Doesn't Anyone Use Fists Anymore? Vegas Man Allegedly Goes to Town on Neighbor's Skull with a Guitar and a Toilet Seat!

You know, you're not likely to end up facing attempted murder charges by just putting up your dukes -- absent perhaps (1) being a world class MMA or prize fighter cleaning the clock of some street putz or (2) continuing to beat the hell out of a dude after he's down. But once you introduce some household hardcore wrestling weapons into the brawlin' mix, all bets are off...

And so it is that 41-year-old Ronald Hetzel (mugshot above) of Las Vegas is (indeed) currently facing charges for allegedly attempting to whack out his neighbor with an odd assortment of household items -- and apparently for no good reason other than the fact that the neighbor was standing there.

Cops say they tried to slap the ol' cuffs on Hetzel when they found him shirtless and raisin' a ruckus out on the street near his house.  But Hetzel allegedly managed to scurry away, leap a fence, and duck down into his neighbor's backyard.

Hetzel next allegedy broke into the house to try to hide but found the neighbor at home. And while a bad turn of luck like that might lead many a fleeing criminal to head back outside and just keep running, Hetzel reportedly had a little something different in mind: Like passing the time by starting a pier-six brawl with the neighbor!

First Hetzel allegedly grabbed a big wooden guitar and proceeded (like some sort of poor man's New Jack) to bash the neighbor right over the head with it. But since guitars are seemingly prone to splitting into a million pieces when wielded as a weapon, Hetzel quickly needed to get his grubby paws on another blunt trauma device (allegedly)...

And where better to look for a good bludgeoning object than the nearest shithouse?  That's where Hetzel allegedly ripped out a heavy porcelain toilet lid and started tatooing the neighbor right across the mush with that weapon as well!

After some gratuitous strangulation attempts on the neighbor thereafter (allegedly), cops -- exhibiting all the one-yard-to-the-next tracking skills of a Stevie Wonder/Ray Charles tag team -- reportedly finally arrived in the house some 20 minutes later to haul Hetzel off to the hoosegow. And that's where this hot-headed hardcore hack is likely to rot for some time to come, given that he's facing a string of felony charges that include attempted murder.

Which gives me some concern. Because while I believe most toilets in the Joint don't have removable seats or lids, cons are often allowed musical instruments. Can you imagine if this Hetzel character got a hold of a damn sousaphone?

http://www.ktnv.com/news/local/163591266.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/25/ronald-hetzel-guitar_n_1702045.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news&ir=Weird%20News