to a loaded pistol in the first place? Please give them some Rope -- they are coming loose.
She Never Acted Like This When She Was Banging Steve Buscemi!
Cops in Manhattan say "Boardwalk Empire" star Paz de la Huerta (pictured three times above on the show) went ape and all N.I.B. (here, meaning Nasty Intimidating Bitch) on former reality TV star Samantha Swetra of MTV's "The City." The brawl reportedly started after Swetra tossed the proverbial "a few snide remarks" in de la Huerta's direction.
De la Huerta allegedly clocked Swetra one right in the kisser. For good measure, she also heaved a glass in her fellow TV star's direction (allegedly). Swetra says she received a bloody nose and bruised mouth as a result of the alleged beatdown.
In an apparent take-off on the old busted celebrity line, "Do you know who I am?", de la Huerta reportedly spouted at cops, "I'm a real actress on HBO!" (As opposed to all the fake ones running around town).
But nothin' doing: Cops busted de la Huerta on charges of criminal possession of a weapon, attempted assault and harassment. Methinks even Nucky Thompson couldn't get her out of this one.
"They Got Sliced More Times Than a Large Pepperoni Pie"
That was the description in Tuesday's New York Post (you have to love the Post). Or, put another way: "This one's messier than a slice with extra cheese."
It reportedly all started when ex-con bagel slinger Benny Geritano (pictured above in police custody) accused "hot-shot pizzeria owner" Mark Iacono (pictured above holding the pie) of "trying to steal his girl." The end result was reportedly a wild-ass knife fight out in the street that left both men sliced up, one in the hospital, and one in the can.
The broad at issue is one 37-year-old Annette Angeloni, who reportedly starting "shacking up" with Geritano recently. Geritano, while most recently working at his family's bagel shop, is a parolee who spent hard time in the joint for his role in a nationwide bank job spree.
He's also been reported to have links to New York's Genovese crime family. In short -- not the kind of dude you probably want to be messing around with if you're a pizza man.
Iacono owns Lucali's Pizza -- "a restaurant that attracts celebrity customers like Jay-Z and Beyonce." According to Geritano, Iacono wanted to go messin' with his dame (Angeloni), setting off the "bloody brawl" out in the street.
Sure enough, the pizza man "got the worst of the blade battle" and is now recovering from surgery after suffering "wounds to the throat, back and legs." Meantime, the bagel man was not injured as seriously, as his moll, Angeloni, reportedly whisked him up off the street and to the hospital in her Lexus.
And these bloody street brawlers may have to start tossing their pizza and bagels inside the local freezer, since cops are now ready to throw the book at both of them. Each man is facing identical charges that include attempted murder.
Iacono's "mob-connected family," BTW, is reportedly none too happy about his arrest. In addition to the incident bringing the family unwanted "attention," the family is also upset that the ex-con may have to head back to the hoosegow just when the bagel-slingin' business was really starting to slice the right way.
As one family member said -- the family is "making more money selling bagels than they ever would have in the mob." Have things really gotten that bad for La Cosa Nostra? Looks like the aforementioned Buscemi picked the wrong week to earn his stripes by whacking out Joey Peeps.
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