We've seen a story in the past year or so concerning a drunken woman using her cans as a retaliatory weapon against arresting officers (recall the broad who sprayed breast milk at the cops). But this is a new one: Trying to use a big pair of gazongas like some sort of demented mitigating factor to escape arrest for drunk driving. But somehow you just knew them tracks 'a land weren't gonna hunt so well...49-year-old Maureen Raymond (pictured above in the mug shot) was pulled over by cops last week in Jensen Beach, Florida, after they say they spotted her speeding and weaving all over the road. Cops first asked the shapely speed demon whether she had any injuries, to which she replied, "yeah, big breasts and whiplash." However, "it's unclear whether the two conditions were related," chirps The Daily Mail (link to full story at bottom).
Regardless, cops suspected this bountifully bosomed broad was sloshed out of her mind and gave her the full battery of field sobriety tests, all of which she reportedly failed -- blaming the failures on "her ample bosom" over and over again.Cops say this luxuriant lush (allegedly) even found time to work a little song and dance routine into the mix. When asked to count from 60 to 90, she allegedly broke into song. Then, when she failed to walk a straight line, cops say she started dancing a little jig while at the same time telling cops that it was impossible for her to walk straight "with my big boobies."
When the cops asked this buxom boozer (allegedly) whether she wanted to give it another whirl, she replied: "Hell no, not with these!" And that was about the time that this sonsy showbiz soak (allegedly) trotted out the next part of her act, in the form of a little strip show...
When this well-endowed wino (allegedly) failed to stand on one leg, she reportedly told cops that she would need to "show them" why she couldn't pass the balancing test. So naturally she started to strip down and tried to take off her top and bra to show the cops her massive mammalian protuberances (allegedly).But cops say they weren't in any mood for a strip tease from this floozy and so they pulled the hook on her act real fast. Now Raymond may have to try to pull out her next knocker down at the hoosegow, since cops have busted her bosomy blitzed ass (allegedly) on DUI and open container charges. On the bright side, she may now have plenty of time to hone that song, dance and strip act prior to the next arrest. (Allegedly)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2096205/Maureen-Raymond-says-large-breasts-interfered-field-sobriety-test-DUI-case.html
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Wow. Just wow. Can't believe that story angle didn't work for her! hahahaha! I mean, it kinda makes sense as to why she can't stand up straight or walk a straight line, but doesn't explain why she can't drive straight...yep, that's a big gaping hole in her story =)
ReplyDeleteBut didn't you see the picture (not actually her, but a demonstrative example): A big huge pair of melons, I assume, could conceivably get in the way of doing much of anything straight, including driving.
ReplyDeleteWell, yes, I guess you're right....it's like trying to drive with a dog on your lap - can't see over the top of it! ha! I see that a lot by the way =)
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling! Sometimes I try to put my work/duffel bag on my lap when driving to work in order to try to pull something out of it, and it makes driving extremely awkward.
ReplyDeleteYou be safe out there guy! In the words of Lloyd Christmas from "Dumb & Dumber"...."Don't you go dyin' on me!"
ReplyDeleteMaking it even more difficult to drive is opening up a White Castle Crave Case on one's lap. I think there's a law against that in the Missouri statutes.
ReplyDeleteThat's unconstitutional....and un-American! Man should not be separated from his Crave Case!
ReplyDeleteIf I ever got busted on that charge, you can better believe that I'd be in court challenging the constitutionality of that particular statute. I have an implied substantive due process right to be free to eat my White Castle wherever I damn well please.
ReplyDeleteI didn't make it to What-A-Burger =( Ran out of time....
ReplyDeleteMost fast food burgers taste alike. I recall being very impressed with the taste of What-A-Burger in 2007. If they and White Castle ever came to KC, my cholesterol level would jump through the roof in a few weeks.
ReplyDeleteThat, and they wouldn't be such special occasions when you actually do get to eat there...if you had it all the time, you might not want it as much. Supply and demand, you know =)
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that about White Castle. A little of it tends to go a long way. But not so sure about What-A-Burger. One eats a mean damn burger at that joint.
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