Sunday, January 2, 2011

2011 Shockers: Canadian Soothsayer Says New Year Will See Sarah Palin Divorced, Michelle Obama Knocked Up, Midget Born & Playboy Mansion Destroyed!





Before you laugh, please note that this same fortune teller (Nikki, pictured on left) last year predicted Tiger Woods' divorce and the Chilean mine disaster. Perhaps Nikki's leading prediction for 2011 foresees Splitsville for Sarah Palin and husband Todd. Man! And not even a year after Palin's (alleged) boob job? Well, she is high maintenance.

But to me the most fascinating of Nikki's prophecies sees Michelle Obama with a new bun in the oven -- or two, as Nikki says twins are more likely than a single child. Fascinating, I say, because of two of Nikki's other predictions and the fun it is to speculate as to whether those two predictions might somehow be connected to the Obama pregnancy prediction:

First, Nikki predicts that "there will be a big scandal involving a Washington politician—and cheating will be involved." Make no mistake, Michelle "Your Kids Are Too Fat" Obama ain't just some garden variety First Lady. She's been very much the politician during the entire Obama presidency, pushing 20-percenter policy and legislation at every turn.

Any given Nikki's prediction, is there any chance someone other than Barack could be Michelle's baby daddy? Barack likes to keep a close eye on political rival Hillary Clinton, but methinks he better instead keep a closer eye on notorious lady-lover Bill Clinton in 2011.

Second, Nikki foresees that a famous starlet will give birth to a midget. I think that Michelle, who frequently carries herself like the Queen of America, is very accurately described as a starlet. Good Grief -- talk about a big Trifecta of Trouble: Michelle giving birth to a couple of midgets with huge Bubba grins all over their faces! But somehow I just don't quite see that happening, do you?

After all, many of Nikki's predictions are simply outlandish or highly improbable. In addition to the Playboy mansion burning to the ground, another such prediction says that a "giant spider" and spider nest will be found in South America. "Chalk it up to global warming," spouts the linked story. Of course. What else? Other wild predictions from Nikki center upon such things as a 500-pound Salmon in Canada and a "horseshoe-shaped UFO" in New Mexico.

Also somewhat undermining Nikki's credibility is the fact that many of her predictions are completely obvious -- a huge "No $hit, Sherlock," you might say. For example, the aforementioned "prediction" about a Washington cheating scandal. Wow, don't go out there on such a limb, Nikki!

Other examples of "seeing" the obvious include (1) Hillary Clinton winning the Nobel Prize (gee, we could never see that coming, could we?!) and (2) Lady Gaga trying out acting (I wouldn't have foreseen that one in a million years!).

So we have a huge swath of predictions, most of which will never come true, while others are so vague, generalized and obvious that they probably can't help but come true. I mean, Nikki also has Jessica Simpson giving birth this year. Maybe she'll be the starlet who mothers the midgets?
http://www.torontosun.com/life/holidays/features/2010/12/23/16657291.html