She's 35-year-old Joyce Maxine Gregory (mugshot above), and the Shelby, North Carolina resident stands accused of "malicious castration" (is there any other kind?!?) for going to work on her old man's (apparently a boyfriend) crown jewels last week with her damn vise grip of a hand...
The painful incident (link at bottom) went down out in a yard down on Bowman Street, and I doubt this dude's going to be referring to Gregory as his "main squeeze" ever again -- Leastways, not after Gregory (in a fit of rage) allegedly squeezed her old man's genitals like she was trying to milk the water out of an old turnip (that, or she's watched far too many bad episodes of classic wrestling featuring Baron von Raschke (pictured below)).
The Big Squeeze grotesquely resulted in forcing the old man's testicle to pop right out of the ol' egg carton (allegedly)! When he was finally "able to jerk away from her grip," the guy was reportedly able to get away long enough to sick the cops all over that grabbin' girlfriend.
But maybe the cops should have just stayed away. They say that after they tossed Gregory in the back of a patrol car, the squeezin' sadist (allegedly) promptly took off her britches and drawers and proceeded to urinate all over the backseat of Shelby's finest. (Why didn't they slap the cuffs on this goof, for crying out loud!?!).
While the old lady rotted in the hoosegow without bail, at least the news wasn't so dire for the old man, as a local sawbones told cops that doctors would be able to stick the marble back in the yam bag and stitch it up with little damage done. Gotta love happy endings, particularly where a grown man's knap sack is involved.
http://www.shelbystar.com/articles/woman-64591-car-squeezing.html
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Yeah, urinating all over the squad car really just sealed her fate, didn't it? I guess if a chick's gotta pee, she's gotta pee! haha!
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud when I read, "Malicious castration - is there any other kind?"....too funny, Rager!
I guess maybe there could be negligent castration for reckless use of a butcher knife or something.
ReplyDeleteSung in Britney Spears voice, "Oops, I castrated again!" Hahaha!
ReplyDeleteI don't know her lyrics, but that pretty much captures a negligent or reckless castration.
ReplyDeleteTrust me, you don't want her lyrics in your head....I'm embarrassed that they are in mine =)
ReplyDeleteI can stand some of the current top 40, but it strikes me that there's very little real rock in it anymore. So I don't spend a whole lot of time listening to it. When I was growing up, the top 40 was always a mix of a lot of different stuff. Now it's just all pop and dance.
ReplyDeleteThe Top 40 was the BOMB back in the day! Now I don't know any of those songs....guess I'm stuck in the 80's =)
ReplyDeleteI think you're stuck in a current era of Bad Top 40. An Internet era where the Top 40 doesn't even much anymore. And the quality and lack of diversity in the components of the current Top 40 only evinces that.
ReplyDeleteI looked at Billboard's current Top 10....crap, all of it! Half of them are songs 'featuring' other artists - can no one sing a damn song on their own anymore?! AND, Did you know there's an 'artist' named Flo Rida?? Good Grief!
ReplyDeleteBetter than Hoe Wai. Such a broad will be hitting the Top 40 sometime soon, I'll guess.
ReplyDeleteI'd also guess the easiest thing would be just to label me as showing my age. But I find today's television (apart from the reality crap and sitcoms) to have many, many outstanding series throughout the year and across the many broadcast and cable networks (I'm typically DVR'ing 8-10 different shows at any given time), and I love plenty of the new films coming out. So I think it has little to do with age, and everything to do with current pop music being a veritable load of crap -- much unlike those other 2 areas of the pop culture mentioned above.
ReplyDelete