"If you gotta go, you gotta go" -- the famous last words of Sterling Hayden's corrupt police captain in The Godfather, uttered right before Melancholy Don Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) excused himself to the $hithouse at Louis' restaurant in the Bronx. To quote brother Sonny Corleone, Michael moments later came out of that bathroom "holding more than just his [junk]" and it was Bada Bing Bada Boom!:Mikey whacked out the good captain (as well as Sollozzo the drug dealer) and officially put a real damper on the veal pasta dinner ("the best in the City") the threesome had been enjoying. In an instance of life (loosely) imitating art, urination was allegedly once again a source of culinary ruin one state over in Pennsylvania this week:
23-year-old Carrie Harkness (pictured above) was in her neighborhood Country Fair convenience store in Meadville, Pennsylvania, when employees asked her to leave. This enraged the young lady, who allegedly then provided employees with a whole new meaning for the phrase "pissed off." Harkness allegedly got her wee-wee on right there in the store inside a food freezer. But that reportedly wasn't the worst part.
23-year-old Carrie Harkness (pictured above) was in her neighborhood Country Fair convenience store in Meadville, Pennsylvania, when employees asked her to leave. This enraged the young lady, who allegedly then provided employees with a whole new meaning for the phrase "pissed off." Harkness allegedly got her wee-wee on right there in the store inside a food freezer. But that reportedly wasn't the worst part.
As the linked story asks, "What kind of a person allegedly urinates in a convenience store freezer, ruining $508 worth of cookies, bagels, and other baked goods?" So let me get this straight: It wasn't just the act of wetting down the freezer -- nope, she had to go and ruin some perfectly good baked treats in the process!
And if this had merely been a freezer full of some bland ol' milk, cottage cheese and eggs, would this story be getting so much run and would Harkness be facing charges of criminal mischief and disorderly conduct? (No word yet whether Harkness will be advancing an "if you gotta go, you gotta go" defense to those charges).
Regardless, this story begs the question of why Harkness was asked to leave the store in the first place? There are precious few details on that question (never use the phrase "details are sketchy," BTW, because it's not a detail if it's "sketchy"). The only clues come from a largely nonsensical Facebook posting from Harkness, who said:
"Omg have you ever liked someone so much and go out with them and make a fool of yourself????? wish I could take back friday night!!!!! But youngstown is on point wish my friend could forgive me!!!!!!"
The only thing I can make out of that posting is that perhaps some dude worked at the convenience store and a smitten Harkness was there to see him. However, that's purely conjecture on my part (?????). But whatever Harkness was trying to say in that post, I have little doubt that she was very serious about it!!!!!! And Youngstown is right on point, damn it!!!!!
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