Well it is the home of "Coney Island," after all. And we've seen knife fights fought there over "turf" before. Of course, that was in the movies (1979's The Warriors -- video at bottom) and did not involve Jason Voorhees-like psychotics nor any ballpark franks. And so it is this weekend that we get this crazy story out of the Big Apple concerning a deranged dog-slinger slicing and dicing a "rival bun hustler's" melon like it was a jar of pickle relish (allegedly).
38-year-old victim Houssen Ellaboudiy (pictured 2nd from top) and his older brother Mohammed have been slingin' sausage outside of Manhattan's "tourist friendly" and therefore customer-rich Time Warner Center for the better part of a year. But new to the Center's frankfurter fencin' scene over the past week has been 36-year-old Azmy Mansour of Jersey City. Bad News.
See, it seems Azmy had a bit of a problem with the Ellaboudiy brothers already being there -- make that a big problem,with extra onions. "Frank-incensed," as the venerable New York Post put it.
Perhaps inspired by the 87 movies comprising the Friday the 13th film series (and in particular, Jason Takes Manhattan), Azmy allegedly took to carving up a lot more than just a string of hot dog links this past Friday. Brother Houssen was just beginning to "stoke the charcoal" at the Ellaboudiy brothers' hot dog stand Friday afternoon when all hell broke loose like a Kirsten Baker wilderness stroll in Part 2.
Brother Mohammed says the "crazy man" Azmy began his red hot rampage colder than a coleslaw wiener condiment -- approaching the hot dog stand and letting the expletives fly faster than ketchup packets at a White House Superbowl party (also pictured above):
"The guy [Azmy] just left his cart and said, 'F*cking move, mother f*cker! F*ck you! F*ck your lawyer!' ", recounted brother Mohammed.
Brother Houssen refused to abandon his wienerwurst station, telling the maniacal heel hound, "You're crazy, man!" But that response apparently didn't cut the mustard with hotheaded frump man Azmy, who allegedly shot back at his fellow "bun hustler": "You want crazy? You'll see crazy!"
At least the demented dog dealer was a man of his word, as he proceeded to go crazier than chili, cheese and jalapenos on a Sonic footlong (allegedly). Yep, Azmy immediately brought the "crazy" and then some all over brother Houssen's ass -- turning the brothers' little hot dog stand into Azmy's own personal butcher shop of horrors (allegedly).
Azmy couldn't get his meathooks into Houssen quick enough, brandishing a razor (lucky it wasn't a meat cleaver) that he allegedly used to "slash the face of his weiner nemesis" like it was a sauerkraut sidedish. Said brother Mohammed: "The crazy guy went for my brother -- my brother didn't go after him."
Brother Houssen is now laid up in the hospital this weekend in stable condition (with non-life threatening injuries).
As for his frenzied alleged sausage assailant Azmy -- that crazy freak may have to start carving his weiner in a different kind of shank palace, as cops have hit him up with charges of assault and criminal possession of a weapon.
We can only hope that the icehouse will serve to cool off this razor-ragin' firedog (allegedly) and teach him a thing or two about how to better "relish the competition." And he'd better hope that his roomie there is named Oscar Meyer and not Biker Danny.
This maniac is even nuttier than a Donald Trump "birther" theory. Even loonier (if that's a word) than just about any Obama appointment (no small accomplishment).
This psycho's name is Justin Massler, and he's absolutely (and literally) "bonkers for Ivanka" -- Donald Trump's gorgeous daughter Ivanka, that is. And this crazed casanova Massler really knows how to go after a girl.
He reportedly once gifted a picture to Ivanka showing himself drenched in blood, and he also allegedly once tried to flatter Ivanka by threatening to commit suicide in her Madison Avenue jewelry joint. Quite the cuckoo's nest romantic, you might say.
But for all of his best maniacal efforts, the 28-year-old Reno, Nevada native stands accused of stalking Ivanka. And just get a load of some the deranged things this lunatic has to say!
The "wild-eyed" Massler (a diagnosed schizophrenic) was in a New York courtroom this week as he faces the specific charge that he violated an earlier court order by continuing to try to contact Ivanka. His shrinks says he's mentally unfit to stand trial, which was the issue before the judge.
And this madman Massler got the proceedings off to a nice creepy start when he was overheard proclaiming to his lawyer that "extraterrestrials were messing with his head." But this demented whack job was just getting warmed up at that point!
Next he demanded that the judge let him make a statement ("Am I not allowed to make a statement?," he needled to judge). The creep had some things to get off his chest, after all. The following "statement" ensued:
"Well, what it is, is the psychiatric system is corrupt! I'm under supernatural influence. Aliens could have been involved."
In a startling twist, "following Massler's outburst, the prosecution and defense quickly agreed with the psychiatric findings" concerning the loon's unfitness for trial.
The judge also agreed and sent Massler's batty ass right back to the bughouse at Bellevue Hospital. The judge also ruled that this psychopath "should be brought back to court in a year, unless shrinks find that he's fit for trial before then."
The funny thing is that the funny farm and Massler apparently do not mix. Rather than wanting to head back to the nuthouse, he seems to want to wet his beak with a little taste of the hoosegow instead. Silly strange brew!
Specifically, after the judge rendered his ruling, Massler spouted, "So I'm going to the psych ward?" When the judge nodded, a visibly disappointed Massler did his best impersonation of a third grader who just lost his milk money. Said Massler: "Oh, man!"
Which only reinforces the correctness of the judge's decision: Since you reallyknow a man's bananas when he'd prefer a cold cell in the icehouse to a padded room at the booby hatch. "It's unfortunate," spouted Massler's lawyer in the understatement of the new century.
You've probably seen one or more of the current genre of "apocalypse" films -- such as The Road and The Book of Eli. There's a big nuclear war, or an asteroid hits the planet, or whatever. Point being, the world's gone to hell in a handbasket and there's hardly any food since (and cover your ears, Michelle Obama) man cannot subsist on tree bark and leaves. So you get these gangs of subhuman slimes who go around hunting humans for food. But at least they can blame the apocalypse. What's the excuse of this cannibal creep in today's news (link at bottom)?:
Cops in Switzerland say a 43-year-old sleazewad there actually took out an advertisement on the Net "seeking someone who would agreed to be killed, cooked and eaten." Even more specifically, the ad "wanted someone would would agree to be put to sleep then killed, cut up, cooked and eaten." ["Put to sleep"? Did this cannibal moonlight as a dog vet in his non-maneating hours?]
And that's not the worst part: Some perverted goof actually responded to the ad and accepted the offer! This potential "dinner guest" says he initially thought the ad and offer were little more than a kinky "macabre fantasy game" -- which apparently turned the guy on. Nothing says mass appeal, after all, better than a little macabre with some direct threats of murder and cannibalism garnished in around the edges.
But oh, those damn pesky changes of heart! The "would-be victim" says he changed his mind about the offer after he started talking in detail on the phone with the 43-year-old cannibal. It was at that point that the potential victim says he first realized the cannibal was "deadly serious" -- literally. And that's to be expected since how could one ever come to that realization by merely reading that advertisement alone?
Apparently not wanting to create one of those dreaded "jilted cannibal" situations, the potential victim didn't outright back out of the "deal" right there on the phone. Instead, he called the cops, who set up a sting operation on the 43-year-old anthropophagist.
As a part of the sting, the cops "sent in an undercover officer posing as the victim . . . to catch the suspected flesh-eater." When the cannibal realized that he wouldn't get a chance to put the cop to sleep, he reportedly turned to less humane devices -- brandishing a gun. The ensuing firefight resulted in both the cannibal and a cop being shot.
And lest there be any doubt, a cop spokesman wants to clear all of that up from the jump: "It appears the man was genuinely seeking to eat someone," confided the spokesman.
They really are devoted to this shit. When they're not busy running the country and its economy into the ground, then their primary devotion is always to turn this into a country that most of us in middle America do not know and do not want to see. And so it is on Tuesday that we get just two more insane examples of the leftist 20 percenters who control the democrat party and deranged right-winger conservatives who control the republicans going apeshit on the country's fringes. If only those fringes didn't control our two political parties. (Links at bottom).
Nothing Says the Need for Concealed Firearm Protection Quite Like a Stuffy College Classroom
Look at these right-winger republicans in Texas, led by goofwad governor Rick Perry (pictured above firing off a pistol like he was Yosemite Sam). To the deranged right-wingers, our right to bear arms (as protected by the Second Amendment) should extend to everything and with no limitations: To them, you should be allowed to carry a concealed firearm, any firearm, any damn place you want and any damn time you want to do so. Just like the old Wild West!
And so we get Texas senate republican lawmakers (with Perry's encouragement) doing their best impersonation of DC leftist 20 percenter lawmakers in 2009 and 2010 and jamming through a measure that would permit the carrying of concealed firearms in Texas college classrooms. Yep, they rammed it right on through, "attaching it to a spending bill after failing to pass it alone." Sure sounds familiar. Can you say health care monstrosity, Black Christmas and Sunday Bloody Sunday?
Of course, goof-job conservative freaks will point to isolated instances such as the Virginia Tech massacre from a few years ago as supposed justification for such a crazy measure. But what about the much more common occurrence of some deranged teen going Columbine in some secondary school? Happens all the time. So why don't we arm high schoolers and middle schoolers too? Likewise, violence much more frequently breaks out in courtrooms and at sporting events. So let's make a law saying I carry a cannon into those places as well?
This is just more out-of-touch right-wing radicalism the like of which does not play at all in middle America and only reinforces my view that while I may completely fear the leftist 20 percenters and what they want to accomplish, I've got no place in my life for the right-wingers or the party they control, either. They can feel free to go f*ck themselves just the same.
Does This Mean the 3 or 4 Non-Leftist 20 Percenters Who Live in San Francisco Can Break Off and Form Their Own 52nd State?
Also in the news Tuesday are leftist 20 percenter loons in southern Arizona who want to break away and form their own 51st state called "Baja Arizona." While they're at it, why don't they go back and re-fight the Civil War, since that was the last time that a new state (West Virginia) successfully broke off from an existing state.
Of course, this kind of talk is just as radical, stupid and crazy as when the right-wingers make noises about breaking entire states (such as Texas) completely away from the union. Wait, I've got an idea:
How about if some of us Independents here in Kansas City take a portion of midtown and break away from Kansas and Missouri and form a new state? We could call it Ragertopia. All we want is a little self-governance, after all. We don't feel our interests are being that well-represented by the deranged-right wingers of Kansas and the loony left-wingers that control Kansas City, Missouri. Give us a new state, damn it! And while you're at it, give us our two U.S. Senators!
Of course, that would be insane. Demented. Reckless. Extreme. In other words, the precise image that I wake up with every day when I look at this once-great country which I scarcely recognize any longer.
Look at this poor dude on the right. He's 28-year-old Charmean Allen, and maybe he can learn a lesson from this: When a mom or baby mama says she doesn't want anything for Mother's Day or says that Mother's Day isn't a big deal, she's lying. And if you take those kinds of statements at face value, you could end up in a world of hurt. Just ask Charmean.
There's no "allegedly" about it. Charmean's baby mama Aretavia Kimbrough (also 28) came right out and admitted it to cops (link at bottom). It all started on Sunday morning, when boyfriend Charmean got a little 7:00 a.m. wakeup call from Aretavia that he wasn't quite expecting. The two have reportedly been "together" for several years and had their first child (a boy) eighth months ago.
Aretaria reportedly got Charmean's sleepy ass up early that morning and demanded to know where her Mother's Day gift was. And cops say she came armed and dangerous, holding sonny in one arm and a big cooking pot ("the kind you cook corn in") in the other. Charmean says he "immediately realized he was in trouble." Ya think?
It seems Charmean had forgotten about Mother's Day and was therefore empty handed in response to mama's inquiry. Bad move, because mama reportedly took to bashing daddy right in the head with the big pot, "leaving him with a 4-inch gash and a big lump on his head."
"I hit him with the pot, and I'm glad I did," Aretavia reporetdly spouted to the cops. Apparently, it wasn't just this isolated incident that set her off: "I've been with him for seven years, and he never bought me nothing!," she said. So when there was no gift on her first Mothers Day as a mama, that was the last straw, it appears.
Now mama may have to toss her pots around in the sort of mess hall they make you visit three times a day when you're not in your cell. That's because when cops showed up at the apartment, they busted Aretavia and took the "crazed-looking" woman to the can even though Charmean did not want to press any charges against his baby mama. She now faces domestic violence charges.
And it seems that mama's little stay in the freezer really messed up her old man's Mother's Day intentions. He now says that he really did plan to get her gifts and take her out that day, but he's been foiled: "I was going to get her balloons and candy and take her to dinner. But I can't take her to dinner because the police aren't releasing her."
As for the loving couple: It could be Splitsville. Said daddy: "She has a little bit of a temper, I'd say. This is probably the end for us." But somehow I doubt that. Not after all that talk about taking mama out and showering her with gifts once she gets out the hoosegow. And forget the balloons and candy: It sounds to me like the very first gift should be a brand new cooking pot.
It's a bad weekend to be a female senior citizen. Or a good weekend, depending on your perspective. The lessons learned: Pick your funeral parlor, your graveyard, and your online love interests very carefully. And if you see any old hags looking like Granny Clampett and running around in Detroit wearing a hat, then real quick-like make a beeline the hell out of there.
Grandma Got Screwed Over By a Funeral Parlor & Graveyard (Allegedly)
He just wanted to lay Granny to rest with some dignity. But instead of a graceful exit to Heaven, Granny got detoured through funeral parlor and graveyard hell (allegedly). That's why Granny's son (Byron Morrow, whom I'll call Sonny) has sued the Taylor funeral parlor and Mount Hope cemetery in Chicago over Granny's "humiliating burial." First off, I want to know who was running these joints, anyway -- Paul Bearer and The Undertaker?
Things got off to a rough start almost from the beginning. Sonny alleges that the funeral parlor first screwed up the embalming of Granny. Imagine going to your grandma's wake and taking a gander inside the casket. She looks so peaceful. They've really made her look good.
But wait. What's that dripping sound? Wait. What's that brown liquid leaking from her skull!?! Jesus! That's formaldehyde! Good God, it wreaks! Where's the damn exit?
Sure enough, that's exactly what Sonny is alleging in the lawsuit: That the zany undertaker at the funeral parlor "improperly embalmed" Granny, "leaving brown liquid leaking from her skull." But at that point, these guys were just getting warmed up and having a "Hell of a Time" (allegedly).
You see, Granny was a rather large woman. There be 230 pounds of Granny, to be precise (not including embalming fluid, although most of that probably leaked out).
So Granny was going to need a (1) super-sized sarcophagus and (2) an extra-large grave site. No problem on the first count. The funeral parlor reportedly rebounded from the scalp-spewing incident and hooked up Granny pretty well on the oversized casket front. But then there was also the little matter of the grave site.
At the graveyard for the funeral, "the grave site ended up being too small for the oversize casket," alleges Sonny. But the Mount Hope cemetery wasn't going to let a little detail like that derail things.
Instead, they allegedly tried to jam the big coffin into the tiny burial space like it was a health care bill on Sunday Bloody Sunday -- which didn't do the coffin or Granny (or America) any favors. Specifically, Sonny alleges that "the gravesite ended up being too small for the oversize casket, and ended up being damaged in an attempt to force it into the grave." That's more offensive than Grandma Sarah herself:
Claiming the family "was humiliated and insulted" as a result of the alleged negligence of the funeral parlor and cemetery, Sonny's lawsuit is looking for over 50 grand in damages. No word yet whether they left Granny jammed down in that little grave or whether she got new death digs somewhere else.
This Grandma Got Run Over by a Slimeball
A different Granny was just looking for a little online love. So the 54-year-old New Zealander hit up Match.com and was quickly "winked" by a "kindly, bearded gentleman" whose profile said he was 55 years old. And "there was something different about this man."
Granny liked that the dude was "down to earth" and wasn't a "fancy" pants. Granny and the man started exchanging e-mails and talking on the phone. He told her sob stories about his ex-wife breaking his heart, his daughter dying, and spending every Valentine's Day at the graveyard.
He also says he's about to retire and open up his own "high end" jewelry joint, but first he's got to go to London on business. Then come the wild stories. He starts to Talk Turkey -- tells her that on his way back, he's stopped off in Dubai to buy diamonds worth $1.9 million for his new jewelry store.
Then the guy claims he got robbed by Somalian gangsters, who took his watch and briefcase (apparently having no interests in the diamonds). He tells Granny that his bank accounts have also been frozen, and so he needs some dough to pay the duty on the diamonds. Granny wires him her entire savings account -- $5400.
Then the guy needs some more money to have a company transfer the diamonds back to New Zealand. He says he is not allowed to carry them himself "because it is too much of a security risk." (This guy has an answer for everything -- nothing Lazy about his Song).
But by now Granny is starting to get suspicious. She calls the man's New Zealand phone number, and it's been disconnected, and the home which is his listed address has been sold. Turns out the guy and everything about him was a fake.
Cops says there's nothing they can do for Granny. While I find that a little difficult to believe, the real wrath here should be aimed at the scuzbucket who took Granny to the cleaners.
Only the most rotten and sleazy creep would try to scam a grandmother through a dating site. Whomever this guy was, I'm certain he's got a reservation waiting in that underground diamond mine that burns 1000 degrees year round.
Grannies Strike Back in Motown!
You can only push these grannies around for so long before they start to push back. Cops in Detroit are on the trail of a gang of Grannies known as the "Mad Hatters" (pictured at the very top from surveillance photos).
The calling card of these five Grannies is that they nearly always wear "hats of various colors and shapes" when they steal money, checks and credit cards from distracted shoppers from one side of Detroit Rock City to the other.
And the take for this little Senior Syndicate has been incredible. Cops estimate the Grannies' "ill-gotten bounty may approach $500,000"! The Grannies reportedly use the checks and credit cards to get as much money as they can out of the bank and also to purchase merchandise.
Cops "surmise that the genial appearance" of the Grannies "is helping them to pull off the caper." Put another way, "shoppers, banks and retailers tend not to suspect that the grandmotherly woman in a floppy white hat standing in front of them is a cold-hearted crook."
Why take the risk of knocking over a gas station or pulling a bank job, after all, when you can just swipe your score from the purse of Gretchen Soccer Mom while she tries to decide between the bratwurst and the braunschweiger. No weapons, no violence, no small p-o-t-a-t-o-e(-s).
Now if the Mad Hatter Grannies could just go Robin Hood and turn over some of that "bounty" to repay the Kiwi Granny who's out her savings and to compensate the family of the Chicago granny who got jammed into the ground with a leaky melon (allegedly): Hell, the Mad Hatters would still have almost $450,000 left over!
You just never know what the hell I'm going to talk about on a particular day. Today striking my interest were tales of (1) Pakistanis burning American flags on the streets, (2) slimeball democrat party operatives shitting all over White House press secretary Jay Carney, and (3) an incredible new account of Marlon Brando, Liz Taylor and Michael Jackson driving cross-country to escape New York City on 9/11. And there actually is a loose connection between the three: Osama Bin Laden and 9/11.
(And with those topics in mind, a nod today to the excellent news aggregator website Drudge Report, even if Drudge is a deranged right-winger who slants his site to the far right. So oftentimes, he provides the link, and I just take it from there -- much like today.)
Let's see -- Where To Begin?!?
"First the Tears, Now the Anger"
A truly hilarious site to behold has been Pakistan the past few days, as at first most of the nation actually grieved the death of Osama Bin Laden! No word yet whether their mourning involved chants of, "Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind"...
I mean, just take a gander at those two cryin' goofwads up above shedding tears over that terrorist sleazejacket...
I'll just come right out with it: I don't care what your religion is -- if you shed tears over the death of a subhuman piece of shit such as Bin Laden, then you're no different from him. You're the kind of person who would have mourned Hitler and Stalin's deaths. If the subhuman shoe fits, wear it.
Then Thursday, the grief boiled over into anger! Look out! You know what that means, don't you? Of course -- the obligatory American flag burning across Pakistan. "Burn It to the Ground"...
You know, the people in these Islamic countries really could use a huge dose of originality. The flag burning stuff is so 1979 (much like the current state of America, truth be told).
And I'm not just being a wiseacre over here: I have seen muslims burning American flags so many times now over the years that the impact has long since worn off. It's kind of like allegations of bias in the media: Yawn me a damn river after ya cry me one!
And one final set of thoughts before we leave Bin Laden dead, buried and down there sleeping with the fishes like Luka Brassi (hopefully for good, but something tells me...):
By all accounts, there appears to be the very real probability that the Navy Seals captured an unarmed Bin Laden and then executed him in cold blood. Hey, I got no real problem with that. The scuz deserved it.
But can you just imagine the uproar from the leftist 20 percenters if that idiot W Bush had presided over such an operation? They'd be out in the streets burning American flags themselves!
But since a democrat party member is in the White House, the leftist 20 percenters instead try to defend what happened and trumpet Obama's praises. Hypocrites (as always -- and no different than the republicans). Anyway, enough already about Bin Laden! I'm moving on...
Amazing How the Leftist 20 Percenters Promote Their Slimes But Shit On Their Few Decent Members
I'm intrigued by the account this week of democrat party operatives trashing the performance of new White House press secretary Jay Carney -- primarily based on the troubles he had giving coherent answers to media questions about the muddled facts of the Bin Laden murder. Cutting through the bullshit, here's what they're basically saying: Oh, for the good ol' days when we had a much better liar named Robert Gibbs up there!
Here's how it is: Gibbs was a lying, disingenuous piece of trash. (BTW, hit me, someone, please with the cliche about how since I'm an Independent, I never take any real positions).
In fact, given their similar portly appearances and similar snake-like voices and demeanors, I've always wondered if Gibbs is the long-lost son of sleazy GOP operative Karl Rove. (Let's send Katie Couric to investigate, since she'll soon have plenty of time on her so-called "journalistic" hands).
Gibbs truly was little more than a Propaganda Minister for His Majesty in much the same vein as notorious propaganda ministers of the past from totalitarian regimes. Goebbels? No (not nearly as smart). But Baghdad Bob? That just about nails it. A complete boob, a stooge, a flunky, and a bully. ("I say to you, cat-e-gor-ic-ally, there are no Americans in da Bagdad."):
Jay Carney is no Robert Gibbs. His stuttering and stammering over Bin Laden murder questions should mostly be chalked up to him receiving a lack of concrete and consistent facts from The Boss.
It's been widely reported that Carney (unlike Gibbs) does not have personal access to Obama. He gets all of his info and marching orders second, third or fourth hand or worse. Too often, the White House is sending him out there with conflicting facts in his head and with a gun having no ammunition. Talk about an impossible position -- one that I wouldn't touch "Till the World Ends."
Carney too strikes me as being the sort of guy whom you wouldn't mind knowing in real life. From what I know about him, he passes my "next door neighbor" test, while very few leftist 20 percenters (or right-winger republicans, for that matter) ever do. Would I want Robert Gibbs or Obama living next to me? No thank you. Those cats approach me on the street and try to shake my hand -- I'm running the other direction. I'm funny like that when it comes to lying sacks of shit.
So you want to shit all over someone, democrat party operatives? How about you shit on Obama himself. That would be well deserved. Much more so than Carney. And it might just entice Hillary to make a run next year (Lord help us).
But Good Grief, get a load of all this: Me defending the damn White House press secretary! Must be a full moon tonight.
Brando Made Liz & Jacko Pull Over Every Hour For Eats!
Is this what they call in the TV News business a "kicker"? Regardless: He made them an offer they couldn't refuse. Who would refuse it? 9/11 had just gone down and everyone in NYC who wasn't a local was looking to get the hell out of there.
I can recall co-workers who were there at the time getting in the first rental car they could find and hightailin' it right down I-80 and I-70 towards Missouri. No flights for many days, remember?
So it comes as no real shocker to me to read (see the "Express" link at bottom) that two all time American pop culture icons -- Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson -- joined up in a car with a third icon -- Marlon Brando -- to make a beeline by car straight out of the Big Apple after 9/11 hit.
Taylor and Jackson, of course, were longtime close friends. The story goes that Brando entered the equation because he (like Taylor) was in the City That Never Sleeps to watch a Jackson concert on September 10, 2001. Jackson and Brando were reportedly staying at the same hotel, while Taylor was in a different one.
One funny part of the story is that the threesome's 500-mile drive (which ended in some mysterious location in Ohio) appears to have played out like a sequel to Driving Miss Daisy. Brando and Jacko did all the driving, likely with Liz doing her best Miss Werthan impersonation in the backseat.
My question is just how safe was Liz back there? You can't tell me that Brando or Jacko -- being the celebrity gods that they were -- hardly ever drove an automobile in their lives after maybe their early 20's. Hell, it would come as no surprise to me to learn that neither even had drivers licenses.
And can you just imagine what some of the conversations must have been in that car? Conjures up images of Jackson twisting Brando's arm to launch into his Don Corleone character from Godfather I and (in parody) in The Freshman. ("C'mon, Marlon, just one 'You can act like a man!'").
Brando may have ultimately given in to Jackson's prodding, but I bet only if Jacko delivered a personal rendition of "Billie Jean" right there in the car along with a free moonwalk at the next exit. And I bet the two of them tag-teamed Liz for details on some juicy Richard Burton romps!
One thing we know did happen, as would be very expected: The "rotund" Brando (a nice way of putting it) reportedly annoyed the holy hell out of his two fellow carpoolers by constantly wanting to stop at fast food joints to get his grub on!
And I can see why Brando was the big movie star up there, while I'm just little Joe Missouri down here: You see, I'm a White Castle, McDonald's and Taco Bell man myself. Brando? KFC and Burger King, baby! Forced Liz & Jacko to stop at every single one they came across! Man, I wish just once I could roll like those Hollywood types!
WARNING: Viewer Discretion Advised from this point onward. I Got a Mouth Like an Alligator
T.I.R. Is Powered By:
The Hottest Broad In The Entire "Friday the 13th" Movie Series...
That would be Kirsten Baker from Part 2. That's her ass above, but she is also gorgeous in other places. Can you believe Jason hacked her up? What a damn awful waste.
RIP Richard Hatch 2/7/17
As a kid, my values rose and fell with your utterances on Battlestar Galactica. But Don't Get Me Started on that Jan and Dean movie!
01/05/17 "Nashville" Season Premiere on CMT Has Blown Rager's Mind Away!
This episode packed full more bombshells than a Bill Cosby weekend at the Playboy Mansion!
F-U-C-K Nirvana...
In 1989 & 90, my Independent Rage & spirit was most captured & reflected in the music & lyrics of N.W.A. Hell Yeah, "Straight Outta Compton"!
The Secret Weapon: Slick Willy's Approval Rating Dives to Putrid 39%...
...as a new generation of young 'uns learn of Clinton's past antics. Couldn't happen to a greater slimeball.
No One's Listening: "Obama Hits Viewership Low in Final SOTU Speech"
BTW: His Majesty King Nothing gave a speech in January?
"Fuck Off? How Bout If I Fuck Off All Over Your Fuckin' Face!?!"
Robert Loggia will be missed.
A-L-L Lives Matter. Even Bernie Sanders & Martin O'Malley Agree...
At least until they were heckled off the stage by democrat party radicals (hit pic for latest). His Majesty King Nothing Be Proud!
Instant Paglia: John Lennon's Son Julian Has a Clever Thing or 2 to Say About 2016 Politics, U.S.A.
If I didn't know better, I'd think this dude is a 60s relic feminist with a huge Independent and libertarian streak. (Hit Pic for Jules Camille)
"Extremely Dangerous," Former Fed Chief Says of Huge Spending During Obama Years...
Methinks Mr. Greenspan could use a good IRS audit for such blasphemy.
Here Come the Ladies!
I Give You Rager's Ladies Panel:
I'd Be Very Afraid of Her!
For any married dude out there, this Ambra Battilana broad has big bowl-a-wrong written all over her!
All My X's Live in Missourah
That's Why I Hang My Hat In Kansas-ee. (And Don't Even Get Me Started on Allison in Galveston!)
I Need to Get My Doggie in the Park More Often!
Playboy Playmate Ana Braga enjoys a "good old fashioned bikini workout in the park"! (Hit that ass for link)
"The Independents" Becomes "Kennedy" on Fox Biz Channel Nightly at 9:00 Central...
I recall this broad Kennedy from college & like her new show: It may last or not, but it's fun watchin'!
Next Time I Want to See "Roll Over"!
Joanna Krupa ALMOST loses her whole top this week trying to teach Spot new tricks. SO Close. Damn!
"HOT Mom Boobs on the Beach"!
Kourtney's definitely the slack sheep of the Kardashians, refusing to go DD cup on her fake Kans & all, like Kim did (hit KoK for story).
"What in Theee F*ck Is She Wearing?!"
British glamour model Keeley Hazell gets taken to the cleaners for recent choice in red carpet threads.
Cover Them Cans: Social Con*er*atism Run Amok In, Of All Places, New Jersey?!?
A court in the heavily democrat party state rules topless racks in public "are a moral threat" and properly banned. Plenty of prudes on both sides, it seems.
Uh, I Think You Missed a Couple of Big Spots There
Website worries Celebrity Big Brother's Amy Childs might splatter warm water on herself this way. Isn't that the whole point?
"Outrage Over Model's Post-Sandy Photo Shoot in Wreckage"
Who's looking at the wreckage? (Hit Nana Gouvea for link)
OH MY! Supermodel Kate Upton Contributes to the Contributor!
"Upton is posing in a series of photos at times wearing clothes that barely cover anything, other times wearing nothing at all." Is That a Complaint?!?
KATE UPDATE:
Well, there isn't one. Hasn't been one in awhile. But she still looks -- not so bad.
Hubba Hubba: She Could Be Sweet Child of "HIS"!!!
50-year-old GNR lead singer Axl Rose is reportedly dating half-his-age 25-year-old hot broad Lana Del Rey! Good Grief.
If You're Left, You're Bereft. If You're Right, You're Too Tight. But If You're Me, Oh Brother: Get Back, Get Back!
Democrat party chairman Patty "Wasserman" Simpson Calls Elementary Students "Little Democrats"
But oh contraire, leftist 20 percenter: Any young offspring of mine will be Independents. WTF is your lyin' Simpson sister ass gonna do about it, you extremist freak?
She Goes Out on the Street in 40 Degree Weather With Barely a Top On!
That's Welsh glamour model Imogen Thomas, who blames the misstep on the stress of new digs. She should move out more often!
She Loves Her New Fake Boobs So Much, She Bought the Damn Store!
British reality star Jessica Wright enhances up to 32DD and opens her own lingerie shop since she'll now be needing a fresh set of much larger bras (hit JW for story).
7th Grade Hormones Erupt! Here's Leggy, Busty Hostess Jan Speck from 80s Game Show "Treasure Hunt"!
She drove all us 13-year-olds crazy! Check out 4 minutes 10 seconds into the linked video: Oh My!
Still Curvy After All These Years...
Jenny McCarthy struts her stuff in Miami this week. Her secret for staying in shape? "Watching what I eat, and lots of great sex!" Hit!
You Drive a White T-Bird?
"It's Not Important."
Get Big Boobs, Wear a Crown, Name Magazine After Yourself...
Seems like the current American dream, if only Katie Price wasn't another one of those bosomy British babes (hit KP for story).
First Strip Joints, Next (You Watch) Porn: "That's One Way to Make a Buck!"
"Octomom mugs for the camera inside a strip club." Let me guess: The 8 were locked outside in a late model Ford Fairmont?
She Can Put the Full Long Con Sting on Me Any Time
TV con artist Jessica-Jane Clement shows why it's no wonder she's so good at swindling people.
"Sexy Senorita" Helen Flanagan Worries "Her Bum Looked Big in Her Jeans"
But who's looking at that Bum? I never got past the British soap star's two Hobos.
Dangerous Play: Soccer's Jermaine Pennant Dumps Fiance/Baby Mama for Busty Glam Model Alice Goodwin
Guess he figured he could better perfect his heading skills with a much bigger pair of fun bags.
The Record Shows. I Took the Blows. And Did It My Way.
Sarah Palin Nixes Idea of "Getting in the Mud & Engaging in Some Catfighting" with Michele Bachmann
She shouldn't be so rash. Not even in the race yet, and already she's putting the kibosh on this idea?
NYC Hottie Blogger Tionna Smalls Remains Relevant, as Her New Boutique "Loveys" Hits in a BIG Way..
I still recall 2009, when Tionna put a shout out on this blog. I covered the 1st season, but missed the 2nd, of What Chili Wants, but only b/c work kicked my ass that year.
Hell Revisited?
"Great" Lake Bell talks of reuniting the band GNR & filming an orgy scene in her new film. Oh my!
Real or Fake? (And I Don't Mean Her Kans)
Kim Kardashian sues Old Navy for using an imposter Kim in ads. I THINK the picture above shows the fake Kim and not the real one, but does it really matter?
Democrat Party Strategist Victoria Soto Calls Obama a "Deficit Hawk" Over & Over on 8/2 FoxNews!
Any leftist hottie who can keep me rolling like that for 10 damn minutes straight deserves a spot on my Ladies Panel! That's classic.
Vicky Ward of Vanity Fair
What's my point? I don't have one. I just saw her on CNN, & she's hot.
My Name Is Cookie, and "I'm an Aquaholic"
Bosomy TV chef Nigella Lawson says she needs to put down the (water) jugs and stop drinking so much H2O. Seriously.
Flunking Advocacy 101: Never Ask an Accusatory Question If You Don't Know the Answer
MSNBC hottie leftist Contessa Brewer tries to grill GOP congressman, asking "do you have a degree in economics?" Turns out he does, from Duke: "Yes ma'am, I do, with honors." Ouch.
A New Take on Man Bites Dog: "Woman Gropes TSA Agent's Breast at Security Checkpoint"
Not only did this broad allegedly grope the rack, she allegedly "squeezed and twisted the agent's breast with both hands." BTW, look at the suspect pic -- Yoko Ono?
Missouri Leftists Lament Late-Term Abortion Ban Going Into Law...
Damn pesky Roe v. Wade -- not reaching babies who can live outside the womb and all. What was the Supreme Court thinking?!
Ablaze in Spain!
32-G British glamour model Nicola McLean spotted in Marbella!
I'll Take Some Cream with Those Two, Sugar
Topless "sexpresso" bars are hotter than headlights in Washingon State.
She "Exposed a Little Too Much Flesh"
Something about "loose skin on her midriff," although does it really matter when it comes to 27-year-old British glamour model Nicola McLean?
Didn't I Watch This Crazy Scene in an Old Star Trek Picture?
Deranged 36-year-old Russian marine biologist Natalia Avseenko strips Buck Naked to go swimming with whales -- and with no signs of Art Vandelay shrinkage.
Who Says Charlie Sheen's the Demented Lunatic?
Sheen's Ex, Brooke Mueller, is seen walking the streets of Maui this week "engaged in conversations with random people in cars while clutching a wad of cash."
Advice: If This Hot Babe Wants Your Taxi Cab, Then Give It the Hell Up. And Walk the Other Way...
"Gorgeous swimsuit model Jessica White has been ordered to go to anger management sessions for an alleged cat fight with another woman over a cab."
"Yummy Mommy"
Kate Gosselin reportedly "looks better than ever as she prepares for [debut of] new season of reality show" on Monday night.
Give Me a Double Helpin' a Cream Cheese!
Ivanka Trump says she's craving cream cheese & bagels as she announces she's expecting a kid this summer. I'll expect to see a birth certificate, BTW.
No Wonder I Can't Stand These Partisan Broads...
"Politics May Trump Looks, Personality in Matters of the Heart" (hit Broads for story).
"I'm More Like the Guy When It Comes to Girls. I'm the Dominant One."
Actress Evan Rachel Wood confirms she's bisexual, not that there's anything wrong with that (hit ERW for story).
If There's Also a Ken Doll Version, I Do Not Want to See It!
New life-size Barbie measures 39-18-33 (hit pic for story). No word whether Heidi Montag or Kim Kardashian was the designer.
"Postpartum Bikini Body"
Aussie supermodel Miranda Kerr, just a few months after giving birth, hits the Malibu beaches this week for a Victoria's Secret photo shoot. (Hit MK for story)
I Could Live Under a Monarch If She Looked Like This...
Queen Rania of Jordan is facing allegations of "corruption" from some of her country's "tribes," but they better watch their mouths: In Jordan, they toss critics of the royal family into the pokey!
Scarlett, You Could Do So Much Better!!
Busty actress Scarlett Johansson is reportedly "smitten" & involved in a wild "fling" with nutjob actor Sean Penn, who's twice her age!
Heidi Montag to Join "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"?
She's been making a lot of noise about it on Twitter, but it seems this "story" is about as real as Heidi's [pick any body part].
"She Just Wants to Concentrate on Becoming a Serious Actress"
That means no more nude shoots, announces British actress & model Gemma Atkinson. Damn it!
She's One Tall Drink of Water!
Amazon Eve, who at 6'8" is the "world's tallest model," was reportedly "one model who stood above all the rest at a fundraiser at the Playboy Mansion last week." (Hit AE for story)
"Plunging Dress Causes a Situation" at the SAG Awards!
"Because I'm Latin, I'm expected to be voluptuous," said "Modern Family" star Sofia Vergara. "I think they want me with a little bit of meat." (Hit SV for story)
The Hottest Bob Barker Beauty of Alltime, Lanisha Cole, Is Back in the News!
Two words: Say No More! (Hit Hottie for story!).
Even Those Two Pairs Can't Help Piers Morgan's New Show on CNN!
His ratings are already in the tank, even w/ guests like Kim & Kourtney Kardashian (hit pic for story).
Exposed Again?!
Less than a year after "Kendra Exposed," "Girl Next Door" star Kendra Wilkinson has a second sex tape "on the way," and this time it's all-girl action w/ friend Taryn Ryan! (Hit KW for story)
He'd Be A Lot Better Served Just to Stay Home Alone!
Macaulay Culkin is reportedly now dating the pictured Spanish porn star Irene Lopez (hit pic for story). What's w/ these has-been movie stars hookin' up with porn babes?
"Have You Seen a Diamond Bracelet?!"
Beloved D-Cup Celebrity Christina Hendricks loses an $850,000 diamond bracelet at the Golden Globes, forcing the "curvy 'Mad Men' star" to scurry out of the awards & back to the red carpet to look for it! Luckily, an event staffer had found it (hit CH for story).
"JWoww Kalls Out Kim Kardashian"!
Fresh off pushing around Sammi on this week's "Jersey Shore," JWoww also blasts Kim Kardashian for not "manning up" about her new bigger lips being the result of plastic surgery (hit pic for story).
Deranged Hottie: "It's a Girl!"
Model Michelle Marie Gopaul allegedly abducts a baby girl at a casting call for a fake movie, then declares on her website that she's just given birth! She's sick. (Hit MMG for story)
"Sex Toy Queen" Straps On the Feed Bag, Gets More Than She Bargained For...
Jacqueline Gold's nanny stands accused of spiking the soup of the "sex-shop magnate" with wiper fluid and extra sugar & salt. What a Dildo! (Hit JG for story)
"Secret Boob Job?"
That's the question they're asking about country crooner LeAnn Rimes after new pics like this one this week. Sorry, but she might want to ask for a refund on that job (hit pic for story).
"Fire That B**ch"!?!
That's the headline from TMZ, which reports that Lindsay Lohan wants the Betty Ford clinic to can the staffer with whom Lohan had a physical altercation earlier this month (hit LL for story).
"You can't send small junk to a woman and expect anything!"
From the Brett Favre & Jenn Sterger sexting/donging scandal: Charles Barkley questions the size of Favre's junk: "If you’re going to send a woman a picture of your junk, it should be huge," he said. (Hit Jenn Sterger for story)
"Boobie Model"?!
That's the description leveled at the pictured Danielle Lloyd by a British website, which is celebrating the model's "return to posing for lad magazines" (hit Boobie Model for story).
Report: An Average Woman Kisses 29 Men Before She Gets Married...
...but who cares about any of that: I want to know how many LADIES the average woman smooches before she gets married! (Hit smoocheroo for story)
Long Live the Queen!
That's Italian glamour model Marika Fruscio bustin' out her royal duds for a new 2011 calendar (hit MF for item).
Where Did I Put Those Damn 3-D Glasses?!
Hot cookie Rachael Ray is taking her TV show 3-D starting on Friday (hit Double R for story).
"Sloppy Seconds"?!
That's the braggadocious description leveled by "the most hated man in the NHL," Sean Avery, in reference to his allegation that other NHL players are always dating his ex-girlfriends, including the pictured actress Elisha Cuthbert. Nice guy.
"Mammary Monday"?
I recall when we used to have so much more innocent phrases, such as "Manic Monday." But those were in days before the likes of Kacey Barnfield Hit the Internet (and before the days we even had An Internet)! Hit KB for some of the latest from the newest British Bombshell & Internet Sensation!
The British Invasion, Mark 3!
The past year has seen the arrival of British hotties Keeley Hazell & Sammy Braddy in the American pop culture, and now the trifecta is complete, with the most mainstream British bombshell yet amongst the 3: Resident Evil Afterlife's Kacey Barnfield! Hit KB for item on her new Maxim shoot.
Heidi vs. Kelly Rowland?
Now that sounds like a grudge match for the ages (hit HK for item). The "Smart Money" is on staying the hell out this one!
Move Over Kim Kardashian: Mayra & Reggie Becoming Quite the Item!
Word from Hollywood is that supermodel Mayra Veronica and Reggie Bush are becoming fairly serious in their relationship! (Hit MV for story). Kim Kardashian Must Be Fumin'!
Cia! Wish I Could Be-Ya!
Does any fashion outfit in the world have a hotter continuous stable of models than Brazilian swim brand Cia Maritima? This week the brand debuted its Moroccan-themed 2011 line to full houses in Florida & North Carolina (hit pic for story).
Buona Visione!
I think that's Italian, and I have no idea what it means, but it sure sounds like an apt description of British model Sammy Braddy, who continues to rival Keeley Hazell for the title of Hottest Brit Ever Invented (hit Sam for story).
Chalke One Up For a Great Cause
Actress Sarah Chalke takes a stroll in the park this week to benefit the fight against breast cancer (hit Chalke for item).
Rager's Grown a Bit Tired of the democrat party's War on Men...
So I give you the ultimate anthem of Real Man Liberation: "Wrapped Around Your Finger" by The Police. It gets in full Sting at 3:19, BTW.
Obama Girl Gettin' Bored!
Amber Lee Ettinger (of "Obama Girl" YouTube fame) (hit pic for video) appears on Fox Thursday night, says that she's started to sour on Obama. She actually struck me as refreshingly Independent, questioning both sides but also not taking things too seriously.
"...as I look back over a misspent life, I find myself more and more convinced that I had more fun doing news reporting than in any other enterprise. It is really the life of kings." -- H.L. Mencken, 1953 (emphasis added)
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Take This Away:
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Well it is the home of "Coney Island," after all. And we've seen knife fights fought there over "turf" before. Of course, that was in the movies (1979's The Warriors -- video at bottom) and did not involve Jason Voorhees-like psychotics nor any ballpark franks. And so it is this weekend that we get this crazy story out of the Big Apple concerning a deranged dog-slinger slicing and dicing a "rival bun hustler's" melon like it was a jar of pickle relish (allegedly).
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