These Broads'll Give Ya a Tailgate Right in the Mush! Motor City Cops Cry Personal Foul on Lap Dancing Ladies Doing Their Thing in NFL Parking Lot...

These prudish cops ruined a perfect thing. Football tailgating already had it all. You gots booze. You gots eats. You gots smokes. You gots tunz. Sometimes a zany hobo or midget might even stumble by. But this great thing got even better at this week's Monday Night Football game in Detroit, as the "Booty Lounge" rolled into the parking lot to offer up a bit of boobs and bare ass to top off your bratwurst. (Link at bottom)

The "Booty Lounge" mobile strip club hit the Ford Field tailgaiting scene before the Lions/Bears MNF game, charging a paltry 10 bucks for admission onboard right there in the parking lot. The interior of this bazonga bus reportedly had patron seating on one side, and stripper stages (complete with poles) on the other side.

But the fun bags apparently came crashing down like a Ndamukong Suh sack victim once some grouchy parents complained that the Booty ladies might expose little Junior to a little too much pigskin out in the parking lot. So -- despite Detroit having no ordinance against mobile strip clubs -- cops did their best to concoct something, anything, to get the Booty babes' offense off the field.

As a result, cops impounded the peeler party bus -- headlights and all -- based on some unsportsmanlike drivel about failing to comply with state inspection and licensing requirements. Curmudgeons. The injury report: A tailgating Utopia ruined like the buffet at the Harrow Club this morning; a rotten blow to the gut much like a 99-yard kickoff return for a touchdown that gets called back for a damn clip.

Are you happy, Grumpy Gus parents? Did you wake up on gameday and say, "Today, I'm gonna ruin some men's dreams"? But regardless, to the Booty Lounge: Hightail them tailgating hoochie mamas down I-75 and I-70 to Camarohead Stadium in Kansas City. The rig's already the perfect red color, and I got a 10 buck note and a bunch of singles just burnin' a damn hole over here!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2048353/Booty-Lounge-mobile-strip-club-impounded-police-Detroit-Lions-tailgate.html

Forget Liar; Now He's Accused of Being Laggard-In-Chief. No Wonder He Seems to Be So Chummy w/ Fellow DC Insider Boehner Away from the Political Realm

He likes to knock off for the day at 4:00 p.m. That this week from a new article on Obama from the New York Post entitled, "Aimless Obama Walks Alone" (link at bottom). And why wouldn't he hightail it out of there, Fast & Furious like, everyday at 4 and go hit the links? Nothing better for him to be doing, after all, than just some damn pesky presidential work. In a once-great nation spiraling into an economic and monetary abyss.

But it does explain how Obama -- away from political jockeying -- has always seemed to hit it off so well with the so-called speaker of the House and republic partisan John "Party Time" Boehner (who was equally responsible along with his good buddy Barry for S&P's credit downgrade of America a few months back). More specifically...

...It's long been common knowledge in DC that Party Time -- when he's not crying a river, puffing on his smokes, golfing with Obama, or lying in the tanning bed --routinely closes up shop in his House office between 3 and 5 in the afternoon to go hit the nearest happy hour. My oh my -- birds of a fat, lazy feather a' flockin' together!

And these are the two most powerful political figures in the country? Given the current state of things, I guess that pretty well figures. But at least the two of them do have some things in common. Too bad the best interests of the country aren't among them.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/aimless_obama_walks_alone_OUgoMTkORRJioLl7B6ZYmN

It's in the Wind: High Profile "Independent" Presidential Candidate Is Likely in 2012 AD. But Excuse Me If I Don't Throw a Big Keg Party Over Here...

(...although if I can line up a couple of hot ladies like those above to plant a big smoocheroo on each other, then I might reconsider my keg party stance.)

Faster than you can say "Ross Perot Was Crazy," multiple links at bottom make clear that there's a growing push (by "Americans Elect" and others) for a viable third-party and/or Independent presidential candidate next year. I think it will probably happen and I felt compelled to say a word or two about it here, although I'm not firing off any fireworks over the notion.

Sure, I'd probably vote for such a candidate. After all, I always vote for third-party candidates at the presidential level. I've never voted for a republic partisan gop-er for president and only once did I ever vote for a member of the leftist 20 percenter democrat party (slimeball Bill Clinton hoodwinked the young, dumb Rager in 1992 AD).

But make no mistake: The candidate would have no chance. Our rotten two-party system is THAT entrenched in an American political culture that's evolved into this subhuman sort of slime creature dead-set on ending this country as we know it. Look no further than Exhibits 1 and 2: 12 years of doctrinaire, destructive sleazebuckets like George W. Bush and His Majesty Barack H. Obama.

I've often pointed out the statistic: The best third-party presidential performance in American history came almost 100 years ago in 1912 AD, when ultra-charismatic former president Teddy Roosevelt managed to garner only a paltry 27% of the popular vote. (BTW, he and the gop-er candidate lost that year, and in a big way, to leftist Woodrow Wilson).

But I don't want to come across as totally defeatist, because that's not even my main reason for having scant enthusiasm for some "savior" third-party candidate. Instead, I have little doubt that any such candidate is going to come straight out of one of the two corrupt, out-of-touch parties that we already have. For example: A Hillary Clinton; A Ron Paul; A Colin Powell. No Thanks; No Thanks; and No Thanks.

However, as stated many times in this space over the past year, one such person whom I would welcome as an Independent candidate remains The Donald Trumper himself. I'm on record: Doubt I could ever vote for his crazy ass, but I'd sure love the high entertainment of him running a campaign and participating in debates against the sad likes of Obama and stand-for-nothing partisan stiff known as Mitt Romney.

So Give Me Trump, or Give Me Nothing, in 2012 AD. Otherwise, you're just boring me over there.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1011/65508.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44794647/ns/politics/
http://www.politico.com/politicoprimary/

He Put Him Through a Meat Grinder -- Literally: Ruskie Accused of Whacking Out In-Law, Then Serving Up the Old Guy in a Batch of Pies at the Kremlin!

OK, enuf already! If you must snuff out a relative on an empty stomach, then go get a damn Big Mac after the piece of work's done and leave the corpse alone! Geez Louise. First we had the story earlier this week of the broad up for parole after bumping off and cooking up her old man for Thanksgiving dinner, and now this:

Cops in Moscow, Russia have busted a Kremlin cafe chef for allegedly adding more than just pepperoni and sirloin to his pies. It's not clear what led the chef to push a button on his father-in-law in the first place (allegedly), but I'm guessing bad economic times may have forced the chef to look for cheaper alternatives to the butcher chop for his pie meat...

That's because cops say the chef hacked up the old timer and promptly put the stiff to use in his popular cafe near the Kremlin. No word whether or not this deranged cookie first shouted, "I'm gonna make mincemeat outta you," but the fact remains that father-in-law met the chef's meat mincer right after the rotten deed (allegedly).

And what makes this maniacal meatman arguably even worse than the Thanksgiving dame is the fact that she only sliced, diced and dipped her old man in barbeque sauce for personal consumption. Cops say this demented beast chef in Russia served up his daddy-in-law to unwitting members of the public right there at the cafe!

In particular, this meat-mincing madman is alleged to have stuffed "dozens of pies" with the old codger's remains and then sold the foul pies to unsuspecting customers (least I hope they were unsuspecting).

This crazy chef's little pie parade came to an end, however, when "the exact nature of the ingredient was discovered." Yes, I'd guess the customers would get a little antsy when they spy an eyeball in the pie filling.

Now this butcher of the Baltics may have to live in a real shanck-house for some time to come, since he faces murder charges. Just keep his ass out of kitchen detail, please.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2046521/Russian-chef-murdered-father-law-ground-meat-served-pies-customers-popular-cafe.html

Liar-In-Chief: If Obama Would Lie About Something As Trivial As Meeting a Dude and the Guy's Employment Status, Then What Else Would He Lie About?

This item was largely glossed over Friday by the "mainstream" media (predictably) and the right-wing media alike (probably because deranged right-winger Rick Perry did something similar recently). But it still was significant to me. Obama was caught very clearly in direct lies from his Thursday press conference concerning his new spending bill. So what did he lie about?

The total cost of the bill? How it'll be paid for? His latest changing definition of "millionaires and billionaires"? Nope. None of those things (at least as far as we know). And if he was going to tell some lies, he should have saved the lies for things like that, because at least then he would have been putting the lies to good use. (After all, never let a good crisis -- or lie, for that matter -- go to waste, no?) Instead, we get this:

Said Obama at the presser: "I had a chance to meet a young man named Robert Baroz (a school teacher) . . . In the last few years, he's received three pink slips because of budget cuts. Why wouldn't we want to pass a bill that puts somebody like Robert back in the classroom teaching our kids?"

But as reported by the Boston Herald (link at bottom): "Two problems: Obama never met Baroz. And Baroz remains happily employed." As the Herald further reports, Baroz has visited the White House before, but has never met Obama. Further, while he did get three pink slip, "in each case his job was saved." Translation: He's not out of work and never was; and regardless, Obama sure as hell never "met" the guy.

Now, I know the typical partisan response when one of their jerkwads is caught in a lie: "Well, who cares, because all politicians lie, especially the ones on the other side." First off, as detailed many times in this space, the second-grade-style "two wrongs make a right" argument (i.e., "yeah but, you guys do it too") doesn't work with this Independent. I couldn't give a rat's ass if slimeballs in the other party lie because I'm not a member of that party.

More importantly, don't give me the "all politicians lie" line of bullshit when it comes the damn PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. Excuse me over here, but I hold the president to just a little higher standard than Patty "Wasserman" Simpson running around the halls of Congress.

That's the reason why Clinton pissed me off in 1998 AD. I could have gotten past him getting a consensual Lewinsky from a young intern at the White House if he'd admitted what happened and had said let's move on. But I don't get past him looking the American people in the eye and lying about what happened.

I guess at the end of the day, Clinton the liar and slimeball at least showed himself capable of moving to the center and accomplishing some important things with gop-ers (balanced budget, welfare reform) as a result. Obama's not even capable of that. He's just a liar. And a rather petty one, at that.

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view.bg?articleid=1371584

KILL ALL THE DAMN MILLIONAIRES!

Just make sure to preside over a national day of mourning when one of them dies. Especially if the guy is one of those good millionaires. And also if he's the same color as all the various anti-Semitic, leftist 20 percenter occupiers down on Wall Street. 20% For Life, Baby! That'll snag the Independents, for sure!

Links:
1. "Obama hails Steve Jobs as brave, bold and talented":
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/10/05/obama-hails-jobs-as-brave-bold-and-talented/

2. "GE's Immelt Calls Steve Jobs 'Hero to Everybody In This Generation":
http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2011/10/06/ges-immelt-calls-steve-jobs-hero-to-everybody-in-this-generation/?mod=google_news_blog

3. "Email: 'Time to kill the wealthy'":
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1011/65307.html

4. "Dozens arrested at anti-Wall St. protest":
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1011/65215.html

5. "Occupy Wall Street 'Stands in Solidarity' With Obama Front Group":
http://www.infowars.com/occupy-wall-street-stands-in-solidarity-with-obama-front-group/

6. "Are the Wall Street protests racist and anti-Semitic?":
http://www.examiner.com/conservative-in-spokane/are-the-wall-street-protests-racist-and-anti-semitic

They Voted for Walking Sarcophagus John McCain, Then Made Their Little Son Sleep in One in a "Haunted, Bug-Infested Basement" (Allegedly)...

With supporters like this, who needs the democrat party! No wonder McCain got his ossified old ass kicked in 2008 AD -- if this is the kind of voters he attracted! Now, I didn't vote for Obama in 08 AD. Knew exactly what he'd be all about. But I also didn't vote for tired old man McCain, whom I didn't think at that point had any business being president of the United States. But this deranged couple (allegedly) in Pennsylvania apparently didn't agree...

And are they sure this wasn't Transylvania? Cops in Scranton PA have busted parents (and apparent McCain supporters) Brian Sleboda and Lori Gardner (each pictured individually below) for allegedly forcing their 7-year-old son to wear diapers and sleep in a damn coffin (pictured above)! And that wasn't even the worst of it (allegedly)!

The couple allegedly stashed the casket and the boy in the "bug-infested" basement of their residence (the home's also pictured above). One positive thing for the parents, however, is that they did try to encourage the boy to always get a good night's sleep by painting the acronym "RIP" on top of the box (allegedly). (Although, I think a simple "goodnight" would have sufficed).

This sick couple (allegedly) is accused of sticking the diaper-clad boy in the pine box each night to sleep -- sometimes taping his trap shut with duct tape, while at other times using said duct tape to secure the top of the box so the boy couldn't escape.

As a special added deterrent apparently aimed at keeping the boy in that box, the parents also allegedly told the boy that "ghosts inhabited the basement." They even allegedly added some scary sound effects to reinforce the message -- reportedly "picking up chains and dropping them to scare him."

Apparently the couple also likes their smokes, because they allegedly added to the basement's eerie atmosphere by cutting out all the lights and only "illuminating" the joint with a Camel cigarette "Exotic Blends" light-up sign.

I just hope junior wasn't one of those little punks who likes to load up on the water before bedtime, since this basement reportedly didn't have so much as a pot to piss in (making it even worse than the hole at the hoosegow). Instead, there was only a broken shitter over in the corner that didn't work.

And what kind of a dingy dungeon would this be without some nice bugs? Cops say this wretched hive was wrought with the crawly things, with flies and ticks "swarming" all over the broken toilet in this bug-infested basement.

As for mommy and daddy, they may have to "rest in peace" for awhile to come in the local pokey, since cops have slapped their Camel smokin', haunted-house lovin' (allegedly) asses with felony child endangerment and unlawful restraint charges. Meantime, something tells me that McCain's removed his sign by now.

http://thetimes-tribune.com/news/mom-stepfather-held-in-county-prison-over-alleged-child-abuse-1.1213125#axzz1ZuPLPYNM

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2045130/Boy-7-locked-coffin-bug-infested-basement-days.html

"Who's Van Jones?" VP Joe Biden Claims He's Not Familiar With Obama's Former "Green Jobs" Czar. And You Know What? I Might Actually Believe Him...

True, there seems to be no shortage of Obama underlings these days claiming they're not familiar with things when it seems obvious from documentary evidence that they are (see Obama's absolutely disgraceful attorney general, Eric Holder, and the ongoing "Fast & Furious" scandal -- third link at bottom). But Biden making the facially preposterous claim this week that he's not sure who former Obama "czar" Van Jones is (first link at bottom) may actually be a distinguishable situation.

After all, Jones -- the self-described "communist" and admitted 9/11 conspiracy theorist -- wasn't around very long following his appointment by Obama in 2009 AD. Once Jones' rather radical (about the nicest way I can put it) viewpoints came to light in public, Obama forced his ass to the curb (errr, to resign) around midnight on a Saturday night in early September 2009 AD.

(Jones, BTW, was back in the news this week as he likened the largely incoherent, leftist 20-something Wall Street protesters (pictured below) to the so-called "Arab Spring" revolutions and called on the Wall Street protesters to mount an "October offensive" here in the United States (second link at bottom). Swell dude, no?)

So we're talking about one of Obama's crazy czars who wasn't around long in that position and then took a midnight train going anywhere so that the story could be buried with scant media attention over a weekend back in September 2009 AD. Given those oddball circumstances, how in the hell was Biden supposed to know about Jones or who he was??? (Not to mention, Biden's never been accused of being the brightest firefly in the Shit House.)

I can still recall the complete chickenshit move that was Jones' "resignation" late that Saturday night (my blog post from that weekend is the fourth link at bottom). But then again, I follow this crap rather closely (don't ever let all my crazy crime and T&A coverage fool ya) -- more closely, apparently, than even the vice president of the United States. Or so he'd have you believe.

Links:
1. http://www.schnittshow.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=124415&article=9202056&65

2. http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/223269/20111002/van-jones-tea-party-rebuild-the-dream.htm

3. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31727_162-20115038-10391695.html

4. http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2009/09/van-jones-resigns-tonight.html

Record Rack: Ladies Set New Guinness Mark for Longest Bikini Parade in the History of the Civilized World!

I've never been much into parades. Just a personal thing. The novelty of watching out-of-tune marching bands, evil-looking clowns, people waving at me for no good reason, and old codgers driving around in little midget cars wore off for me when I was about eight. But then again, I've never seen a parade like this one before!

This chesticle spectacle went down over the weekend at a beach called Surfers Paradise on Australia's Gold Coast. They had more broads and cans at this event than a Hotlanta strip joint when the NBA's in town. The Guinness numbers they had to reach to set a new record: 332 shapely dames and 664 dirty pillows.

They got there, but only by the string of their bosomy bosomed bikini. The final tata tally totaled 357 full-figured dolls, which unofficially adds up to 714 fun bags. That makes it the longest bikini parade in recorded history, even going back to an era that Australians seem to hate -- the BC years. Just get a load of this cute little number below -- she's damn proud to be a part of this record!

And guess what: The Guinness record-breaking effort would have been even more well-endowed if it wasn't for the event's damn pesky rules, which required all of these buxom babes to actually have a bikini on as they strutted their balconies down the beach. Reportedly, at least five of these ample dishes were disqualified for not having a proper top on at all. How petty.

But on the flip side, it seems like a good thing that they didn't shatter the old record by too much. That makes it easier to have a follow up event down the road that sets a new record. I mean, say they'd had 50,000 hotties and 100,000 melons out here for this thing? You might've never seen another bikini parade after that since potential organizers would figure the record was unattainable.

So when it comes to the robust realm of the bikini parade, methinks we don't need anything like the 100-point game from Wilt Chamberlain or the 56-game hitting streak from Joe DiMaggio. Let's try to keep the record manageable so that there's something to look forward to (and look at) next year. The ladies demand it!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2044676/Worlds-largest-bikini-parade-record-set-357-women-Surfers-Paradise.html

Back to the Cannibal Kitchen? Ex-Model Who Cooked Up & Ate Her Old Man for Thanksgiving Dinner 20 Years Ago Is Up For Parole This Week...

I can understand wanting a little variety for that Thanksgiving dinner. I'm not much of a cooked turkey guy myself (tastes liked cardboard), and I'd welcome a change of pace sometimes (lasagna, ham, whatever). But this broad took Thanksgiving experimentation to hellish lows, whacking out her husband over the Thanksgiving weekend in 1991 before cooking him into a dinner and gobbling him up.

She's ex-model Omaima Aree Nelson (pictured above and then below with her dead old man), and she's spent the past 20 years in the state hoosegow in Cali. How such a deliberate murder (topped off by cannibalism) only garners a sentence of "27 years to life" -- along with parole eligibility -- I'll never know. Then again, it is California. And now Omaima has a parole hearing this week where she'll plead to be let out the joint.

The then-24-year-old Omaima had only been married to her old man (56-year-old William Nelson) for a month when Thanksgiving rolled around in 1991. But instead of making hubby a bird, Omaima whipped up a last supper with the old man as the main course.

Omaima first put her old man's head in a giant pot and boiled it up on the stove like a whole chicken. But she didn't forget a side dish. For that, she fried up the old man's paws in cooking oil.

And no Thanksgiving feast would be complete without some kind of juice or gravy to smother everything in. Specifically, Omaima has admitted to dipping her cooked hubby's remains in a damn vat of barbecue sauce!

But dinner with the deranged Omaima came crashing to a halt, apparently, when neighbors heard and complained of "constant chopping sounds" coming from Omaima's home, not to mention the endless churning of her garbage disposal for "a long time."

"Omaima Nelson did not seem like a person that was coherent," crowed local cop and rocket scientist Bob Phillips at the time. He added: "Omaima Nelson is the most bizarre and sick individual I've had the occasion to meet." Something tells me that Phillips has never met Janeane Garofalo, but I digress.

Now, in case you're worried that Omaima's next Thanksgiving banquet might be prepared on the freedom of the outside, the local district attorney maintains that "the parole board doesn't want to let a cannibal out." So: Garden-variety murderer -- maybe. Cannibal -- nothin' doing. Such sticklers, these California parole boards.

http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/weird/Ex-Model-Who-Killed-and-Ate-Huby-Seeks-Parole-130862888.html
http://www.albawaba.com/blog_roundup/egyptian-man-eater-omaima-nelson-seeks-parole-1991-husband-murder-meal-394785

Yahtzee THIS, Bee-otch! Florida Man Allegedly Tries to Choke Out His Old Lady Following a Disagreement Over the Popular Dice Game...

I'm struggling to ponder how two people could have a "heated disagreement" over a damn game of Yahtzee. There are no judgment calls in that game and -- absent the use of loaded dice -- very few real ways to cheat.

I can only guess one of two possibilities: (1) He thought his old lady was fudging on her scorecard, sort of like a sleazewad golfer; or (2) She reveled a little too much in her success, perhaps screaming "Yahtzee!!!" one too many times during the game.

But regardless of the precise reason, cops in Florida say it was, indeed, a Yahtzee dispute that led 50-year-old Ian Stuart Wood (pictured in the mugshot immediately above) to throw more than just the dice at his wife (41-year-old Michelle Wood) last weekend.

Michelle says that once the argument broke out, she just wanted to leave the house, but her old man was having none of that! She says things first started to get dicey when the old man laid his grubby paws on her and tossed her to the ground like she was a pair of dice in a game of street craps. For good measure, he also allegedly hid the phone in order to make its use more elusive than a large straight.

When Michelle then started screaming, she says the enraged old man's first priority was to try to muzzle her by placing said grubby paws over her mouth as he cursed at her. He also allegedly thrust one of his knees into her hindquarters while trying to get her to shut the hell up.

And even if he earlier had to take a zero on Full House, hubby still went for the full-on Yahtzee bonus on his screamin' old lady (allegedly). In particular, Michelle says the old man next tried to choke her out right there on the floor until she could no longer breathe! (I guess at least he didn't try to slice and dice her, like that Machete freak a few days ago).

Michelle says she was eventually able to escape to a neighbor's house to call 911 and sick the cops on the old man's dice-throwin' and neck-chokin' (allegedly) ass.

When cops arrived at the joint, they say they found a home that had been trashed by the angry old man, who was reportedly crashing in his bed "surrounded by overturned furniture and beer cans" strewn about like they were so many threes and fours of a kind.

The old man next used up his chance box and allegedly told the cops that he never laid a hand on his old lady, instead claiming she had just fallen down on her own "because she was a pill popper." But the cops said no dice to that story and cuffed and stuffed the old man -- who was reportedly drunk and beat his head against the side of the cop car "all the way to jail."

Now the old guy may have to get up his next Yahtzee game inside the can, as he faces a bevy of charges that include spousal abuse, kidnapping and resisting arrest. I just hope he brings his Yahtzee box with him to the hoosegow, especially if he's the kind of guy who would give anything to roll the dice just one more time.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/09/yahtzee-attack-fla-man-allegedly-chokes-wife-during-game/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2043138/Ian-Stuart-Wood-Florida-man-choked-wife-heated-game-Yahtzee.html

New England Man Gives Bikini Car Washes a Bad Name; Gets Busted for Going Through a Car Wash Buck Naked, Holding Only His Foam Gun!

I get that it's a rotten economy and the common element of water being involved, but sorry -- nude bathing and public car washes just don't mix. And I don't care how much you like to multitask or to kill two birds with one detail job. But those sentiments sure as hell didn't stop one Rhode Island man from showing off his leafless little soldier at a Massachusetts car wash recently...

65-year-old Robert E. Bailey even admits he unveiled his water pump and bare undercarriage during his little float trip through the local Economy Car Wash. I just hope he wasn't try to polish the chrome with that one-eyed turtle wax.

Things began to rain all over the deranged waterman's parade when a 45-year-old woman noticed Bailey washing his pickup truck while sporting nothing but a smile and an unsheathed view of his booster pump. None too appreciative, the woman looked to blow Bailey right out of the water by calling the cops.

That's when Bailey tried to test the waters with a little clearcoat subterfuge by tossing on a pair of briefs before the cops showed up. Yeah, that'll show 'em! Why bother putting all your clothes on, after all, when it's really only necessary to toss a wash rag over Long Dong Silver and his two little friends?

But regardless, Bailey's effort to cover up the evidence just didn't wash or hold any water with the cops, who busted Bailey's bare, washed-up ass on an "open and gross conduct" charge. And that was a hard charge to fight, I'd imagine, since nothing says "gross" quite like a stark-naked fog horn (even with reverse osmosis).

So this week Bailey pleaded guilty to the charge, and apparently as a result avoided any hard time (or soap dropping) inside the local water cooler. He instead received a year's probation, but before muddying the water with any suggestion that he got off spot free...

...Bailey's still in hot water. Get some degreaser to spray down this scuzball.

First, his little tunnel wash stunt means he now has to register as a sex offender -- officially making this the most expensive car wash since the Roman chariots got stuck in the Carthaginian mud during the first Punic War in 250 BC. (I know, because I was there, said Patton).

Bailey's also now had his water cut off, since the judge ordered him to stay away from Economy Car Wash -- whether he's naked or fully-clothed at the time.

He can't even so much as set foot in the prep area. But tell me -- how's a grown man to keep himself clean, shiny and fully waxed with all these restrictions?!?

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20112433-504083.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/28/man-who-washed-truck-nake_0_n_984452.html