This'll Teach Him to Try to Break Out the Hoosegow: Kansas Man Given "128-Year Sentence for Attempted Prison Escape"...

Although actually, an argument could be made that this con (52-year-old Scott Gilbert) got off pretty easy peazy Japaneazy. If he'd been Andy Dufresne, and if he'd been caught after breaking out of the Shawshank in the 1960s, you know there's no way he gets off with just a century and a third of extra time...

Either Cap'n Hadley would've beaten him to death down in the hole, or Warden Norton would've had his head blown off by a tower guard out in the yard. Or, they would've just fed him to The Sisters.

But alas, the times they are a' changin', and this Gilbert should be counting his lucky stars. See ya in 2144, pal.

http://www.kmbz.com/128-year-sentence-for-attempted-prison-escape/22358428

Blue Bite Special: Broad Allegedly "Bit Off Walmart Worker's Finger After Getting Caught Stealing Condoms, Lubricant and Panties"...

...No word yet, however, whether this Carolynn Wright dish at least protected herself first by slipping a condom over the digit before gnawing it off (allegedly).

http://www.thestate.com/news/local/article54089355.html

"Shock" Headline from Drudge This Week:"[r]epubl*cans Woo Whites"!

Geez, Stop the Press there, Matt.

And further, if you do ever discover that gop-ers are trying to "woo" anyone other than whites, please bury the story and keep it off your website...

That's because if I ever see such a story for the first time in my life, I may fall dead from a heart attack right here on the spot.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/republican-hopefuls-agree-the-key-to-the-white-house-is-working-class-whites/2016/01/12/fa8a16aa-b626-11e5-a76a-0b5145e8679a_story.html

Easy Targets: "Elementary Students to Stop Reciting God Bless America After ACLU Threatens Legal Action." Why Doesn't the ACLU Ever Go After the Big Boys?

For example: "God Bless America," of course, is routinely performed during Major League Baseball games (sometimes with a big-boobed old lady standing next door), including in the many MLB ballparks that are publicly owned -- where attendees must hear the song, just like at the public school at issue (link below), lest they frantically scurry their way to the protection of the shithouse.

So why do we never hear about the ACLU goin' after that big dog, MLB? The terms hypocrites and chickenshits immediately come to mind, since perhaps the ACLU ain't so interested in hitting targets that would actually have the resources to defend themselves and fight back???

But I gots a suggestion for these apparently highly choosy litigators of the ACLU: Maybe you wouldn't have to fight the MLB ballparks and teams all the way to an all-or-nothing resolution? Maybe seek out some of those squishy "compromise" or "grand bargain" concepts that you leftists and your media are always trumpeting (i.e., give them most all of what they want, and they'll toss any dissenters a few bones)?

Here's my compromising thought for such a bargain: First, the ACLU agrees to permit performance of "God Bless America" at the ballgame, but only on the evening of the first Saturday of every other month (sort of like the Hilary Clinton debate schedule)...

In turn, MLB agrees to replace the song during all other games with a haunting rendition of Simon and Garfunkel's "America" -- a nice little song with nary a single reference to that awful G-Word (even if the song does single out a man wearing a gabardine suit, which ridicule some may find offensive).

So can we broker a deal over here? Have I found some common ground between the the Abner Doubledays and the asshats? Please: Just elect the Rager grand-bargain-striker-in-chief, and do it yesterday.

http://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2016/01/05/new-jersey-school-skips-legal-battle-will-no-longer-recite-god-bless-america/

Twisted Sisters: dnc "Under Pressure to Remove" Chairman Patty "Wasserman" Simpson Amid Dumb Remarks & "Charges of Favoritism" Toward Hilary. But Never Fear, a Replacement Awaits!

No, Patty "Wasserman" Simpson ain't exactly the most popular figure in the ol' democrat party these days. Always prone to making imbecilic, wacko remarks that provide easy fodder for the right-wingers (e.g., this week's statement accusing 20-somethings of "complacency" on the abortion issue), the sour-pussed "Wasserman" Simpson has proved equally adept at abysmal fundraising efforts during her putrid tenure as Chairman of the dnc.

But while the leftists 20 percenters (the kooky fringe, frightening base of the democrat party) might be able to get past such trivial grievances, not so much so when it comes to the Chairman's obvious and rather pathetic efforts to coddle Hilary (no hero to the leftists) right on through to the party's nomination -- from lending no support whatsoever to leftist champion Bernie Sanders, to burying (and thereby protecting) Hilary with a short schedule of only a handful of mostly Saturday and Sunday night party debates.

However, should the party decide to wax "Wasserman" Simpson like so many chain-smoking cult members on a bad episode of "The Leftovers," there's a very perfect replacement right in front of the leftists' little angry faces: Patty's twin sister, Selma "Click" Simpson (pictured immediately above), that is.

Unlike Patty, Selma has already (and very recently) demonstrated her leftist bona fides as a University of Missouri media professor, famously shouting, "I Need Some Muscle Over Here!", as she tried to give the boot to journalists covering student protests in public areas on campus (damn pesky First Amendment!).

To put it bluntly, Selma brings to the table all of the better qualities of her sister (despicable disposition, brooding creativity, etc.), while perhaps making up for -- how shall I put it -- Patty's increasingly thin leftist credentials.

In other words, you gots a potential Star-in-the-making on your hands, democrat party. Whether you use Selma at the dnc, or as Obama's next press secretary, or for some other similarly nefarious purpose, put this crazy broad to work, will ya!

http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/other-races/265044-liberal-group-demands-dnc-chair-resign
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/jan/5/dnc-pressured-remove-debbie-wasserman-schultz-amid/

Unfair Comparison: I Am Gettin' SICK AND TIRED of Ted Cruz Being Likened to Barry Goldwater...

Sorry, but Goldwater is entirely the wrong right-winger gop-er to compare Cruz to...

A much better comparative piece to Cruz is Joseph McCarthy. Those two gop-er greaseballs could've been separated at birth! If not for the intervening 60 years, that is.

Take a gander below for yourself if you don't believe me.  [Ed. Note: Cruz is the one in the color photo]...

http://www.redstate.com/2015/12/30/ted-cruz-as-too-conservative-to-win-and-the-goldwater-talking-point/

NEW YEAR'S KNOCKERS!!!

My only question for this hot little Limey number, Rita Ora:

If you're gonna wear duds quite like these down to the beach, then why not do us all a favor and just go topless? What's the point of the freakin' top?!

But you broads always gotta be all cutesy-wutesy and contrarian, don't cha?

http://www.etonline.com/news/178856_rita_ora_shows_off_her_amazing_swimsuit_bod_a_plunging_one_piece_miami/