Where's Gore? Can we get him on the set? We need a sound bite. We need a big name to go on record agreeing with the 20 percenter leftist murmurs (links at bottom) blaming global warming for the string of tornadoes that have devastated the American south.
When the midwest was hit with 2 feet of snow in one day earlier this year, Gore stepped up to the plate to blame global warming. We need him again! PLEASE, come out from your massage parlor, ol' Exalted Inventor of the Internet, you!
But until that happens, my take is that the leftist 20 percenters really need to start thinking outside the box. I mean, I get the whole concept of never letting a good crisis or disaster go to waste -- but blaming every single weather event on global warming has become, frankly, very cliched. You can do so much better, leftists. Good grief, do I have to do your work and thinking for you? Guess so. Well, here goes:
You can never go wrong with this one, as you leftists well know. You can even tie it in to global warming, as you did with Hurricane Katrina. Recall: Bush policies cause global warming, which caused Hurricane Katrina, meaning Bush caused that hurricane to occur. As if he pushed a "Cause Hurricane" button at the White House during a bad "Whiskey Hangover."
That you leftists would be going around raising global warming in the abstract as the cause of these tornadoes -- without any tie to Bush -- really demonstrates that you guys have lost a step or two recently in the bullshit department. You clowns goin' soft?
As Obama's approval ratings recently have begun to really tank to down around 40% (most alarmingly, 35% among Independents, the ones who decide your election outcomes), I've noticed a new theme developing amongst the leftist 20 percenters in recent days: It's a sort of general angst and worry about the 2012 presidential election, with the possibility of losing being tied to the "racism" of Americans. Yeah right. The same Americans who voted Obama's sorry ass into office in the first place! But my obviously racist white ass digresses.
Why not tie racism to the tornadoes? Granted, you probably again need a global warming and/or Bush connector to pull it off. But I'm just sayin'. How about: Bush, all republicans, and any other person who would vote against and/or criticize Obama are racist -- and since those kinds of terrible people have caused global warming, they are also to blame for the tornadoes. See, that wasn't so damn hard!
Blame Lack of Civility; Palin; Tea Party
After two weeks on the campaign trail sniping at republicans with some fairly harsh rhetoric and scare tactics, our illustrious president said Wednesday that the two parties need to stop all the partisan sniping.
Just like he and his fellow 20 percenter leftists called for everyone else to act with more "civility" after the Gabby Giffords shooting -- only to follow it up with myriad examples of non-civil behavior. They even blamed the shooting on Sarah Palin and the tea party -- never mind that the nut job shootist had no connection whatsoever to either. But again, my racist Archie Bunker white hide digresses.
With all of that background in mind, let's tie lack of civility, Palin and the tea party to the tornadoes. The theme here: Bad Influence.
First, Palin and the tea party like to run their mouths -- really spin their wheels -- a mile a minute. I mean, they just will never shut the f*ck up! So what happens when a tornado sees that awful example? It starts spinning around a mile a minute too, all Helter Skelter and shit.
Moreover, Palin and the tea party like to place people in their cross hairs. Just like a damn tornado does! So even if lack of civility, Palin and the tea party might not be directly to blame for the southern tornadoes, their influence certainly has not helped out matters. I will leave it at that.
Blame Lack of Gun Control
It seems to me that the issue of gun control has been rather unfairly confined by the 20 percenter leftists to instances when some demented freak (or freaks) goes on a shooting spree. Within 10 minutes thereafter, the leftist "mainstream media" is always in full gun control mode. But why pigeon-hole gun control like that? I think you leftists can get a lot more mileage out of it, no?
Take these tornadoes. What parts of the country do these things always hit? The south and the midwest, obviously. And what do those regions have in common? Answer: Plenty of gun-totin' bitter clingers (Obama's words, not mine). I mean, when's the last time you saw a damn tornado hit an enlightened city such as San Francisco or Washington DC?
The solution: Make all of the country more like those cities. Outlaw all guns. Every - Single - One. Second Amendment, Schmecond Amendment! Then these tornadoes wouldn't have any bad people left to take their wrath out upon (sorry to end sentence on a preposition).
This concept is so simple, even a deranged right-winger or caveman could follow it: Get rid of the guns, then you get rid of all the bad people, and then the tornadoes have nowhere to strike. The ultimate use of the policy of appeasement! Neville Chamberlain would stand up in his grave, and Hugo Chavez would grin in agreement.
So at the end of the day, I really don't want to hear any more tired old talk about global warming causing these tornadoes. That's so boring. So business as usual. So yesterday. So 2009sville. Put your Thinking Caps on, leftist 20 percenters! You could do so much better. You're disappointin' me over here!