Maybe his Twitter dong scandal and having to pull out of Congress were a real stroke of luck on Anthony's Weiner. He'd be much more powerful, after all, as the democrat party's Mayor of Metropolis. So powerful, in fact, that I can only imagine what some of Weiner's early stabs might look like if he's elected. For example (and in no particular order):
- Weiner remains hard on campaign pledge, puts some real meat into those stale ol' City Council meetings.
- Weiner rolls out for a day with a City street crew, whips out his own jackhammer to lend a hand.
- Weiner grows the new concept of baloney pony cronyism, pressuring Yankees management to name former MLB pitcher Dick Pole as the team's new manager.
- Weiner thrusts himself into the NBA world as well, forcing the Nets to change their name to the Brooklyn Bratwursts.
- Weiner pounds cultural affairs, injecting an anonymous one-eyed monstrosity into the Coney Island freakshow under the moniker, "The Lone Wanker."
- Weiner grows the City budget to historic reaches through a huge package, gushes that the days of shriveled schwanz and small endowments are over.
- Weiner retools NYPD, arming the outfit with a bevy of new sticks, guns, rods, bayonets, and even a heat-seeking love missile.
- Weiner shrinks from scandal through a new handle, starts sending out his dong tweets as the mysterious @Tony_the_Tallywhacker.
- Weiner thrusts aside Mayor Bloomberg's obsession with portion sizes, raises the maximum allowable weiner length to 12 inches.
- Weiner screws the Zoning Commission, issues Central Park building permit to prospective massage parlor ostensibly doing business as Russel the Love Muscle.
So best get ready, NYC. Something tells me this little prick's gots some staying power.
http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_ANTHONY_WEINER_MAYORAL_RUN?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2013-05-23-09-00-06
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