Suckin' on a Crack Pipe Outside the Tastee Freeze? Small Town Missouri Kindergartener Allegedly Brings Mama's Pipe & Meth to School Show & Tell!

I know the small town of Sweet Springs, Missouri. Have driven through it many times on Interstate 70 in the western half of the Show-Me State. They used to have a Taste Freeze there, just like the John Cougar Mellencamp song. Today the Tastee Freeze and its chili dogs are all gone, and Jack and Diane have apparently grown up in not such a good way...

It was show-and-tell day recently at the Sweet Springs Elementary School. Is there a more time-honored American grade school tradition than that? Little Billy brings in a turtle he found. Little Hector brings his pet rock. Fatty Four Eyes totes in an Easy-Bake cake she made. And Junior Doe whips out Mama's crack pipe and methamphetamine. Then...now wait a damn minute!

Cops in Sweet Springs say one of the kindergarteners at the school "shocked" the ol' Teach recently when Mama's pipe and meth were presented by Junior at show-and-tell. I would assume that most of the other little shits were largely oblivious to what the hell this stuff was, but obviously that's largely missing the point.

The meth reportedly had a street value of nearly four grand. I can only imagine how something like this might've gone down:

"I don't what to tell ya, Junior. I gots nothing for ya to take to that there show-and-tell. I know you already took your little skid steer toy last time. Wait! I got it. Take this here pipe. Tell 'em you use it to blow bubbles out the trailer window. And keep this bag on ya, too. I likes to keep this stuff all together. Don't you lose any of this, boy!"

Regardless, after the toddler showed up at school with the paraphernalia, cops went after and busted the little tike's 32-year-old Mama, Michelle Marie Cheatham. She's charged with possession of a controlled substance and child endangerment "in the first degree." (BTW, the law actually considers there to be "minor" ways to endanger a child, i.e. something less than in the first degree? That's a new one.)

Now the only show-and-tell for Mama may have to come during visitor hours at the local hoosegow if she's found guilty. Best advice for her: Let the Bible belt come down to save your soul or something. 'Cause don't think they got any shady trees or Bobby brooks down there at the joint. Now rock on.



http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/20/crack-pipe-show-and-tell-_n_971927.html?ir=Weird%20News

A New Low in Crime Defenses? UK Man Claims Female Attorney "Accidentally" Choked to Death While Performing Oral Sex on Him in the Backseat of Her Car

At least he didn't try to claim that the glove didn't fit. But I doubt what's sure to be called the "she choked on my chicken" defense is going to gain a whole lotta traction either. Mama Cass choking to death on a chicken bone is one thing, but this attorney dame choking to death on this man's ham bone would seem to be quite another.

48-year-old British machine worker Philip Martins (the guy above who's white) and 45-year-old "high-flying" attorney Linda Bakewell (pictured above and below) reportedly met through mutual friends. Prosecutors in the case describe Martins as a boorish lout who found Linda to be a "nuisance" but who was also "only too happy to take advantage of her affection and her wallet."

Martins would reportedly tend to become more than just a bit nasty and deranged when he was blitzed on booze and blow, which allegedly meant bad news for Linda on the night of her death. After the two went barhopping that night, Martins claims that Linda agreed to drive him to an industrial park in order to blow his horn.

Arriving at the isolated location, Martins says the two ripped off each other's clothes and slipped into the backseat of Linda's Nissan Note. There, Martins says that Linda started giving him a Lewinsky but somehow mysteriously choked herself to death during the dirty deed.

(It must have been a scene eerily reminiscent of when Teach gave student Mikey an automobile calf feeding in the '80s AD film World According to Garp, although at least there only serious injuries, including a severed tallywhacker (and no deaths), ultimately resulted).

Martins also apparently claims that he was sitting there oblivious to all of this for awhile until finally "he noticed her head was slumped and after picking up her head he noticed her eyes were open and she was dead." Yep, you can sure see how that might suddenly happen during a Gobble Gobble. Or not.

Martins reportedly admits he made no attempt to resuscitate Linda or to call for help. Instead, he claims he panicked and "did not know what to do with her body." And it showed, as he allegedly moved the naked corpse all over the damn place. What else was a guy to do, after all?

First, he allegedly drove the body home, dragged it across his yard, and deposited it on his living room floor before he retired to bed (it had been a long day). Then at some point, Martins allegedly moved it one room over, where he stuffed it (still naked) under a kitchen table. (I don't mean to pass judgment on the guy, but putting a few clothes the gal might have been nice).

Perhaps because he liked to eat on that same table -- though who really knows -- Martins allegedly later moved the body (yet again) from the kitchen table to the trunk of his car. At least, I guess, the corpse never found its way into Martins' shithouse (at least so far as we know). Martins' trunk is where cops found the body five days after the alleged incident.

And now the only Oral Roberts in Martins' future may come from the type of knowledge gained down at the local hoosegow, as Martins is currently on trial for Linda's murder. Prosecutors say there's no doubt that she died from being strangled by Martins, and not from her yafflin' the ol' yogurt cannon.

As for Martins' defense on that front, prosecutors intend to introduce medical expert testimony establishing that speaking into the mike cannot, in fact, lead to asphyxiation. And that's a good thing too. Otherwise, the guy might walk -- what, with such a whistle-tight defense like that and all.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2039207/Philip-Martins-charged-sex-murder-solicitor-Linda-Bakewell-Liverpool.html

Is Obama a "Sexist, Egotistical, Lying, Hypocritical" Leftist? Although He'd Surely Say, "Who You Callin' Sexist," a New Book Claims Exactly That...

He treated his female employees like meat. Hence the moniker, "Sexist, Egotistical, Lying, Hypocritical" Bossman. His name was Franklin Hart, and his character from the '80s AD film 9 to 5 (famously played by Dabney Coleman) was one of the most notorious and biggest workplace scoundrel bosses in movie history.

When that slimeball wasn't demanding that his secretary (Dolly Parton) come over to his house after work in order to pound his keys, he was constantly ordering one of his managers (Lily Tomlin) to go fetch coffee for him and go buy gifts for said secretary. Even Jane Fonda could not escape that Bossman's wrath.

Now a new book coming out this week claims that Obama's White House isn't much different when it comes to imposing a highly hostile and sexist work environment for women. In short, the book claims "Obama's White House is a 'hostile environment for females that treats women like meat.' " (Links to full story at bottom). Gee, that sounds a bit familiar.

The new book -- written by Ron Suskind and entitled "Confidence Men: Wall Street, Washington and the Education of a President" -- quotes one high-ranking female White House official as saying "the president has a real woman problem."

This allegedly included Obama calling on only males during staff meetings and virtually always having his numerous golf outings be "all-male affairs." Questions are also raised over Obama's choice of Jay Carney over Karen Finney to replace Robert Gibbs as White House press secretary.

The book also reports that women in Obama's White House have generally felt "excluded," "ignored," "sidelined," "talked over," and "left out" by a pervasive "boy's club" mentality for which Obama was "responsible himself" along with other males such as former chief of staff Rahm Emanuel (now the mayor of Chicago).

The allegations also stretch back to Obama's 2008 AD campaign, where the Obama campaign is accused by female staffers of "being deliberately sexist," with no one being allowed to "offer a female perspective" on such things as campaign advertisements.

Former White House communications director Anita Dunn is even quoted in the book as claiming that the shabby treatment of females at the White House could be viewed as rising to the level of actionable sexual discrimination in a court of law:

"It actually fit all of the classic legal requirements for a genuinely hostile workplace to women," Dunn is quoted as saying. Ouch. She's reportedly now backing away from that alleged comment, but author Suskind is sticking by it.

Now, ultimately in the film 9 to 5, the oppressed and harassed lady employees got their revenge on the sexist Bossman Mr. Hart, first by incapacitating him with rat poison in his coffee and a bad bump on the head caused by a bum office chair (neither intentionally, but instead mistakenly through seemingly subconscious actions).

Next the ladies chained up Mr. Hart like a dog (this time intentionally) in his own home for weeks on end. They even take a pot shot at him and hoist his rotten ass up in the air with a kinky S&M-type contraption.

Mr. Hart eventually escapes his captivity, only to be promptly shipped off to South America by Captain McCluskey, where the infamous Bossman is abducted by a tribe of Amazon women, never to be heard from again.

And this is where I just can't see life imitating art, as I can't see any of those crazy events occurring with respect to Obama. He gets his drink on with beer, not coffee, and Captain McCluskey long since got whacked out in Louis' Restaurant in the Bronx.

Not to mention, the only one-way ticket I see Obama possibly getting will take him only as far as Chicago for a permanent reunion with Emanuel come November 2012 AD.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/suskind-book-female-advisers-in-obama-white-house-sidelined-and-ignored/2011/09/16/gIQAAOSSXK_print.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2038386/Obamas-White-House-hostile-environment-women-treated-like-meat.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

We've Got LeftNecks in Charge? The Obamas Set Up Their Own White House Still for Making Alcohol; Uncle Jesse Tells the Law to Leave Them Alone...

What's next? His Majesty and The Queen bitterly clinging to their Bibles while they tote rifles to a local tea party rally in September 2011 AD? These questions follow the news this week that the Obamas have used their own money to set up a rudimentary, makeshift still at the White House for brewing up booze.

The White House-made brew was reportedly flowing like water when Obama had his photo op this week with Congressional Medal of Honor recipient Dakota Meyer. It's just too bad the still wasn't already up and running when Obama held his notorious "beer summit" in 2009 after blathering about the arrest of a Harvard professor without knowing any of the facts.

It's also unfortunate to see the Obamas gettin' their drink on in such a fashion that they've apparently become the same sort of "LeftNecks" that the democrat party and leftist 20 percenters loathe so much.

If you're not familiar with that term, it's used by the lefties to insult the small swath of largely blue-collar, unionized democrat party voters who depart from the leftist agenda on certain discrete issues, such as gun ownership and the importance of religion. The LeftNecks are viewed as particularly dangerous by the leftists since they've been known to transform into "Reagan democrats" on occasion.

If there's anything that just might be the final straw before the leftist 20 percenter fringe (which controls the democrat party) decides to primary Obama's hapless ass, it just might be this new alcohol still at the White House. And Oh My, the thought of Obama boozin' it up by using the still to make BEER rather than Chardonnay and Merlot must REALLY chap the elitist leftists' asses!

On the primary front, methinks the leftist 20 percenters need to break the glass on the case that says "Open If in Need of Vile Leftist Loudmouth." From there, reach inside, pull Howard Dean out, hose him down, and put him to work. Hell, they could even dress Dean up like Sheriff Roscoe T. Coaltrain and have him feign a revenuer raid on the new Obama White House still:

"Yer under arrest for moonshinin', Mr. President! Yooz been hidin' revenue from Uncle Sam. And not only am I gonna toss you in the can in New Hampshire. Next I'm locking your ass up in South Carolina! And Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico! YEAH!!!! Kew, kew, kew, kew."

After all, Obama -- the most leftist president of my lifetime and perhaps in American history -- hasn't been nearly leftist enough. Just ask the leftist 20 percenters. They'll tell ya.

But just don't ask them for a beer at the same time (given this week's news) unless your goal is for Jimmy Hoffa Junior's boys to give you the same treatment that was given to Hoffa's old man. Since while I might not mind drinking some beer in the Meadowlands parking lot on an NFL Sunday, I sure as hell wouldn't want to be buried there.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/09/16/earlyshow/main20107292.shtml

A Lesson for Unmarried Men Everywhere: If You Want the Love, Wear a Damn Glove. Lest You Want to be Taken to the Cleaners by a Broad Like This...

She's Canadian cover girl model Linda Evangelista, and she's trying to get her French baby daddy to surrender. Seems she shacked up with Frenchman Francois-Henri Pinault circa 2007 AD, got knocked up, and now she just wants her fair share -- all in the name of the baby, of course.

That's because even though Evangelista isn't married to Frenchie (and I'm always amazed how many men don't know this), he's still on the hook for child support as the baby daddy. And in this instance, we ain't talkin' peanuts.

Evangelista is looking for the better part of a million bucks a year (over $800,000) in child support. Maybe she's looking to buy the little punk his own string of Babies"R"Us stores?

That total includes an excruciating $46,000 per MONTH in standard child support. But that's just for starters. Evangelista also wants almost $200,000 a year for "a team of armed drivers" to haul the little shit around town. And don't forget the nanny! $80,000 more for that little "necessary" expense. Jeezal peezal, already.

And if you're wondering about Frenchie, he ain't exactly what you'd call a poor soul. He's CEO of a company that owns Gucci and other luxury lines, which nets him a $5 million annual salary.

Still though, he doesn't exactly sound like George Soros or Warren Buffet over there. $5 million puts you at about the pay grade of an above-average major league baseball player.

But on the bright side for Frenchie, at least he need not fear Obama and the democrat party coming after him like Evangelista's wrath. Nope, those particular politicians are mainly concerned these days with "millionaires and billionaires" who own small businesses making $200,000 a year.

So when it comes to Obama, Frenchie's as safe as Jeffrey Immelt in a West Wing shithouse. And he's gonna need that extra money for when Evangelista gets through with his smelly French ass, it would appear.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/model_child_support_queeze_dNsnebr3SNsZNLI2mRiq6J
http://www.thetowntalk.com/article/20110912/NEWS/110912002/Obama-Incomes-200-000-up-will-help-pay-jobs-bill?odyssey=nav|head

Nailin' Palin, Indeed! As New Book Alleges Sarah Palin Banged Basketball Star Glen Rice in the Late '80s AD, I Can Only Imagine Her Pillow Talk...

As you've probably by now heard, the allegations from the upcoming Joe McGinniss book are being reported in the National Enquirer. McGinniss writes that Sarah Palin in 1987 AD -- less than a year before she married high school sweetheart Todd Palin -- threw herself at and shacked up with then-Michigan basketball star Glen Rice while he was playing in the Great Alaska Shootout. Sarah Palin was a local sports reporter at the time (picture at top/link to story at bottom).

Now, rather than injecting into this item, like everybody else out there, (1) a 1000 obvious basketball puns, (2) some rather inappropriate racial "humor" or (3) the cliched phrase "Drill Baby Drill," I'm taking a slightly different tact. The "High Road," you might say.

In so doing, I give you the Top Ten things Sarah Palin might have said while she was getting boned by Glen Rice (allegedly). (And never mind it was 1987):

10. "So THAT's what the 'Bush Doctrine' means?"

9. "Refudiate me good, like it was 1789, you Patriot!"

8. "You can rear your head in Alaska air space any damn time."

7. "Now THOSE are what I call some big cajones!"

6. "Hit that Fannie Mae with your Freddie Mac, you betcha!"

5. "Just get a load of these fake boobs -- don't they feel, like, Realsville, Daddy-O?"

4. "Ooo, why can't the 'lamestream media' give me this kind of coverage?!"

3. "Ring my bells, fire your gun, and ride me like a plow horse, Paul Revere!"

2. "Super secret agent hose pipe has infiltrated the tea party!"

1. "How ya like the taste a' THEM crosshairs?!"

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2011/09/14/2011-09-14_sarah_palin_had_sex_with_basketball_player_snorted_cocaine_and_cheated_on_husban.html?r=news

He Made a Real Splash on that Ass: Slug Tries to Knock Over Gas Station, But Gets Thwarted When Attendant Sprays Him with Gas Hose!

This slimeball really "got hosed." Next time he might want to just pay at the pump. Lest he wants to (literally) guzzle some more gas on his next "fill 'er up." Talk about, Up Yer Nose With a Damn Gas Hose, already!

It all started when some dirtbag (pictured immediately above) in Lowell, Massachusetts tried to bring a knife to a gas fight. The surveillance video from the local BP gas station shows this creep holding a knife as he approached a gas pump there at the station.

The target? One of these station's attendants. The scuzball tried to strong-arm the attendant, "pressed the knife against his back and demanded money."

Only the attendant brought a little more ammunition to this sorry gas stop than the goon was anticipating. In the process, the attendant also gave a whole new meaning to the concept of "full service."

I mean, this attendant was pumped! Dude reportedly grabbed a hold of a gas hose and blasted the crumjob wannabe robber with a huge shot a' car juice!

"He tried to spray him with the gas," said the station's owner. The surveillance video then shows the slimebait deposed robber scurrying away from the scene just like the sewer rat that he is.

The attendant and a station customer reportedly gave chase after the reptile on foot, only to ran out of gas. With his chasers running on fumes, the skunk was able to escape. Cops think this Neanderthal may have jumped in a getaway car (apparently fully gassed up) and put the gas pedal to the metal.

He's still on the loose today. But I definitely see a trip from the gas house to the big house in his future. Meantime customers of this joint are defending the attendant's actions, citing his right to self-defense.

One customer even wants to see the attendant come more prepared the next time he has to dole out a gas shower: "I just hope, you know, the next time the guy has a match or a lighter." But I can't approve of that thinking at all, which accomplishes little more than adding fuel to the fire, in my opinion.

http://boston.cbslocal.com/2011/09/12/lowell-gas-station-attendant-hoses-robbery-attempt/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2036895/BP-station-clerk-fights-attacker-spraying-gas-pump.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

She Goes Ape for Her Smokes: "Orangutan Is Kicked Out of Zoo for Smoking" and Munching on Rubbish! Shirley, They Can't Be Serious!

She may now have to try to quit cold monkey. That's because there's no more cigarette smoking for Shirley, a 25-year-old orangutan (pictured above and below) who just got booted out of her Malaysian zoo for lightin' up one too many times.

But the thing is, it's not really Shirley's fault. Wildlife cops in the southeast Asian country say that zoo visitors were routinely tossing cigarette butts Shirley's way, which she would then proceed to monkey around with and smoke.

The wildlife cops told the zoo to clean up its act, but the only thing the zoo did to stop things was to post a "no smoking" sign outside Shirley's cage. Yeah, that'll take care of the problem! Not. Now the cops have moved the smokin' scalawag to another zoo.

And not only that, but they've also taken away all of Shirley's smokes! Threw a real monkey wrench into her habit, they did. Talk about sending a monkey some real mixed smoke signals.

Her new zoo director says Shirley's butts have now gone bye-bye "because smoking is not normal behavior for orangutans." Really? You could've fooled me, with the smoking gun being Shirley's pictures below and above.

Looks to me like Shirley could take a smoke break and go grab a smoke just as good as any human chain smoker. Monkey see, monkey do -- literally.

Apparently also outside the realm of "normal Orangutan behavior" is other monkey business such as nibbling on garbage -- soda cans, food wrappers, etc. -- as Shirley liked to do as the visitors to her old zoo slowly turned her cage into a giant trash can.

Sounds to me like they may need to put down the peace pipe and take a match to that damn zoo, which is being cited as one of Malaysia's worst. In addition to Shirley being forced to live in what basically amounted to a big garbage dumpster, there are reports of crocodiles living in "water-less enclosures" and tigers living in cages barely big enough for them to fit in.

But getting back to Shirley, I sure as hell would not want to be her zoo handler at the new joint as Shirley tries to kick the habit. Get a load of this recipe for gasper disaster: (1) A wild animal several times stronger than a human; (2) Suddenly deprived of her cancer sticks; (2) Without so much as a good aluminum can or stick of nicotine gum to gnaw on as she goes through nicotine withdrawal.

Given the giant monkey this nicotine fiend will have on her large back, methinks Shirley's gonna be looking to absolutely rip somebody's head off! I just hope she doesn't show some unsuspecting handler a new whole meaning for the phrase, "coffin nails."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2036412/Orangutan-addicted-smoking-cigarettes-thrown-tourists-moved-zoo.html

"Politicos" Postscript: For my thoughts on the 9/12/11 republic partisan debate, here's a link to those:

http://www.tigerboard.com/boards/missouri-tigers.php?message=8859672

Let Me Guess, She Was Cookin' Breast? Buck Naked "Barbie" Doll Babe Caught Grillin' Out in the Buff on Google Street View!

Holey moley, and give me some guacamole with that rack a' lamb! We've seen Google Street View previously pick up some very demented things, such as a man in an animal snout mask, some dead stiffs on the side of the road, and a couple of young punks in England makin' out. But the latest crazy street-side antic make take the cake: A stark-naked hottie on our her porch as she apparently grills up her supper!

Hey, I realize that grilling over a hot flame can be doubly tough in the middle of the summer, especially with the heat and humidity down there Florida way (where this leafless yard chef was captured on camera). But that does not give you the right to peel off all your damn clothes and unveil that birthday day suit to the world! (Not that I'm complaining too much.)

Now, once this bare-ass barbequer got a load of the Google car driving by, don't ya think the natural priority would to take one limb and cover up the bazongas, and then use the other paw to cover up downstairs? BUT NO! Not for this disrobed grill broad. Instead, she goes to cover up her face and nothing else!

I guess that ultimately was the smart play to try to avoid being readily identified and hauled off to the hoosegow on public indecency charges, but who's thinking that far ahead? I wouldn't. So what we got here is a dame who's hot, naked, can cook, and can think on her feet a bit. I'm giving her a call if ever I'm in a need of a good moll.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2035780/Google-Street-View-captures-naked-woman-stood-outside-home.html

Obama in His Stimulus Speech This Week Erroneously Credits Abraham Lincoln with Founding the Internet...

...Al Gore sighs.

The "mainstream" media buries the story in a lock box.

http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2011/09/pbs_alters_transcript_to_hide_obama_gaffe.html

As Cali Hosts "9/11 Conspiracy Movie Festival" this Weekend, I Do Wish the Leftist 20 Percenters Would Just Get Their Damn Story Straight on 9/11!

You may try, but you really can't have it both ways, leftist 20 percenters. Either Bush orchestrated September 11, 2001 AD, or Al Qaeda caused it without any help from Bush. It can't be both. Here are the leftists' two completely inconsistent beliefs about 9/11:

9/11 Cause #1: America Itself

First, many of the leftist 20 percenters say that rather than Bush causing 9/11 to occur, he and the rest of America just got what they deserved that day. We got our Just Comeuppance! Brought right down to size! Al Qaeda was just paying America back for not only overbearing past foreign policy, but also for virtually every bad thing that has ever occurred in American history. Since, after all, America is one of the most diabolical nations in the history of man. We make totalitarian regimes look like the Pope.

And as a result, 9/11 meant it was now time to own up to all of our past transgressions and admit that we deserved just what we got. Words to this effect were told to me by one particular leftist within 24 hours after 9/11 occurred, and I will not forget those words. But was America really to blame for 9/11, or was it instead an annoying little man in an overly tight suit who always had trouble stringing coherent sentences together?

9/11 Cause #2: BUSH!

Second, and in stark contrast: Many leftist 20 percenters (such as former Obama "czar" and self-proclaimed "communist" Van Jones) say that Bush caused 9/11 either by directly orchestrating it or (at a minimum) knowing it was about to occur, and then allowing and welcoming its occurrence.

In a nutshell: Bush caused it VERSUS Bush didn't cause it but instead just got what was coming to him, same as the rest of America. You gotta pick, leftists! Stop straddling the damn fence, already. One or the other. Take your pick. (Said Rooster Cogburn).

http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/politics/Bay-Area-to-Host-911-Conspiracy-Movie-Festival-129494038.html

Never Mind the Bullock: Utah Man Frightens Neighbors By Reportedly Butchering a Damn Cow in His Driveway!

Holy Cow! This story's no bull; rather one big cow-tastrophy: Cops in Ogden, Utah this week were called to a residential neighborhood after receiving an udderly outrageous report of a local man slaughtering a cow out in the front yard in the middle of the afternoon. And now every calf and its mother are having a cow over this whole beef.

The Longhorn of the Law

Cops were called to the home after the mad cowman had started "harvesting the animal" and while "the cow was in the process of losing its head." In short, the man was reportedly "sawing at the animal's neck" as officers arrived. No word whether the man offered cops a few choice hock and jowl cuts while they were there.

The man apparently freely admits until the cows come home that he did, in fact, try to carve up the bovine right there in the driveway. The dispute, however, centers on whether he actually whacked out the critter there at his house or someplace else.

Whose Cowbell You Gonna Believe?

A neighboring family told cops that the male homeowner had transported the live cow to the home in a trailer ride. The neighbors reportedly heard "the cow's audible mooing, followed by what sounded like a gunshot." Then, in an unexpected turn of events, "the mooing stopped."

The family says it quickly snatched all the kids off the street and hoofed it into the house before bringing in the fuzz. The family "suspected something unusual was taking place," said the cops. Now, why this family would become so riled up over a little harmless mooing and gunplay next door, I have no freakin' clue.

Regardless, the homeowner claims he didn't knock off the sacred cow there at the house, but instead bumped it off "outside city limits" before trailering the cow to his home. After all, I would assume, the man probably didn't have ready access to his saws, cleavers and other butchery utensils out there in the pasture.

Will His Meathooks Have to Walk the Final Mile?

If it turns out that the man snuffed out Daisy there in the driveway, he may face charges (and perhaps some hard time in the bullpen) for discharging a firearm inside the city limits. And cops aren't kowtowing from other possible charges, either, which could also transport this meatlover from the slaughterhouse to the big house in two shakes of a heifer's ass.

For example, there may also be a disorderly conduct charge in this domestic butcher's future feed bag -- especially if any of the neighbor's kids "witnessed the butchering and become upset." An animal cruelty charge may also be within the bounds of the stockade, which could really put this meatman out to pasture for awhile to come.

I Hope He Cleaned His Butchers Apron First

The local health department is also apparently in a foul mooood over this whole moo-ha-ha and is looking into the possibility of health code violations. It sounds to me like like they're ready to put this guy's rump roast on the butcherblock faster than a newly fixed steer moves down at the feedlot.

I just hope this sirloin-sawing steak aficionado didn't try to milk this cow for all it's worth by unloading any of those chumpchops to the public. That's because trying to turn this critter into a cash cow would reportedly garner the man a nice fat citation for selling meat without a proper permit.

And that's not even the burnt end of it: There could also be violations relating to the "debris from the slaughter" and the "disposal of the carcass." As they say, all is not butter and methane that comes from the cow.

http://www.standard.net/stories/2011/09/06/police-called-after-man-butchers-cow-his-driveway