Episode Synopsis: Season 1 concludes with Michaele and Tareq Salahi officially crashing a White House State Dinner (allegedly) in late 2009, while the other cast members react (very negatively) throughout the rest of the episode, culminating with plenty of blowups and childish drama!Segment 1: It’s Tuesday, November 24, 2009. Michaele and Tareq Salahi are in a stretch limo (what else?) on their way to crash (errrr, attend) an Indian State Dinner at the White House. Michaele is on the blower with Stacie and brags about where she and Tareq are headed. Stacie invites them to dinner at her house in the next few weeks and also asks them how they managed to get an invite to the State Dinner. Michaele totally dodges the question. Then off the phone with Stacie, the Salahis continue their ride to the White House and both seem very anxious (geez, I wonder why?).
Arriving at the White House, the Salahis aren’t sure where to direct the limo driver to park (wouldn’t ya think they might just know that information if they’d actually been invited (allegedly)?). Finally, the limo just pulls over and lets the Salahis out right on the street (them being VIP guests at the White House and all)! Then the cops start telling the limo driver that he needs to get the hell out of there (since he’s illegally parked)! From there, the Salahis walk for Lord knows how long towards the White House.
At the first White House security gate, the Salahis are told that their name is not on the guest list (no way!). The lady checking the names inexplicably then tells them that they can proceed to the next security station, and that someone there can “sort this out” (security at its finest on full exhibition!).
Segment 2: This segment abruptly flashes forward to the next day – Wednesday, November 25, 2009. I’m guessing that the reality show cameras were not allowed to accompany the Salahis past that first security checkpoint, and thus we’ve seen all we’re going to see from Bravo with respect to the night of the State Dinner (a fact confirmed after having now watched the entire episode).
On November 25, it’s the daytime, and the Salahis are at a DC hotel looking at the pictures they snapped at the prior night’s State Dinner at the White House. One picture is with vice president Joe Biden, another is with Rahm Emanuel, and still another is with CBS partisan advocate (errr, news anchor) Katie Couric. Then Tareq gets a text message from a friend saying that the Washington Post’s gossip columnist is already writing about how the Salahis crashed the prior night’s State Dinner. The two of them just laugh at this. Then the show runs one of the television news reports from that day saying that the Salahis had crashed the dinner in a major breach of White House security. The story hilariously shows a picture of the Salahis, and the reporters asks, “Who ARE These People?”
Now flash forward another day, to Thursday, November 26. At Stacie’s house, she and husband Jason are startled to see a story in the morning newspaper reporting that the Salahis had crashed the State Dinner. The story reports that “this is the first time in modern history that someone has crashed a White House State Dinner.” Stacie asks, “who would have the balls to do that?” She also reads how the Salahis posted their dinner pictures on Facebook, including one where Michaele has her hand all over Joe Biden’s chest as if he was her husband!! Stacie calls Cat, who has the same feeling of disbelief that the Salahis tried (and did) pull this off. Remarks Cat: “They are so full of $hit, but they are so plastic, not fantastic.” [You know, Cat has a real gift for spontaneous rhyming phrases!]
Segment 3: Next we move forward to Saturday, November 28, 2009. At Stacie’s house, she and Lynda and Mary have gotten together and are drinking wine. They express to each other their shock that the Salahis had the gall to crash (allegedly) a White House State Dinner. Stacie is also upset that the Salahis’ actions (allegedly) “tarnished the First Dinner.” Lynda describes the Salahis as “Bonnie & Clyde in overdrive . . . they are screwing around with our president!” She also asks “why aren’t they in jail?” Mary predicts that “there is no way that they will ever be able to recover from this.” She says that “they will have to create a new identity in a new country." [BTW: This turned out to be a bad prediction on Mary's part, but a later prediction of hers in this episode turns out to be very prophetic -- as KC's Greg Hall would say, Read On...]
Next the three ladies, still sipping on the wine, resolve to get Michaele on the horn to get her side of this story. But alas, they are only able to reach Michaele’s voice mail and leave a message. Stacie leaves a very nice message aimed at getting a return call from Michaele.
On December 1, 2009, we see NBC partisan advocate (errrr, news personality) Brian Williams talking about the Salahis on the evening news, and he’s not taking any bows this time around (Shocker)! Next we see footage of the Salahis’ on that day’s Today Show with Williams’ partisan advocate-in-arms (errrr, colleague), Matt Lauer. On that show, the Salahis maintain that they were invited to the State Dinner and were not crashers. They also claim that “our lives have been destroyed” (in the short span of one week) by those who say that they crashed the dinner.
Segment 4: On Thursday, December 3, 2009, we’re next at Mary’s house. Cat shows up and breaks the amazing news that while she and her husband Charles (a White House photographer) had been invited to the White House Christmas party on December 15, she is now UN-invited simply because she knows the Salahis (and trust me, she doesn’t even like them)! Cat seems furious that this un-invitation has occurred due to the actions of “Miss Plastic, Not Fantastic.”
Next we see video from CNN partisan advocate (errr, talking head) Anderson Cooper talking about the Salahis' crashing (allegedly) of the State Dinner, followed by the reaction of White House press secretary and son of Karl Rove, Robert Gibbs. It’s noted that the Salahis are potentially facing felony criminal charges as a result of the incident.
On the evening of Wednesday, January 13, 2010, we’re now at Cat’s house, where she talks to husband Charles about the stress that the Salahis’ have caused in her life. And there’s tension between Cat and Charles (probably as a result of the stress from the Salahis’ (alleged) actions), as Cat complains to him about failing to sharpen any of the house’s knives recently (she remarks that the dull knives “just aren’t cutting it” for her). Then more TV news footage is shown and it’s revealed that the House Homeland Security Committee wants the Salahis to come in for a congressional hearing -- MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow (also a partisan advocate, although at least she, to her credit, never pretends to be anything else) jokingly comments that “everyone’s suggesting that they [the Salahis] RSVP yes” to the House Committee’s request.
At Lynda’s apartment, Cat, Mary, Lynda and Paul Wharton are watching coverage of the Salahis’ testimony before the House Committee. Upon the very first question from the Committee, Tareq takes the Fifth (invoking his constitutional right not to testify in a way that may be incriminating towards himself)! He continues to take the Fifth upon further questioning. The Committee scolds them fairly harshly after that (although the Salahis do have a right to take the Fifth and say nothing).
One grandstanding fool Congressman (Lundgren, whomever that is) starts ranting about the “Constitution protects fools, it protects stupidity” – STFU already, politician. Who’s the more slimy in this picture? The (1) grandstanding politicians who preside over these BS congressional “hearings” with their incessant speech-making or (2) the Salahis themselves? It’s a very close question that I’ll leave you to decide. Then some congresswoman named Cuellar launches into her speech sticking it to the Salahis, although she actually makes some good, rational criticisms of the Salahis’ conduct and therefore gets a pass from me. Yet another congressman calls the Salahis “egomaniacal,” which is a comment very much adored by the spectating Lynda, Mary, Cat and Paul. Lynda remarks, “go to jail,” Salahis. Then the Committee directs some questions to Michaele, and she like Tareq also takes the Fifth.
Then focus shifts back to Tareq, who actually takes the Fifth when asked the simple questions of whether he wore a tux that night and whether he was actually at the event! Next some wiseass congressman asks Tareq whether “you are here right now,” and Tareq actually turns to his attorney for advice on answering that question! Back at Lynda’s apartment, Lynda is piling on Michaele, and she gets into it a bit with Paul, who considers Michaele a friend even though he agrees that the Salahis acted inappropriately in crashing (allegedly) the State Dinner.
Then HILARIOUS! The group at Lynda’s apartment discusses the topic of “who’s going to hire Michaele” for a job after all this. Mary predicts, “I think Playboy is next”! And mind you, this was almost a full year in advance of the announcement that Michaele will be appearing in Playboy. Mary sure nailed that one! The ladies then joke about how Playboy will have to “pad that,” in reference to Michaele’s lack of a chest! (This was precisely my comment when the recent news broke about Michaele’s Playboy appearance).
Segment 5: It’s Thursday, January 21, 2010, and we’re back at Lynda’s apartment. Stacie, Cat and Mary all show up for a meeting amongst the entire cast of the show (save Michaele). They’re meeting to discuss their approach to the dealing with the Salahis going forward. Stacie says that she still wants to hear the Salahis’ side of the story (a noble desire, BTW). Cat comes up with a new moniker for the Salahis – “Celebrity Terrorists.” Stacie wants to invite the Salahis to a dinner, with everyone attending, so that the Salahis can explain their side of things.
But Mary says there’s no way in hell she can be in their presence after they leveled accusations at Mary’s daughter Lolly about being involved in the theft of a vehicle and polo gear belonging to the Salahis (aside point: Mary has an extremely freckled chest, BTW, which I don’t think I’ve previously noted -- you'll find I'm chalk full of non-sequiturs like that!). Lynda also says that she currently has no desire to be around the Salahis. BUT CAT WANTS to be there to confront them, since she got un-invited from the White House Xmas party as a result of even knowing the Salahis.
Next It’s Dinner Time with the Salahis! Michaele and Tareq show up at Stacie’s house, with Stacie, Jason and Cat all in attendance. There is an immediate “can you even cut it with a knife” tension between Cat and the Salahis. Cat sits away from them in the living room, not looking at them, and taking deep breaths to try to keep from exploding upon them verbally. As the Turners and the Salahis make small talk, Cat exits the room in a huff. She then promptly re-enters the room, all bundled up for the cold, and announces that “I’m out of here.” But before she goes, she starts blasting on the Salahis! “You are two of the most artificial, most fake people, that I have ever met in my entire life. You are a disgrace to America!” Michaele stands up: “I won’t take your abuse. You need to be a lady!” Cat calls them a “disgrace” again and storms out.
Segment 6: In the meantime, Michaele has also put on her coat to leave, but Jason hilariously sweet talks her into taking off the coat and staying awhile (have I mentioned before that Jason is one of my favorite people on this show – yes, of course I have). The Turners are easily the two nicest people on this show (and about the only couple you’d like to know in real life), and yet they are also the most capable of putting on a great shuck-and-jive with fellow castmates! Here, it’s all designed to get the Salahis comfortable so that they will hopefully divulge some details about the now-infamous State Dinner!
The Turners and Salahis then sit back down in the Turners’ living room. Stacie reveals to the Salahis that Cat was un-invited from the White House Christmas party because she (Cat) knew the Salahis. Then, complete WEIRDNESS! Stacie merely alludes to the craziness of the past weeks, and Michaele declares that they can’t talk about the State Dinner and even acts at first like she and Tareq must leave. Michaele then says that their “real friends” don’t feel the need to even raise the subject.
Then Jason “cuts to the chase”: He and Stacie want to know the Salahis' side of the story because they have trouble reconciling the news accounts with the Salahis that they’ve grown to know in recent months. AND THAT’S IT! Michaele says, “We’re Done!”, and she and Tareq start to storm out. Off-camera, Stacie observes that this whole “WE CAN’T TALK” thing was being driven more by Michaele than Tareq (whereas most of the Salahis' drama is more typically driven by Tareq, seemingly).
Making their exit, the Salahis scurry out the Turners’ back door (apparently to avoid Bravo’s cameras as best they can), which visibly irritates Stacie and Jason. Back in the house, Stacie realizes that Cat hasn’t really left, but rather is still lingering about out in the yard (more weirdness!). Stacie invites Cat back in, and Cat returns. The three of them discuss the crassness of the Salahis' behavior this night [allegedly -- in case you haven't noticed, I feel the need the say "allegedly" in almost every sentence involving the Salahis since they might otherwise sue me, as they've threatened to do recently with respect to ALL of their DC castmates for so much as even raising the possibility that the Salahis "crashed" the State Dinner].
Stacie then actually refers to the Salahis as “deranged” (which I love, since that’s one of my favorite words) and Jason refers to Tareq as “a fool.” This whole event has been very off-putting to the Turners, who previously were willing to listen to the Salahis’ side of the story. The First Season ends with Cat’s observation that “there’s never a dull moment in DC.” Which is certainly one way of putting it! END OF SEASON ONE.
Final Comment: This was the Season Finale, and thus my coverage of this show ends. Bravo is reportedly airing "Reunion" shows with the cast members the next two Thursdays. I won't be covering those, but I thought I'd mention them for anyone who might be interested. Season 1 is now over. Thank God (I feel just like the ring announcer at the end of the Thunderlips-Rocky Balboa charity fight in Rocky III). Out.
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