Friday, September 7, 2012

Grades from the Final Night (Thank God) of These Two Parties' Conventions: Barack Obama, Joe Biden & John Kerry...



First it was the republic partisan party last week, then the democrat party wrapped up its national convention Thursday night. But the only party I'm concerned with today is the one I intend to throw now that these two annoyingly grating and endless events are finally and actually over.  I feel like I just completed a two-week-long marathon in the Sahara desert followed by 12 rounds in the ring with each of the Klitschko brothers.  To paraphrase a line from the old Muppet Show, it's like some kind of torture to have to watch these clowns...   

1.  John Kerry (losing 2004 democrat party presidential candidate & current US Senator):  C-.  The word disingenuous comes immediately to mind (e.g., Obama keeps promises, has led on Iran, has a big supporter in Bibi Netanyahu, hasn't pursued any neo-con "nation building" like Romney will, blah blah blah), as well as fairly bitter and mean-spirited.  You know, watching this goof rant on and on at the top of his lungs only reinforced for me the fact that is the God-awful presidential choices that these two rotten parties have foisted upon us like a hoosegow warden for the last four elections:  John Kerry (with sleazebag John Edwards as the running mate)?  Al Gore?  W Bush? Tired Old Man McCain? O-Freakin'-Bama? Stand-for-nothing, King Flipflopper Mitt Romney?  Jeezal peezal, talk about a pathetic motley crew.  A Parade of Horribles.  A damn Creepshow. Little wonder this country is in the sick state it's in (sorry Jeeves to end a sentence on a preposition).

2.  Joe "Hope and Chains" Biden (walking gaffe reel and the most ill-qualified vice president since Dan Quayle):  A- (!!!).  My highest grade given to any speech in this convention.  And Biden earns it for one simple reason and one reason alone:  Despite a fair amount of stuttering and stammering about and almost as much shouting and screaming as John Kerry (collectively earning Biden the "minus" in my grade), Biden actually made it all the way through a speech without any major gaffes! (At least that I heard). And over the span of almost 40 minutes! After witnessing something miraculous like that, the grade given needs to match the special nature of the occasion. 

3.  Barack Obama (hands down one of the two worst presidents of my lifetime, along with W Bush, and I'm old enough to have lived through Jimmy Carter):  C.  Not a bad speech by any means, but also mostly the same type of speech I've heard over and over from this guy for years now.  To wit: Lots of generalized, non-specific, and seemingly nonpartisan and/or centrist lofty rhetoric from a hyper-partisan who's perhaps the most left-wing president in American history.

For me, I didn't buy that act in 2008, and by now it's just tired, old and hollow.  This stuff works decently enough at motivating the politically ignorant to "feel good" emotionally, but accomplishes little else.  Far fewer swing voters in 2012 are as susceptible to that playbook as they were in 2008. That's why this election will be incredibly closer than 2008 -- I'm thinking more and more Obama wins by winning the electoral college while Romney wins the popular vote. Not that I have any dog in this Fight (of the partisan Assclowns).

And I'm actually now in a very good mood: Four more years before I have to sit through another round of these week-long partisan freakshows. That's Exhibit 1 for any non-believers out there -- there is a compassionate God above.

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