Pretty in Pink, he's not. Cops in Pennsylvania may now reconsider taking any shifts over the witchin' hour after the freak show they say they stumbled across recently in a nightclub parking lot at midnight. I mean, this goof makes the demented Long Duk Dong look more boring than a Mitt Romney lecture on the merits of steadfastness (allegedly).Cops say 49-year-old Robert Matello (pictured at the top) first caught their eye when they spotted him and his tool toolin' around said parking lot with his britches pulled down to the pavement. But that wasn't even the half(ass) of it, not by a longshot.
The first things the cops say they saw (or "observed," as they like to say) was Matello "inserting an unknown pink object into his anus." At the same time, cops say, the bone-a-fide John Thomas was also whacking up a storm as he "held his penis looking at both Officers."
Approaching this Daft Ding Dong, the cops reportedly started in with a few routine questions, such as whether Matello was carrying any weapons on his person. And I guess this Frankfurter Freak thought he'd get some fudge points for being honest: "Yes, I have a pink dildo," Matello allegedly revealed in response to the cops' weapons inquiry.
Further appearing to seek the cops' good graces, Matello next allegedly whipped out the "pink weapon" and tried to hand it right over to the cops. Having allegedly seen precisely where that sick pleasure stick had been only moments earlier, the cops reportedly refused the evidentiary offer and told Matello to stick that damn thing right back in his pants (where he had allegedly placed it as the cops approached).This deranged Ding-a-Ling Matello even allegedly tried to offer up some Lame Dong Silver excuses in a main vein effort to escape arrest: "I was just spanking my ass," he allegedly spurted, in addition to asking whether it was any crime to "only be pleasuring myself" out in public.
But as reported by The Smoking Gun (link at bottom), "despite these reasonable explanations," cops still pounded this depraved tallywhacker's talkative ass with more trouble than even 100 pink dildos and a security guard in the basement of an L.A. pawn shop.
Specifically, this jaded Jackass-in-the-box Matello faces charges of indecent exposure, "open lewdness," and being all liquored up (all f*cked up) in public (one charge that I personally find very difficult to believe).
Sad, since I fear he's about to learn a whole new meaning for the concept of being poked with a "pink weapon" down in the hole. But who knows, since this parking lot-loving lovestick may find the joint's rough equivalent (sometimes referred to as The Yard) most pleasurable. Won't even need any toys out there!
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/sex-toy-used-in-public-654819
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