- A seaworthy fog horn to drown out anyone who dares to say that all lives matter.
- A giant scrap yard magnet good for wipin' the ol' server clean, since the only bad email is a non-spoliated one.
- A year's supply of Botox treatments, aimed at helping people in their late 60s and 70s from looking quite so ancient to the millennials.
- A Bombardier Learjet, necessary for traveling to that next world climate change conference.
- A smokeless, odorless barbeque grill that snaps its top down on your paws if you try to cook anything other than seaweed and vegetables on it.
- A 1000-buck check to charity in the lefty's name, so they can say they gave something for once.
- A bag full a' Planned Parenthood schwag, complete with an infant-sized Mr. Potato Head.
- The quintessential American flag bathroom accessory kit, complete with Old Glory toilet tissue and bowl scrubbers.
- An adaptation of traditional circus clown attire -- a fake boutonniere that sprays liquid in the face of anyone uttering something politically incorrect. And if you really wanna make your lefty's day:
- A personally autographed Obama executive order -- the gift that just keeps on givin', all of the next 18 months long.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/08/13/happy-left-handers-day-what-buy-special-lefty-your-life/31623863/
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