Friday, March 23, 2012
"They Made Me a Carry a Nuclear Bomb!"
For Some Reason Cops Disbelieve Drunk Man's Excuse for Allegedly Sloshing Around Buck Naked in Public...
Cops found his "excuse was a dud," reports the Huffington Post, but frankly I don't see why. Maybe some Islamic extremists got a hold of him? The Symbionese Liberation Army? The Ayres' Weather Underground (still love their old tune, "Same Song," btw). The Khmer Rouge?
Point being, there are certainly no shortage of radical slimeball groups worldwide who could have tried to slap the ol' duress on the ass of 41-year-old William Bliss (pictured above) to entice him into lumbering around buck naked and drunk with a nuclear bomb in tow. Why aren't the Iowa City cops checkin' out every possible angle over there?
Regardless, here are the facts as we know them: Ignorance Is Bliss claims that he was just minding his own simpleminded business earlier this week when "four unknown assailants" (not merely 1 or 2, mind you, but four of 'em) "forced him to carry a nuclear bomb" around town.
Apparently the four unknown scumbuckets (just for good measure) also (1) made Bliss strip down leafless and (2) cajoled him into getting all liquored up before sending him out on this atomic piece of work. That's since cops were called out around 3:30 a.m. by reports of a stark-naked drunkard "stumbling around" near his apartment.
But when cops astonishingly weren't buying his "wild nuke claim," Bliss reportedly tried to scurry off and get lost in the hills like an Ayers' news account. Cops say they were forced to chase down Bliss' (allegedly) plastered buff ass, with one of Iowa City's Finest even getting injured in the pursuit.
Once cuffed and stuffed, Bliss the "nude nuker" reportedly admitted to downing a slew of beers and bunch of vodka all day long, although no word whether or not the four unknown assailants are suspected of (and therefore being pursued for) forcing Bliss to engage in such destructive behavior (allegedly).
Now Bliss may have to take both da bomb & his bombed out act down to the local hoosegow, since cops have activated a gaggle of criminal charges under this blitzed bomber's bare-skin. "Cops didn't find a nuclear bomb," chirps the Post, although I would note that the investigation is ongoing.