Friday, June 8, 2012
"Scrotum"? Damn Near Castrated Him! N.C. Woman Allegedly Goes Nutcracker Vise on her Old Man, Slapping the Iron Claw on His Package Before Taking a Cop Car to Task for Good Measure...
She's 35-year-old Joyce Maxine Gregory (mugshot above), and the Shelby, North Carolina resident stands accused of "malicious castration" (is there any other kind?!?) for going to work on her old man's (apparently a boyfriend) crown jewels last week with her damn vise grip of a hand...
The painful incident (link at bottom) went down out in a yard down on Bowman Street, and I doubt this dude's going to be referring to Gregory as his "main squeeze" ever again -- Leastways, not after Gregory (in a fit of rage) allegedly squeezed her old man's genitals like she was trying to milk the water out of an old turnip (that, or she's watched far too many bad episodes of classic wrestling featuring Baron von Raschke (pictured below)).
The Big Squeeze grotesquely resulted in forcing the old man's testicle to pop right out of the ol' egg carton (allegedly)! When he was finally "able to jerk away from her grip," the guy was reportedly able to get away long enough to sick the cops all over that grabbin' girlfriend.
But maybe the cops should have just stayed away. They say that after they tossed Gregory in the back of a patrol car, the squeezin' sadist (allegedly) promptly took off her britches and drawers and proceeded to urinate all over the backseat of Shelby's finest. (Why didn't they slap the cuffs on this goof, for crying out loud!?!).
While the old lady rotted in the hoosegow without bail, at least the news wasn't so dire for the old man, as a local sawbones told cops that doctors would be able to stick the marble back in the yam bag and stitch it up with little damage done. Gotta love happy endings, particularly where a grown man's knap sack is involved.