Thursday, May 31, 2012
Now THIS Was a Full Day at Work: Florida Hobo Allegedly Caps Off Multiple Heists by Hitting a Nudist Colony and Jackin' a Golf Cart There!
Apparently frustrated with his bungled piece of work with the fully clothed Lowes' employees, this bum allegedly turned his sights to victims of the disrobed variety down at the area nudist colony (link at bottom).
Sans the Pepsi cans and classroom scissors, this tramp later in the day allegedly yanked out a big knife from his britches after breaking into the Cypress Cove Nudist Resort. And I guess this vagrant ain't too discriminating when it comes to the rides he prefers to jack, since cops say the hobo swiped a golf buggy at knife-point inside said nudist colony.
Cops tossed Hodges' wanderin' ass in the can, where he currently faces 10 charges from his "one-man crime spree" plus 28 months in the hoosegow from the Pepsi can incident (for which he was previously sentenced and had been on the run). But on the bright side of things: Homeless no longer.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Stab By Your Man: Florida Woman Helps Prep Her Old Man for Upcoming Court Date By Allegedly Slashing Him with a Damn Seashell!
The coping couple reportedly hit the local bar and proceeded to get all liquored up. Cops say that when the two finally got home, Weir was more sloshed than John Boehner at a Friday happy hour. And maybe, just maybe, what this boozin' bambi had on her so-called mind was to further help the Old Man cope with his situation by preparing him for those hoosegow brawls in the event that court date don't go so well.
Regardless, cops say Weir blew her stack at the Old Man and first tried to bite his ear off! And you can't get any decent Jailhouse Basic Tactics course off the ground without some shank training. So Weir next allegedly grabbed a big seashell "with a pointed tip" and took to slicing and dicing the Old Man several times right in the shoulder!
When the lesson was over, cops say Boyfriend "had a visible bite mark on his ear, scratches on his face and multiple puncture wounds on his shoulder." And the Old Lady for her efforts may now get to try out her fight game in the can for real, since cops busted this seashell Sally for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon (said shell). And Lord help them lady cons down there if they happen to have any stray seashells out in that prison yard.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
They Wouldn't Let Her Bring Home the Bacon: GA Woman Allegedly Tries to Swipe Bacon & Booze from Piggly Wiggly, Then Goes Whole Hog on Store Worker!
When 28-year-old checker Jonathan Orr asked what Porky had inside the bag, this 340-pound sowbelly babe allegedly hoofed it towards the exits as if she'd just spotted a BLT sandwich outside or something. Orr gave chase, and that's when all hell broke loose (allegedly)...
For good measure, Appling allegedly kept her bacon shakin' by taking a swipe at Orr and punching him right in the mush. She then allegedly topped off this pork barrel piece of work by spitting on the pepper-sprayed Piggly Wiggly man.
As this battlin' bacon lady Appling finally made her way out the store, she was reportedly "dropping beer cans" right and left all over the damn parking lot! Left in her wake, meantime, was a Piggly Wiggly store engulfed in "a choking cloud of pepper spray."
Friday, May 25, 2012
"Republicans Target Biden Over Gaffes," "Gleefully Suggest" Hillary as a Replacement: Are gop-ers More Nuts Than Bubba Posing with Porn Stars?
Well, the gop-ers aren't lettin' that stop 'em! Also in the Politico this week (second link at bottom) is a story about the republic partisans "targeting Biden over gaffes." The half-baked effort has included the Romney campaign and republic partisan national committee spending "weeks tracking Biden's every move" and "highlighting the veep's penchant for verbal tumbles and miscues."
The first link below even says gop-ers are going so far as to "gleefully suggest [Hillary Clinton] as a possible ticket replacement" -- as "gleefully" as Bill Clinton hanging around with a pack of porn stars, apparently (Bubba's pic from this week below, with porn broads Tasha Reign and Brooklyn Lee). But porn stars aside, when it comes to Hillary, better be careful whatcha wish for, you deranged right-wingers...
And if the republic partisans keep it up, they might just succeed in getting enough democrat party partisans and leftist bloggers (1) to start questioning Biden as a liability and (2) to start beating the Hillary drum, which would get Obama's attention.
Now, while Obama does disdain Hillary -- such that I've previously said he and his historically huge ego would never put her on the ticket -- I think that may just be trumped by the fact Obama is also a cat whom I believe (first and foremost) will do or say anything to be reelected. And how ironic would it be if misguided gop-er Biden-bashing, and a resulting Hillary switcheroo, ultimately garners Obama that reelection? Won't be anything "gleeful" in Goperville that day!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Dirty Deeds 101: If You Must Bang or "Bonk" Some Dude You're Not Married to in the Back of a Cab, Watch Out You Don't Do So in a "Strict Islamist State"!
So someone needs to tell 29-year-old "busty" British businesswoman Rebecca "Becky" Blake (pictures above) to take care never to get caught falling down drunk, peeling off all one's clothes, and knockin' boots with some guy not her husband in the back of a damn taxi (allegedly) in Dubai -- a "strict Islamist state." Ill-advised move, one could argue.
More on that in a moment (links to full story from UK's Sun and Daily Mail at bottom). But first, just check out the day this broad engaged in leading up to her becoming a back-of-the-cab slab (allegedly). Becky reportedly bought into a 10-Euro (probably like 12 or 13 American bucks) "all-you-can-drink" brunch at a Dubai hotel bar called "The Irish Village." (Jeezal Peezal: Tank up in public for just $12-13? Maybe I do need to hit Dubai! But I digress).
And it was at said bar that Becky reportedly engaged in a 12-HOUR drinking binge with some Irish guy (why do the Micks keep coming into this sorry equation?), not her husband, named Conor McRedmond (you just can't make this shit up). 12 Hours? Talk about partyin' like a damn Rock Star! (To quote Butch Cassidy: "I couldn't do that! Could you do that?!?).
Therefore, when they hit the back seat of a cab they'd hailed out on the street, It Be On!!! (Allegedly). Inside the taxi, Dubai cops say Becky Blake quickly changed her name to Buck Naked and started slammin' on the equally sloshed Mick (allegedly).
But I don't get this part: The drunk-ass couple (allegedly) was only busted because the cab driver reportedly became "incensed by their behavior" and therefore actually pulled his rig over in order to rat out the dirty duo to the cops! (I wasn't aware that the tea party had infiltrated the Dubai cab driver union -- damn right-wingers). What a prude! Has this man never watched "Taxicab Confessions"? Grumpy Gus should not raise such a fuss.
-Becky faces up to three years in the Dubai hoosegow if convicted on charges of "having sex outside of marriage" and public drunkenness. Apparently, they rather frown upon such endeavors in Dubai.
-Becky and The Mick were held in the can for five long days without bail for their alleged high offenses and were actually forced to give damn DNA samples to the cops, who are reportedly looking for an air-tight case of sex and drunkenness!
-Bail for this allegedly terrible tandem was only procured after multiple individuals agreed to guarantee as suretors that the couple would stick around Dubai.
And to think, for my past Irish transgressions, the most I ever faced was 30 days in the freezer lest I wanted to buck up a modest bribe. Compare that to Dubai, and I don't really care if 12 or 13 bucks there gets your full drink on -- I'll stick with the Republic (and my fellow Micks), thank you.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Look Out Now for a Leftist Lolo Lynching: Olympian Hottie Lolo Jones Has Audacity to Admit She's Saving Her Virginity for Marriage -- Can't Have That!
That's because there is perhaps no more vile or politically incorrect term in the English language for American leftist 20 percenters than "abstinence." And from a 29-year-old, no less?!? Katy Bar the Damn Door Over Here!
The leftists will pounce en masse on just about any person with any kind of public profile (doubt if Olympic heroes get an exemption) who dares to utter the A-Word (either expressly or by implication). And that's not just when it comes to the right-wingers who self-righteously preach abstinence as the only possible lifestyle decision that any decent, self-respecting human being could ever make...
The bottom line awful end-result that any parent is looking to avoid, of course, is an unwanted pregnancy in the form of an unwed daughter or as the responsibility of an unwed son. To avoid that life-changing and oftentimes potential-and-future-sapping result in a young woman or young man, there is nothing more reasonable and American than a two-pronged advice approach that couples a discussion of contraception with the possibility of abstinence...
Reasonable approach, that is, except in the minds of a majority of those that inhabit the noisy, loony, and very powerful little leftist 20 percenter fringe that controls the American democrat party. They'd rather censor the A-word from the English language if they could. And that's why I fear very much the leftist repercussions that may now be coming the way of Ms. Jones. Could be wrong (although rarely am I) -- and frankly hope I am in this instance.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
The Mindless Partisan Ideologue Defined:
N.C. Female High School Teacher "Tells Student He Could Be Arrested for Criticizing Obama (But Says Romney's Fair Game)"!
It's a sort of an unthinking, grade-school-level way of looking at the world which is completely foreign to me and which I could never embrace. And to think, many of these same partisan ideologues are very smart and well-educated individuals in the abstract. But Oh My God, they are SO brainwashed by their ideologies! I think I'll continue to think for myself, thank you.
And so it is that we reach this morbidly pathetic story out of North Carolina this week (link at bottom) that some leftist 20 percenter high school teacher (and Obama worshiper) reportedly told a student that to criticize Obama could get you thrown in the hoosegow, while criticizing stand-for-nothing, right-winger, gop-er Romney (that's my Copyrighted phrase for him, BTW) is perfectly OK, in contrast. (Although I laughed aloud when I first read about this teacher, I really shouldn't laugh at the mentally deranged and Undead -- it's rather unbecoming of me).
And never mind, of course, that I've yet to hear before of a piece of legal authority in this country that says it's OK to talk about one of our two rotten political parties just so long as you keep your ass quiet about the other one! Maybe I was down in the student union playing cards the day they taught that lesson (?).
Monday, May 21, 2012
How Ya Like THEM Onions: Tennessee Twosome Allegedly "Attacks" a McDonald's Restaurant for Going Light on the Onions!
They're 21-year-old Christopher Slate and 23-year-old Sean Mosey (pictured above) of Tennessee, and apparently these two wild Walla Wallas are really, really enamored with onions -- and I ain't talkin' the fleshy, fun bag variety. The incident reportedly started off innocently enough (links at bottom), with these two chopped chaps spinning through a McDonald's drive-thru for some eats to take home while they got their drink on. If only it had stopped there...
Cops say that when these two funny onions whipped out them burgers, they received quite the maddening surprise -- not nearly enough onions to suit their Peruvian sweet tooth. But instead of trying to return their food or to call the joint to complain, cops say these two leek lovers went home and pounded away on their beer, while gradually proceeding to get all "worked up" into a frenzy over the onion slight.
First Slate (reportedly by his own admission) grabbed a big piece of concrete and slung it right through the pick-up window. Next (he admits) he seized a damn brick and sent it sailing through the joint's front window. When the carnage was all said and done, one employee at the drive-thru window reportedly got his arm all sliced up from the flying debris, while a manager got nailed right in the leg by a "concrete chunk."
A successful getaway, however, was reportedly thwarted when Mosey's sloshed ass suffered an "I've fallen and I can't get up" moment out in the street (so much for my theory that a falling crate of onions brought them bandages). Now this peeled pair faces felony vandalism and endangerment charges. Not the brightest bulbs in the vegetable garden, these two.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Got Pomposity? Obama Edits White House Website to Liken His "Accomplishments" to Those of Every Single American President Since Calvin Coolidge!
- Lyndon B. Johnson: "[He] signed Medicare into law in 1965 — providing millions of elderly healthcare stability. President Obama’s historic health care reform law ["ObamaCare"] strengthens Medicare, offers eligible seniors a range of preventive services with no cost-sharing, and provides discounts on drugs when in the coverage gap known as the 'donut hole.'"
- Ronald Reagan: "In a June 28, 1985 speech Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multi-millionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Obama is calling for the same with the Buffett Rule."
- Harry S. Truman: "He ended racial segregation in [the American] civil service and the armed forces in 1948. Today the Obama administration continues to strive toward upholding the civil rights of its citizens, repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell . . . in our armed forces."
There are many additional amusing, ultra-partisan-spin-filled examples in the linked story. Truth be told, all of this excessive bloviating and unadulterated narcissism got me thinking this week: What if Obama got his bionic-partisan little hands on other websites (where's Mark Lloyd when you need him!), such as the online encyclopedia known as Wikipedia.org and its various biographies and articles? Betcha Obama would have a damn field day over there! Just imagine (with the likely Obama insertion again in italics):
Thursday, May 17, 2012
"I Can't Walk! Please Help Me!" Two Men in Germany Allege Nymphomaniac Woman Tried to "Kill" Them with Sex"!
Cops in Germany say that on the heels of arresting a 47-year-old "nymphomaniac" woman for "forcing" a 43-year-old man to have sex with her eight times, this bangin' broad was at it again in the past few weeks -- allegedly subjecting another man (31 years old) to a "36-hour ordeal" involving forced sex OVER and OVER and OVER again (link to full story at bottom).
Cops say they found this month's male victim crying out on the street after he was able to escape his allegedly near-fatal sexual torment. The man allegedly had to "fight back tears" before he could even say word one to describe what had happened.
He told cops that the female sexpot met him on the bus and invited him back to her joint. But once there, he says: "Oh God, it was hell! I Can't walk! Please help me!"
Out on the balcony, the earlier victim reportedly was able to phone the cops, telling them: "You have got to help me. She is trying to kill me with sex! I cannot go on -- I cannot go on!" And I guess this psycho sex babe was being serious when she allegedly told the earlier victim that she still needed to go a few more rounds...
That's because when the cops showed up to arrest her, she allegedly "invited the two officers to join her in bed for a 'quickie.' " They declined, which is good since something tells me this little number's definition of "quickie" might have laid up those cops for a damn week.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Can I Please Ever Go More than One Week or Weekend Without Seeing a Damn News Story Using the Term, "Manhole"!?! That Is SO 1980s...
OK, one more (and maybe the last) time on this: The term "manhole" is archaic and highly politically incorrect. That's because it directly implies that only a man has the ability to toil away down inside a hole. The correct terminology to be used in 2012 is "personhole" or "personhole cover." Or, alternatively, if you must (although it's not my preference): "Sewerhole" or "sewerhole cover." Am I asking for so freakin' much over here?
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Boring-Old-Party: Looks Like Leftist 20 Percenters Need Not Worry About Romney Selecting Marco Rubio or Any Other "Sexy" VP Pick...
Gee whiz: (1) republic partisan gop-er party and (2) "incredibly boring white guys." Never would a' thunk to put those two descriptions together before.
(Must say, these two rotten parties really do excel at making it so easy to be (and remain) an Independent. That's perhaps their most high-level and consistent talent, truth be told.)
Monday, May 14, 2012
P-U! You Know You Have B.O. Issues When You're Forced to Heist a Bobcat to Crash Into a Store In Order to Get Your Hands on Some Deodorant!
This guy must've really stunk. And then some. 50-year-old Michael Younger (pictured above) of Chicago was apparently so desperate last week for some stench-killer that he allegedly hatched a wild plan to break into the local Family Dollar so that he could lay his hands on a stick of deodorant. (Either that, or he thought there was a standing demolition order for the joint and was just trying to carry out that piece of work)...
Cops say this sick stinkpot (allegedly) got the plan rolling (link to full story at bottom) by lifting a Bobcat skid steer from a local construction site and then driving that baby down to the Family Dollar. And he wasn't just there to plow some snow or move some dirt around, either.
Rather, the alleged smelly swiper Younger reportedly made a beeline straight for the toiletries! And I guess he didn't want to cause too grave a financial harm to Family Dollar (apart from caving in the side of the store), since he allegedly limited his take two cans of deodorant (and some apparently worthless gift cards) before making his escape.
Cops say they found Younger wandering around in the area and busted his filthy ass (allegedly) on two counts of felony burlgary ((1) the skid steer and (2) the dollar store job). That means his future personal hygiene efforts may have to come in the can for some time to come. My best advice to him would be don't drop that deodorant.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Civility: Did democrat party's James Carville Really Just Suggest that gop-er Pres Nominee Mitt Romney Be Bludgeoned & Buried Alive in a Damn Cornfield?
It was one of the most violent, brutal scenes you'll ever see in a motion picture (pics above and below). Near the end of 1995's "Casino," Joe Pesci's mob boss Nicky Santoro character and that character's brother are lured out into a rural cornfield by fellow mafiosos under the pretense of a "business meeting." Yeah right...
Once there, Frank Vincent takes an aluminum bat and beats the holy hell out of Santoro's brother (while Santoro is restrained by others) before giving the same royal slimeball treatment to Santoro himself. Both beaten to a bloody pulp and barely breathing, the two brothers are then tossed in a shallow grave and buried alive. Pleasant, amusing stuff, no?
So naturally, in a CNN piece yesterday (link at bottom), democrat party cretin and partisan hack James Carville would of course think to cite the "Casino" cornfield scene to conjure up images of what the democrat party plans to do to republic partisan Pres Nominee Mitt Romney. I mean, what other possible analogy would one ever want to use?!?
Spews Carville: "I know that we are going to take him [Romney] out to the cornfield (like at the end of the movie 'Casino') on the [Paul] Ryan [gop-er proposed] budget."
This statement would be akin, mind you, to some deranged right-winger bragging that gop-ers in 2012 are "going to take Obama down to the river (like Luca Brasi in the movie 'The Godfather')." Betcha that statement wouldn't go so unnoticed all over the Net!
Regardless, I'm sure Carville would defend by claiming that he was just using political hyperbole and trying to "joke" around. Since, after all, nothing says barrel of laughs quite like suggesting that a political opponent take a good baseball bat beatin' followed by a date six feet under. With hilarious quips like that, methinks maybe Carville's been moonlighting as a writer for Bill Maher and Rush Slimebaugh in recent years?
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Apparently Julia's role was to strut around in front of the camera to hand out some sort of card to the candidates. But the main thing accomplished by this beautiful buxom broad was to create a big stir on the Net. (How about this doofus presidential candidate staring at her ass!...)