Stoltz starred on TLC's "Breaking Amish," which featured a bunch of young Amish and Mennonite ingrates lookin' for a little "taste of the modern life" in the Big Apple. Just enough to wet their beak. Except for Stoltz, apparently, who's now leaving behind her smock and embarking on a career as a lingerie model.
And if this is the kind of broads they're growing out there in them Pennsylvania farm fields (maybe Cinemax's "Banshee" ain't so preposterous after all?), perhaps this guy needs to grow a beard, hitch up some oxen, and head Lancaster County way just as fast as my team'll take me!
I can do this. Sure, certain lifestyle adaptations will be necessary, but I've already got that all worked out over here, see:
- Said Beard: My understanding is they don't make you grow a big itchy beard until you marry one of them broads. So I could forestall that one until I meet my own Kate Stoltz.
- No cars: Yeah I like to drive real freakin' fast, but why can't I get up a big head of steam just as well in a traditional horse 'n buggy? I just hope they allow buggy whips.
- Lebanon Levi: I ain't no deadbeat, and I don't mind paying my "Amish Aid" tribute to the local Amish Mafia boss. Besides, I don't want that little midget Amish enforcer dude (Wayne) on my ass any more than the next Amish guy does.
- Hard field work: I gots this trick knee thing. I'll get a doctor's note.
- Folksy Farmer Duds and Big Hats: Kinda like Uncle Jed Clampett and Abe Lincoln. Giddy-up!
- No electricity: If they can pull it off on "The Walking Dead" and "Revolution," then I can too. Do they permit flashlights?
- No Internet: Former Missouri and USC Head Football Coach Larry Smith once famously declared, "I don't have an Internet." I think I can live the same way. I'll just have to distribute my blog locally and print it on toilet paper or something (TP being an apt medium for the afore-referenced material).
- No The Facebook Nor The Twitter: Amish lifestyle, you had me at hello!
http://nypost.com/2014/02/22/amish-beauty-trades-in-bonnet-for-nyc-modeling-career/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2566993/Breaking-Amish-star-poses-lingerie-parents-arent-happy-it.html
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