The Independent Rage

Bad Choice in Women: Girlfriend's False Rape Charges Land Boyfriend in a World of Hurt, Then the Broad Walks Away Scot Free!

2012-02-02T00:38:00.002-05:00

Now this is what I'd call the girlfriend from hell. And probably the criminal justice system from hell to boot. Please remind me again never to visit bass-ack-ward Australia anytime soon. Geez, you can't even say "BC" and "AD" down there, and they also apparently like to reward people for conjuring up fake criminal accusations and false reports to the cops...

This rather pathetic story began when 28-year-old Australian Navy Seaman Warren Clark (pictured above) broke up with his girlfriend and asked her to move out of his apartment. Can't have that, now can we?!? So his old lady -- 22-year-old Kira Lee Gould -- naturally tried to take out her revenge (and then some) by doing a makeup job on her melon to make it look like the old man had slapped her all 'round the joint.

Next up was a trip down to the local police station, where the old lady -- full phony makeup get-up and all -- allegedly reported to cops that the old man had raped and beaten the shit out of her. Based on those allegations, cops tossed Clark's ass right in the hoosegow and raided his apartment, where they found weed (AKA la paca lolo!) and an illegal stun gun.

Cops slapped the old man with gun and drug charges (to which he pled guilty), and Australia's "Royal Navy" in all of its wisdom gave Clark his walking papers right off the plank. So now the shocked sailor's not only in need of a new girlfriend, but also a new job and his clean record back.

Never mind that the old lady's makeup masquerade and rape-and-battery tale were reportedly found by cops to be a "complete fabrication." And the saddest part of this story ain't even the old man's plight. Possess and get caught with illegal weapons and drugs and be prepared to pay the piper, young man.

Nope, the most pathetic thing here is that Aussie cops declined to level any charges against the old lady for her completely fraudulent and false felony police report! So apparently crime and falsehood pretenses pay in Australia, boys and girls (just like everything else that's backwards and upside down there). Just so long as you don't toss a "Before Christ" into the equation.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2094000/Warren-Clark-Woman-uses-make-accuse-ex-boyfriend-rape-dumped-her.html
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/dumped-girlfriend-faked-rape-injuries/story-e6frf7jo-1226257012718

Never Put a Sharp Metal Object in Your Mouth Lest It Be a Paperclip: Dentist Sentenced For Using Cheap Office Supplies to Perform Root Canal!

2012-02-01T00:09:00.000-05:00

I recall it from an old Bill Cosby routine: These damn dentists always advise patients never to stick sharp metal objects in their mouths, but then the first thing the dentist does during a checkup is to pull out a huge metal hook and to start prying away with it! But at least those menacing hooks are approved dental utensils, as opposed to, say, a damn paper clip!

Cops and prosecutors in Fall River, Massachusetts say local dentist Michael Clair (pictured immediately above) has been a bad dentist. A very bad dentist. The sort of dentist you wouldn't have work on a titmouse in a Mississippi shithouse. Unless your endgame was one fucked up titmouse.

For starters, this dental dufus reportedly liked to cut a few corners here and there. You know -- cut a few costs during bad economic times. And what better way to show a little fiscal austerity than to "try to save a few bucks by using a paper clip instead of a stainless steel bar for a root canal procedures," as "Dr." Clair stood accused (pleading guilty last week)!

The linked full story notes that it's typically not the best dental practice to carve around inside a patient's kisser with paper clips since "using anything other than stainless steel puts patients at risk of pain and even infection." Glad the media's around to clear things like that up for us.

Same goes for the democrat party, as Massachusetts AG Martha Coakley (the braintrust who somehow found a way to lose Teddy Kennedy's Senate seat to gop-er Scott Brown in early 2010) is weighing in on PaperclipGate with the same sorts of words of wisdom that surely garnered her such AG elected office in the first place -- commenting that the Clair Affair "paints a picture of someone who shouldn't be practicing dentistry in Massachusetts, or anywhere else for that matter."

Ever the vigilant public servant, Coakley is even going so far as to recommend that "anyone who may have been treated by Clair see a dentist as soon as possible." Now while that may seem a bit drastic, I'm gonna have to endorse Coakley's advice on that front.

And finally, just for good measure, when Dr. Spooky Tooth wasn't poking around in mouths with devices one would purchase at Office Max, prosecutors say he was trying to take a clip to Medicaid, which he was charged with bilking out of $130,000 through fraudulent claims.

This deranged dentist last week pleaded guilty to a string of fraud, batter and illegal prescription charges, but I just hope he gets maximum security lockup following his jail sentence two days ago. Otherwise, a master of the paper clip like him might just bust outta the can faster than a Friday fluoride treatment.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/dentist-paper-clip-patients-root-canals-defrauded-medicare-pleads-guilty-mass-court-article-1.1011131?localLinksEnabled=false
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2093936/Brenda-Almeida-blasts-lenient-year-sentence-dentist-Michael-Clair-used-PAPER-CLIPS-root-canal-procedure.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2091123/Dentist-Michael-Clair-admits-using-PAPER-CLIPS-root-canal-procedure.html

Monday's Most Moronic: gop-er Comparing Obama to Italian Cruise Ship Captain, or Obama Himself Claiming He's Created 22 Million New Jobs?

2012-01-31T00:02:00.001-05:00

...such Obama gaffe statement came when in fact that new jobs number during his so-called presidency is at most something like one-seventh of the 22 million figure. The Obama/Italian Slimeball "Costa Concordia" Ship Captain comparison, in contrast, came from democrat party chairman Patty "Wasserman" Simpson's right-winger counterpart on the republic partisan side of things -- some complete no-name right-wing goober called "Reince Priebus" (WHO?)...

Well, I'll call it about a tie as to which of these two complete assclowns (Priebus and the individual we currently have as president) was the most educationally challenged on Monday. Frankly, both statements made me absolutely sick, even if Obama (undoubtedly with some flunky in the background or earpiece pulling an Arnold Horseshack, "OOH, OOH, OOH, Mr. President!") subsequently tried to correct himself.

Absolutely sick, just like these two bullshit, extreme-controlled, out-of-touch parties manage to accomplish every waking day of my life -- even when they realize they don't have 57 states (rather a mere 50) across which to spread their vile disingenuous hate, putrid petty snideness and complete lowest-common-denominator rhetoric as soon as each day's new sun emerges.

I haven't been talking a whole lot about political issues lately, since all that's been going on is pure partisan campaigning -- incessantly by the individual we currently have as president and by the equally unqualified "candidates," with all of their endless third-grade-style primary sniping, on the deranged right-winger side of things.

Put another way, little in the way of policy or new laws is being debated or enacted these days (which is probably a very good thing, truth be told), and so I'm not going to waste much time on these partisan freaks these days. But as always, even if I'm not blogging about that world very much recently, I'm always watching. That never changes.

http://blog.chron.com/txpotomac/2012/01/unrepentant-rnc-chair-priebus-wont-back-down-for-comparing-obama-to-italian-captain-accused-of-manslaughter/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no3DtOP2eQQ&fea

So You Want Me to Do Something to Help Out the Hispanic Community? OK, I Think Maybe I'll Eat Some Tacos.

2012-01-30T00:09:00.001-05:00

That's a rather crude, inappropriate remark, of course. But when it was recently uttered by the mayor of East Haven, Connecticut (a rocket scientist named Joseph Maturo), the local townsfolk "inundated and deluged" the goofjob's mayoral office with "2,000 Mexican dishes" and a whole lotta tacos. They called it the "Send the Mayor a Taco" Campaign (link at bottom).

So where's my free eats? Send 'em along, please. I could use the nourishment. Send the Rager a Taco.

[Deliveries welcome, just not during the day or before midnight: The Independent Rage, 1313 Outhouse Way, Tightwad MO. Hot sauce and/or salsa condiments appreciated, but not required. And no spitting in the mixture, if you please.]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2091852/I-tacos-Mayor-accused-racism-swamped-2-000-coordinated-social-network-campaign.html

He'll Never Try that One Again: Alleged Burglar Gets the Living Hell Beat Out of Him After Female Victim Comes After Him with a Damn Bedpost!

2012-01-27T00:02:00.000-05:00

He took all the risk on Friday the 13th, and all he got for it was a good bedpost beatin' and a trip to the hospital! He's 40-year-old Lucio Medina Miranda, and that's his badly beaten mush pictured immediately above. And he's being described on the Net as "the burglar who picked the wrong woman" to fuck with (links at bottom, including an exceptional slideshow from WBTV)...

Cops say the build up to this little impromptu hardcore match began when Miranda tried to burgle a home in downtown Raleigh, North Carolina. After slinking his way into the joint, Miranda allegedly first found two kids whom he told to keep their damn traps shut.

You see, it seems Mama (Victoria Jones; various pictures above and below) was down in the shithouse buck naked and fixin' to take a shower. But when Mama spied this alleged Raleigh rip-off artist strolling down the hall, the disrobed homeowner reportedly leaped into action immediately. And that's when all hell broke loose...

Cops say Mama quickly scurried her way into the bedroom, where she ripped a big bedpost down and proceeded to "whack the alleged intruder repeatedly in the face."

Already having had his slimeball ass pretty thoroughly kicked at this juncture, the beaten burglar allegedly made a dash towards the front door to try to escape Mama's bedpost beatdown. But nothing doin' on that front!

Just for good measure, Mama reportedly resumed the beating at the front door with "a few well aimed swings at his knees [that] allegedly prevented him from running before the police could get there."

"I was able to beat him out of my bedroom, back through the living room," crowed the proud Mama after incapacitating the alleged bad guy. And what did that fallen fleecer Miranda get for his (alleged) efforts? Well, reportedly a "broken ankle, cuts, bruises and a badly swollen eye" -- that's what. Not to mention a ride down to see the sawbones.

When he heals up and gets out of there, Miranda will reportedly be facing felony burglary charges and a trip to the can. And what a welcome sight I betcha the hoosegow's gonna be for this scuzjob: Sleeping quarters with not so much a single bedpost on hand!

http://www.wbtv.com/story/16596605/woman-attacks-home-intruder-with-bedpost
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2091439/Eye-think-youve-BIG-mistake-Mother-beats-burglar-unconscious-bedpost.html

"Hello, Police: Mama's Banging Her Boyfriend in the Next Room & I Can't Sleep Over Here!" Teen Calls 911 to Report Mama's Sex Romp!

2012-01-26T00:06:00.001-05:00

This has to be a new one in the 911 annals. We've seen customers at fast food joints call 911 when something's wrong with their order. We've heard about people calling 911 when drug dealers have sold them fake product or when hookers have refused to have sex with them. But now a new one: Kid calling 911 because Mama's moaning up a storm in the sack with the old man!

The 15-year-old girl in Panama City, Florida apparently really hated hearing her 35-year-old Mama gettin' it on with boyfriend through the wall of her next-door bedroom. Cops says the teen called 911 at 4:00 a.m. last week and "asked to be put in a Christian children's shelter after she heard her mother and boyfriend having sex" (link to full story at bottom).

The stated reason for the girl's anger: She felt "disrespected" by being forced to listen to all that racket. And of course, expressing such disapproval in a long talk with Mama the next morning just wasn't an option, apparently. Instead, get 911 on the horn right now, baby!

Only problem? Absent some form of abuse or neglect, there just wasn't much the cops could do except to refer the teen to speak to a children's care worker.

For now, the girl has reportedly changed her mind and doesn't want to leave the home. But just wait 'til the boyfriend's back at the joint this weekend. Methinks Mama best muzzle up.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/24/teen-calls-police-mom-sex_n_1228055.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2090834/Teenager-calls-911-heard-mother-having-sex-boyfriend.html

Weighing in Favor of a "Weak Mayor" Form of Municipal Governance? S. Carolina Mayor Gets Pulled Over for Speeding, & So the Mayor Pulls Over the Cop!

2012-01-25T00:28:00.000-05:00

There's something to be said for too much power lying with the Head Honcho in the executive branch in a democracy. Too much power tends to lead to "find a way to usurp the legislative branch" directives, the appointment of an historically large number of bureaucracy "czars" accountable to no one, and "recess appointments" and "executive orders" used in ways not previously imaginable nor conceived. But so much for the individual we currently have as president -- let's talk about this fat tub of goo in South Carolina...

He's Jim Preacher, the mayor of South Carolina hamlet of Norway. I can't find any information on what party this joker's in, but does it really matter? Preacher admits he was speeding (70 in a 55 zone) when a state trooper pulled his speed-demon ass over and gave him a ticket for tearing up the road like that. And that apparently didn't sit too well with the very portly local Mayor...

Because immediately after the stop, the fat Preacher reportedly activated some police lights that he (for some dumbass South Carolina reason) had on his own mayoral vehicle and promptly pulled THE TROOPER over!!!

What I don't really get is the Trooper actually recognizing some sort of law enforcement authority of a damn local Mayor, but the Trooper did so nevertheless and actually pulled over! And that was the just the start of this Bizarro-World tale...

Like some kind of overbearing, obese, out-of-his-jurisdiction Jackie Gleason "Sheriff Buford T. Justice" character from Smokey & the Bandit, the fat-ass Mayor actually reportedly asked the pulled-over Trooper for his license and registration, please!

Then this nervy lard-ass Mayor apparently actually went and ran the license, only to return it to the Trooper a short time later. And then for the coup de grace: The buoyant Mayor actually ordered the State Trooper (allegedly) to follow him back into town so that the Mayor could issue him a citation!

(Charge not clear, but I'd guess it falls somewhere under the chickenshit local crime of "showing the unmitigated gall to issue the Mayor a ticket even when the Mayor's fucking up" -- or some such other charge of that same general nature).

And also similar to the referenced Sheriff Justice, the fat-rollin' Mayor claims the Trooper should've never pulled him over since he (as The Mayor) was at the time engaged in a little "hot pursuit" of a suspect who'd just allegedly knocked over a local gas station.

Course, never mind that he's the Mayor -- 'cause someone gots to chase down them damn local criminals! I mean, what's next from these Gestapo-like State Troopers? Pulling over the Dog Catcher as he pursues the perpetrator of the next local bank job?

http://www.wistv.com/story/16574309/sc-mayor-pulled-over-then-pulls-trooper-over
http://thetandd.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/trooper-pulls-over-norway-mayor-then-mayor-pulls-over-trooper/article_cf1bd688-43f8-11e1-9f6c-001871e3ce6c.html

Maybe Baseball's the Wrong Sport For Him: Teen Allegedly "Goes Berserk" on Coach During Baseball Practice After Stripping Down Buck Naked...

2012-01-24T00:10:00.001-05:00

I don't imagine it's a very a good thing when on the first day of baseball practice, a high school player gets handcuffed and busted for "acting demented." Being maniacal, of course, may have a certain place in some athletic and pugilistic pursuits, but typically not so much on the baseball diamond...

It all started oddly enough on the first day of baseball practice at Mill Creek High School in Hoschton, Georgia (link to full story at bottom). The school says one of the sophomore players led off that day by "acting very strangely," scraping his legs up by "sliding around in gravel."

Then it was allegedly off to the bleachers for the boy for a curtain call or something, as he "began doing rhythmic exercises in his underwear" right up there in the stands. Coaches reportedly tried to subdue the lad and find out what was troubling him, but the kid could only speak in tongues, giving "incoherent and nonsensical answers" (with "batter, batter, batter" apparently not among them).

Coaches next reportedly tried to get the boy indoors to cool off; but once inside, he allegedly stripped down to this birthday suit and clamored to get back out on the diamond in all of his stark naked glory.

When the coaches tried to nip any public exhibition in the bud by stopping the youngster, the kid allegedly swung for the fences and took a swipe at one of the coaches, clocking the coach one right in the kisser.

A school security guard was finally able to slap the ol' cuffs on the teen, who was still reportedly speaking gibberish even after his old man arrived on the scene. The young baseball prospect now faces a grandslam of juvenile charges. Fully clothed this time.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2090097/Naked-student-punches-baseball-coach-going-berserk-practice.html

Hobo With a Long-Knife: Arizona Homeless Bum Allegedly Butchers Cat for Dinner & Puts Uneaten Portions to Good Use as Well...

2012-01-23T00:25:00.000-05:00

Maybe this hobo is some sort of sick descendant of the Plains Indians. They were renowned for always finding some use for most parts of a slain animal carcass (such as the buffalo) and putting very little to waste. But somehow I don't think this is quite what Dances With Wolves had in mind...

Cops in Phoenix say they found homeless tramp Russell Christopher Hofstad (the non-cat pictured above) hanging out in an old warehouse with a mutilated feline. Being hungry, the bum allegedly claimed, he pounded the cat to death with a stick and used a big butcher knife to "skin and gut" the poor animal. Then it was time for dinner (allegedly).

After polishing off his supper (allegedly), you might think this deranged drifter would toss the rest of the cat into a dumpster or something, right? Wrong. Why put a good cat hide and innards to waste, after all?

Cops say this creepy vagrant next turned into Davey Crockett, using the cat's furry tail as a piece of clothing apparel. In particular, cops say the bum's little makeshift varmint garment consisted of the tail and some of the cat's intestines, which cops say the vagabond had fashioned into a necklace that he was wearing when the cops found him.

Cops also say the unhinged hobo used some screwdrivers and "clippers" to meticulously remove the creature's various internal organs so that he could put those "on ice" as if he was dealing with Alejandra Sosa down in Colombia. Specifically, the batty tramp allegedly iced down the cat guts inside a cooler (since those things do go bad real fast if you just leave them lying about at room temperature).

The cat pugilist panhandler told cops that he even planned to put the little animal's skeleton to good use too. Apparently the bum was planning a little shindig down at his flophouse and envisioned using the skeleton "as party decorations."

The party was seemingly already underway when cops found the kooky hermit, who was allegedly prancing around the joint in his cat tail necklace, with his face painted, after blasting off all the warehouse's old fire extinguishers and littering the place with booze bottles.

But on the bright side of things, this Hofstad character is no longer homeless. Cops tossed his alleged cat-skinning ass in the hoosegow on animal cruelty and burglary charges. And after having feasted on cat, I doubt the bread and water down in the hole are gonna sit too well with this bum.

http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/national/phoenix-police-arrest-man-for-skinning-then-eating-a-cat
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2089342/Homeless-man-skinned-ate-cat-camping-rave-venue-wearing-tail-intestines-necklace.html

What a Ballbreaker: Cops Bust "Bam Bam the Testicle Attacker" for Allegedly Bustin' Her Old Man's Balls (Literally) and a Whole Lotta More!

2012-01-20T00:10:00.001-05:00

That cold-hearted stare you see above belongs to one bona fide ball buster (allegedly). She's 24-year-old Savannah "Bam Bam" Rios outta Utah, and cops there have nailed her nutcracker ass for allegedly terrorizing her boyfriend's coin purse and then trying to heist all his coin to boot!

As reported on the venerable Smoking Gun website (link at bottom), cops says this bizarre ball basher got things started last week after her old man accused her of knocking over his joint and "swiping some of his belongings." And dude definitely picked the wrong broad to finger for thievery, apparently...

After hearing the accusation, this batty ball bruiser first allegedly took to slapping the old man around a bedroom. She next reportedly brandished a knife and asked the old man, "You Wanna Die!?!" And that was just for starters.

Next this nutty nut mauler forced the old man to strip down buck naked. Maybe she had a little makeup sex on her mind? Not on your damn life. Cops says this demented log splitter wrapped the old man's belt all around her paw and proceeded to "hit him several times right in the balls."

Likely being in a bit of pain at this point, the ball-beaten boyfriend reportedly "pleaded for his life," at which the ever-compassionate Bam Bam the ballbreaker permitted her old man to put his drawers back on (I just hope those were loose-fitting britches).

Next this crazed cracker jack crusher allegedly forced the old man to drive her to his house, all the while (on the way over) stabbing at his acorn-anguished ass with a big knife like he was a pelotas pinata.

Once back at the old man's joint, this bonkers Bam Bam ball breacher allegedly commenced "swiping" even more of the guy's stuff, this time including his DVD player, camera and phones. Then she spied his bank statement lying around the place!

So for good measure, this deranged ding dong drubber allegedly forced her old man back into the car to take her down to his local banking establishment. There he says he was forced to withdraw and fork over 500 bucks to Bam Bam, although he finally got loose and was able to sprint (at least as fast as his swollen stone sack would allow) to the nearest police station.

Now this crazy cojones clubber may have to pummel her next set of genitals down in the local hoosegow, as cops have slapped her package pounding hide (allegedly) with a bevy of felony charges that include sexual abuse, kidnapping and robbery. And with a $100,000 bond, methinks even all the family jewels and the old man's chattels put together ain't bringin' her loin lashin' carcass out the bullpen anytime soon.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/utah-testicle-attacker-busted-761234

Junior's Got No Juice Box, Daddy Never Sleeps at Night: 5-Year-Old Allegedly Goes Ape & Shanks Family Members Over Juice Box Dispute!

2012-01-19T00:02:00.003-05:00

There are some things in this life that you just don't do. Never take cancer sticks away from a nicotine fiend who's not looking to quit. Never try to snatch away a chumpchop from a pit bull once it's been tossed his way. And you can now add one to the list (apparently): Never fool around with a little shit's juice box lest you know what's good for ya...

This little five-year-old tike in Greene County, Virginia, must really live for that afternoon juice box fix -- and don't even get him started when it comes to breaking that routine (allegedly)...

Cops say that around 3:30 p.m. Monday, the little tot yanked out some sort of crude, makeshift shank (described as an "edged object") and used it to do a little carving on three family members after a "juice box dispute" broke out inside his home down at the local trailer park.

The juice fracas reportedly sent all three family members to the hospital and bought the little juice slicer a trip down to the hoosegow to undergo a mental evaluation, for some reason.

Neighbors say this little razor ruffian has terrorized the home before, allegedly with an "anger problem" that leads him to "physically abuse his mother." (Which, if true, would make this little alleged domestic carver about the most badass five-year-old that I've ever heard of).

Other neighbors, however, were more "shocked" by the news. One neighbor described the boy as a "happy go lucky little dude": "No problems, he was a good dude," said a neighbor named Nikoma Collins. And, indeed, nothing says "happy go lucky little dude" quite like hacking up a few family members with a sharp metal object (allegedly).

And local sheriff Steve Smith seems mystified too: "I've heard of juveniles throwing temper tantrums, but I've never heard of anything like this before," confided Smith. Isn't that what the cops used to always tell Dr. Loomis?

http://www.wcti12.com/news/30228902/detail.html
http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/news/national/neighbors-child-stabbed-3-people-over-a-juice-box-01172012
http://www.kktv.com/news/headlines/Police_5-Year-Old_Stabs_Family_Members_Over_Juice_Box_137485263.html

Boy, That's Gracious of Her: Nancy Pelosi Joins in leftist 20 percenter "Warnings" to gop-ers that They Need to Nominate Someone Besides Romney...

2012-01-18T00:02:00.001-05:00

As recently predicted in this space, get ready for a steady stream of democrat party people purporting -- out of the goodness of their sweet little hearts -- to provide right-wingers with some free "advice" about whom the gop-ers should nominate to take on the individual we currently have as president this fall.

The latest leftist 20 percenter to try to help out the republic partisans is none other than former Creature of the House Nancy Pelosi this week. Following the cue provided over the past few weeks by Obama political hatchet job David Axelrod and the White House itself, Pelosi said Tuesday that Romney isn't the gop-ers' "first string" candidate, is "not going to be the president," and lacks support from devout right-wingers because "they don't think he can win" (link at bottom).

Again, the translation: Please nominate some goof other than Romney, gop-ers, because he stands the best chance of beating Obama in November from among the current gop-er field. Not to mention, the lukewarm right-winger support for Romney has little to do with their assessment of his chances of winning, and everything to do with the fact that far right-wingers (who dominate the republic partisan party) don't believe that Romney is "conservative enough."

Put another way, the right-wingers wish they had a better candidate to the right of Romney for whom they could vote in the primaries. But the field is weak, and no such person has gained much traction against Romney.

Regardless, it's largely now a moot point, because Romney has the nomination largely sewed up at this point -- much to the chagrin of your Axelrods and Pelosis of the world. But at least they gave it the ol' college try, and I can't blame them: I'd rather run against a Gingrich, Santorum or Ron Paul too!

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0112/71531.html

BBQ Joint to Customer: "No Tip, Uh? Why Don't You 'Go Fuck Yourself!'" A Boner of a Move?

2012-01-17T00:01:00.001-05:00

Whatever you do, don't be a cheapskate at Boners BBQ in Hotlanta. And watch out you don't criticize the eats there, either! 'Cause they'll tell ya exactly what you can do with them complaints, not to mention exactly where you can stick your coupons and tight ass tips!

Boners claimed the above-pictured Stephanie Stuck recently came into the joint, used a coupon to cut her tab down to 40 bucks, then made a beeline for the exits without so much as leaving one red cent for a tip. And what's any upstanding BBQ dive gonna do when a customer leaves no tip like that? Head to the Net and start cussin' her out, of course! How else would you handle things?

Boners' manager reportedly went on the restaurant's Facebook and Twitter pages, posted a picture of Stuck, and basically told her to "go fuck yourself" -- literally (as shown above): "NOT WANTED! Stephanie S. left waitress 0.00 tip on a $40 tab after she received a Scoutmob discount. If you see this woman in your restaurant tell her to go outside and play, hide and go fuck yourself! Yelp that bitch!"

Only problem (beyond the obvious one that this might not be the best tactic to garner repeat business)? Stuck says the tab was only 30 bucks, and that she actually left a $10 tip. She also says the joint was just pissed because she posted an unfavorable online "Yelp" review of her Boners meal, calling the eats "tepid." And since this BBQ broad doesn't appear to miss too many meals, I'd bet her review was fairly spot on.

Apparently confronted with the truth, Boners reportedly scrambled to yank the "Go Fuck Yourself" blast from their websites faster than a shithouse visit following a slab of ribs and a side of beans. The joint -- which boasts the catchphrase, "Put a little south in your mouth" -- now has its foot in its own piehole and is in full damage-control mode, even offering up an apology to Stuck.

Boners' apology even admitted (fittingly) that it made a "bonehead move" with its little online curse job. Not that I can too overly condemn a nice little "G-F-Y" every now and then. But save it (like me) for the political realm, Boners, and spare the customers next time.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/10/atlanta-boners-bbq-twitter-facebook-yelp_n_1196857.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2084994/Boners-BBQ-restaurant-attacks-non-tipping-customer-Facebook-Twitter.html

And the Golden Globe Goes To: Four of My Favorite TV Show Actors from the Past Year in Peter Dinklage, Jessica Lange, Claire Danes & Kelsey Grammer...

2012-01-16T00:09:00.001-05:00

I typically pay only scant attention to these awards shows for reasons that include the people whom I think should win never do. But I can't say that about the 2012 edition of the Golden Globe Awards, which decorated actors from my two favorite new shows of the past year -- Peter Dinklage/"Game of Thrones" and Jessica Lange/"American Horror Story" -- not to mention giving a well-deserved award to Claire Danes' performance in another new show ("Homeland," in which Danes stole the show) and Kelsey Grammer on a fourth one ("Boss," my third-favorite new TV show of the last 12 months).

When Dinklage's midget "Tyrion Lannister" character wasn't cursing or whoring up a storm, or giving his pathetic full-size nephew Joffrey a good beatdown, or showing surprising spontaneous compassion for those he called "cripples, bastards and broken things," then he was taking a hooker to the King's court against his powerful old man's wishes or was being told to make sure to "stay low" during an upcoming battle with enemy forces. The Tyrion character was the most complex, interesting and entertaining character on a show full of them, and Dinklage pulled it off like it a master. He didn't get this award because he's a midget. Rather, he got it because he was that good.

Jessica Lange was nearly equally masterful on F/X's creepy new "American Horror Story," in which she played the demented Southern Belle next-door neighbor who -- when she's not sleeping with much younger males, delivering seriously poisoned pastries to the neighbors, or whacking out her hubby and his maid lover -- seems to most enjoy herself dressing down and berating the various maniacal "ghosts" (including poor said maid) who inhabit the joint next-door. And kudos to film-star Lange being willing to mix it up on the small screen, where I recall her saying that a cable TV series like AHS (with its shorter cable season) worked perfectly for a more time-strapped schedule.

I didn't like Showtime's "Homeland" nearly as much as GOT or AHS, but I watched the entire first season largely due to Claire Danes and her show-stealing performance as the ultra-psychotic US intelligence agent who constantly seems just one step away from having a complete mental breakdown (know the damn feeling!). Hope this performance and award help propel her to more big screen roles in the years to come. We could use better and improved psychos in American film!

Kelsey Grammer finally broke away from that damn pesky Frazier. And in a big way. His Starz show "Boss" never mentioned the democrat party or the republic partisan party, and it didn't need to. That world is a world of slimeballs regardless of party, and Grammer played the Mayor of Chicago as if he was the ultimate King of the political sleazebuckets. No funny lines, no quips, no light moments. Just scuz. I never even once thought of Frazier Crane when watching that show -- a tribute to Grammer's ability to step into a whole different kind of role and kick ass. I'm just surprised Rahm Emanuel, the Daley Dynasty and the individual we currently have as president haven't yet sued Grammer and "Boss" for divulging some of their best dirty tricks with neither proper attribution nor compensation.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/46007126/ns/today-entertainment/t/michelle-williams-peter-dinklage-tintin-win-golden-globes/#.TxOc54EU_fQ

democrat party Chairman Patty "Wasserman" Simpson Blames tea party & republic partisans For the Arizona Massacre -- Which Happened Over a Year Ago...

2012-01-13T00:11:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think "Wasserman" Simpson's brain just don't work so well. Over a year it takes her to blame the tea party and right-wingers for the Arizona Massacre? That of course was the event in early January 2011 in which six people were shot dead by the above-pictured deranged slimeball Jared Loughner (allegedly), and democrat party U.S. representative Gabrielle Giffords was badly wounded...

Immediately, and predictably, American leftist 20 percenters blamed Sarah Palin, right-wingers, the tea party, and the republic partisan party in general, for causing the massacre through use of "uncivil" rhetoric.

Never mind, of course, that this Loughner slug turned out to have no apparent affiliation with any particular party or ideology. Also never mind that leftist 20 percenters telling anyone to use more "civility" is sort of like an Alabama shithouse telling a fellow shithouse in Mississippi that it stinks real bad.

But regardless of any of that, THAT WAS OVER A YEAR AGO! I blogged on it over a year ago (link at bottom). "Wasserman" Simpson needs some new material. And material of this particular (low) quality ain't even hard to conjure up. People get murdered in America every day. Blame some of those on your political opponents if you must. At least that mindless extremist blather would be timely.

http://dailycaller.com/2012/01/11/dnc-chair-blames-tea-party-for-tucson-shooting/
http://independentrage.blogspot.com/2011/01/predictably-but-yet-disgustingly.html

"Please Come to Boston for the Springtime": Think I'll Pass, As Beantown Cracks Down on Subway Operators, Requiring Them to Start Staying Awake!

2012-01-12T00:23:00.001-05:00

I've heard of draconian workplace mandates before, but this is ridiculous. Like the typical sour pus employer who requires employees to generally show up on time. Like the office boss who frowns upon the idea of male employees banging cleaning broads on top of their desks after work. Like the fast food manager who throws a shit fit when a couple of dames post Net pics of themselves bathing together in the big industrial sink in the back of the joint...

But now, from the City of Boston, the ultimate coup de grace when it comes to overbearing job site mandates: The latest from the land of silent "R's" and no-barricade island bridge drive-offs has Beantown actually having the unmitigated gall to issue a new work ultimatum to all city subway operators: "Don't fall asleep on the job."

This particular new "rule" (set forth in a new Memo from the City to all subway operators) may just be the most dramatically authoritarian directive to come down from on high since Moses returned from the mountain with Commandment #9 that "Man Shalt Not Lie With Nor Marry Another Man" -- a pronouncement which to this very day has driven a Noah's Ark-size wedge between the likes of Barack Obama and those who actually pay attention to the positions he's taken. But I digress...

Now, the City's politicians say the harsh new indictment has been in response to certain subway operators shirkin' the ol' duties as of late, such as some little number subway driver dame who was recently caught doing her nails whilst on the job. But tell me, was that so wrong? Was there a precise policy against that sort of thing? If so, link or cite, please.

Regardless, Bostonian folk have had mixed reactions to the new mass transit "stay awake" rule, where the response has ranged from "pretty alarming" to "fingers crossed" to "Oh My Goodness" to "I trust 'em!"

Another local remarked that he just hopes his subway operator "is not falling asleep at the wheel." Which begs the question -- these trains have steering wheels as they make their way down those very well-defined tracks? Talk about a derailment waiting to happen. Methinks I'd feel safer with the conductor catching some Z's back in the shithouse.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2084393/Boston-transport-authority-issues-memo-drivers-stating-obvious.html

"Gay Marriage Is a Threat to Humanity," Spouts His Excellency Pope Benedict XVI. So THAT's Why He Won't Let All His Priests Get Married?!?

2012-01-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

...but at least Popey can count among his political friends and allies a fellow anointed royal figure in the form of His Majesty Barack Obama -- who likewise finds time in his life to actually worry about and oppose gay marriage.

Me, I'll pass. Wanna talk about something that threatens humanity, Popey? How about the stifling, unsustainable debt in Greece, your beloved current home of Italy, most of the European Union, and in the United States? That dire crisis -- ignored by politicians of both extremist stripes on a daily basis everywhere -- threatens to tank the global economy sometime this year and make the crash of 2008 look like a Rick Perry Sunday morning sashay through a Texas shithouse.

Or you can spend your nights losing sleep over a couple of people of the same sex who love each other having the same marriage status as everyone else. Whatever floats your boat, there, Popey. Ronald Reagan used to say that he never left his party, rather it left him. Well I've never belonged to a party. But I did used to be a catholic.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/09/us-pope-gay-idUSTRE8081RM20120109
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2084696/Pope-Benedict-XVI-Gay-marriage-threat-humanity.html

Can We Please Say "Person Hole"? New Mexico Father & Son Reportedly Plunge Down Exposed "Manhole" Into Raw Sewage, Nearly Killing Themselves...

2012-01-10T00:03:00.004-05:00

It's amazing to me that the media still doesn't get it. The word "manhole" has been politically incorrect since probably the 1980s AD. That highly insensitive term implies that only a man, in fact, is qualified and able to go to work down inside a hole. The proper term is "person hole" or, if you prefer, "sewer hole." With that now out of my piehole...

A dad named Bob Anderson (pictured above) in Albuquerque, New Mexico, says a shitty situation almost turned deadly last week when he and his five-year-old son almost died in a veritable flowing shit-storm at the bottom of a person hole into which they fell.

The person hole at issue was in a construction zone (pictured below) with its person hole cover gone and "the metal sheets covering it ... removed." It also didn't help matters that it was after dark at the time.

The old man says he, sonny and wifey couldn't see that the person hole's temporary metal sheet covering had been removed. He says sonny first fell ten feet down to the bottom of the person hole after running ahead of his parents on the street.

But the heroic papa says he immediately took a flying leap of his own down the person hole in order to save his boy. Anderson says the only thing at the bottom of that person hole was a big load of shit, and the raw sewage reportedly filled both of their mouths soon after impact.

"It was only when they bobbed back up" to the surface that Anderson's old lady was able to pull Anderson and son out of this rancid, raunchy shithole. Said the old man: "We could have lost him out here, we could have lost me ... because there is no way out of these things."

The city has reportedly put the metal sheets back over the person hole, but has not installed the typical tight-fitting person hole cover. Says Anderson: "They're [the city] trying to blame the people for their sloppiness and there job here -- I'm afraid somebody's going to get hurt."

And as generally might be expected from people forced to eat shit down inside a person hole, Anderson says he's been holed up sick since the incident and has had to go to the emergency room several times "due to bacteria." Which is something I bet he needed like a manhole in the head.

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/09/10078455-father-saves-son-after-10-foot-plunge-into-sewage

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2084357/Father-son-5-fall-feet-sewage-manhole-collapse.html

Sure She Wasn't a Carny on Her Night Off? Mom Allegedly Gets Bombed on Booze & Passes Out at Florida Amusement Park While Her Kids Play on the Rides!

2012-01-09T00:15:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to ponder potential explanations for this type of alleged behavior. Maybe Mama really wanted to win that huge stuffed animal in the Ring Toss and got depressed and needed a drink when she came up a little short? Or maybe she was just so scared of heights that she had to get all liquored up before joining her little brats on the roller coaster?

Whatever it was, cops say Karin Rosemarie Reinhard (pictured immediately above) proceeded to get all f*cked up on alcohol (or as they say, "heavily intoxicated") last week at the King Richard's Family Fun Park in North Naples, Florida -- all the while as the four kids she was supposed to be watching (two her own) made merry on some of the nearby park rides.

But cops say this alleged blitzed blonde's little carnival act started falling apart and sinking faster than one of those arms on the Hurricane ride. Specifically, Mama's trashed crash started when one of the kids called a friend to report that Mama was "really drunk" right there at the park.

The kid also passed along that this alleged fun park lush was "hanging" all over "some guy she didn't know" like a Tunnel of Love lapdog (although perhaps he was just the carnival barker from the aforementioned Ring Toss?).

That's when the cops were called in, although they reportedly didn't exactly find Mama stumbling and bumbling all 'round the park like she had been (allegedly). Mama's wild Tilt-A-Whirl ride now apparently over, cops discovered this alleged bumper car boozer completely passed out down on the ground.

And cops say it might have been easier to raise the dead inside the park's House of Horrors, since it reportedly took cops "several attempts to wake" Mama "before she finally came to." Just for good measure, Mama allegedly blasted cops with "Nazi" and "Hitler" insults after they woke her drunkard ass up (allegedly).

Cops busted this alleged shit-faced theme park soak on child endangerment charges, although she reportedly put forth a defense claiming that she thought the kids were at home and "hadn't realized they were at the amusement park." Put another way: It's OK for Mama to leave the kids home alone and go get pie-eyed in the Funhouse as long as the kids aren't along!

Personally, I would have blamed the Gravitron for being zonked out rather than even bringing the kids' whereabouts into the equation. Either that, or the fear of heights story.

http://www.naplesnews.com/news/2012/jan/01/deputies-woman-was-drunk-with-4-kids-at-park/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2081418/Mother-arrested-passing-alcohol-amusement-park-children-played-rides.html

When Abstract Meets Deranged: Denver Woman Allegedly Terrorizes $30 Million Museum Painting with Her Ass and a Whole Lot More...

2012-01-06T00:04:00.001-05:00

OK, I get that some people simply don't care for or appreciate abstract art. We all have our little foibles. I, for example, disdain partisans. But that doesn't mean that when I see gop-ers or democrat party persons out on the street, I try to rub my ass all over them or take a piss on 'em!

The same basic principle of civil restraint would seem entirely lost on 36-year-old Carmen Tush (err, Tisch) of Denver, Colorado (face pictured above) (allegedly). Tish apparently really hates abstract art or, at the very least, the above-pictured "1957-J no. 2" by abstract expressionist Clyfford Still...

Cops in Denver say Tisch became so irrate in the presence of the $30 million painting that she first took to pawing and scratching at it like a wild animal with her fingernails. When that apparently just wasn't cutting the mural well enough, Tisch next allegedly tried to touch it up by taking a poke at the painting with her fist. But Oh My, was this colorful brush with the law just gettin' started at that point (allegedly)!

It apparently wasn't enough merely to deface the poor painting; additionally, Tisch wanted to make sure she left a foul stench about the picture as well (allegedly). And what better way to pull off that piece of work than to pull down the ol' britches and rub one's ass all over the painting (allegedly)?!?

But cops say even after Tisch gave the painting a whole new staining with her bare rump, this anti-art broad just couldn't stop trying to paint herself into a corner. Because next up on her pallet was to try to deliver a little piss job to the paint job (allegedly)!

Specifically, Tisch allegedly "tried to urinate on it but apparently missed." As a result, "she's not being charged with that," says the local District Attorney's office. But while Tisch may have escaped having to try to cop a pee plea, her fanny, nails and fist still allegedly trashed the painting to the hued tune of $10,000 damage.

That's a felony criminal mischief charge, boys and girls -- meaning Tisch may have to take her little paint prejudice (and her bare backside) and paint the local hoosegow red for some time to come.

As for what precisely might have set Tisch off, cops say she did appear to be drunk during the paint melee, although I'm not sure why they would conclude that. "You have to wonder where her friends were," said the DA. Great point. A stable, personable dame like Tisch must have a circle of friends bigger than Johnny Appleseed. Clyfford Still not among them, of course.

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/weird/Woman-Scratches-Rubs-Butt-Over-30M-Painting-136726763.html
http://www.vancouversun.com/travel/Colorado+woman+accused+damaging+million+painting/5950913/story.html

WARNING, Ordains Obama Hatchet Man David Axelrod: Mitt Romney's "The 25 Percent Man"; "No Enthusiasm for Romney"...

2012-01-05T00:09:00.000-05:00

...Those barbs were in reference to gop-er "front-runner" Romney's 25 percent performance in this week's Iowa caucus (in which Romney did demonstrate the general weakness of himself and the entire gop-er field by finishing a mere 8 votes ahead of largely unknown Pennsylvania has-been right-winger Rick Santorum).

Translation of the Axelrod/White House remarks: The democrat party and Obama would really, really rather run against a Rick Santorum or a Newt Gingrich than against Romney; therefore, please nominate someone other than Romney, republic partisans!

The reason for such agenda and hidden sentiments from the leftist 20 percenters is pretty obvious. Despite the fact (1) that I may personally view Romney as a stand-for-nothing assclown slickster (for whom I don't intend to vote) and (2) that many in the deranged right-winger gop-er "base" don't like Romney because they think he's "not conservative enough": An awful lot of Independents (including many left-leaning ones) will vote for Romney over Obama...

And of course, we Independents decide your elections. Not to mention, Romney will also likely peel off his share of votes from centrist and right-of-center democrats (if such a creature even still exists) who wouldn't vote for or shake Obama's hand if he was a toilet paper dispenser in a Mississippi shithouse.

As a result, expect from democrat party slimeballs like Axelrod a steady stream of rhetoric in the weeks to come containing veiled "warnings" to the right-wingers that Romney would be a terrible presidential selection who can't beat Obama. And take that propaganda for what it is: Bullshit.

I do still give the incumbent Obama an edge over the rather run-of-the-mill Romney come November, but Romney will keep things close, especially given the rotten economy that Obama has only done his best to further retard while in office. Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich would not keep things close. Or alternatively, you could just listen to Axelrod. Take your pick. Not that I could really give a rat's ass.

http://www.politico.com/politico44/2012/01/axe-mitts-mr-percent-109595.html
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0112/71051.html

Now Obama's REALLY in Trouble in 2012 AD: Crazy Old Mexican Wizard Predicts an Obama Loss in November...

2012-01-04T00:46:00.004-05:00

After an evening when largely unknown (though not to me) Pennsylvania has-been Rick Santorum is in a contest too-close-to-call (at midnight central, and I'm going to bed) with slick, boring, flip-flopper front-runner Mitt Romney for the gop-er Iowa caucus title (only reinforcing the historically WEAK nature of the field of gop-er candidates), a wacky witcher in Mexico says the same day that it doesn't really matter whom Obama faces in the 2012 AD presidential election...

He's known as Mexico's "Grand Warlock" (aka "Brujo Mayor" & Antonio Vazquez) (pictured above & below), and this zany lost twin brother of Captain Kangaroo says Obama will most definitely lose in 2012 AD (link to full story at bottom). There you have it! Or not.

More specifically, the "Great Witch" held a press conference this week in which this saucy sorcerer produced a big deck of Taurot cards and announced all of his 2012 AD predictions. Chief among those is this silly shaman's guarantee that the duration of Obama's presidency will be shorter than the Ebay bidders' list for an authentic Alabama shithouse.

But methinks this shoddy soothsayer should go take a seat in that same shithouse and meantime leave the political predictions to people are usually right, like me. Despite poor approval numbers and a bad economy that just keeps stumbling along like a Union Pacific hobo, Obama remains a slight favorite to win re-election this year over whichever of the current class of assclowns the deranged right-wingers stick on the ballot.

Not that I think it's going to be a particularly good year overall for the leftist 20 percenter democrat party, but I think the hapless individual we currently have as president will probably squeak by.

That's largely due to the aforementioned severely blighted crop of gop-er candidates, not to mention other significant factors such as (1) the big money advantage Obama's sure to have, (2) a complicit "mainstream" media in Obama's back pocket and (3) the bully pulpit and all the inherent advantages attendant to being a sitting president running for re-election.

My only hope for not being completely bored out of my mind by this pathetic 2012 "race" is the possibility of some entertaining freak such as The Trumper tossing his hat in the ring and shaking things up. Here we Independents are now, entertain us. And Mexican witchdoctors and uninspiring, business-as-usual leftist and right-winger goof candidates like Obama and Santorum/Romney simply ain't cuttin' the mustard over here.

http://www.breitbart.com/image.php?id=iafpCNG.5d4866e77b6f7d7b4a432c8d01267956.9a1p0&show_article=1&article_id=CNG.5d4866e77b6f7d7b4a432c8d01267956.9a1

Hey, Honey Baby, Bet I Can Guess the Size of Your Rack: CBS Radio Chick Tells Workplace Horror Stories of Alleged Neanderthal Lout Male Co-Workers...

2012-01-03T00:07:00.000-05:00

It may now be 2012 AD, but it was might as well be 1912 AD at CBS Radio affiliate KYW in Philadelphia (allegedly). It's amazing to me that this kind of crap still goes on in some workplaces (if the allegations are true), but if even the Obama White House can be a hostile work environment for women (as was alleged in 2011 AD and previously discussed in this space), then I suppose the "Good 'Ol Boys Club" can exist anywhere...

"It was like 'Mad Men,'" says 36-year-old Shelley Kanther (pictured immediately above and below), in reference to the popular TV show that depicts a sexist 1960s AD workplace. And she was even one of the station's higher-ups, serving as the director of marketing in 2009 AD and 2010 AD.

In a new sexual harassment lawsuit filed against CBS, Kanther (who's married) claims the abuse started with male employees calling her little pet names like "baby" as if she was serving them up ham and grits at some roadside greasy spoon in Mississippi.

Kanther says these skunks also took to slapping her on the ass as she walked by, perhaps in ode to Dabney Coleman's bossman-from-hell character in the old film "9 to 5." But all that was just for starters...

Because then there was the verbal harassment (allegedly). Kanther says these sewer rats liked to tell her that she was probably "fiery in bed." And that was only when they weren't trying to "guess her bra size" (allegedly).

But these toads' fixation wasn't just on Kanther's cans, as she says these creeps liked to tell her to "wear skirts more often" to work. She also says these slugs once discussed trying to pay her to smooch another worker as if Kanther was kin to the below-pictured Morganna the Kissing Bandit.

For good measure, Kanther says these dirtbags loved to talk about their "sexual conquests" right in front of her. And they didn't do so in a whisper, mind you, but instead bragged in a "loud voice" about the broads they'd banged (allegedly).

Kanther also points a specific finger at one of her bosses and a hellish "business trip" they took to Atlantic City. Kanther says that on the trip, Bossman kept talking about wanting to plant a big smoocheroo on her. This alleged crumb also took her to Karaoke Night, where he allegedly sang "Stay with Me Tonight" to her "while suggestively dancing in front of her, uncomfortably close."

And just to add insult to injury, Kanther says this joint paid her a salary that was three to six times less than the salary paid to her fellow department heads at the station who happened to be male. Kanther says that when she tried to complain about all this stuff, the station gave her the ol' pink slip.

Now, what this all adds up to is one badass lawsuit, alleging not only sexual harassment, but also wrongful and retaliatory termination and violations of the Equal Pay Act. But on the bright side for the defendants, the pre-trial discovery phase may give them an opportunity to finally learn Kanther's bra size.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2080397/CBS-radio-sued-severe-sex-harassment-female-employee-Mad-Men-like-atmosphere.html

Prediction Time for What Should Prove to be a Wild & Wade Wooley 2012 AD...

2012-01-01T00:03:00.002-05:00

I tried conjuring up a futuristic vision or two while squatting naked on one leg for a few hours in a van down by the Missouri River, but all I came up with was this lousy list of ten predictions for calendar year 2012 AD:

10. The winner of the presidential election in November will be an ill-qualified, abrasive, flip-flopping, partisan buffoon.

9. The World won't end in December; instead, World tells China it can't pay its bills, and China gives World another six months (wink to Henny Youngman).

8. gop-er House speaker John Boehner doubles his annual spray-on tan expenditures by ruining even more tans than usual with all his crying.

7. The tea party and "occupy" movements find common ground, launch a new joint campaign entitled, "Let's All Just Fuck Up the County Something Real Bad-Like."

6. Lots of teacher and older broads bang lots of underaged students.

5. The total time spent on the golf course for the individual we currently have as president will for the first time eclipse that of Tiger Woods during a single calendar year.

4. Donald Trump will be very proud of himself -- in every single thing that he does during the course of the year.

3. No professional sports team from Kansas City, nor any collegiate sports team from the University of Missouri, will win much of anything.

2. Floyd Mayweather and Victor Ortiz will get it on again, this time with Floyd utilizing a foreign object from his trunks as referee Joe Cortez is distracted.

1. Obama and congressional democrats become embroiled in a fresh scandal over wasteful, porkbarrel spending after earmarking $500 million to give Nancy Pelosi a fresh coat of paint and a forehead solar panel.

Happy New Year to all (except for the partisans, of course).

Breach of Contract! PA Man Allegedly Calls 911 After Hoes Hired to Double Up on Him Instead Go at Each Other & Keep Him Relegated to the "Sideline"...

2011-12-31T00:01:00.002-05:00

[Menage a Trois Week continues on TIR...]

I really don't know the sadder situation here: (1) A couple of hookers allegedly taking all this old codger's dough after doing nothing to which he says they agreed; or (2) This old coffin-dodger actually thinking his best recourse would be to call the cops after these broads' alleged nefarious "breach of contract." I'm guessing a lawsuit filed down in the ol' circuit court can't be too far behind from this furry old timer...

63-year-old Jerry Streng (pictured above) of Berlin, Pennsylvania told cops it all started when he simply tried to hire a couple of whores for 400 bucks "for the purpose of 'Smoking his Smoke' and engaging in sexual intercourse" with him (link to Smoking Gun's full story at bottom).

But like most any alleged personal services "contract," Streng says he had some very specific notions as to precisely what was to go down (in more ways than one) in this little menage a trois for hire. Streng says his very specific "agreement" with the two harlots would've placed him "in the middle of both women while the three of them engaged in sexual activity with each other."

However, Streng claims the tart tandem only delivered the goods on half the equation, being only too willing to "Smoke His Smoke," but not so much it seems when it came to including him in three-way, Lawrence-inspired, doublin'-down sexcapades back in the bedroom.

Streng complained to cops that the dirty duo did not even "invite him into the bed," instead climbing under the sheets and getting it on with each other. What's worse, he says, is that when he did try to enter this freaky fray, the two street walkers stuck his old ass on the "sideline" and wouldn't let him "in the middle like they agreed to" -- like something out of a bad knockoff of the old film The Sex Monster.

"Relegated to the end" of the bed rather than his "desired middle slot," Streng lamented to cops that he was left to resort "to grope the breast of the female closest to him." And the truly sad part, he says, is that "after that fleeting fondle," these two contract-welching women of the street (allegedly) grabbed all his money and ran -- all without ever "fully servicing him." Talk about a couple 'a stone cold cocottes!

And of course, whether it be a prostitution deal gone bad, or any other rudimentary breach of contract for that matter, the best course of actions is always -- what else: Call 911, Baby! That's right, Streng got the cops over there almost as fast as those two tricky trollops hit the exits once his money was in hand (allegedly).

So alas we arrive at the moral of this rather pathetic story: An agreement to bone a babe for money has an illegal subject matter at its core! That makes it an illegal, unenforceable contract. It also means you can't sue on it, and the cops can't do a damn a thing for you except to slap your dumb ass with solicitation charges and toss ya right in the hoosegow...

Which is precisely what happened to this old battle axe Streng. Although something tells me that Streng figures it was all worth it, since another consequence of his rattin' out these two ladies of pleasure means they also got their trio triumvirate-feigning skanky asses (allegedly) thrown right in the can themselves. That'll teach them to smoke a man's smoke without as so much as taking one puff on his pipe.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/john-calls-911-with-hooker-complaint-875412

"One Boob Put Away, One Boob Hanging!!" NASCAR Driver Raises the Red Flag on Twitter with Anti-Breastfeeding Rant...

2011-12-30T00:08:00.001-05:00

Maybe he's recently been forgetting to use his HANS Device out there on the track. Either that, or he might want to check his exhaust system for carbon monoxide leaks. Because what kind of a brain-damaged goof (not named Kim Kardashian) goes on an anti-wet-nurse Twitter tirade from inside a damn supermarket?

His name is Kasey Kahne, and the 31-year-old NASCAR driver apparently really, REALLY hates the site of a woman's partially bare bosom (raising a whole host of issues that we shall not get into here). Picking up some eats at his local grocery joint this week, Kahne spied some broad giving suck to her little shit inside the store. And he was havin' none a' that!

Faster than a stock car through the checkered flag in the Sprint Cup Series, Kahne reportedly whipped out his phone and started putting the pedal to the tatas, launching into a Modified Meltdown over this little lactation lunch that he was witnessing...

The rant started with surprise: "Just walking through supermarket. See a mom breast feeding little kid. Took second look because obviously I was seeing things. I wasn't!," Kahne observed.

And apparently he took more than just a second look, because he then proceeded to "describe the woman's breastfeeding in detail": "One boob put away, one boob hanging!! #nasty," Kahne tweeted.

Then Kahne complained that his initial suckle shock and awe had given way to repulsion: "I don't feel like shopping anymore or eating."

Many in the Twitter universe were none too happy at Kahne's breastfeeding beatdown, including one follower named Deana P, who tweeted that Kahne's opinions on the subject made him "kind of a douchebag." She continued: "I hope someday you have a kid and someone tells your wife that feeding your child looks nasty. Stay classy asshole."

And while any half-intelligent athlete or public figure would have either diffused the situation at this point or at least kept his mouth shut about the woman's tweet, this Kahne simply revved up his engine! "Your a dumb bitch," Kahne shrewdly retorted in a reply tweet.

Apparently later realizing that, oh yeah, he currently stars in a series of Allstate Insurance ads centering "around his appeal among women," Kahne took back to Twitter to offer up the standard ("if I offended anyone") non-apology apology -- saying it was not "my intention to offend . . . anyone who supports breast feeding children."

And, indeed and in fairness, it is somewhat difficult to glean a clear and definitive intention to offend from the mere phrase, "you're a dumb bitch." But me does thinks this braintrust could've used a little more of mama's milk during his formative years. They say calcium's good for the brain, same as the bones.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2079678/NASCAR-drivers-Twitter-rampage-sees-woman-breastfeeding-supermarket.html

Sick Tool: Anthony's Weiner Reportedly Tried to Line Up an Extramarital Threesome with Another Woman and ANOTHER WEINER!

2011-12-29T00:01:00.000-05:00

He's the non-limp gift who just keeps on pissin'! And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse for disgraced former democrat party congressman, Anthony's Weiner! OK, we already knew about him sexting and Tweeting out pics of his schlong to just about any young lady (not his wife) under the sun...

Then there were the revelations about him (1) calling his Muslim in-laws "backward thinking" (i.e. the parents of his then-pregnant wife and Hillary Clinton gofer, Huma's Weiner (pictured below)) and (2) bragging to ladies about spanking the ol' tallywhacker right inside a congressional shithouse ("It's a big office and you know that's not the only thing here that's big," Anthony's Weiner reportedly boasted to the dames).

Things got so bad last summer that even sleazy top democrat party slimeballs like San Fran Nan Pelosi and Patty "Wasserman" Simpson called on (and ultimately forced) Anthony's Weiner to pull out of Congress. So how could it get any worse? Well, it just did...

A new report this week from RadarOnline.com (links at bottom) says that Anthony's Weiner -- in addition to engaging in rampant photo donging -- also tried to set up a little real-life Menage a Trois action with "texting pal" hottie Traci Nobles (pictured below).

So what's the big deal, you might ask? Dude just wanted (like damn near every guy) to have a couple of broads double up on him, right? WRONG. Very wrong...

The new report says Anthony's Weiner was actually trying to hook up one of those demented split-wood, man-sandwich threesomes. That's right: Two boys, one girl, and lotsa summer sausage!

According to Nobles, this twisted extramarital conversation went exactly like this:

-Anthony's Weiner: [Brings up the topic of "3 ways" and continues:] "I'm not really talking about other chicks ... How about with another guy?"

-Traci Nobles: "Hmmmm, haven't done it before."

-Anthony's Weiner: "It can be hot!"

-Traci Nobles: "Are you turned on by other guys?"

-Anthony's Weiner: "Well it depends on the guy, but generally yes."

And just for good measure, at some point during his text exchange with Nobles, Anthony's Weiner also allegedly spouted, "OMG!, I didn't think I could get any harder!"

Now while Nobles does say this proposed Subway double meat trifecta never actually went down (literally or figuratively), that apparently wasn't due to any lack of suggestion from the point of Anthony's Weiner. That Weiner must've been absolutely deflated when babe failed to book another pork sword to raise the Eiffel Tower!

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/12/anthony-weiner-threesome-with-another-man-mistress-traci-nobles
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/anthony_weiner_wanted_threesome_lsWQP7yVeLiUcO1wawrddO

Think You'd Like to Spend Your Golden Years Takin' It Easy As One of Those Walmart Greeters? Just Watch Out You Don't Get Your Face Caved In...

2011-12-28T00:09:00.002-05:00

Some people apparently just REALLY don't want to be bothered while rushing to get their holiday shopping done. If you're in retail, you might want to think about that the next time you ask a shopper to dig out receipts for the merchandise they're carrying around. Because they might just show you a receipt right across your mush, as happened in the Empire State on Xmas Eve this year (allegedly)...

It sounds like 26-year-old Jacquetta Simmons (pictured above) of Batavia, New York was, indeed, in one hell of a hurry on Saturday. First, in order to bypass the long lines at the front-of-the-store registers, Simmons reportedly bought a bevy of electronics stuff back in that very department. So then it was smooth sailing all the way to the parking lot, right? Wrong.

Cops says that as Simmons tried to leave the store with a male friend, one of those damn pesky old codger Walmart greeters asked to check the receipt on the goods. Apparently taking deep, deep offense to the greeter's highly overbearing request, Simmons allegedly lost her temper and then some...

Rather than producing the requested receipt, Simmons allegedly sized up the 70-year-old greeter (named Grace Suozzi) and proceeded to clock her one right the damn kisser! The old greeter geezer was reportedly knocked to the ground and suffered a fracture to the side of her face.

Simmons and her friend next allegedly tried to flee the store faster than, well, a Walmart greeter typically checks a customer receipt. The duo reportedly made it their car alright before getting boxed in by a crowd of angry shoppers so that they couldn't leave.

Cops busted Simmons' hurried ass on assault charges and tossed her in the hoosegow, where she spent Xmas day. And to think: If Simmons could have just mustered up the time to produce her receipt, she would have been Scot free...

That's because cops say Simmons wasn't trying to shoplift anything and (in fact) did have a receipt that covered all electronics items in her bag. And given that she's likely now facing time in the can, those may just have been some of the most expensive DVD's ever purchased.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-57348476-504083/cops-woman-arrested-for-punching-walmart-greeter-on-christmas-eve/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2078897/Shopper-punches-Walmart-greeter-70-face-asks-check-receipt.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

Scary Christmas: Fake San Fran Doctor Allegedly Performs Cheap Liposuction While Puffing on a Cigar, Then Tosses the Fat Right Down the Shitter!

2011-12-25T01:02:00.001-05:00

At first blush, a guy like this might seem like a Christmas angel, what with him offering women cheap liposuctions for far below the going rate. But turns out he's little more than a nicotine fiend charlatan Grinch who also leaves a lot to be desired in the tissue disposal department (allegedly)...

Cops in San Fransisco say 49-year-old Carlos Guzman was operating his own local dermatology joint called the "Derma Clinic." Only problem? No medical license (leastways if you're the kind of person who views that to be a problem). I mean, this Frisco fruitloop was more phony than a San Fran Nan Pelosi sound bite (allegedly).

Guzman allegedly got around that little non-licensure hitch by assuming the identity of a local doctor who had a similar name. And when he allegedly told a local woman that he could do her a liposuction for peanuts, that was apparently an offer the broad just could not refuse.

And this Guzman was definitely what you might call a full-service provider (if only he had a license): On surgery day, he actually picked up this lady at her home and drove her down to the ol' Derma Clinic.

Once he was ready to get rolling, Guzman allegedly lit up a big cigar, which he proceeded to smoke right there in the damn operating room during the course of the surgery!

And this cigar-chompin' quack was apparently very cognizant of not being discovered, since why else would he make the shrewd move of taking the woman's removed fat back to HER house in order to dispose of it?

That's right -- Guzman allegedly showed up at the dame's house the next day, headed straight for the Shithouse, and flushed around six pounds of cellulite right down her crapper!

As I suppose it tends to go with these unlicensed physicians, the woman says the liposuction was botched, forcing her to seek corrective surgery. For good measure, this sloppy cigar sawbones also allegedly gave the woman's daughter an acne treatment "with a series of injections of an unknown substance in her face." I just hope it wasn't cigar ashes.

Now Guzman may have to do his doctorin' down in the hoosegow for some time to come, as he faces a bevy of felony charges. And given the correctional community's recent intolerance towards tobacco use in the joint, methinks this Guzman better smoke 'em now if he gots 'em.

http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Man-Allegedly-Poses-as-Doctor-Flushes-Liposuction-Fat-Down-Toilet-136151408.html

If You Gotta Go: Connecticut Man with "Nervous Bowels" Allegedly Pulls a Bank Job After Taking a Shit Out in the Parking Lot!

2011-12-24T00:04:00.000-05:00

I'd think that one thing you typically DON'T want to do before knocking over a bank is to draw any unnecessary attention to yourself. For example, you wouldn't want to start a fight in the bank prior to passing along your demand note...

Nor would you want to bang some broad out in the lobby before the job. And the same principle applies equally to using the bank parking lot for a toilet in full view of bank employees prior to even entering the joint (allegedly). Put another way, this alleged bank robber in Connecticut must've REALLY had to take a damn dump...

Cops there say employees at the New Milford bank could see (and probably get a whiff of) this guy coming a mile away. A bank supervisor reportedly smelled trouble when "a teller and a customer said they had seen a man 'pooping' in the parking lot and not being discreet."

After finishing his business out the parking lot, 55-year-old Russell D. Mace (pictured above) reportedly made his way into the bank, where he was "sweating and appeared nervous." No word whether he bothered to try to wash his hands before heading in there.

Next this parking lot pooper allegedly wasted little time in telling a male teller, "This is a robbery, give me all your money." Cops say this sloppy shitman made off with over 3,000 bucks from the heist.

And here's the real question: In the likely event that this defecating dufus didn't wash those grubby paws before pulling this piece of work (allegedly), would the bank even want that money back? I personally wouldn't get within 10 feet of them tainted presidents.

And how'd ya like to be the employee tasked with having to count those beastly bills upon their return? If ever there was some dirty money in need of launderin'...

Regardless, at least this Mace character is likely to have an actual toilet and running water at his disposal for some time to come. That's because they typically provide those things down at the hoosegow, and cops have arrested and slapped Mace's crappin' ass with bank robbery charges. And I don't see him washing his hands of this one.

http://www.newstimes.com/policereports/article/Nervous-bowels-alleged-bank-robber-in-jail-2412992.php#photo-1950271

Gutter Ball Boor: South Carolina Man Allegedly Attacks Broad with a Damn Bowling Ball for Refusing His Offer of Free Drinks!

2011-12-23T00:05:00.000-05:00

While a babe's odds are typically about 99% of remaining unscathed after refusing a man's offer to buy her drinks, there's still that 1% of the population (in addition to the millionaires and billionaires) known as slimeballs. And keep in mind that if you're dealing with a crumb-bag like that, such type typically doesn't accept rejection with a great deal of grace or manners...

Cops in Rock Hill, South Carolina say 31-year-old Omar Sheree Stevenson (pictured on right) was just such an individual, hanging out at the local bowling alley and looking to help one of the female patrons get her drink on through an offer of some free booze. But this alleged bowling boobjob Stevenson got bowled down faster on that offer than the pins on an Earl Anthony final frame.

Having been rejected, Stevenson reportedly first went about his business as usual, waiting until it was his turn to bowl and then picking up his 12-pound ball. But something in this bowl bum allegedly snapped at that point, like a bad episode of "Bowling for Dollars" and as if he had just had a 7-9 split disallowed or something...

In particular, cops say Stevenson went ape on the broad, taking his bowling ball and tossing it right at her head like it was the last pin needed for a game-winning spare. And he reportedly pounded that melon with a direct hit from the bowling ball, sending the dame sprawling to the ground.

Cops say they found this little number rolling around on the floor next to the snack bar, bleeding profusely from the top of her head. Gruesomely, cops say they "could see her skull through the cut." Miraculously, however, she was not seriously hurt and was released from the hospital after receiving seven stitches (with no skull fracture).

When cops caught up with Stevenson, he claimed he had just "lost his temper" and "regretted the incident." But now he may just have a very long extended vacation for expressing regrets and bowling out in the yard, since cops busted his PBA-reject ass for attempted murder. Forget the "three strikes" statute: Proceed down the alley and straight to the hoosegow.

http://www.heraldonline.com/2011/12/20/3611222/chester-man-faces-charges-after.html

Sir, Is That a Big BBQ Rib Coming Out Your Fly, Or Are U Just Happy to See Me? Man Allegedly Celebrates B-Day By Stuffing $300 of Meat Down His Pants!

2011-12-22T00:02:00.002-05:00

Hey, Christmas and the big holiday feasts are only days away now; not to mention, it was his 45th birthday! So naturally Ronald Broadway of Salisbury, North Carolina (pictured above) needed to load up on some big eats late last week. Only problem: He apparently mistook his pants for a shopper bag while he was down at the local Food Lion grocery store (allegedly)!

And so was this meatball lookin' to score a little hamburger or maybe a hog jowl or two to tide him over for the evening? Not on your life, cops say. Instead, this hungry meatman allegedly tried to stuff enough meat down his britches to feed half the city of Salisbury! (But guess that figures, since they invented the Salibury Steak there, no?)

Cops say this loin job first stuck some nice juicy rib-eye steak down inside his crotch. And that was just for starter fluid. Next up, Broadway allegedly put his meathooks on several big batches of shrimp and jammed those babies down his drawers. And he was only getting his meat warmed up at that point (allegedly).

It wasn't just window dressing when this rumpman next allegedly scored a big slab of baby rack ribs right down the ol' trousers. And even that wasn't enough to satisfy this butcherblock wannabe's taste for meat (allegedly)!

Just to top things off, cops say Broadway carved out a place down his pants for a big bundle of smoked turkey! The final tab for Broadway to fully compile his little makeshift midsection meathouse? Almost 300 bucks in assorted meat cuts and seafood, say the cops.

So much meat and fish, in fact, that Broadway allegedly ran out of room in the sweatpants that he was wearing under his jeans. Although he allegedly had tried to duct tape the sweatpants at the ankles to keep any loose chumpchops or other meat from fallin' out the bottom, Broadway allegedly had so damn much meat down his pants that even the duct tape ultimately gave way!

When Broadway tried to leave the Food Lion and head to his ride, cops say they "noticed food dropping from his pants." And when each piece of meat fell out, Broadway allegedly tried to play it off cool by calmly sweeping the meat under the closest car with his hoof.

Cops finally approached Broadway and had to be wondering what exactly they were handling when they went to pat him down, since this sirloin savant allegedly had big pieces of meat poking their way right out of his damn fly! One can only imagine the officer commenting, "I only hope for your sake Mr. Broadway that that's only stolen meat that just poked out upon my paw."

Now this alleged scrag-bag Broadway may to have to request kitchen detail if he wants to dress any meat other than his own in the county blues. That's because cops have busted this paltry porterhouse on shoplifting charges. And if I'm a bail bondsman, I ain't steaking this guy for so much as 300 bucks over here.

http://charlotte.cbslocal.com/2011/12/19/police-salisbury-man-celebrated-45th-birthday-with-283-worth-of-food-stuffed-in-pants/

Well, It Is the Home State of Braintrusts W Bush & Rick Perry: ANOTHER Texas College gop-er President Under Fire for Moronic Statements About Obama...

2011-12-21T00:11:00.000-05:00

She does have a decent rack. But that's about the only thing positive thing I can say about this fool. She's Cassandra Wright (pictured above & below), the latest president of the University of Texas college gop-ers (a/k/a college republic partisans)...

And you'd 'a thunk this ditzy blonde right-wing goof would have learned her lesson from her predecessor, Lauren Pierce, who (as detailed previously in this space) disgraced herself earlier this year for tweeting that it would be "tempting" to "shoot" the leftist 20 percenter who currently masquerades around as our president.

Pierce soon thereafter had to resign as president of the Texas college right-wingers, and can you believe it appears that idiot organization actually installed a replacement president (Wright) even dumber than Pierce? I say that after reading Wright's tweet this week (pictured above) commenting that, "My president is black, he snorts a lot of crack. Holla." (Link to full story at bottom).

Now I wouldn't exactly call that imbecilic (and racially tinged) tweet, on its face, as deranged as Pierce's so-called "joke" (Pierce's characterization) about whacking out the current president. But when you consider that Wright had Pierce's recent maniacal Twitter example to learn from and avoid, I'm officially deeming her even more demented and intellectually hapless than Pierce herself. I mean, Good Grief, this underdone right-winger broad Wright even reportedly re-tweeted her Obama "crack" blast!

But now this creepy conservative is making herself more scarce than a Glade can in a Texas shithouse. She's reportedly "closed her Twitter account to the public and has not responded to the controversy." Boy, that's some real presidential leadership on exhibit. Maybe she's looking to Obama himself as a role model (regardless of her vile tweet), since that leftist freak could write a 1000-page manifesto on the art of never owning up to mistakes.

I guess I should give Wright credit for one thing -- at least she didn't try to laugh off her stupid tweet as a "joke" like her predecessor did. But credit on that front would be premature -- let's give her a few days and see. And if she tries pulling out the Anthony's Weiner Defense (i.e. I Been Hacked!), I'm really gonna have some good material over here. The oddball's in your corner, Babe...

http://dailycaller.com/2011/12/20/racist-tweet-lands-univ-of-texas-college-republicans-in-hot-water/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2076778/Cassandra-Wright-Another-Texas-College-Republican-hot-water-racist-Obama-remarks.html

Congressmen "Barred From Saying 'Merry Christmas' in Mailings": And I'm Fully Supportive (Seriously)...

2011-12-19T00:06:00.001-05:00

The above-quoted headline came from the right-winger website Drudge Report. Drudge is an outstanding new aggregator website, just so long as you realize that the selection of linked stories and (even more importantly) the particular "headlines" written by Matt Drudge result from his right-winger slant and persuasion. So it's always necessary to go past the Drudge headline and retrieve and scrutinize closely the underlying story -- because Drudge's "headlines" often tell little of the full story.

Take as Exhibit 1 the above headline from over the weekend: "Members of Congress barred from saying 'Merry Christmas in mailings." Sounds like more leftist 20 percenter political correctness bullshit run amok, no? Only problem: Reading the underlying story (link at bottom), this ban appears to have nothing to do with any chickenshit leftist P.C. measures.

Instead, the U.S. House has a policy against members sending out official mailings (i.e. ones paid for by government monies) referring to any specific holiday. For example, they can't even say "Happy New Year" in an official mailing. The policy behind this? As best as I can tell, they don't want members trying to curry favor with constituents by sending "birthday, anniversary, wedding, birth, retirement or condolence messages and holiday greetings" on the government's dime.

That would seem to make a certain degree of sense since their opponents in election years certainly have no ability to use government funds to send out these types of targeted mailings. But even if you think the ban seems fairly petty or trivial (and you may have a decent point), I support this ban for entirely different reasons:

In the fiscal nightmare that is our federal government and Congress, with a current national debt of somewhere around $15 trillion (I've lost count of the exact figure), and with neither party appearing overly concerned or serious about making the cuts necessary to start cutting down that debt, the last thing these slimeball politicians on both sides need to be spending our taxpayer dollars on are costly mass mailings of holiday greetings to constituents. (How's that for a really long run-on sentence?!)

So regardless of what you think about the reasons behind the House's ban on these mailings, the end result comes out in the right place. And it's not an "ends justifies the means" scenario for me, since the premise behind the ban (as explained above) seems at least defensible and is not apparently based on any sort of alleged leftist 20 percenter disdain for Christmas references.

Besides, it appears that if any Congressmen really do have a strong heart's desire to send out a mass mailing of Christmas greetings to constituents, they have every ability to do so -- just so long as they pay for it themselves. Knock yourselves out with that, if you want, you scuzjob House members in both parties. Just expect the one that I receive to go straight into the rubbish bin.

http://campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com/blogs/beltway-confidential/congressmen-cant-say-merry-christmas-mail/261466

Maybe the Red Mohawk, Piercings & Spider Tat Should've Been Her 1st Clue: Man Allegedly Ditches Date in Middle of Movie, Then Boosts Her Car Outside!

2011-12-18T00:27:00.002-05:00

He obviously hated the movie. Not to mention her company. But he damn sure liked that car. At least she had that going for her. But her taste in men might use a tad of refining...

For some reason, the 35-year-old Tampa, Florida woman agreed to accompany the pictured Michael Pratt (27 years old) on a movie date. Maybe she's blind and thought he was a seeing-eye dog? Regardless, she agreed, and the two headed for the local cinema.

Half way through the picture, however, the woman says Pratt made a beeline straight for the exits, using as a subterfuge some lame excuse about needing to go outside. He never returned.

At that news, you'd think this broad would've been throwing a little celebration right there in the movie house. But she says was actually concerned about Pratt's welfare and therefore tried to give him a ring on the ol' blower.

Pratt answered the call and -- being ever the zany prankster -- allegedly started laughin' it up. His reported punch line before hanging up: "I've stolen your car!" With funny lines like that, I'd suspect Pratt was employing Obama's speechwriter if I didn't know better.

And you know, if you're gonna swipe someone's ride, you'd think one would at least want to get something out of it for himself. Maybe fence it off on the street. Or send it straight to the chop shop.

But nothing doin' like that here. Instead, cops say Pratt abandoned the 2012 Ford Focus (which was actually a rental car) in a Wal-Mart parking lot, where cops found it.

Now this alleged car poachin' Pratt-ster faces a Grand Theft Auto IV charge and a bit in the Big House in exchange for his little joyride (allegedly). But at least he did get a good laugh out of the whole caper (allegedly). Laughter's good for the troll.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/nation/fla-man-accused-of-stealing-car-during-movie-2035716.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2075147/Michael-Pratt-takes-girl-cinema-slips-mid-film-steal-car.html

Oh Deer! Florida Woman Allegedly Carves Up Her Old Man with a Pair of Damn Deer Antlers -- And Right in Front of Their Fawn!

2011-12-17T00:24:00.002-05:00

[Preface: I wrote the intro line "Oh Deer" before seeing the UK Daily Mail's identical headline. Therefore, I'm keepin' it. On to the story...]

This is what I'd call a bona fide herbivore creature hardcore match between the old man and the old lady. Started off with Baby Daddy (Terry Nowakowski of Zephyrhills, Florida) stepping out of his and Baby Mama's joint to get on the blower with his new girlfriend right out there on the porch.

Bad move, since the old lady (23-year-old Chelsea Harrison; pictured above) reportedly promptly locked the old man's ass out the house in order to serve him a little Humble Pie. Then all hell broke loose:

First the old man says he tried to re-enter the home by taking the screen off the window. Sounds like a decent plan on its face, but when he stuck that big deer snout inside the winder, he claims the old lady clocked him one right the damn kisser!

And since at that point ringing the doorbell seemed eliminated as any kind of reasonably viable option, the old man says he naturally took the only logical next step: Breaking the freakin' door down! But much like the Mr. T Clubber Lang character in the old film Rocky III, this freak's old lady had a lotta more! A lotta more! (Allegedly)

After he stepped through the broken-down door lookin' like a deer in the headlights, Nowakowski's old lady allegedly came at Baby Daddy with a big giant set of deer antlers on a mounted deer head that she had ripped down from a wall or something!

And this venison broad did some real damage with them horns (and then some) (allegedly). In short, the old lady allegedly sliced up her old man's face with those antlers like a white-tailed machete through deer sausage!

Particularly, the Baby Mama allegedly "began striking him in the face and body with ends of the antlers" until she was so pooped that she couldn't keep her grip on that impromptu barbaric weapon any longer (finally losing "her grip and dropping" that big rack on the floor).

Witness Number One to all this butchery? None other than the couple's little 3-year-old deer fawn. That's just sick. Act like some sort of nefarious Neanderthal-reindeer cross-breed all you want, slimeballs and scuzwads of the world, but keep the kids out of it for chrissakes, you sleazejackets.

Regardless, cops say they found the old man's face looking like a jigsaw puzzle with several pieces carved out (I'd personally prefer to have just a couple of pieces gone). So cops busted the old lady's dirty hooves for domestic battery and offered her a free deer stand down in the hole.

I just hope she thought to smuggle a beam from them antlers inside with her. Since after all, a good shank a day (even in the ladies lockup) can help keep many a big buck away. Just watch out ya don't go over your limit.

http://www.tampabay.com/news/publicsafety/crime/deputies-zephyrhills-woman-jabbed-ex-with-antlers/1206265

Is This So Wrong? Florida Hobo Gets Himself a Sweet Pedicure, Even If a Stolen Credit Card Was Allegedly Involved...

2011-12-16T00:03:00.002-05:00

They should cut these tramps a bit of slack every now and then. Sure, paying for goods or services rendered with a stolen credit card is never a good thing. But C'mon! I bet this bum hasn't felt so good since they cut off the free eats down at the local "occupy" protest...

He's 27-year-old vagrant Jonah Lee Troutman (pictured above), and apparently this wanderer's toe nail hygiene ain't been exactly the best lately. Since why else would this nomad allegedly blow a stolen credit card on a pedicure rather than loading up on smokes, eats or 40-ouncers?

In short, he must have felt he really needed that foot job. And I'm actually sympathetic over here. How many stories do we read about these hobos lifting copper from anything possible and pulling frauds (sometimes of the credit card variety) just to get their drink or drugs on?

The fact that one of these vagabonds would instead (allegedly) take the opportunity to get a little hoof love raises a genuine smile on my face. Plus just think: The damn BALLS on this bindlestiff!

For the record, this stinkpot's little left-turn into the lap of luxury finally went awry (allegedly) when the credit card was declined up at the counter at Nancy's Nails in Tampa. Troutman reportedly told cops that he found the card out on the street and felt that "finding it was a blessing from God."

While I personally think the best law enforcement measure here would have been to tell this floater to get the hell out of Dodge and never show his face around there again, cops still busted his Rum Dum ass with charges of illegal credit card use and petty theft, garnering him a one-way ticket to the hoosegow. At least he'll get his own foot locker down there.

http://tampa.cbslocal.com/2011/12/14/cops-homeless-man-used-stolen-credit-card-to-pay-for-pedicure/

They Could've at Least Taken It Into the Shithouse: Canadian Couple Copulates on Subway Train, Gets Tossed Off, Then Finishes the Job on the Platform!

2011-12-15T00:01:00.003-05:00

I've heard of babes ridin' the gravy train, but this is absolutely ridiculous. Passengers aboard a Canadian subway train this week say a "lusty couple" started goin' at it and having sex right there on a moving train car while "horrified" riders looked on. (Links to full story at bottom)

When a train guard got wind of these light rail sexcapades, he promptly enforced the no-tolerance policy that the train apparently has for couples who yank the Johnson bar right there on the train -- booting their two bumping bare asses offboard faster than Indian scalps White Man on "Hell On Wheels." Not even so much as a polite "tickets please"!

But even though the guard thought his heavy-handed move "had pulled the brakes on [the couple's] sexual liaisons," these two sick rail pumpers weren't about to lose their train of thought. So the dude starts bangin' this broad right there on the damn train platform! (As pictured above and below).

A railway spokesman says these two midnight train missionaries may have been "extremely intoxicated" during the event, although I have no idea what would lead him to conclude that. And the spokesman further took great pains to justify the train's rather rash action of tossing a couple of people having sex right off the ride:

"We took the action we did because children ride the subway. We can't have people in engaging in sexual activity on the subway system . . . No matter what your background is, it is not appropriate to have sex this way."

Glad he cleared that up. Meantime cops busted the sick train tandem on charges of engaging in a lewd act in public. I just hope this drunken dame's train ain't running late when it gets to that time next month.

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2011/12/couple-caught-on-video-having-sex-in-toronto-subway/1?csp=34news

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2073656/Couple-thrown-Toronto-subway-having-sex-finish-job-platform.html

Brace, America, for the WORST Presidential Choice Offered Up By These Two Pathetic Parties in American History!

2011-12-14T00:07:00.002-05:00

Looking for some pithy thought to offer up on Twitter last night, it suddenly hit me like a ton of damn bricks: The 2012 presidential choice that's about to be served up by the loony leftist 20 percenter democrat party and deranged right-winger republic partisan party will likely be the WORST choice ever offered in American history...

That's based on a likely match up of Obama versus either Romney or Gingrich. This country has absolutely been driven into the ground the past 12 years by the most rotten presidential choices ever offered up by these two shameful parties (Bush/Gore, Bush/Kerry, McCain/Obama), but 2012 completely threatens to take the proverbial cake:

1. Obama. 'Nuf said. But I'll say a little more for good measure: He's perhaps the most left-wing president in American history, and certainly during my lifetime. A paranoid, arrogant, condescending, radical doctrinaire, incompetent, shell of a pathetic president. One of the two worst presidents of my lifetime along with W Bush -- and I lived through Carter. As stated: 'Nuf said.

2. Romney. This fool couldn't stand for scrambled eggs if they were promptly served to him after he'd just ordered 'em. In short, he stands for absolutely nothing. The ultimate political opportunist. A Slick Willie Clinton-type but without nearly as many of Clinton's exceptional political skills (even if Clinton was a complete sleazebucket). Romney makes me sick.

3. Gingrich. The ultimate political (and human) SLIMEBALL. He embraces Romney's same strong trait of flip-floppin' around more often than John Kerry on a swift boat, but takes things even one scuzball step further by having more personal baggage in his closet than a Herman Cain/Kim Kardashian reality series. Cheating on and divorcing two wives while they were sick doesn't sit too well with Independents, nor much of any other decent human being for that matter. Gingrich is the consummate gop-er political has-been -- and big fat old guy looking to resurrect his disgraceful political career with a lot of hollow contrition and good debate sound bites. But Sorry, Slimeball -- We Ain't Buyin'.

And so there you have it. I'll be voting third party for president in 2012, same as I always have in every presidential election of my lifetime except for one (the one exception, as stated before: When a young, dumb, brainwashed Rager was hoodwinked into voting for that democrat party slug, Clinton, in 1992).

I refuse to choose between a lesser of two evils like these two corrupt, disgraceful parties want us to do. The only difference in 2012: The choice they're trying to foist upon us this time is the WORST one they've ever even tried to muster up. Which is very much saying something, as referenced above. As I like to say, G-F-Y democrat party and republic partisans. Gotta problem with that?

They Even Call Him Mr. Johnson: Married, Anti-Gay Marriage gop-er Politician Donates Sperm to Lesbian Couple & Eight Other Women!

2011-12-13T00:02:00.001-05:00

Methinks this deranged right-wing freak wants to plant his seed just a little too hard. He's named Bill's Johnson (what else?), and he was a republic partisan candidate for Alabama governor in 2010 AD. He purports to oppose gay marriage just like Obama, but you wouldn't know that after he hypocritically donated his sperm to a lesbian duo in New Zealand. And that ain't even the half of it...

Bill's Johnson also donated sperm to try to knock up eight additional women, and three of them (including one of said lesbians) are reportedly already pregnant (while several others wait to see if they have a Johnson bun in the oven). Bill's Johnson has admitted to the sperm donations, BTW. (Link to full story at bottom).

And before you say that Bill's Johnson was just being charitable with some women in need of a little sperm injection, there's a big problem here: This 52-year-old gop-er fool has a wife back in Alabama (pictured above), along with three stepkids (from his wife's prior marriage; family picture below) and a step-grandson.

Not to mention, his wife and family reportedly had no knowledge of Bill's Johnson's little sperm fury, while the Kiwi ladies knew little or nothing about Mr. Johnson's family back home. This included Mr. Johnson allegedly not wearing a wedding ring while in New Zealand and telling one Kiwi that his marriage "was not an issue."

Meantime Bill's Johnson's wife Kathy (pictured above and unable to have children with Mr. Johnson due to a pre-marriage hysterectomy) is reportedly "shocked, furious and heartbroken," as well as "silent and empty," about Mr. Johnson's decision to "choose to turn to other women to provide what I can't."

For his part, Bill's Johnson is claiming he just wanted to have some kids of his own, which begs an obvious question: Then why in the hell did he marry someone whom he knew couldn't have kids in the first place?! Besides, it's not like he's going to be a real Daddy having any relationship with any of these kids down under. Personally, I think Bill's Johnson is simply demented. Someone get this dumb Johnson some help.

http://blog.al.com/live/2011/12/alabama_politician_caught_in_s.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2073302/Bill-Johnson-Conservative-politician-donated-sperm-9-women-New-Zealand.html

It's Not As If She Threw Away Their Smokes: Kids Allegedly Unleash "Vicious Attack" on Mama For Tossing Out Their Beer!

2011-12-12T00:01:00.001-05:00

I guess this story might make a lick of sense if Mama had tossed out the kids' cigarettes, suddenly turning them into nicotine fiends on the warpath. But Bud Light? Are we talking about a couple of full-blown teenage winos, or are they simply just the kind of kids who would beat up a parent over a few lousy beers (allegedly)? Either way, it ain't good...

Mama reportedly didn't like the idea of her underage brats (18-year-old Lindell Ferguson and 20-year-old Brittany Ferguson of Fayettesville, Illinois; pictured above) hitting the ol' bottle in advance of age 21. I'm on record as to what I think about the 21 drinking age (it's bullshit), but it's still the law. Not like the 42-year-old Mama was being so unreasonable over there.

So when Mama found some Bud Light around the house, she says she tossed away those brewskies faster than a Natty Light hangover. Mama's house, mama's rules, right? Wrong. Because that's when all hell broke loose...

Cops say daughter Brittany flew into a rage and first starting hitting Mama right in the face with a big "piece of trim." For good measure, Brittany also allegedly clocked Mama right in the kisser with her bare hands and started kicking Mama's body.

But that's was Sonny's beer too that Mama had so brazenly discarded! So Sonny naturally wanted in on the action (allegedly). Only makes sense.

So the Brittany beatdown on Mama was still ongoing, Sonny allegedly jumped into fray to get his own licks in on Mama's anti-beer hide -- allegedly elbowing her in the head. (No word whether Sonny tossed in a gratuitous "Why You, I Oughta Pound You" blast before he joined in the pummeling (allegedly)). Cops found Mama badly beaten "with a black eye, bloody nose and injuries to her body."

And now if Sonny and Brittany want to get their drink on, they may have to go buck up to Morgan Freeman down in the cooler, since cops have busted their boozin' behinds with several counts of domestic battery charges. I think we know one person they ain't gonna see during visiting hours.

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/dailyrft/2011/12/st_clair_fayetteville_mother_beer_domestic_battery.php

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2071987/Children-beat-mother-throwing-away-beer.html

"I Was Just Spanking My Ass! Want My Pink Weapon?" Cops Allegedly Catch PA Man Pleasuring Himself in a Parking Lot with a Pink Dildo!

2011-12-10T00:02:00.001-05:00

Pretty in Pink, he's not. Cops in Pennsylvania may now reconsider taking any shifts over the witchin' hour after the freak show they say they stumbled across recently in a nightclub parking lot at midnight. I mean, this goof makes the demented Long Duk Dong look more boring than a Mitt Romney lecture on the merits of steadfastness (allegedly).

Cops say 49-year-old Robert Matello (pictured at the top) first caught their eye when they spotted him and his tool toolin' around said parking lot with his britches pulled down to the pavement. But that wasn't even the half(ass) of it, not by a longshot.

The first things the cops say they saw (or "observed," as they like to say) was Matello "inserting an unknown pink object into his anus." At the same time, cops say, the bone-a-fide John Thomas was also whacking up a storm as he "held his penis looking at both Officers."

Approaching this Daft Ding Dong, the cops reportedly started in with a few routine questions, such as whether Matello was carrying any weapons on his person. And I guess this Frankfurter Freak thought he'd get some fudge points for being honest: "Yes, I have a pink dildo," Matello allegedly revealed in response to the cops' weapons inquiry.

Further appearing to seek the cops' good graces, Matello next allegedly whipped out the "pink weapon" and tried to hand it right over to the cops. Having allegedly seen precisely where that sick pleasure stick had been only moments earlier, the cops reportedly refused the evidentiary offer and told Matello to stick that damn thing right back in his pants (where he had allegedly placed it as the cops approached).

This deranged Ding-a-Ling Matello even allegedly tried to offer up some Lame Dong Silver excuses in a main vein effort to escape arrest: "I was just spanking my ass," he allegedly spurted, in addition to asking whether it was any crime to "only be pleasuring myself" out in public.

But as reported by The Smoking Gun (link at bottom), "despite these reasonable explanations," cops still pounded this depraved tallywhacker's talkative ass with more trouble than even 100 pink dildos and a security guard in the basement of an L.A. pawn shop.

Specifically, this jaded Jackass-in-the-box Matello faces charges of indecent exposure, "open lewdness," and being all liquored up (all f*cked up) in public (one charge that I personally find very difficult to believe).

Sad, since I fear he's about to learn a whole new meaning for the concept of being poked with a "pink weapon" down in the hole. But who knows, since this parking lot-loving lovestick may find the joint's rough equivalent (sometimes referred to as The Yard) most pleasurable. Won't even need any toys out there!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/sex-toy-used-in-public-654819

Newt Gingrich's Gay Sister "Slams Her Brother's Opposition to Gay Marriage" & Vows to Work "Hard" to Re-Elect Obama -- Who Also Opposes Gay Marriage!

2011-12-08T20:46:00.011-05:00

This is ripe. I had to write about this one. This one gave me the biggest laugh I've had all week -- and that's even with myself around to entertain me...

The pictured Candace Gingrich-Jones is gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) and is the half-sister of deranged right-winger and tired old battle axe presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. And apparently she never took to heart that wise old sibling advice to "never take sides against the family," as imparted by the Melancholy Don, Michael Corleone, in the film Godfather II.

Gingrich-Jones this week went on the MSNBC show of fellow leftist lesbian Rachel Maddow in order to tear brother Newt a new one. Gingrich-Jones described her brother as being "on the wrong side of history" and took him to task for being an opponent of legalized gay marriage (link at bottom). She also seems to have a real burr in her saddle that brother dear didn't attend her own gay wedding ceremony (pictured below) involving Gingrich-Jones' wife, Rebecca.

Gingrich-Jones also vowed to "work really, really hard to make sure President Obama is re-elected next year" even if her own brother is the republic partisan nominee (which is about 50/50 or better right now). But sorry folks, that makes about as much sense as a Mississippi resident crossing the border to use an Alabama shithouse because the ones back home stink too much.

That's because the individual we currently have as president took the position a few years back that he is opposed to gay marriage, and that position has NOT changed or ever been retracted.

But as usual, just about anything Obama does (opposing gay marriage, whacking out Bin Laden execution style, getting into the Libya war in the name of spreading democracy, etc.) is just peachy with the leftist 20 percenters and their complicit "mainstream" media since Obama has a "D" next to his name. But when that idiot W Bush did any of those kinds of things, the leftists would go apeshit in the streets! Hypocrites.

Just on the gay marriage issue alone, we've seen this type of ultimate hypocrisy time and time again from the leftists. They'll attack beauty pageant contestants or just about anyone else who opposes gay marriage, while completely ignoring their own beloved Obama's identical position on the issue -- an "Inconvenient Truth," as the Inventor of the Internet might say.

And right-winger republic partisans, in fairness, are little different when it comes to incessant hypocrisy and defending people with an "R" next to their names for things they'd attack a member of the democrat party for doing. But two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're an American partisan, that is. What a depressing way to go through life, that must be.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2071607/Newt-Gingrichs-gay-half-sister-says-work-really-really-hard-Obama-reelected.html

Glad He's Not in Kansas Anymore: Obama's Speech This Week Dumps the Sunflower State With More B.S. Than Three Pinocchios in an Alabama Shithouse...

2011-12-08T00:02:00.002-05:00

That would be a three seater! I'm just glad I was able to escape my current state of residence (Kansas) on Tuesday because I don't think I could have stomached the foul aroma. Sure, the reason for my departure to St. Louis that day was to attend a very sad memorial service, and I'm not sure how I got through some treacherously icy roads in the western half of Missouri that morning. But thanks to the individual we currently have as president, Kansas had a real stench about it on Tuesday, and I'm grateful something (anything) got me the hell out of here.

Of course, it was on Tuesday that the illustrious leftist one graced the small town of Osawatomie, Kansas with his royal presence. The point of the speech? Does it really matter? Who listens anymore? Suffice it to say that the speech was just as chock full of leftist 20 percenter bunk and blather as any typical Obama speech (that is, once he got around to realizing he was in Kansas and not Texas -- a gaffe that the smartest president in American history committed at the start of the speech).

But don't just take my word for it. The linked story (at bottom) from the Fact Checker at the Washington Post (not exactly a bastion of right-winger sentiment) is none too complimentary to Obama's Kansas speech when it comes to the speech's facts and honesty.

I won't bore you with all the minutiae and wonkish details -- hit the link if you want any of that. Suffice it to say: Blame Bush, blame lower taxes, blame billionaires, blame everything and everyone but me. Yawn.

Besides, the Post's descriptions of the speech pretty much tell the whole tale: "Simply wrong"; "Lard[ing] his case with suspect data"; "Suspect facts"; "Suspect statistic"; "Surprising"; "Rely[ing] on a dubious, unverified source for a major presidential address." Which can all be condensed into one word: Bullshit.

The Post's Fact Checker has a "1 to 4 Pinocchios" scale that it uses to rank political speeches for their honesty, accuracy and truthfulness. For example, zero "Pinocchios" means a generally accurate, honest speech, and "one Pinnoccio" means a speech with "no outright falsehoods" even if it does "shade some facts" and contains some omissions and exaggerations...

The Post gives Obama's Kansas speech a rather scathing "three Pinocchios" for "significant factual error and/or obvious contradictions." Only by the skin of his teeth, it would seem, did Obama escape the publication's worst rating -- the dreaded "four Pinocchios," which is rarely given out and is reserved for speeches full of outright "whoppers."

My best advice for Obama (or for any pathological liar who may happen to be reading): Limit the factual assertions in your speeches. Stick to pure opinions and stale focus group rhetoric whenever possible. For example, instead of saying "fair share" and other "fair" derivatives 500 times in a short speech, up that ante to 1,000 times. Shit, just do that and you might find yourself down to two Pinocchios in two shakes of rat's ass.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/fact-checker/post/obamas-kansas-speech-some-suspect-facts/2011/12/06/gIQAUU45aO_blog.html?hpid=z1

I May Have Flunked, But At Least I Never Drove Into the Damn Ocean: Woman Taking Drivers Test Nearly Caps a Hobo, Then Sails Into the High Seas!

2011-12-07T00:09:00.004-05:00

Hey, I've had the Drivers Test Blues myself. I flunked twice at age 16. The first time through was the accumulation of a whole comedy of errors. The second time, I tried turning right from my left lane on a four-lane street. I flunked that one right there on the spot. "Uh, take a left at the next block," said the copper as he made me drive straight back to the examination station. But despite such horror stories, at least I never, ever, ever drove my '78 Ford Fairmont right into a large body of water (leastways during a drivers test), nor did I ever scare a hobo half to death (while operating a motor vehicle)...

Hard to say whom the biggest goof was here: 35-year-old Chile native Angela Castro or the instructor who had her take her drivers test on a freakin' coastal highway! That would be dumber and more dangerous than a campaign manager giving a polygraph test to Nancy Pelosi or Herman Cain. Talk about high risk, low reward.

During the drivers test, Castro (with instructor Edgardo Aguilera in tow) was reportedly driving her pick-up truck just a tad too fast as she approached a sharp curve on the coastal highway. But while most drivers would typically adjust to such a situation by hitting the brakes, Castro instead gunned the gas pedal (pictures above and below)! Whoops. Peligro!

But the scene was not so amusing, I'm sure, to a local hobo who had been sleeping on some rocks near the curve. As Castro lost control of the truck, she reportedly came within "a matter of inches" of running right over the slumbering roadside bum.

But even with the sleepy tramp now safely in the rear-view mirror, this speed demon Castro next smashed right through a metal barricade on the curve -- forcing her, her instructor and the truck to take a big long header straight into the Pacific Ocean!

For the lead-footed speedster Castro, there's both good news and bad news on this day. On the positive side of things, neither her nor her risktaker instructor were seriously injured, and both were ultimately able to safely escape the submerged truck largely unharmed.

But the bad news is twofold. First, that waterlogged pick-up ain't never gonna be quite the same. Can you say, "mold remediation"? Second, and even worse, the instructor gave Castro's high-speed ass a big fat F-A-I-L for "misjudging a curve" on that drivers test. "Misjudging," BTW? Didn't Teddy Kennedy once say something like that to cops about 10 hours after the fact? Worked out about as well for him too.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2070830/Think-failed-Learner-taking-test-drives-car-Pacific-misjudging-bend.html

Who Says Pot Never Kills You? Busted for Allegedly Smoking the Tree in the Shithouse, New York Man Keels Over From Damn Heart Attack After Cop Fracas

2011-12-06T00:20:00.000-05:00

Holy Smokes, it would have been a simple possession charge! Instead, a man lies dead from a heart attack reportedly suffered after he engaged in a battle royal with the cop who allegedly caught him smoking (a manny mota) in the boys' room...

This sad story allegedly began with 39-year-old Cory Holmes hitting a New York college campus shithouse for a little puff on pato the magic dragon. Bad move, since a cop was also using the crapper at the same time and caught the very distinct whiff of burning hog leg in a nearby stall.

When the cop confronted this alleged latrine paca lolo puffer, Holmes reportedly scurried outta the shitter faster than John Edwards receiving an all-clear from hotel staff. The cop says he took to chasing Holmes across a parking lot, caught him, and then a big melee ensued.

During the brouhaha, this hooter hoofer Holmes allegedly yanked the cop's gun right out of its holster! As the two men fought over the gun, some of the bullets even flew out (although no shots were fired). Some pesky good samaritans reportedly ruined all the fun, however, by helping the cop end the fray and to slap the ol' cuffs on Holmes.

That's when things took a turn for the even worse, as Holmes reportedly had a fatal heart attack following the fight. But they don't call Reggie Onion "kill" for nothing, people. And kids: Never fire up a fatty. (Or fall in love with a broad named Mary Jane.)

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/staten_island/suspect_busted_for_smoking_pot_drops_a7j0RPGSXgJnqDilwAF17I
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/staten_island/heart_attack_kills_pothead_ffHgPWEI2V5KxCXxf2LCON

You Could Even Put Lipstick on This Pig: Female Artist Goes Hog Wild, Lives Buck Naked in Squalor in a Damn Pig Pen for Over Four Days!

2011-12-05T00:03:00.000-05:00

If that don't absolutely beat a pig a-peckin'! She's 30-year-old Korean "artist" Miru Kim, and visitors to the Art Basel Miami Beach art show didn't exactly have to buy a pig in a poke this week to see her (all of her). Nothing hidden. They could see it all right through the display glass!

It's all a part of Kim's art exhibit (entitled "I Like Pigs and Pigs Like Me"), which has this stark-naked swine lover "staying in a pen" with a couple of pigs for 104 straight hours like some deranged version of a BLT sandwich eaten from a trough. She won't be fittin' to roll with a pig after that!

The makeshift pig pen and its bare-skinned inhabitant are prominently featured at the front of the art show, allowing visitors (apparently including some little kids; see below) to gawk at the buck naked boar lady to their little hearts' content.

Now you might think that Kim's intentions here stretch little past the obvious one of garnering Net publicity and having demented blogsters write about her. After all, her previous "work" has been highly exhibitionist and has included being photographed nude in an oddball assortment of strange places, such as on top of abandoned buildings (see below), in old tunnels and on bridges.

However, Kim claims she also has artistic intentions here as well that extend beyond merely showing off her porkbelly: "When I mingle with pigs, I feel my existence more than ever," she oinked. And that's fine, I guess, so long as we don't have to smell her existence in that pig pen.

Kim says she developed a "strong attachment" to pigs when she watched one get dissected in a classroom while she was a student at Columbia University in New York. Because, after all, there's little that tends to bond man to animal more than seeing the animal's dead carcass get its guts hacked into by Professor Plumb down in Biology 101.

Explaining further, Kim says that prior pig dissection "is when I noticed that their anatomy and skin color is close to ours." This raises a good point, since come to think of it -- my snout, hooves and pointy ears really aren't all that far removed from those of a pig. Stick a fork in this side of bacon, I'm done!

This reportedly ain't the first time Kim's entered the ol' pig pen, either, as she makes a regular practice of entering the pen and rolling around in the muck and mire: "Pigs are sensitive, intelligent creatures and when I enter the pen with them on these farms they react with fear or curiosity at first," squealed Kim.

But she says she wanted to do a live performance this time since damn pesky still photographs can only tell you so much: "I want people to feel the process of my body mingling with pigs, the sense of touch that is harder to grasp in the final photographs." And since I know about as much about living with pigs as a hog knows about Sunday, I'm just gonna have to trust her on that one.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3974603/Naked-artist-is-pig-of-the-bunch.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2069002/Art-Basel-2011-Muri-Kims-The-Pig-That-Therefore-I-Am-Exhibit.html

She Allegedly Served Thanksgiving Breast in Exchange For Some Gravy: Buxom Bike Broad Allegedly Bangs 15-Year-Old Boy at Turkey Day Family Gathering!

2011-12-04T00:03:00.004-05:00

[For Jimmy Van Gobble:]

Jeezal Peezal, Coach Petrillo, I've been going to these damn Thanksgiving gatherings my whole life, and all I ever gots out of it was a lousy 10 extra pounds and Uncle Ed razzin' me about how many damn mashed potaters I'd polished off. And I sure as hell never got any Late November Lovin' from some hot invited guest...

"The scene unfolded at a family gathering" held on Thanksgiving late last month in Spring, Texas. Cops there say 23-year-old bosomy motorcycle racer Amanda Billiris (pictured at the top and below) attended the event with a little more on her mind Kawasakis and cranberry sauce.

Allegedly, this big-balconied biker babe was lookin' to rev up her multicylinder engine and pop something more than just a wheelie on a certain unsuspecting 15-year-old male victim who happened to be in attendance.

And this voluptuous velocipede vamp was allegedly none too discrete in riding this boy like he was a Honda touring bike, since multiple relatives of the kid say they spied this dirty T-Day deed going down right there on the premises before someone finally broke it up. No word whether a two-stroke or four-stroke engine, or any Wankel on the ol' wanker, might have been involved.

Regardless, this robust road girl did reportedly suffer a "severe blow to the head" during a 2009 motorcycle crash, which might explain why she's going around lookin' for 15-year-old crankshaft on family holidays (allegedly). Maybe she mistook the kid for a Suzuki roadster and was just trying the kick start him when that damn pesky family busted in?

But this chesty two-wheeler now may have to turn in her teen male sidecar for a modified old lady of the chopper variety, as cops have nailed her Harley hide with charges of felonious sexual assault of a child -- meaning up to 20 years in the hag hoosegow. Which would officially make the greenbean casserole that day the most expensive dish served up in Texas since Anna Nicole Smith shacked up with that decaying old oil Dutch oven back in the '90s AD.

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2011/12/amanda_billiris_police_relativ.php
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2069622/Woman-arrested-caught-having-sex-15-year-old-boy-Thanksgiving-Day.html

Another Day, More Right-Winger Allegations of Left-Slanting Media Bias. Complete Bunk, As Usual...

2011-12-03T00:28:00.002-05:00

The gop-ers love to rail on and on about the so-called "mainstream" media (ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC, MSNBC, New York Times, Washington Post, etc.) being incessant advocates for the American left and its democrat party. Hearing more of that drivel on the radio Friday, I went right to the top of the alleged list (ABC News) and looked for any shred of evidence that might vindicate the deranged right-wingers' tired old argument.

Here's what I found on ABCNews.com under its list of the Top 10 currently trending political video stories late Friday night:

-"Mr. Press Secretary, What's Gorilla Dust?"
-"Herman Cain: 'I Am Reassessing' "
-"Gingrich Compares Wife to Nancy Reagan"
-"Gingrich: Individual Mandate Is 'Unconstitutional' "
-"Obama Lights New National Christmas Tree"
-"Gingrich: 'I'm Going to Be the Nominee' "
-"Newt Gingrich Clarifies Child Labor Comments"
-"Michelle Obama Unveils White House Christmas to Kids"
-"Obama Grabbed, Yanked Forward By Enthusiastic Hand Shaker"
-"Cain Deflects 'Character Assassinations' "

As should be immediately evident from this list of Top ABC News political stories, there's no shortage of hard-hitting news coverage about the Obamas. Shit, four of Top 10 stories deal exclusively with the Obamas and/or the White House. Who the hell says they get a free pass? (Below photo courtesy of current ABCNews.com).

And then let's turn to the stories covering the republic partisans. Two focus on Newt Gingrich's high level of confidence in himself -- an attribute for which the electorate is absolutely starved when it comes to its presidential candidates. If anything, those stories could be viewed as center-right-leaning treatments when it comes to the former speaker. Another story further grants Gingrich the opportunity to clarify some of his earlier highly controversial comments. Who would do that if they were biased against Gingrich? (Below photo courtesy of current ABCNews.com).

Next we have two headlines containing admittedly very pithy quotes from the Hermanator demonstrating his stick-to-it-ive-ness when it comes to carrying on the campaign fight in face of myriad scandalous allegations about his past dealings with women. ABC News might even be accused here of carrying the Cain Train's water by making him out to be some sort of determined Rocky or Gen. Patton-like figure. (Below photo courtesy of current ABCNews.com).

So where's the bias? I ain't seeing no evidence of anything like that. Just more exaggeration by the gop-ers. I mean, what's next from those guys? An allegation that the mainstream media only focuses on negative gop-er stories and positive democrat ones, or that they just hate Herman Cain because he's black?

They May Want to Change Horses in Midstream: Playboy's Barbi Twins Outraged at Obama & Others For Lifting of Horse Slaughter Ban...

2011-12-02T00:08:00.004-05:00

I'd say former Playboy playmates Shane and Sia Barbi (apparently previous Obama supporters) backed the wrong horse in 2008 AD. The two self-styled horse advocates are making more noise than a gelding on the chopping block after Obama this week signed legislation lifting the 5-year ban on horse slaughter for meat.

These two bosomy buckaroos may look as healthy as a horse, but they were just champing at the bit this week to take to Twitter to blast Obama and Wyoming state lawmaker Sue Wallis (a leading supporting of lifting the ban) -- whom the Barbis refer to affectionately as "Slaughterhouse Sue." Their Tweet said:

"Obama screwed up & caved n 2 Slaughterhouse SueWallis. Many excuse Obama sayn he didn't know what he sign! He caved n 2 Slaughterhouse SueWallis the devil!"

These two buxom bronco broads also weren't holding their horses when it came to an e-mail they put out to stud this week: "While Obama was pardoning a turkey, he abandoned our horses," neighed the roughriding tandem. But by attacking the leftist 20 percenter Obama, might they just be looking a gift horse in the mouth?

Regardless, even more of this shapely pony pair's horsey ire seems directed at ol' Slaughterhouse Sue (pictured below), whom the Barbis describe as a "pro horse slaughter" gop-er politician. (Try running for office on that platform, BTW: "Send me to the statehouse, and I'll see to it that horses are butchered from one side of this state to the other, since I'm the only Pro-Horse Slaughter candidate in this race!").

The Barbis have apparently put Slaughterhouse's Sue personal phone number out there on the Net, imploring people to call the lawmaker and tell her to get off her high horse. "How lovely of them to blast my personal information to the world," whinnied Ms. Slaughterhouse in response. Better break out the riding crop.

Also straight from the horse's mouth, Slaughterhouse Sue says that before people kick up their heels at her too much, they should rest assured that she's "not out to hunt down every Mr. Ed in American farmhouses." (Wilbur Post and his voluptuous blonde bombshell wife Carol just snorted a huge collective sigh of relief).

Ms. Slaughterhouse also actually claims that allowing horse slaughter "improves horse welfare" by giving horse owners an outlet for selling off their old plugs instead of inhumanely "dumping them out in the desert." (And indeed, it is a load of my mind that when my mare Flossy gets old and worthless, I won't have to truck her from Missouri down to the Arizona desert after all).

When she's not being a republic partisan, Slaughterhouse Sue also heads an organization called "United Organizations of the Horse" (apparently having no connection to Duran Duran's "Union of the Snake"), which has been beating this issue like a dead horse for years with the Barbi twins.

Ms. Slaughterhouse's organization has even reportedly put the two chesty horse lovers on a "black list" of political opponents (presumably similar to the Obama and Nixon "enemies list"). And that's precisely what has to be done with people who disagree with you -- since, after all, while you can lead a horse to water, you damn sure can't make him drink.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1211/69542.html

"Fighting Is What Rednecks Do!" Man Allegedly Goes After His Son with a Shotgun, Then Tries to Escape Charges By Claiming He Was Just Being a Redneck!

2011-12-01T00:05:00.001-05:00

I would call it "the ol' redneck defense," but frankly I've never heard of this one before. But something tells me it ain't gonna fly. It's basically akin to whacking somebody out and then claiming, "that's just what we killers do." Or maybe next we'll get an undertaker who sets fire to his wife but claims that "cremating people is just a part of the family business."

Regardless, this whole story (link at bottom) first got off to a shocking start when 43-year-old Mark Wach (pictured above) of Palm City, Florida started hitting the bottle at home and got all liquored up on alcohol (allegedly). Now let the gun play begin!

First off, Wach apparently had a big beef with the family lawnmower, since he pulled a pistol on the yard-grooming contraption and proceeded to shoot the hell out of it (allegedly). Next turning his attention to the living, Wach then allegedly took his sidearm and started up a row with his 18-year-old son.

Junior managed to wrestle the handgun away from Daddy, but Junior's old man was not about to be deterred. Not by a long shot. Wach next allegedly went and got a big shotgun and started going after Junior with that! But Junior somehow managed to also get the 12-gauge pump action shotgun away from Daddy Butter Fingers.

Left with only his fists to throw around at this point, Wach allegedly started scuffling with Junior right out in the front yard. (No word whether the lawnmower played any role in the impromptu hardcore match).

When cops arrived, Wach was apparently in no mood to have to wait for his next fight. When Wach refused to stop fighting (allegedly), cops shocked his redneck ass with a 50,000 volt stun gun! End of incident, right? Wrong.

This fightin' lawn pugilist wasn't gonna let some itty bitty stun gun blast stop him! He allegedly managed to keep up the fight with Junior until cops had tased him three damn times just to get the old man off the kid.

As the cops cuffed him and stuffed him, Wach reportedly questioned what it was he did that was so wrong and that deserved a trip to the hoosegow: "Fighting is what redneck people do," Wach allegedly pleaded with the officers. And that wasn't his only defense.

As for the gun play, Wach reportedly explained to officers that "I shoots in the yard all the time." If only the Son of Sam had thought of that one ("No one ever complained before when I rubbed someone out!").

Now Wach may have to exchange his guns for a shank when his next fight time rolls around, since cops threw his ass in the can and charged Wach with domestic battery and aggravated domestic assault with a firearm. But that's only if the prosecutor can manage to overcome that shrewd redneck defense.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/11/28/UPI-NewsTrack-Quirks-in-the-News/UPI-46711322519400/?spt=hs&or=on

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2067346/Mark-Wach-told-police-Fighting-rednecks-do.html

"You're Old Enough to Kill, But Not For Votin' ": Idiot gop-er Presidential Candidate Rick Perry Doesn't Even Know the U.S. Voting Age!

2011-11-30T00:06:00.003-05:00

Someone should stick this deranged right-winger republic partisan in an H.G. Wells time machine and transport his sorry ass back to 1968 AD, since I think he'd fit right in with those times as a part of the Nixon team. (The individual we currently have as president and his very Nixonian administration would fit in well there too, but that's a topic for another day...)

In particular, the news this mid-week has Rick Perry flubbing the U.S. voting age (not to mention the 2012 AD election date), as he told an audience of Gen Y punks that "he'd appreciate their vote if they were turning 21 by November 12." Must've woken up on the wrong side of the Texas shithouse, this Perry.

His Joe Biden/Herman Cain-style gaffe conjures up images of Barry McGuire's rather pedestrian '60s AD protest tune, "Eve of Destruction" (video at bottom), and its famous line about kids then being "old enough to kill but not for votin'."

The line referred to the patently absurd state of the law in the mid-to-late '60s AD, when an 18, 19 or 20-year-old could be drafted (or enlist) to "go and kill the yellow man" (Springsteen) in Vietnam while not being permitted to vote until the age of 21.

The 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution changed all that in 1971 AD by bestowing 18-year-olds with a constitutional right to vote. To this day, however, 18-year-olds in most or all states are still old enough to go kill in some foreign hellhole but are forbade by law from drinking so much as a damn Keystone Ice. The mindlessness of such a complete legal contradiction nearly rivals the ridiculousness of the pre-1971 AD voting age.

But of course, all of these various facts are completely lost on the goofy Texas governor Perry. He truly is little more than smart enough to talk, but not for completin' (coherent sentences). And that's only when he can remember what he believes in. Which is no guarantee or small potatoes for this fool.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2011/11/29/perry-flubs-u-s-voting-age/