I Know the Feeling of Picking Up Merchandise Too Big For My Britches, But on a Burglary Heist? Dim-Witted Burglars Snatch TV Too Big For Getaway Car!

It was circa 1999 at d’Bronx pizza parlor in the Westport district of Kansas City, Missouri. Thinking I was merely ordering an extra-large (perhaps 16” or so) pizza, I made the mistake of ordering the joint’s “Party Size” pie (loaded with probably 8-10 toppings, since I’m not a single-topping sort of guy). Little did I know that such monster was a full 30-incher (pictured above) and quite voluminous to boot.

My first clue that trouble was in store was when another person had to help me haul the gigantic pizza out to my car. And that’s when the fun began, seeing as I then drove a white 1996 Ford Mustang GT convertible (I sure miss that car). No way was that pie going to fit into the little tiny trunk, and we also couldn’t figure out a way to squeeze it through the front seat and into the back seat.

Luckily it was a convertible, so as a last gasp effort I was able to take the top down and angle the giant box (nearly vertically) in that miniscule back seat. Needless to say, the pizza was thoroughly ruined because it all slid down to the bottom of the box, forming a rather sickening, gooey blob of toppings and dough in that part of the container.

That monster costs 75 bucks today, and was probably 55-60 smackers back in the day. What a waste – but at least I paid for it and wasn’t trying to knock over the pizzeria or anything.

In contrast, and speaking of wastes, that brings me to the curious case of some dumbass burglars in Sacramento. Not only were these dudes slimeballs, they were also particularly moronic sleazewads. Police say they tried to rip off a giant television from a local home, only to get the TV out to their Lexus and find that the TV wouldn’t fit in the car!

I guess they at least had the minimal level of intelligence necessary to ascertain that cutting the TV into pieces would serve no constructive re-sale burglarly purpose, since they just dumped the TV on the curb and hightailed it for the hills. (They could have at least had the courtesy to return the TV to the living room since they couldn't take it!).

A neighbor reportedly witnessed this sorry charade and called the cops, who have already made one arrest in the case and are looking for two additional suspects. They might want to check out the local kindergarten, funny farm or state capitol building since what the cops are looking for ain’t exactly the two sharpest knives in the proverbial kitchen drawer.

http://www.foxreno.com/news/26296010/detail.html