A New Meaning for "The Munchies": "U.S Pot Growers Use Alligator to Protect Stash." Here Are Two Ways These Alleged Paca Lolo Potheads Went Wrong...

Forget the watchdog – these alleged dope fiends will hit ya with a gator if you try coming around their "joint": Cali cops this week say they found a $1.5 million Ganja-growing operation (pictured on right) at a local compound that was being guarded by an alligator! (Links to full story at bottom).

Cops says the reptile's name was "Wally the Watchgator," and that he alone garnered watch duty around his alleged Hog Leg owners' weed compound, serving (allegedly) as the primary protection for some 2,300 Mary Jane vines.

When cops busted out this alleged La La Limbo "joint" this week, they subdued and seized the gator and chomped him off to a Cali animal sanctuary since the Bayou reptile is highly illegal to own as a pet in the Land of Fruits & Nuts.

Cops were also chomping at the proverbial bit to throw the book at compound resident, 29-year-old John Nathan Donna. He got sent to the pokey on Mr. J cultivation and possession charges, although he bonded out for a little more than 420 -- a hundred grand to be exact.

OK, so as teased, here are the two ways in which the allegedly Kind Bud Onion Lovin' inhabitants of this compound went way off track in their little security efforts: First – DUDES: At least get a FULL-SIZE gator to safeguard your stash!!! Little Wally was reportedly a midget gator, measuring in at a mere four feet long! (A picture of some dork holding the little guy is above).

Second, GET A DAMN CROCODILE if you want to Jib the potential jokers looking to heist your Jay! Alligators are wusses. They're afraid of humans and will only act aggressively towards a man if they feel cornered. Crocodiles, in contrast, represent a very different animal, both literally and figuratively.

A crocodile has no fear of a man, and will actually actively stalk and hunt a man for a meal if he feels like it. Put in simple terms – (1) Alligator watchdog: won't do $hit to protect your stash unless the burglar happens to actually step on the alligator; versus (2) Crocodile watchdog: Will be proactive and start hunting the burglar as soon as the Croc gets a whiff of the bozo being on the property!

Oh well. Stupid criminals (allegedly).

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1364627/Watchgator-Four-foot-long-alligator-protecting-1-5million-drug-stash.html?ito=feeds-newsxml
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/03/09/ap/strange/main20041161.shtml?tag=cbsnewsSectionContent.12http://www.thevalleychronicle.com/articles/2011/03/10/news/doc4d79480866411157648705.txt

OUCH! Obama's Job Approval Rating Among Independents Crashes 10 Percentage Points in the Past Month...

…These numbers are from a new poll this week by Reuters/Ipsos (link to full story at bottom). The democrat party and Obama alike hate these kinds of numbers, because they know full well that my fellow Independents, who represent about 40% of the country, decide all of the partisans' election outcomes. And they know full well that Obama's little dishonest "moderate" act helped garner enough Independent votes (not mine) to sweep him into office in 2008 and will be equally crucial to his 2012 chances.

Specifically, the new poll reports that Obama's job approval ratings among Independents took a "sharp dive" over the past month, to a rather pathetic 37% from 47%. When Obama feigned a "move to center" act after the 2010 midterm elections and "compromised" with republicans in late 2010 on an extension of current income tax rates across the board, His Majesty's polls numbers went up a bit in the last few months with Independents.

But it's good to see that Majesty's completely disingenuous "march to the center" has started to ring rather hollow with my fellow Independents. Pollsters are chalking up Obama's plunge with the Independents solely to higher gas prices recently. Of course that's a factor, but the only one? Please.

I'm sure the Big Collapse has had absolutely nothing to do with the utterly pathetic 2011 budget that Obama offered up recently which does truly nothing to make a significant dent in our current $14.2 Trillion Dollar National Debt, nor to the historically record-breaking and massive deficits that the 20 percenter leftists have been running up the past few years – officially making equally awful president W Bush look like a penny pinchin' miserly figure (a very difficult task) by comparison.

[I get the sense that Obama's much alleged and maligned lack of action and wavering on the Egyptian and Libyan situations may have also cut into his numbers a bit, although you won't hear me pounding him on those issues: I have to say that Obama's obvious reluctance to initiate American military involvement on the Libyan situation is something that I, so far, support. Don't put our boys at risk unless we have one hell of a good reason for doing so. And so far, Libya ain't it!]

BTW, I almost said the national debt was $14.1 trillion just now, but being the prudent, responsible blogger that I am, I made a quick visit over to the U.S National Debt Clock (a wonderful website – http://www.usdebtclock.org/). There, I quickly realized that we've in recent days surpassed $14.2 trillion in national debt – with the extra point-one trillion representing little more than an extra 100 Billion Dollars being tossed into the kitty of national debt which, on the whole, very much threatens the end of this wonderful country as we know it inside of 10 years.

A few other observations from the Reuters polling numbers: First, I see that that the number of people who think the country is on the wrong track now stands at 64 percent. Significantly, that's the highest that number has stood at any point during Obama’s disastrous leftist presidency.

Finally, I see a reference in the linked story to the contention that Obama has been able to grow his Independent approval ratings (until this month, at least) with post-2010 midterm speeches that give a ton of lip service to finding "common ground" and "the need for compromise in Washington, the kind of rhetoric that [allegedly] appeals to Independents."

Do generalized references to "compromise" and "common ground" truly register positively with you, my fellow Independents? I think it surely does with some of you, but I'd question just how many. Here's my thing: How can you even answer a polling question that in the abstract asks if you positively view such concepts as "compromising more" or "finding common ground"?

I would refuse to answer such a polling question. How in the hell can you speak to the merits of a "compromise" or "finding common ground" unless you have in front of you what the specific "compromise" is that's been reached? Because finding "compromise" or "common ground" simply for the sake of doing so is the realm of the mindless mealy-mouth.

Stand for something. Reach a position on a particular issue, whether it come out on the right, left or somewhere in between. Then ponder that position in contrast to a particular "compromise" that has actually been reached. Then decide whether the "compromise" is acceptable or not. I have no earthly idea how that can be done in the vacuum of stupid questions about whether "compromise" and "finding common ground" are good concepts in the abstract.

Sometimes it's necessary and/or advisable to compromise and find common ground, but other times it's much more prudent, principled and right to stick to your guns. Every situation is different. Short concise bottom line: If you go around celebrating "compromise" and "finding common ground" as if those are somehow wonderful principles to always pursue and achieve, then you really should reconsider and re-evaluate. Because that thought process is about as ignorant as being an ideological, blinded partisan.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/03/09/us-obama-poll-idUSTRE7284SZ20110309

Have You Seen This Little League Lovin' Cougar? If So, Make a Call to the Bullpen. Oh, and Hide the Kids as Well…

While it's generally thought to be rather inhumane to lock children in a dog kennel, it might be the best suggestion if you spot 43-year-old Denise Harvey (pictured above) on the loose in your town. At least then, the kids would be safe. And whatever you do: Keep them away from that ball diamond!

Harvey (of Vero Beach, Florida) was previously convicted for repeatedly finding her sweet spot and having sex with her son's 16-year-old friend and teammate from the local high school baseball team.

Now Harvey's reportedly on the lam to foul territory following a February 25 deadline to turn herself in to start serving her 30-year bit in the pokey. She took her ball and left home, you might say.

After her conviction, Harvey was let out of the can on a $150,000 bond while she tried to have her conviction thrown out at second base. But with her appeals now being exhausted, this daisy cuttin' dame was supposed to report for freezer duty by February 25. She never showed up.

Prosecutors say that Harvey's now on the run faster than a Stephen Strasburg heater, and she could be anywhere. Better put a tarp over the ball field, a lock on the stadium gate, and call Dog the Bounty Hunter.

You can't really say this ballpark cougar has played the smartest or best baseball during the course of her criminal case – no spot in Cooperstown for her. First she rejected a plea deal that would have given her around 11 years in the hoosegow – a veritable free pass.

But instead of taking the intentional walk, this hardballin' hussy won the Triple Crown -- 30 years in the joint -- by forcing prosecutors to take the case to trial. That's gotta hurt worse than a 95 mph beanball right to the melon.

And now Harvey's looking at even more years being tacked on to her time in the ice house for her current little home run trot.

"She never acknowledged she had sex. She continued to deny, deny," said one of the prosecutors. And apparently this base knock broad's not the only one in denial. At her trial, Harvey's hubby testified that his wife "was just trying to counsel a troubled boy."

But somehow I think the only "counseling" this big fly bimbo could ever give would be a course on hitting illegal home runs, Sammy Sosa-style.

Harvey's conviction, BTW, came after she hit for the cycle and then some. Specifically, prosecutors say this horny head of lettuce got into scoring position and then rounded third base and headed home five different times with the 16-year-old ball player. (Not quite what Yogi Berra had in mind when he spouted, "déjà vu all over again").

It wasn't exactly what you'd call an innocent game of pepper. This occurred on various occasions "between her work and his baseball games or attending athletic events."

The 16-year-old victim testified at trial that things led off with a long make-out session in a car in front of the high school, and the rally only got bigger from there – sometimes involving Harvey capturing the pennant after putting on the squeeze play in her own office, while other times she'd take a curtain call after hitting a grand slam at the kid's home.

Any place that was private, I suppose – "hit 'em where they ain't," as they say. Just watch out you don't get caught stealing on the next pitch.

http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2011/mar/07/denise-harvey-now-fugitive-vero-beach-underage-sex/
http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/aug/28/denise-harvey-gets-30-years-having-sex-teen/http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2008/aug/29/woman-gets-30-years-in-sex-case/

They Should Give This Honey Political Asylum Or At Least a Green Card So That She Come to the United States & Slap the Ol' Cuffs on Me!

This sweetie can stick me in her slammer any time. And I would bet that she's all over Charlie Sheen's radar screen these days, to boot! She's 21-year-old Marisol Valles Garcia, and you've probably viewed her on the Net as the young Latina Latte who bravely accepted the job last fall as Police Chief in the violent Mexican gang-torn town of Praxedis G. Guerrero.

Hottie Garcia is seeking political asylum in the United States after having her life threatened by these sub-human pieces of reptilian slime known as the Mexican drug cartels. These are total scuzbucket cowards who go around raping and beheading women and gunning down and knifing men in the backside -- You SLIMES.

The news today is that hot toots Garcia did not show up for work and has been given her walking papers by the town (link to full story at bottom). I'm sure this Latin firebrand and devoted criminology student is all torn up over the town's decision. Good riddance, more like it.

There also seems to be a lot of Net discussion that she may be denied political asylum by Obama's government. So let me get this straight: We care little about securing the Mexican border and letting illegals (and likely Al Qaeda alike) pour across it daily like it was a feces hole in an Alabama $hithouse, but we won't let this brave and gorgeous honeybaby into the United States on grounds of political persecution?

Well, I suppose there is a reason (or thousands) why I will never in my life ever vote for anyone in the 20-percenter democrat party ever again. But that aside, if this sweetcheeks is ultimately granted asylum, I will be the first to applaud our leftist-controlled federal government for the decision, because it'll be the right one – which is all that matters in the final estimation.

BTW, from the criteria for political asylum set forth in the linked story – persecution based on (among other things) political views or membership in a particular social group suffices – I have no earthly idea why this sweetcakes would not be accepted.

Ain't rocket science: She's being persecuted for a political view – being anti-Drug Cartel sleazewads – and for a being a member of a particular social group – i.e. decent human beings opposed to the social group inhabited by the bullying, murderous, cowardly scum known as the Mexican Drug Cartels.

So let's permit this Miss Hotcakes Garcia into the United States. Sounds like she'd be a real credit to our American population. Hell, as Burgess Meredith's Mickey Goldmill character from Rocky might say, "Ah, she'd be an improvement!"

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110307/us_yblog_thelookout/young-mexican-police-chief-fired-after-reportedly-fleeing-to-u-s

He Really Needed to Plan Better: Is Bizarre Weekend Webcast "Sheen's Korner" Gonesville After Only One Edition?! Seems Like It, Thankfully.

"Winning"? More like Bombing. Charlie Sheen's debut episode of the home-made webcast "Sheen's Korner" hit the Net this weekend – likely for the first and last time. (Links to full story at bottom).

The hour-long show on the website Ustream.tv reportedly garnered over 100,000 viewers (but is that really even very many in this day & age?) in its first 15 minutes, but those numbers plummeted as the train wreck TV show stumbled and bumbled its way towards its thankful ending. Even Sheen himself disavowed the show afterwards on Twitter (read on). And it's little wonder why.

The show was basically little more than Sheen "blabbering endlessly" through a bizarre monologue and rant, with the "visibly sweating" non-A-list actor in a dollar-sign T-shirt and constantly reading from cue cards and notes as if it was a Rush Slimebaugh radio show rather than a visual presentation. Many of Sheen's words were "unintelligible."

The motley crew of oddballs hanging around didn't help either. First among the "misfit pals," there was one of his multiple girlfriends – 24-year-old marijuana magazine model Natalie "Nattie Baby" Kenly, who at one point sat on Sheen's lap (first picture above). Kenly didn't have much to say, but she did provide an incessant stream of giggles from back in the cheap seats.

Also present was Sheen's old freaky-looking personal assistant Rick Calamaro (the other dude sporting the black hat) and some other hanger-on in the background.

The show started with a real bang – "fart noises and endless references to 'winning' " – and ended on a similar high note: Sheen "drinking from a sippy cup," "repeating the word 'duh' " over and over again, and reading poetry. But you can't have a show without a middle as well, and that's where the insanity really got rolling:

-Charlie has a new tattoo that he wants everyone to see! It says "WINNING." Wow, breaking news on that one. Stop the damn press! (Picture above)

-Ranted Sheen: "Guess what we were doing all day, every second of the day? Winning!"

-Responding the recent statement of addiction expert Dr. Drew Pinsky that Sheen is bi-polar, Sheen shot back, "I'm not bi-bolar, I'm bi-winning." Very lame, BTW, but if he had said "bi-curious", then he might have actually broke some news during this tirade! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

-He also had this blast aimed at Pinsky and TV host Nancy Grace: "You wish you guys were winning but you're not. What's the opposite of winning? Losing." Gee -- Profound, to the last. NOW I really know why those 100,000 were tuning in! (Or not).

-Sheen also put his John Hancock on a Polaroid pic and promised a fan that he'd be mailing it to him. Said Sheen: "Even though the post office is closed tomorrow . . . we are winning so we'll get this out immediately." [Still bet it doesn't go out til Monday morning at the earliest -- winning or succeeding has little to do with the U.S. Post Office or any most other federal government business venture.]

-Although he obviously hasn't abandoned the "winning" concept, Sheen during the show also broke out what appears to be his new catchphrase – "PLAN BETTER." For example, when girlfriend Nattie Kenly said she'd recently "stepped on her dress and tripped up the stairs," Sheen proclaimed, "Plan Better!" A more original line or catchphrase has perhaps never been uttered in the history of civilized man. (Or not).

-Sheen said during the broadcast that Obama was going to be calling in at any moment. When that never happened, Sheen told the audience to "have absolute faith that it will." News Flash to the Deranged One known as Charlie: If you're waiting around for Obama to do much of anything that people in general or Middle America expect him to do, then you're in store for a very long wait, pal.

-Sheen also spoke on current events, such as BYU mindlessly kicking basketball player Brandon Davies off the team for having pre-marital sex: "Dude, you knew the rules going in," Sheen attempted to reason. With color commentary like that, who needs Troy Aikman! And this from a slimeball in 46-year-old Sheen who goes around banging 19-year-old porn stars as a hobby! Hypocrite.

Although Sheen promised at the end of the show to return the next night, I don't think we're going to see an Episode 2 of this sad display anytime soon. Viewers and Net critics alike have been blasting the show ever since it mercifully left the air the other night.

Even Sheen himself seems to have an ounce of sound mind when it comes to the issue, Tweeting afterward: "Last night was treasonous to the movement. My bad. A video solution coming soon."
For that, Sheen at least gets an "A" for exhibiting some rational thought for once, although the "video solution" pledge sounds only too ominous. I really wish he hadn't said that part. Really though.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1363464/Im-bi-polar-Im-bi-winning-Charlie-Sheen-takes-brand-crazy-net-hour-long-rant.htmlhttp://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2011/03/06/2011-03-06_sorry_charlie_youre_losing_fans_say_sheens_korner_online_video_rant_was_pointles.html

Holy Smokes! "Greenthumb Brothers" Busted for Three-Floor "Pot Jungle" in New York, As Cops Nearly Get Stoned Just Raiding the Place!

"It looked like a jungle in there!", said one observer (see first picture at the top). Two 40-something brothers – Keith & Craig Harrigan – with Craig's 18-year-old son Marc in tow, got busted this week in the Big Apple for allegedly "growing a groovy garden of the illegal foliage" known as marijuana on all three floors of their Staten Island home! (Links to full story at bottom).

And the cops who raided this giant joint (pun intended) were certainly in for a good time: The grass fumes in the home were reportedly so strong, the raiding cops nearly got stoned just from entering this hive! One cop said: "You almost got a contact high by just going into the house. It was like a heavy, earthy pot smell."

This "virtual tropical island" that New York's Finest entered also shocked them for other reasons: They recovered a whopping 375 wacky tobaccy plants, plus 60 pounds of harvested Tree, plus a whole lotta loot from a hidden safe.

Cops were also startled but yet impressed by the sheer sophistication of this alleged combustible herbage-cultivating threesome, whose operation allegedly involved a high-tech "growhouse, including irrigation tubes, halogen lamps and a ventilation system."

To boot: The three alleged roach relatives reportedly housed a virtual library of ganja-growing "literature," not to mention a police scanner to monitor any fuzz transmissions aimed at putting a "kill" on their mighty mez-lovin' chronic!

And this alleged Doobie Dad, Brother & Son were reportedly raking in quite the cash cow for their alleged sticky icky icky operation: To the tune of at least $150,000 a month! Not bad for a few seeds and a big bunch of hog leg!

But this alleged reefer-raising group of three must have lived a rather solitary existence in their little crippy crib: Not much room for the ladies in this reported hydro home given that every available inch of square footage was allegedly devoted to a different kind of mistress – Mary Jane, that is. Says the District Attorney: "You couldn't fit anybody else in the place. They were living in a pot jungle."

Now, these alleged la la, limbo-likin' lords of the paca lolo may have to do their spliff sensation in a different kind of "joint" known as the Empire State Ice House. Much like a skater of schwag, things suck worse for this alleged indo-indoctrinated crew of onion lovers than a midget on skid row lurking about for his next visit from Mr. J and Reggie.

Put another way, this alleged tical-loving threesome faces takin' their kind bud treats through a row of bars, as the cops have slapped them with a "slew of drug charges" – not a nib, mind you.

But it gets even worse for these alleged dank dorks: It's also alleged that in order to hide all of the electricity necessary to power their hooter heaven, they heimed up a bypass of the Electric Company's meter – and in the process swiped some $150,000 of free electricity in order to prop up their little Jay walk.

That little alleged shake skrill of a shortcut has these three alleged nugget dubbing motas contending with an additional fatty charge of grand larceny, which holds in store a promise of at least an additional 420 days in the freezer. One toke over the line, sweet Jesus!

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/staten_island/si_high_crimes_LvOInjpgxjvHMotrpCAj6N http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2011/03/02/2011-03-02_cops_raid_staten_island_home__and_find_massive_marijuana_farm.html

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/staten_island/si_brothers_busted_for_year_pot_uUEQhoLWcWYIRt3rxjLR4H

That's Gonna Leave a Mark: Mississippi Teen Bruiser Allegedly Beats Down Teen Girl But Tastes the Hot Fire of the Ol' Branding Iron in Retribution!

Only in Mississippi (although pictured hardcore wrestling legend Terry Funk would be proud): Cops say it all started with a 40-something lady hosting a beer party for a bunch of local teens (including 12 to 15-year-olds) in Meridian, Mississippi. Boy, no potential for train wreck in this one, right?!

One of the 15-year-old male attendees allegedly had an altercation with a 12-year-old girl also in attendance, reportedly knocking the girl to the floor and then clocking her one right in the kisser. And that's when business really started picking up (allegedly)!

This little alleged beat down apparently didn't sit too well with the 12-year-old girl's main squeeze chute (errr, boyfriend) – himself 15. That lady allegedly hosting the teen booze fest says someone called said boyfriend, who then crashed the scene faster than you can say stench in a Mississippi $hithouse.

And the boyfriend allegedly came packin' heat (among other things)! He reportedly held at gunpoint his fellow 15-year-old bruiser who had allegedly pounded down his little girlfriend. And it appears that holding the alleged assailant at gunpoint was necessary in order to give boyfriend some time to fire up his branding iron!

The boyfriend reportedly sported a rather crude, makeshift branding iron conjured up from a coat hanger! But this ranch hand wannabe apparently knew something of what he was doing, as he allegedly shaped and manipulated the branding iron into the form of various letters, like so many "Lazy V's", "Flying J's" and "Bar S's" in the hands of an experienced stockman.

Using his rudimentary firebrand skills, the cattle man boyfriend allegedly then branded his various letters and symbols into the bruiser's hide, reportedly spelling both the girl's name and the date upon the person of the bullying quarter horse bruiser (allegedly)!

But the branding boyfriend may soon have to fire up his livestock in the much bigger corral known as the proverbial Big House. That's because cops are reportedly prepared to throw the Brand Book at him, having charged this midnight cowboy with kidnapping and aggravated assault.

Although, on the bright side for him: I hear the "Striped C's" in the hoosegow also very much enjoy perfecting the lost arts of the firebranding conquistador. He may well feel right at home. Just watch out you don't get burned, there, Young Gun.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_teen_tortured_mississippi

"Poll: Voters Like President Obama, But Split on His Policies." But I Really Wonder Just How Accurate That Is?

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times from partisans (Orrin Hatch just tonight on Fox News) and non-partisans alike: "I might disagree with Obama's policies, but I like him personally." That line has gotten so old, I want to gag about anytime I hear it anymore.

And I truly wonder how many of the "I like him personally" respondents in these polls are really being honest. I believe many of them are probably just saying that to be politically correct, since in today's venomous American political culture (venomous due to the equal contributions of both the left and right extremes, BTW), saying anything negative about Obama threatens to have you labeled a "racist" by the American left.

The new poll referenced at the top, BTW, comes from Quinnipiac University, as reported in Politico.com over the past day (link to full story at bottom). It reports that Obama's job approval ratings (i.e. the "policies" part of the equation) are split at 46 percent among registered voters. In contrast, on the "likability" side of the equation, 74 percent of voters say they "personally like the president."

Well, if you know me at all, then you know that I'm not much on spouting the politically correct line. Not only do I disagree with most of Obama's left-wing policies, I also personally don't like the man. Just don't care for him. I find him to be a thin-skinned, arrogant, condescending, oftentimes disingenuous, prototypical politician and a devout far-leftist.

Not quite up my alley, you might say. [I was about to say "not quite my cup of tea," but that sounds like something a tea partier would say, and I don't much care for them either].

Now, while I may not like Obama, I certainly don't hate him. I wouldn't even say I disdain him. I'm not a right-winger or a conservative – the ones whom I believe do disdain him (although I wouldn't say "hate" even with respect to them either) and look to find something wrong with every single action Obama takes and every single word that comes out of his mouth.

And while I think it probably true that more than half of American voters do honestly "like" Obama personally, I must question that 74% figure (and I'm not questioning the poll, but rather the honesty of the responses). Simply put: He's not that likable. Sorry. Or you can just choose to call me racist.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0311/50579.html

"Oscar Grouch" TV Executive Lays the Smack Down on Fifth-Grade Choir Who Performed at the Oscars, and Now the Kids Want to Smack Him Down!

His name is Andy Cohen (pictured on the right). He's a TV executive for Bravo Network, and he didn't care too much for the rendition of "Over the Rainbow" delivered at the Oscars by the 10-year-olds in New York's Public School "PS" 22 Chorus. Not by a long shot! (Link to full story at bottom).

The Grumpy Gus Cohen totally trashes PS 22 in comments made this week to MSNBC: "The end of the Oscars, we don't want to see this. You just ruined everything."

Ouch. And this, as the New York Post aptly points out, comes from a dude who's the mind "behind such sophisticated entertainment as the 'Real Housewives' series"! Indeed, Cohen is known for overseeing those great bastions of high entertainment known as reality series, with "Real Housewives" probably being the best known.

And Cohen's blast has really stirred up the kids in the choir. Said one 10-year-old female member, Abigail Sarfo: "He's so mean! He should stop being so mean to us – we're little kids!"

But before you worry too much about any damage to the choir kids' psyches as a result of the curmudgeon Cohen's little tirade, consider the fact that Cohen has some of these kids fightin' mad! Said one 10-year-old male member of the choir, Antonio Perez: "He's gonna get a piece of me!"

I don't think Cohen probably wants any part of that. Final thought: Take a gander at those "googly eyes" in Cohen’s picture above. Much more than Oscar the Grouch, he reminds me of Cookie Monster!

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/staten_island/oscar_grouch_trashes_si_kids_68rTNa2HbtGCESi9PL28kI

Pizza Parlor Postal: Madness in Three States As Pizzerias Are Allegedly Hit w/ Spousal Choke Downs, Marauding Midnight Munchies & Nap Sacks of Rats!

I realize food prices (including those for pizza and hot wings ingredients) are inflating faster these days than Obama phone calls to the federal government money printing press, but let's get a grip, people!

Tonight a trio of crazy stories about alleged deranged behavior recently at pizza parlors in Pennsylvania, Minnesota and Massachusetts (links to the full stories at the very bottom):

He Really Wanted Some Hot Wings!

From Minnesota: Cops in St. Cloud say 21-year-old Cory Mogen (the white dude pictured above) got a mean case of the munchies about 1:30 a.m. last Friday. And it's alleged that Mogen was three sheets to the wind when he pulled into his neighborhood Pizza Hut for a late night drunken snack.

The only problem? The joint was closed. But a little technicality like that wasn't going to stop this famished fun boy. Cops say Mogen broke into the Pizza Hut in order to get his grub on.

OK, there was just one more problem: Once inside, there was no one to take the dude's order since the restaurant was closed. So what does he do? Starts cooking up some eats himself, of course! What else would he possibly do at that point?!

Cops say Mogen started frying up some chicken wings in the joint's kitchen! All the while he reportedly made a real mess of things, as cops found a big mess of marinara sauce splashed all over the walls!

Meantime, Mogen's entry had tripped off the burglar alarm, and cops soon arrived to bust the hungry chicken hound. He blew a .220 BAC for the cops and now faces time in a different type of joint for alleged burglary.

No word yet whether he went to the hoosegow hungry or whether he was able to sink his teeth into a buffalo wing before the fuzz flew in.

We Were Just Playing Around!

Next up is Massachusetts: There we have the curious case of ESPN reporter Howard Bryant (the African-American dude pictured above) and his wife. His side of the story is that he "just wanted some pizza" at the local Buckland pizza parlor last Saturday, but cops and eyewitnesses say he carried out a domestic assault on his wife in the parking lot.

Cops says they headed to the pizzeria after receiving calls "of a man pinning a woman to the hood of the car and seemingly choking her." When cops arrived, Bryant resisted arrest and cops reportedly had to "subdue him" through use of force.

Bryant calls the cops' and eyewitnesses' version a "fabrication" and claims he never so much as touched his spouse that evening. He's also claiming to be a victim of racism by the cops. His wife Veronique, BTW, backs up Bryant's version of events.

As for me: I wasn't there, and I have no freakin' idea what happened (contrast that novel concept with Obama's reaction to the Cambridge police story in 2009). That's why we have a criminal justice system, and we'll have to see how this thing plays out. Until then, the allegations against Bryant are just that – allegations.

"He Smelled a Rat, or at least a Bag of Mice"!

Cops in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania say pizza man Nicholas Galiatsatos was having trouble "drumming up business" for his local pizza parlor, Bella Pizzeria. So, cops say, the pie man came up with a rather unique marketing ploy: Drive new business his way by unleashing rat infestations at his competitors' pizzarias!

Fanis Facas owns one of those local competitors – Verona Pizza – and reportedly "smelled a rat, or at least a bag of mice" when he saw Galiatsatos enter Verona Pizza with a big nap sack and head straight back to the $hithouse on Monday.

Then Facas heard some strange noises emanating from said $hithouse, and he made a beeline there to investigate. He says Galiatsatos was gone, but there were footprints on a toilet seat and a tile on the ceiling had been messed with. "Upon further investigation he said he found a bag stashed in the ceiling with live mice."

Facas then brought this whole ratty spectacle to the attention of a couple of cops who were eating inside his joint at the time, and the cops reportedly spied Galiatsatos heading towards another pizza parlor across the way – Uncle Nicks Pizza – with another sack under his arm!

When Galiatsatos in turn noticed the heat bearing down on him, he allegedly ran into Uncle Nicks and tried to dispose of the evidence by tossing his second sack of rats right into the garbage. The cops found the second ratty nap sack, and Galiatsatos was busted.

The local police chief was astonished at the alleged non-endearing ingenuity of this alleged marketing rocket scientist, Galiatsatos: "I've never had to deal with mice as an instrument of criminality," crowed the chief, Michael Chitwood. "And I've certainly never had to deal with pizza and mice at the same time."

http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/dpp/news/minnesota/drunk-chicken-wing-cook-stcloud-feb-25-2011
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20037402-504083.html?tag=cbsnewsSectionContent.6
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/623560-nfl-lockout-tony-parker-cam-newton-and-tuesdays-top-sports-news/entry/50307-howard-bryant-espn-reporter-pleads-not-guilty-to-bevy-of-charges
http://www.theroot.com/blogs/richard-prince-journal-isms/espn-writer-alleges-racism-after-arrest
http://abcnews.go.com/US/pizzeria-owner-sabotages-rivals-planting-mics-restaurants/story?id=13031229

He's a Nature Boy! Charlie Sheen Brags Up His Genetics and General Greatness – and Even Works in Some Third Person References – to Various Media...

Suddenly porn-star-bangin' (Bree Olson & Kacey Jordan, pictured above), cocaine-bingin' bender king Charlie Sheen is doing a ton of talking to the media about his recent travails and CBS' decision to yank his "Two and a Half Men" show off the air for at least the current season due to Sheen's wild, erratic behavior.

And in so doing, Sheen sounds more like an over-the-top professional wrestler playing a character than he does a serious (or sane) television actor. Check out a sampling of some of his braggadocious bravado (my reactions at bottom):

To NBC's "Today Show"

-Claimed he has "tiger blood and Adonis DNA."

-"I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special."

-"I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin', a total freaking rock star from Mars!"

-"Come Wednesday morning, they're going to rename it Charlie Brothers, not Warner Brothers!"

-"When I step between the lines, it's on! And I'm there to show others how it's done."

-"People can't figure me out. They can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."

-"I'm just going to forewarn them that it's everybody else that's going to be begging me for their job back.

-"I've always had a plan. I've executed it perfectly."

-Claims he will fight CBS "with zeal, and with focus and violent hatred."

-Says that CBS owes him a "big public" apology – "while licking my feet."

To TMZ

-"I'm grandiose. I have a grandiose life and I'm embracing it. It doesn't fit into their model and their model sucks."

-"I am on a drug, and it's called Charlie Sheen."

To CNN's Piers Morgan Monday night

-"Every great movement begins with one man, and I guess that's me."

-"Look what happens when you decide to blaze a trail!"

-"I'm super-bitchin' [and] I don't believe myself to be an addict."

-"I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front."

-"When I'm fighting a war, there's no room for sensitivity."

-"I'm out doing this for all of us, guys!"

-Promises to come back on Morgan's show "after I've won."

To ABC

-Claims he cured his addictions by "closing my eyes and making it so with the power of my mind."

CONCLUSIONS: Sorry, but I've seen this act before, and I've seen it acted out much more convincingly by such individuals as pro wrestling's legendary "Nature Boy" Ric Flair (pictured above). At least Flair was always just mostly playing a character. I frankly have no freakin' idea what the hell Sheen's trying to do or prove.

If he'd used some actual old-school Flair quotes – such as "stylin' and profilin' " or "what's been causing all this" or "my shoe costs more than your house" or if he'd let loose with a big "WOOOOO!" – then at least I would have known that Sheen was just putting on a big act. But I think he's probably being completely serious with all of this, and that's the frightening part.

POSTSCRIPT: What's with Sheen's preoccupation with the 1950s slang term, "bitchin' "? Next thing you know, he's going to be tossing around "ready teddy" and "giving me the business" references. Sick stuff.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/SHOWBIZ/02/28/charlie.sheen/index.html?hpt=C1

http://www.tmz.com/2011/02/26/charlie-sheen-interview-abc-good-morning-america-2020-video-promo/
http://www.cnn.com/2011/SHOWBIZ/02/28/charlie.sheen/?hpt=C1

http://watching-tv.ew.com/2011/02/28/charlie-sheen-cnn-piers-morgan/