I spent 2 or 3 minutes today coming up with a random and highly non-exhaustive list of 20 items (in no particular order):
1. I’m thankful that no one has ever tried (yet) to whack me out.
2. I’m thankful that I’ve never become fully twisted, demented, deranged, or sick in the head.
3. I’m thankful because I guess I’d rather be alive these days than in the Middle Ages.
4. I’m thankful that if Obama or Palin or just about any other politician approached me with a glad hand, I would decline and probably laugh at him right in his face.
5. I’m thankful that I’ve never watched a (full) episode of American Idol or Dancing With The Stars.
6. I’m thankful that I’ve had an opportunity to drive down significant portions of Old Route 66. Have you?
7. I’m thankful that the Beatles broke up on the day I was born, such that you can feel free to blame me rather than Bush or Yoko Ono.
8. I’m thankful that while I love pro wrestling, I never tried to enter that crazy world (tough, tough business).
9. I’m thankful that I chose to become educated in two lines of work that encouraged me to think for myself rather than being a mindless follower of some ideology.
10. I’m thankful that I live in American heartland, because people on the two coasts are damn crazy.
11. I’m thankful that I never had to spend a night in a frigid foxhole at the Siege of Bastogne.
12. I’m thankful that I can freely express myself in the United States and on the Internet without ever having to let you know very much about me.
13. I (along with my forehead) am thankful that I’ve never had to face off with Abdullah the Butcher nor New Jack in a hardcore wrestling match.
14. I’m thankful that we still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse, by golly.
15. I’m thankful that no one ever comes down here trying to threaten me under my own roof – especially when I’m eating a slimeball sandwich.
16. I’m thankful that I’ve never learned how to play golf.
17. I’m thankful that I never been able (although I’ve tried) to consume an entire White Castle Crave Case in one sitting.
18. I’m thankful that I can be a jackass on the Internet without ever having to support myself through the same (lack of) genuine talent.
19. I’m thankful for DVR and the digital TV On Demand function.
20. I’m thankful that ladies tend to really like smooching each other.
Gobble, Gobble.
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