If You Gotta Go: Connecticut Man with "Nervous Bowels" Allegedly Pulls a Bank Job After Taking a Shit Out in the Parking Lot!

I'd think that one thing you typically DON'T want to do before knocking over a bank is to draw any unnecessary attention to yourself. For example, you wouldn't want to start a fight in the bank prior to passing along your demand note...

Nor would you want to bang some broad out in the lobby before the job. And the same principle applies equally to using the bank parking lot for a toilet in full view of bank employees prior to even entering the joint (allegedly). Put another way, this alleged bank robber in Connecticut must've REALLY had to take a damn dump...

Cops there say employees at the New Milford bank could see (and probably get a whiff of) this guy coming a mile away. A bank supervisor reportedly smelled trouble when "a teller and a customer said they had seen a man 'pooping' in the parking lot and not being discreet."

After finishing his business out the parking lot, 55-year-old Russell D. Mace (pictured above) reportedly made his way into the bank, where he was "sweating and appeared nervous." No word whether he bothered to try to wash his hands before heading in there.

Next this parking lot pooper allegedly wasted little time in telling a male teller, "This is a robbery, give me all your money." Cops say this sloppy shitman made off with over 3,000 bucks from the heist.

And here's the real question: In the likely event that this defecating dufus didn't wash those grubby paws before pulling this piece of work (allegedly), would the bank even want that money back? I personally wouldn't get within 10 feet of them tainted presidents.

And how'd ya like to be the employee tasked with having to count those beastly bills upon their return? If ever there was some dirty money in need of launderin'...

Regardless, at least this Mace character is likely to have an actual toilet and running water at his disposal for some time to come. That's because they typically provide those things down at the hoosegow, and cops have arrested and slapped Mace's crappin' ass with bank robbery charges. And I don't see him washing his hands of this one.

http://www.newstimes.com/policereports/article/Nervous-bowels-alleged-bank-robber-in-jail-2412992.php#photo-1950271