The Independent Rage: Charlie Sheen Fails to "Win" Over the Big Apple, "Stinks Up Radio City Music Hall Like a Flatulent Goddess"!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Charlie Sheen Fails to "Win" Over the Big Apple, "Stinks Up Radio City Music Hall Like a Flatulent Goddess"!

They booed him. They jeered him. They sent him scurrying offstage like a New York City sewer rat only halfway through his show this weekend. " 'F--k you, Charlie,' a row of young men chanted after Sheen sprinted from the theater."

This was the latest stop in Sheen's infamous "Violent Torpedo of Truth" road tour, which has now seen Sheen stink up joints from Detroit to the Empire State. But this one apparently took ROTTEN to a whole new Extreme. (Links to full story at bottom).

Sheen reportedly got off on the wrong foot with the less-than-capacity Hall audience before he even arrived, as he didn't bother to even show up on time (30 minutes late). Then, when he finally arrived onstage, his first words to the audience were incoherent drivel that no one understood – "Hey Mrs. Farmer – suck it!" It only went downhill from there.

The show consisted of Sheen being "interviewed" by some friend, all the while chain-smoking "like a criminal" despite NYC's anti-smoking laws. He reportedly rambled on and on about his wealth and every hotel he's ever stayed in, and he told profanity-laced stories about his many wild cocaine-and-hookers-infested parties. For good measure, Sheen insulted and took shots at various Hollywood types, including his own brother, Emilio Estevez.

The only problem? None of it was funny. And worse yet, the audience was thoroughly bored. The jeers and catcalls began early on, and they only picked up momentum as the minutes ticked slowly by. But instead of picking up his performance, Sheen simply snapped back at the audience: "The audience jeered him, and he cussed back at them for not listening closely."

It might have helped if Sheen had more featured his two slutty girlfriends in the show – porn star Bree Olson (a.k.a. Rachel Oberlin) and pot magazine model Natalie Kenly. But alas, they made only a brief appearance onstage to say hi. Opportunity missed.

Finally, 45 minutes into the "incoherent snooze-fest . . . Charlie abruptly ran out of gas [and] stopped talking. Sheen sat onstage, smoking silently." With the boos reaching epic levels, Sheen did his audience the biggest favor of the night and "ran from the stage like a scared felon ahead of a lynch mob." But by that point, much of the crowd wasn't even around anymore to chase after Sheen.

Reading the various media and audience accounts of this raunchy event, I'm left to think of those television ads for new movies that have just come out. You know: "Joe Blow gives a riveting performance, raves Entertainment Weekly; a big thumbs up, says Roger Ebert; the laughs never stop coming, shouts Rolling Stone…." Those ads are usually highly misleading because they use only the most glowing of the film's reviews.

Well, Sheen's little road show now has a whole host of such material from which to draw – at least if he wants to make a Bizarro-World promotional ad. Check out this sampling of media and audience opinions:

-"The worst show I've ever seen in my life."

-"This is worse than Chernobyl!"

-"It was an atrocity!"

-"A shit-show."

-"An aimless and slovenly disaster."

-"His hecklers are funnier than he is."

-"I got kicked out once. I snuck back in and he sucked both times."

-"I thought it'd be fun. Turns out not so much."

-"I felt like I was watching Charlie Sheen dying on stage."

-"Dribbled-out, half-baked ramblings."

-"I didn't get one honest laugh."

-"Not worth the money."