I noticed it reported today (first link at bottom) that CBS Evening News (with the illustrious Katie Couric) tied an all-time ratings low last week. Glancing at CBS News' website today, it's perhaps not so difficult to figure out why (completely apart from CBS' undeniable slant to the left in its coverage and the fact that Couric is about as exciting and cutting edge as watching the whitewash dry on an Alabama $hithouse).For example, one ludicrous item I saw (second link at bottom) was a supposedly informative -- but instead unintentionally obvious and even comical -- list of food and beverage items to make sure you never, ever, feed your dog. I read that thing and was asking myself, "some fool actually got paid for compiling this?" Here are some highlights:
-Coffee, soda, chewing gum and macadamia nuts: CBS News first indicates that it's perfectly natural for people to want to give their dogs these items. But don't do it! Says CBS News: "Some otherwise responsible dog owners think it's cute to allow their dog to finish the last inch of a cold Starbucks." Further, "some people like to give dogs chewing gum." Last but not least, CBS News reports that many "people" like to go on vacation and bring home macadamia cookies to feed the dog.
First question: Where did CBS News find all these so-called "people" they're talking about, at the local insane asylum? Or down on skid row, maybe? And make no mistake, as CBS News tells us: You should never, ever, feed your canine any of these things. For example, they report, those cookies can give the dog "rear leg paralysis" (even while apparently having little or no impact on the dog's front quarters). And note well, says CBS News: Caffeine & dogs just do not mix! Who'da Thunk! OK, on to some more items:
-Ice cream: CBS News says never, ever, feed your dog ice cream treats -- "even if your dog is OK with milk" and isn't "lactose intolerant." Gosh, and I thought Dairy Queen was OK for my dog since he's never once exhibited as much as one ounce of lactose intolerance!
-Chocolate: Again, this is a real no-no. Eating "an entire milk chocolate bar" can be a "real danger" to a dog, CBS News reports. I just thank God they finally got around to telling us this. Otherwise, it might have been a very sad Halloween for me this year.
-Alcohol, including beer: CBS News tells us that a canine (believe it or not) can get alcohol poisoning just like a human can. Learn something new every day. And no word yet, BTW, on whether non-alcoholic beer might be a safe alternative for those dogs who really like to get their drink on after dark.
-Raisins and grapes: Gee whiz, let me think here: Raisins turn my system inside out if I eat very many of them, but I never would have thought that this would apply equally to the dog. Well, no more Raisenets for him!
-Potato chips and other salty junk food: CBS News tells us to watch out you don't give the dog too many potato chips. And if the dog happens to have a heart condition, then CBS News says don't give him any potato chips at all!
-Onions and garlic: CBS News says that these foods can destroy the dog's red blood cells. But what if the dog's a real pasta lover? Are you going to be the one who tells him he can't have another bowl of lasagna or spaghetti ever again?
-Coffee, soda, chewing gum and macadamia nuts: CBS News first indicates that it's perfectly natural for people to want to give their dogs these items. But don't do it! Says CBS News: "Some otherwise responsible dog owners think it's cute to allow their dog to finish the last inch of a cold Starbucks." Further, "some people like to give dogs chewing gum." Last but not least, CBS News reports that many "people" like to go on vacation and bring home macadamia cookies to feed the dog.
First question: Where did CBS News find all these so-called "people" they're talking about, at the local insane asylum? Or down on skid row, maybe? And make no mistake, as CBS News tells us: You should never, ever, feed your canine any of these things. For example, they report, those cookies can give the dog "rear leg paralysis" (even while apparently having little or no impact on the dog's front quarters). And note well, says CBS News: Caffeine & dogs just do not mix! Who'da Thunk! OK, on to some more items:
-Ice cream: CBS News says never, ever, feed your dog ice cream treats -- "even if your dog is OK with milk" and isn't "lactose intolerant." Gosh, and I thought Dairy Queen was OK for my dog since he's never once exhibited as much as one ounce of lactose intolerance!
-Chocolate: Again, this is a real no-no. Eating "an entire milk chocolate bar" can be a "real danger" to a dog, CBS News reports. I just thank God they finally got around to telling us this. Otherwise, it might have been a very sad Halloween for me this year.
-Alcohol, including beer: CBS News tells us that a canine (believe it or not) can get alcohol poisoning just like a human can. Learn something new every day. And no word yet, BTW, on whether non-alcoholic beer might be a safe alternative for those dogs who really like to get their drink on after dark.
-Raisins and grapes: Gee whiz, let me think here: Raisins turn my system inside out if I eat very many of them, but I never would have thought that this would apply equally to the dog. Well, no more Raisenets for him!
-Potato chips and other salty junk food: CBS News tells us to watch out you don't give the dog too many potato chips. And if the dog happens to have a heart condition, then CBS News says don't give him any potato chips at all!
-Onions and garlic: CBS News says that these foods can destroy the dog's red blood cells. But what if the dog's a real pasta lover? Are you going to be the one who tells him he can't have another bowl of lasagna or spaghetti ever again?
-Guacamole dip/avocado: These are the final items on the list, and they present a real problem for me. You see, my dog will not eat his Chili's fajitas platter without guac and sour cream on the side. He just plain refuses. And don't even get me started on trying to withhold his tabasco sauce!
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Postscript: I'm really looking forward to CBS News' next big feature story tomorrow, which will reportedly be entitled, "Top 10 Things to Make Sure You Never Stick in Your Eye."
ReplyDeleteI just saw Katie Couric's little editorial blasting the folks out there (like me) who oppose a mosque (or any religious structure for that matter) anywhere near ground zero. Hey Katie: Way to side with your fellow far left little faction of the country, which represents well below 1/3 of the population. Why don't you take your little editorial and go **** yourself. And while you're at it, at least TRY one of these days to even give the slight appearance of being an objective journalist. Because you've failed miserably in that endeavor during your entire so-called career. Nice ratings, last week, by the way. Don't worry, I wasn't (and won't be) watching.
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