They Call Her the "Sea Hag," and Watch Out You Don't Get Killed (Like Some Codger Down in Florida) If You're Not Willing to Turn Over a Fair Share of Your Booze to Her...

It's an old lyric so on-point with reality that a judge recently used it in a written court decision in Florida: In this life, there are certain things that you just don't do -- "You don't tug on Superman's cape/You don't spit into the wind/You don't pull the mask off that old Long Ranger" . . . And now add to that list: You don't mess around with the Sea Hag if she wants to borrow a brewski off ya...

It apparently doesn't take a whole hell of a lot to get the Sea Hag to pull her pistol and start firing (much like Popeye's nemesis of the same name in the old cartoons).  She's 62-year-old leatherface Carolyn Dukeshire (pictured above; links below). Although I never would have thunk it, the linked stories report that Dukeshire's "'Sea Hag' nickname stems from her weathered appearance."  With that cleared up...

The ol' Sea Hag was apparently VERY thirsty (and then some) on one recent night. Cops in Conch Key, Florida say the old battle axe spied her neighbor (64-year-old Martin Mazur) and his friends drinking out in the neighbor's yard after the group had returned from a night out at a local joint called "Brass Monkey" (That Funky Monkey).

And I suppose that by the Sea Hag's way of thinking, she took one look at that cooler full of beer and applied some of the same principles we've been seeing on the news lately: 

Neighbor didn't build that cooler. He didn't put that stash together on his own. He had help. Roads, bridges and teachers were involved. And that means he needs to share. As in, everyone gets their fair share. And everyone pays their fair share. Whatever fair share means. Or so the Sea Hag must've thought...

Only problem? Neighbor Mazur apparently didn't hear that speech. And when the Sea Hag approached and demanded a beer, he told the old nag to buzz off.  Bad move, neighbor dude...

Cops say that upon being refused her booze, the Sea Hag (who came packin' heat) immediately pulled out a sidearm and started blasting. And kept blasting. All told, the Sea Hag allegedly hit Mazur with bullets all about the wrist, abdomen and back.

Mazur was dead; meantime, the Sea Hag allegedly tried to jettison her weapon out to sea by tossing it in a nearby canal. Regardless, cops still tossed her old Sea Hag ass in the hoosegow on first degree murder charges. But methinks this one may have eventual presidential pardon written all over it.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/sea-hag-charged-killing-man-give-beer-article-1.1125007
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2181439/Woman-dubbed-Sea-Hag-fatally-shoots-man-times--refused-beer.html

I'M THE RAGER, AND I APPROVED THIS POST.