"Please Come to Boston for the Springtime": Think I'll Pass, As Beantown Cracks Down on Subway Operators, Requiring Them to Start Staying Awake!

I've heard of draconian workplace mandates before, but this is ridiculous. Like the typical sour pus employer who requires employees to generally show up on time. Like the office boss who frowns upon the idea of male employees banging cleaning broads on top of their desks after work. Like the fast food manager who throws a shit fit when a couple of dames post Net pics of themselves bathing together in the big industrial sink in the back of the joint...

But now, from the City of Boston, the ultimate coup de grace when it comes to overbearing job site mandates: The latest from the land of silent "R's" and no-barricade island bridge drive-offs has Beantown actually having the unmitigated gall to issue a new work ultimatum to all city subway operators: "Don't fall asleep on the job."

This particular new "rule" (set forth in a new Memo from the City to all subway operators) may just be the most dramatically authoritarian directive to come down from on high since Moses returned from the mountain with Commandment #9 that "Man Shalt Not Lie With Nor Marry Another Man" -- a pronouncement which to this very day has driven a Noah's Ark-size wedge between the likes of Barack Obama and those who actually pay attention to the positions he's taken. But I digress...

Now, the City's politicians say the harsh new indictment has been in response to certain subway operators shirkin' the ol' duties as of late, such as some little number subway driver dame who was recently caught doing her nails whilst on the job. But tell me, was that so wrong? Was there a precise policy against that sort of thing? If so, link or cite, please.

Regardless, Bostonian folk have had mixed reactions to the new mass transit "stay awake" rule, where the response has ranged from "pretty alarming" to "fingers crossed" to "Oh My Goodness" to "I trust 'em!"

Another local remarked that he just hopes his subway operator "is not falling asleep at the wheel." Which begs the question -- these trains have steering wheels as they make their way down those very well-defined tracks? Talk about a derailment waiting to happen. Methinks I'd feel safer with the conductor catching some Z's back in the shithouse.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2084393/Boston-transport-authority-issues-memo-drivers-stating-obvious.html

"Gay Marriage Is a Threat to Humanity," Spouts His Excellency Pope Benedict XVI. So THAT's Why He Won't Let All His Priests Get Married?!?

...but at least Popey can count among his political friends and allies a fellow anointed royal figure in the form of His Majesty Barack Obama -- who likewise finds time in his life to actually worry about and oppose gay marriage.

Me, I'll pass. Wanna talk about something that threatens humanity, Popey? How about the stifling, unsustainable debt in Greece, your beloved current home of Italy, most of the European Union, and in the United States? That dire crisis -- ignored by politicians of both extremist stripes on a daily basis everywhere -- threatens to tank the global economy sometime this year and make the crash of 2008 look like a Rick Perry Sunday morning sashay through a Texas shithouse.

Or you can spend your nights losing sleep over a couple of people of the same sex who love each other having the same marriage status as everyone else. Whatever floats your boat, there, Popey. Ronald Reagan used to say that he never left his party, rather it left him. Well I've never belonged to a party. But I did used to be a catholic.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/09/us-pope-gay-idUSTRE8081RM20120109
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2084696/Pope-Benedict-XVI-Gay-marriage-threat-humanity.html

Can We Please Say "Person Hole"? New Mexico Father & Son Reportedly Plunge Down Exposed "Manhole" Into Raw Sewage, Nearly Killing Themselves...

It's amazing to me that the media still doesn't get it. The word "manhole" has been politically incorrect since probably the 1980s AD. That highly insensitive term implies that only a man, in fact, is qualified and able to go to work down inside a hole. The proper term is "person hole" or, if you prefer, "sewer hole." With that now out of my piehole...

A dad named Bob Anderson (pictured above) in Albuquerque, New Mexico, says a shitty situation almost turned deadly last week when he and his five-year-old son almost died in a veritable flowing shit-storm at the bottom of a person hole into which they fell.

The person hole at issue was in a construction zone (pictured below) with its person hole cover gone and "the metal sheets covering it ... removed." It also didn't help matters that it was after dark at the time.

The old man says he, sonny and wifey couldn't see that the person hole's temporary metal sheet covering had been removed. He says sonny first fell ten feet down to the bottom of the person hole after running ahead of his parents on the street.

But the heroic papa says he immediately took a flying leap of his own down the person hole in order to save his boy. Anderson says the only thing at the bottom of that person hole was a big load of shit, and the raw sewage reportedly filled both of their mouths soon after impact.

"It was only when they bobbed back up" to the surface that Anderson's old lady was able to pull Anderson and son out of this rancid, raunchy shithole. Said the old man: "We could have lost him out here, we could have lost me ... because there is no way out of these things."

The city has reportedly put the metal sheets back over the person hole, but has not installed the typical tight-fitting person hole cover. Says Anderson: "They're [the city] trying to blame the people for their sloppiness and there job here -- I'm afraid somebody's going to get hurt."

And as generally might be expected from people forced to eat shit down inside a person hole, Anderson says he's been holed up sick since the incident and has had to go to the emergency room several times "due to bacteria." Which is something I bet he needed like a manhole in the head.

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/09/10078455-father-saves-son-after-10-foot-plunge-into-sewage

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2084357/Father-son-5-fall-feet-sewage-manhole-collapse.html

Sure She Wasn't a Carny on Her Night Off? Mom Allegedly Gets Bombed on Booze & Passes Out at Florida Amusement Park While Her Kids Play on the Rides!

I'm trying to ponder potential explanations for this type of alleged behavior. Maybe Mama really wanted to win that huge stuffed animal in the Ring Toss and got depressed and needed a drink when she came up a little short? Or maybe she was just so scared of heights that she had to get all liquored up before joining her little brats on the roller coaster?

Whatever it was, cops say Karin Rosemarie Reinhard (pictured immediately above) proceeded to get all f*cked up on alcohol (or as they say, "heavily intoxicated") last week at the King Richard's Family Fun Park in North Naples, Florida -- all the while as the four kids she was supposed to be watching (two her own) made merry on some of the nearby park rides.

But cops say this alleged blitzed blonde's little carnival act started falling apart and sinking faster than one of those arms on the Hurricane ride. Specifically, Mama's trashed crash started when one of the kids called a friend to report that Mama was "really drunk" right there at the park.

The kid also passed along that this alleged fun park lush was "hanging" all over "some guy she didn't know" like a Tunnel of Love lapdog (although perhaps he was just the carnival barker from the aforementioned Ring Toss?).

That's when the cops were called in, although they reportedly didn't exactly find Mama stumbling and bumbling all 'round the park like she had been (allegedly). Mama's wild Tilt-A-Whirl ride now apparently over, cops discovered this alleged bumper car boozer completely passed out down on the ground.

And cops say it might have been easier to raise the dead inside the park's House of Horrors, since it reportedly took cops "several attempts to wake" Mama "before she finally came to." Just for good measure, Mama allegedly blasted cops with "Nazi" and "Hitler" insults after they woke her drunkard ass up (allegedly).

Cops busted this alleged shit-faced theme park soak on child endangerment charges, although she reportedly put forth a defense claiming that she thought the kids were at home and "hadn't realized they were at the amusement park." Put another way: It's OK for Mama to leave the kids home alone and go get pie-eyed in the Funhouse as long as the kids aren't along!

Personally, I would have blamed the Gravitron for being zonked out rather than even bringing the kids' whereabouts into the equation. Either that, or the fear of heights story.

http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2012/jan/01/deputies-woman-was-drunk-with-4-kids-at-park/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2081418/Mother-arrested-passing-alcohol-amusement-park-children-played-rides.html

When Abstract Meets Deranged: Denver Woman Allegedly Terrorizes $30 Million Museum Painting with Her Ass and a Whole Lot More...

OK, I get that some people simply don't care for or appreciate abstract art. We all have our little foibles. I, for example, disdain partisans. But that doesn't mean that when I see gop-ers or democrat party persons out on the street, I try to rub my ass all over them or take a piss on 'em!

The same basic principle of civil restraint would seem entirely lost on 36-year-old Carmen Tush (err, Tisch) of Denver, Colorado (face pictured above) (allegedly). Tish apparently really hates abstract art or, at the very least, the above-pictured "1957-J no. 2" by abstract expressionist Clyfford Still...

Cops in Denver say Tisch became so irrate in the presence of the $30 million painting that she first took to pawing and scratching at it like a wild animal with her fingernails. When that apparently just wasn't cutting the mural well enough, Tisch next allegedly tried to touch it up by taking a poke at the painting with her fist. But Oh My, was this colorful brush with the law just gettin' started at that point (allegedly)!

It apparently wasn't enough merely to deface the poor painting; additionally, Tisch wanted to make sure she left a foul stench about the picture as well (allegedly). And what better way to pull off that piece of work than to pull down the ol' britches and rub one's ass all over the painting (allegedly)?!?

But cops say even after Tisch gave the painting a whole new staining with her bare rump, this anti-art broad just couldn't stop trying to paint herself into a corner. Because next up on her pallet was to try to deliver a little piss job to the paint job (allegedly)!

Specifically, Tisch allegedly "tried to urinate on it but apparently missed." As a result, "she's not being charged with that," says the local District Attorney's office. But while Tisch may have escaped having to try to cop a pee plea, her fanny, nails and fist still allegedly trashed the painting to the hued tune of $10,000 damage.

That's a felony criminal mischief charge, boys and girls -- meaning Tisch may have to take her little paint prejudice (and her bare backside) and paint the local hoosegow red for some time to come.

As for what precisely might have set Tisch off, cops say she did appear to be drunk during the paint melee, although I'm not sure why they would conclude that. "You have to wonder where her friends were," said the DA. Great point. A stable, personable dame like Tisch must have a circle of friends bigger than Johnny Appleseed. Clyfford Still not among them, of course.

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/weird/Woman-Scratches-Rubs-Butt-Over-30M-Painting-136726763.html
http://www.vancouversun.com/travel/Colorado+woman+accused+damaging+million+painting/5950913/story.html

WARNING, Ordains Obama Hatchet Man David Axelrod: Mitt Romney's "The 25 Percent Man"; "No Enthusiasm for Romney"...

...Those barbs were in reference to gop-er "front-runner" Romney's 25 percent performance in this week's Iowa caucus (in which Romney did demonstrate the general weakness of himself and the entire gop-er field by finishing a mere 8 votes ahead of largely unknown Pennsylvania has-been right-winger Rick Santorum).

Translation of the Axelrod/White House remarks: The democrat party and Obama would really, really rather run against a Rick Santorum or a Newt Gingrich than against Romney; therefore, please nominate someone other than Romney, republic partisans!

The reason for such agenda and hidden sentiments from the leftist 20 percenters is pretty obvious. Despite the fact (1) that I may personally view Romney as a stand-for-nothing assclown slickster (for whom I don't intend to vote) and (2) that many in the deranged right-winger gop-er "base" don't like Romney because they think he's "not conservative enough": An awful lot of Independents (including many left-leaning ones) will vote for Romney over Obama...

And of course, we Independents decide your elections. Not to mention, Romney will also likely peel off his share of votes from centrist and right-of-center democrats (if such a creature even still exists) who wouldn't vote for or shake Obama's hand if he was a toilet paper dispenser in a Mississippi shithouse.

As a result, expect from democrat party slimeballs like Axelrod a steady stream of rhetoric in the weeks to come containing veiled "warnings" to the right-wingers that Romney would be a terrible presidential selection who can't beat Obama. And take that propaganda for what it is: Bullshit.

I do still give the incumbent Obama an edge over the rather run-of-the-mill Romney come November, but Romney will keep things close, especially given the rotten economy that Obama has only done his best to further retard while in office. Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich would not keep things close. Or alternatively, you could just listen to Axelrod. Take your pick. Not that I could really give a rat's ass.

http://www.politico.com/politico44/2012/01/axe-mitts-mr-percent-109595.html
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0112/71051.html

Now Obama's REALLY in Trouble in 2012 AD: Crazy Old Mexican Wizard Predicts an Obama Loss in November...

After an evening when largely unknown (though not to me) Pennsylvania has-been Rick Santorum is in a contest too-close-to-call (at midnight central, and I'm going to bed) with slick, boring, flip-flopper front-runner Mitt Romney for the gop-er Iowa caucus title (only reinforcing the historically WEAK nature of the field of gop-er candidates), a wacky witcher in Mexico says the same day that it doesn't really matter whom Obama faces in the 2012 AD presidential election...

He's known as Mexico's "Grand Warlock" (aka "Brujo Mayor" & Antonio Vazquez) (pictured above & below), and this zany lost twin brother of Captain Kangaroo says Obama will most definitely lose in 2012 AD (link to full story at bottom). There you have it! Or not.

More specifically, the "Great Witch" held a press conference this week in which this saucy sorcerer produced a big deck of Taurot cards and announced all of his 2012 AD predictions. Chief among those is this silly shaman's guarantee that the duration of Obama's presidency will be shorter than the Ebay bidders' list for an authentic Alabama shithouse.

But methinks this shoddy soothsayer should go take a seat in that same shithouse and meantime leave the political predictions to people are usually right, like me. Despite poor approval numbers and a bad economy that just keeps stumbling along like a Union Pacific hobo, Obama remains a slight favorite to win re-election this year over whichever of the current class of assclowns the deranged right-wingers stick on the ballot.

Not that I think it's going to be a particularly good year overall for the leftist 20 percenter democrat party, but I think the hapless individual we currently have as president will probably squeak by.

That's largely due to the aforementioned severely blighted crop of gop-er candidates, not to mention other significant factors such as (1) the big money advantage Obama's sure to have, (2) a complicit "mainstream" media in Obama's back pocket and (3) the bully pulpit and all the inherent advantages attendant to being a sitting president running for re-election.

My only hope for not being completely bored out of my mind by this pathetic 2012 "race" is the possibility of some entertaining freak such as The Trumper tossing his hat in the ring and shaking things up. Here we Independents are now, entertain us. And Mexican witchdoctors and uninspiring, business-as-usual leftist and right-winger goof candidates like Obama and Santorum/Romney simply ain't cuttin' the mustard over here.

http://www.breitbart.com/image.php?id=iafpCNG.5d4866e77b6f7d7b4a432c8d01267956.9a1p0&show_article=1&article_id=CNG.5d4866e77b6f7d7b4a432c8d01267956.9a1

Hey, Honey Baby, Bet I Can Guess the Size of Your Rack: CBS Radio Chick Tells Workplace Horror Stories of Alleged Neanderthal Lout Male Co-Workers...

It may now be 2012 AD, but it was might as well be 1912 AD at CBS Radio affiliate KYW in Philadelphia (allegedly). It's amazing to me that this kind of crap still goes on in some workplaces (if the allegations are true), but if even the Obama White House can be a hostile work environment for women (as was alleged in 2011 AD and previously discussed in this space), then I suppose the "Good 'Ol Boys Club" can exist anywhere...

"It was like 'Mad Men,'" says 36-year-old Shelley Kanther (pictured immediately above and below), in reference to the popular TV show that depicts a sexist 1960s AD workplace. And she was even one of the station's higher-ups, serving as the director of marketing in 2009 AD and 2010 AD.

In a new sexual harassment lawsuit filed against CBS, Kanther (who's married) claims the abuse started with male employees calling her little pet names like "baby" as if she was serving them up ham and grits at some roadside greasy spoon in Mississippi.

Kanther says these skunks also took to slapping her on the ass as she walked by, perhaps in ode to Dabney Coleman's bossman-from-hell character in the old film "9 to 5." But all that was just for starters...

Because then there was the verbal harassment (allegedly). Kanther says these sewer rats liked to tell her that she was probably "fiery in bed." And that was only when they weren't trying to "guess her bra size" (allegedly).

But these toads' fixation wasn't just on Kanther's cans, as she says these creeps liked to tell her to "wear skirts more often" to work. She also says these slugs once discussed trying to pay her to smooch another worker as if Kanther was kin to the below-pictured Morganna the Kissing Bandit.

For good measure, Kanther says these dirtbags loved to talk about their "sexual conquests" right in front of her. And they didn't do so in a whisper, mind you, but instead bragged in a "loud voice" about the broads they'd banged (allegedly).

Kanther also points a specific finger at one of her bosses and a hellish "business trip" they took to Atlantic City. Kanther says that on the trip, Bossman kept talking about wanting to plant a big smoocheroo on her. This alleged crumb also took her to Karaoke Night, where he allegedly sang "Stay with Me Tonight" to her "while suggestively dancing in front of her, uncomfortably close."

And just to add insult to injury, Kanther says this joint paid her a salary that was three to six times less than the salary paid to her fellow department heads at the station who happened to be male. Kanther says that when she tried to complain about all this stuff, the station gave her the ol' pink slip.

Now, what this all adds up to is one badass lawsuit, alleging not only sexual harassment, but also wrongful and retaliatory termination and violations of the Equal Pay Act. But on the bright side for the defendants, the pre-trial discovery phase may give them an opportunity to finally learn Kanther's bra size.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2080397/CBS-radio-sued-severe-sex-harassment-female-employee-Mad-Men-like-atmosphere.html

Prediction Time for What Should Prove to be a Wild & Wade Wooley 2012 AD...

I tried conjuring up a futuristic vision or two while squatting naked on one leg for a few hours in a van down by the Missouri River, but all I came up with was this lousy list of ten predictions for calendar year 2012 AD:

10. The winner of the presidential election in November will be an ill-qualified, abrasive, flip-flopping, partisan buffoon.



9. The World won't end in December; instead, World tells China it can't pay its bills, and China gives World another six months (wink to Henny Youngman).



8. gop-er House speaker John Boehner doubles his annual spray-on tan expenditures by ruining even more tans than usual with all his crying.



7. The tea party and "occupy" movements find common ground, launch a new joint campaign entitled, "Let's All Just Fuck Up the County Something Real Bad-Like."



6. Lots of teacher and older broads bang lots of underaged students.



5. The total time spent on the golf course for the individual we currently have as president will for the first time eclipse that of Tiger Woods during a single calendar year.



4. Donald Trump will be very proud of himself -- in every single thing that he does during the course of the year.



3. No professional sports team from Kansas City, nor any collegiate sports team from the University of Missouri, will win much of anything.



2. Floyd Mayweather and Victor Ortiz will get it on again, this time with Floyd utilizing a foreign object from his trunks as referee Joe Cortez is distracted.



1. Obama and congressional democrats become embroiled in a fresh scandal over wasteful, porkbarrel spending after earmarking $500 million to give Nancy Pelosi a fresh coat of paint and a forehead solar panel.


Happy New Year to all (except for the partisans, of course).

Breach of Contract! PA Man Allegedly Calls 911 After Hoes Hired to Double Up on Him Instead Go at Each Other & Keep Him Relegated to the "Sideline"...

[Menage a Trois Week continues on TIR...]

I really don't know the sadder situation here: (1) A couple of hookers allegedly taking all this old codger's dough after doing nothing to which he says they agreed; or (2) This old coffin-dodger actually thinking his best recourse would be to call the cops after these broads' alleged nefarious "breach of contract." I'm guessing a lawsuit filed down in the ol' circuit court can't be too far behind from this furry old timer...

63-year-old Jerry Streng (pictured above) of Berlin, Pennsylvania told cops it all started when he simply tried to hire a couple of whores for 400 bucks "for the purpose of 'Smoking his Smoke' and engaging in sexual intercourse" with him (link to Smoking Gun's full story at bottom).

But like most any alleged personal services "contract," Streng says he had some very specific notions as to precisely what was to go down (in more ways than one) in this little menage a trois for hire. Streng says his very specific "agreement" with the two harlots would've placed him "in the middle of both women while the three of them engaged in sexual activity with each other."

However, Streng claims the tart tandem only delivered the goods on half the equation, being only too willing to "Smoke His Smoke," but not so much it seems when it came to including him in three-way, Lawrence-inspired, doublin'-down sexcapades back in the bedroom.

Streng complained to cops that the dirty duo did not even "invite him into the bed," instead climbing under the sheets and getting it on with each other. What's worse, he says, is that when he did try to enter this freaky fray, the two street walkers stuck his old ass on the "sideline" and wouldn't let him "in the middle like they agreed to" -- like something out of a bad knockoff of the old film The Sex Monster.

"Relegated to the end" of the bed rather than his "desired middle slot," Streng lamented to cops that he was left to resort "to grope the breast of the female closest to him." And the truly sad part, he says, is that "after that fleeting fondle," these two contract-welching women of the street (allegedly) grabbed all his money and ran -- all without ever "fully servicing him." Talk about a couple 'a stone cold cocottes!

And of course, whether it be a prostitution deal gone bad, or any other rudimentary breach of contract for that matter, the best course of actions is always -- what else: Call 911, Baby! That's right, Streng got the cops over there almost as fast as those two tricky trollops hit the exits once his money was in hand (allegedly).

So alas we arrive at the moral of this rather pathetic story: An agreement to bone a babe for money has an illegal subject matter at its core! That makes it an illegal, unenforceable contract. It also means you can't sue on it, and the cops can't do a damn a thing for you except to slap your dumb ass with solicitation charges and toss ya right in the hoosegow...

Which is precisely what happened to this old battle axe Streng. Although something tells me that Streng figures it was all worth it, since another consequence of his rattin' out these two ladies of pleasure means they also got their trio triumvirate-feigning skanky asses (allegedly) thrown right in the can themselves. That'll teach them to smoke a man's smoke without as so much as taking one puff on his pipe.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/john-calls-911-with-hooker-complaint-875412

"One Boob Put Away, One Boob Hanging!!" NASCAR Driver Raises the Red Flag on Twitter with Anti-Breastfeeding Rant...

Maybe he's recently been forgetting to use his HANS Device out there on the track. Either that, or he might want to check his exhaust system for carbon monoxide leaks. Because what kind of a brain-damaged goof (not named Kim Kardashian) goes on an anti-wet-nurse Twitter tirade from inside a damn supermarket?

His name is Kasey Kahne, and the 31-year-old NASCAR driver apparently really, REALLY hates the site of a woman's partially bare bosom (raising a whole host of issues that we shall not get into here). Picking up some eats at his local grocery joint this week, Kahne spied some broad giving suck to her little shit inside the store. And he was havin' none a' that!

Faster than a stock car through the checkered flag in the Sprint Cup Series, Kahne reportedly whipped out his phone and started putting the pedal to the tatas, launching into a Modified Meltdown over this little lactation lunch that he was witnessing...

The rant started with surprise: "Just walking through supermarket. See a mom breast feeding little kid. Took second look because obviously I was seeing things. I wasn't!," Kahne observed.

And apparently he took more than just a second look, because he then proceeded to "describe the woman's breastfeeding in detail": "One boob put away, one boob hanging!! #nasty," Kahne tweeted.

Then Kahne complained that his initial suckle shock and awe had given way to repulsion: "I don't feel like shopping anymore or eating."

Many in the Twitter universe were none too happy at Kahne's breastfeeding beatdown, including one follower named Deana P, who tweeted that Kahne's opinions on the subject made him "kind of a douchebag." She continued: "I hope someday you have a kid and someone tells your wife that feeding your child looks nasty. Stay classy asshole."

And while any half-intelligent athlete or public figure would have either diffused the situation at this point or at least kept his mouth shut about the woman's tweet, this Kahne simply revved up his engine! "Your a dumb bitch," Kahne shrewdly retorted in a reply tweet.

Apparently later realizing that, oh yeah, he currently stars in a series of Allstate Insurance ads centering "around his appeal among women," Kahne took back to Twitter to offer up the standard ("if I offended anyone") non-apology apology -- saying it was not "my intention to offend . . . anyone who supports breast feeding children."

And, indeed and in fairness, it is somewhat difficult to glean a clear and definitive intention to offend from the mere phrase, "you're a dumb bitch." But me does thinks this braintrust could've used a little more of mama's milk during his formative years. They say calcium's good for the brain, same as the bones.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079678/NASCAR-drivers-Twitter-rampage-sees-woman-breastfeeding-supermarket.html